Your understanding of anxiety is flawed.
If you have a healthy survival mechanism, anxiety need to happen so you can know what actions are more risky or less risky in society.
What cures social anxiety is the discovery that anxiety is not your enemy, but rather your reaction to it.
You have to accept that anxiety, and not label it as "bad". The labeling as "bad" and the belief that the anxiety is wrong or shouldn't be there, is actually what creates the suffering. Not the anxiety itself.
Of course, there are some cases of extreme anxiety. Which a lot of times even incapacitates the mind and the body. In some extreme cases this needs to be deal with it. But it's not most people cases.
Hi guys, what keeps you happy in your everyday life ?
Here's the things that keep me positive:
- listening to music
- taking a walk
- playing with my band
- talking with my friends
- taking big breathing by the noose
- cold showers (the feelings after)
- taking drugs once per week
- doing exercises
- less worrying and being more present (thinking less of past or future)
About 6 years ago I discovered Actualized.org and became inspired by the concepts of enlightenment and self-actualisation. Gradually pursuit of these took over my life, as I focused ever more narrowly on consciousness work as a way to improve my life. Eventually, I let go of friends, relationships, careers, possessions, hobbies and interests. Did a lot of meditation, yoga, etc. Built a spiritual ego and did some spiritual bypassing, too. Had one awakening experience.
6 years down the line and I am depressed, lost, alone, purposeless and empty. Trying and failing to find a sustainable life purpose I’ve ended up in a much worse practical position than if I’d settled for something less ambitious, and now I've run out of the luxury to keep looking due to personal circumstances. Although my meditation at one point felt like it was significantly clearer, at this point I have to doubt if my concentration is really much better than when I started. I don’t feel any closer to truth, and have completely lost my playfulness, sense of humour and experience of fun along the way.
You have to take a LOT on faith with this work. The guidance isn’t presented as a dogma so much as a ‘try it and see for yourself’ thing. How long an experiment is reasonable to run, however, before lack of willingness to accept ‘it isn’t working’ betrays treating the guidance as dogma nevertheless?
I’ve wasted 6 years of my life on a totally pointless quest, I’m absolutely sick of it, and I’m leaving now to attempt to stitch my life back together again.
One more thing… I have to ask… Leo’s been doing this thing hard for a while now too, right. Let’s detach ourselves from our beliefs about enlightenment and self-actualisation for a mo and look at this objectively. Anyone else think his life looks a bit sad?
For me, it seems pretty easy to be "disciplined" just turn what you need to do into a habit and it becomes easier to do.
For the last 13 days, I have been practicing piano for 3 hours every day and it wasn't that hard because I made it into a habit.
Stop thinking you need motivation to do what you need to do just pull yourself together and do it. Sometimes there really is no way out of it but once it's done you won't have to think about it for the day and once you actually do it you will realize it isn't actually that bad.
In essence, it's just:
"I don't feel like it but I am just gonna do it anyway"
It can help of course if you have a bigger vision/purpose for what you want to do.
"The only reality comes the only way that one ever feels grace, is by letting go of the ego´s emotions, its attitudes, its orientations and accepting what comes unconditionally.
To be in state of unconditional love, that will make you a real man.
But it has to be an unconditional love that is not based in the ego, because the ego always has conditions. It´s an unconditional love that is a surrender of the I thought itself. So that one´s love is for everyone, because everyone is a manifestation of the I that you are. There are no others.
And that´s victory in the game. It´s the victory of love over death. And that victory is only attained through the surrender to the lord of love, who is the lord of the universe and the dreamer of this incredible game that we are playing and who happens to be your own Self."
So, here I am with the rest of the insights and considerations!
2) I had another lucid dream (this one was horrific and made me scared af)
I mean, how rare is it to have a lucid dream without techniques or such?
Well, this is now the 3rd lucid dream in 3 nights (damn epic streak).
And this was totally horrific, both for the dream content and for the insights (I remain skeptic).
This was something Dark style (if you ever watched it on Netflix, you’ll know, what I mean).
Let me tell you what I dreamed of.
There were @billiesimon and I who made some tests in the dreams.
Sometimes I was me and sometimes I was him.
We would go back in particular moments where something specific happened, while being conscious that specific actions would cause that specific outcome.
I/We tried then to do something else on purpose so that those outcomes would never happen.
Well, it didn’t work out.
Sooner or later the same outcomes happened again.
The dream ended with @billiesimon cutting me to pieces (I felt the pain of being cut) to prove that I couldn’t escape what’s already written (in the original situation I was cut to pieces; rewinding it back, trying to escape and doing something else, brought the same result).
I woke up with my hearth thumping in my chest and had to calm down for 10-15 minutes straight, before going back to sleep.
What it practically means is (if it’s true) that life is already written, and we are just “re-living” that.
This means we don’t have any control on our life, and everything is going exactly as expected.
E.g. this would completely explain dejavus, which are moments when we feel we have already lived that.
This is somehow disturbing, because this could mean we are already dead, and we are just apparently alive to live forever and ever the same things.
On the other side, this means we are now allowed to detach ourselves from outcome, because it doesn’t matter what you do: it’s all already written.
This also means that reality is a dream too.
I remember Leo's video about it and by having so many lucid dreams in the last days, I am really starting to find truth in his words.
I have already had glimpse of lucid dreams and other lucid dreams in my past which felt more real than reality itself. Some of them were damn magnificent.
3) My dissociation is becoming detachment
I followed your suggestions and I am trying to listen more to myself and to my body.
I notice I feel generally calm and mild lightness and joy.
I am becoming more sponteneous and lighthearted.
I laugh a lot, weree before I was a bit like the James Bond typ ála "k dude" or "cool story bro" and I could not really find humorism in some things.
With these awakenings and insights I am getting, I am becoming slowly engaged in life itself.
4) My state is fluctuating and not stable
Even if it seems that my detachment state is permanent, this state it's still fluctuating.
I don't feel the same state all day long and there are particular moments, when I still feel some kind of pain-body.
Still I notice an incredible rise in awareness, presence and non-reactivity, especially in situations where I usually would be triggered.
5) I feel reborn
I feel like I was born again or that something was washed off my eyes.
I feel I can now experiment with life and with myself and start living.
I feel like as if you were visiting a new city for the first time.
You look around, you observe details, you feel the energy of the place with enthusiasm. You are not in your mind, but enjoying visiting this new city.
All my perceptions are augmented.
All smells are richer. I can distinguish more flavors and enjoy their complexity.
After raining, I can smell the smell of wet grass, moist soil, humidity in the air and other smells carried out from the wind.
All sounds are fuller, all colors are more vibrant and colorful.
There is more clarity and complexity in my perceptions.
Everything feel different, but right, as if before it was the "false" way of perceiving.
6) Every day I discover something new
I still haven't experienced the core of true awakening: Discovering who I really am, nothingness and that's all an illusion (perception).
I am still not at that point, but I saw some signs here and there (e. g. nature who smiled at me, lucid dreams, some insights I had etc.) that make me think this is a big prelude to that giant insight.
I am building up momentum and insights.
I tried following your suggestions, but it still doesn't click in my direct experience.
7) There are feelings I don’t really know in my life
I noticed there are feelings I felt not so much (or at all) in my life and I am looking for pratical ways to incorporate them in my life.
Here is a list in no particular order:
100% Integrity and Authenticity
I am looking at what make me passionate.
Spirituality, Self-Help and helpiing people make me really passionale and I want my Vision and my LP to encompass this.
8) I am trying to go with the flow and stop forcing awakenings
I stopped overtechnicizing life, meditation and spirituality.
I stopped relentless self-inquiry at once.
Instead of meditating I am just "Being".
I am trying to be patient, curious and spontaneous and don't go for the quick wins, but to relax and enjoy the process with trust that it will work.
During work I am taking breaks to enjoy the present moment and I am focusing myself on one thing at once.
When I eat, I eat.
When I shit, I shit.
When I be, I be.
Today I trained in gym without music. Just trained.
I want to experience things as they are.
9) I am showing gratitude for this gift
Everything changed since I received this thing I cannot describe.
It came at the right moment and I show actively gratitude for it.
10) Love is what we need
I told myself these words under the tree and during another trip.
Love is really what we need.
Self-Love at first.
I decided to open this topic to share some important insights I got after my last psychedelic trip with you.
In this trip I reached for the first time a state of enlightenment.
Indeed it was partial and it lasted only few hours (so it was only an experience of enlightenment), but this helped me to get a better understanding about enlightenment, common misconception around it and start pondering Love and other deep metaphyisical concepts.
I know I am still at the beginning with my understanding (e.g. in comparison with Leo's teachings) and I still have to chop much wood, but I figured it may help many of you and maybe spark interessant discussions
Please share with me your thoughts/correction and your own insights.
I hope you enjoy it!
4.1 - Self-Love and Love
4.1.1 - What is love? (baby don’t hertz me, no morse)
Everything is Love.
We created universes with Love. We created different life forms, planets, stars, physical laws, identities and much.
This extreme commitment and care invested in creating something unique and wonderful as the Creation is the most elevate form of Love.
True Love knows no moralism or judgment: there is no distinction between good and bad.
Think about when you do something spontaneous to help someone in difficulty.
You do that as an act of love, without judgment or moralism.
The same is valid for the Creation.
From a higher perspective even wars, rape, violence, mutilation are forms of Love.
In our form, we cannot see them as Love, because we have a moral compass and we judge things with good or bad.
This does not mean we have to accept violence, rape and murder.
This only means we have to accept these things too and find a way to live better with them.
E. g. think about pedophilia.
Having desire to have sex with a child is as natural as having sex with a woman with big breasts or with a man with sculpted abs.
There will always be pedophiles. On their perspectives they have this desire of having sex with children.
It’s not good that children are raped, but we cannot ignore the fact that there are pedophiles.
If we shift our perspective to one of love, we can find solution to recognize them and prevent them from committing crimes.
E. g. trough virtual reality porn with children, which are actually not armed, because they are fake.
4.1.2 - What is self-love?
There are two kinds of Self-Love:
1) Identity-related: You love yourself for the one you are with all the bad things you committed (e. g. cheating, killing, raping, lying etc.).
2) Universe-related: Your sense of self expands to encompass others (even bad things as wars, rape, murder etc.) and the entire universe. This is the biggest and purest form of self-love, because you love everyone and everything unconditionally
4.1.3 - Love is acceptance and surrender
Love means accepting reality and renouncing to your personal egoic needs to discover more about Love and to love more.
To deepen your self-love, you have to let all go, accept yourself and all the bad things you did (most difficult thing to do) and all the bad things in the world.
Are you ready to love that guy who stole your bike, the bullies who bullied you and your abusive mother?
4.1.4 - Love has different degrees
There are different degrees of Love:
1) Love for someone: This is usually the one with a high degree of attachment and self-deception
2) Love for something: If you love a thing which isn’t even alive, it’s probable that you’ll develop some kind of attachment to it
3) Passions: Passions are among the purest forms of love. Having passion in what you do is really important in life
4) Universal love: This is the highest and purest form of love. This is bondless, formless, infinite and unconditioned
4.1.5 - Love is limited by your form
Your identity (and so your body) are limits to reach universal Love.
You have to die to return to Source and thus to the universal Love.
You can still reach a high degree of Love when alive by spiritual developing yourself (especially with enlightenment).
4.2 - Religion, authority and direct experience
4.2.1 - Religions are based on authority and not on direct experience
Religions are based on a sense of authority paired with dogmatism and not on direct experience.
Let’s take Christianity.
If you ask a random person, if he had even seen God or had some kind of experience to prove his existence, he will most likely say no.
So, he is practically believing in the word of the Pope and in what it’s written in the Bible without having experienced God.
If you ask him to prove you the existence of God, he will mostly say, that he exists because it’s written in the Bible and the Bible is word of God.
If you ask him, how he can be sure that it was the word of God and if he can prove it to you, he’ll say to look in the bible, thus evading the reply.
Many other will resort citing miracles, particular experiences happened to someone or maybe even experiences he had themselves, but no one can actually prove that God exists through his direct experience.
Many people have even the false belief, that’s impossible to prove God existence.
You can indeed prove that God exist and you can prove what/who is God.
God is you and thus everything.
It’s not a separate entity who is sitting somewhere in the sky (where exactly? Can you point it to me?).
Method of discovering it are through psychedelics, deep meditative states and through self-inquiry.
4.2.2 - God will manifest himself in a way that’s understandable to you
There are Christians who had experiences of God, like saints and such.
These experiences don’t prove that the biblical God exists.
There are other examples of people who experienced Allah or other Deities.
The thing is that the Creator (You) manifests itself in a form that’s understandable to you, so if you speak Italian and are catholic, he may talk with you in Italian and will have a big beard and a white tunic.
4.2.3 - The importance of the direct experience
Direct experience is king.
This means that until you didn’t try something in your direct experience, you cannot express yourself fully on that matter.
E.g. if you believe that the world is round only by having read that in scientific books/articles or by reading scientist without actually proving it yourself by observation and such, then you cannot say that the earth is round.
This means to rely less on authority (other people, books, articles, videos etc.) and to discover, prove and disprove things by yourself.
Remember that even if you take for granted what someone who is an authority to you tells, he will tell you those things due to his perspective and agenda.
Don’t be lazy and look out the things for yourself and see if they are true in your experience too.
Cultivate some healthy skepticism and don’t take everything for true, but strike a good balance between consolidating wisdom and being open to test it out.
4.2.3 - The paradox of the indian culture
Indian culture has a richness of enlightened people and a religion which has many elements of nonduality and advanced spiritual depth.
The problem is that the Indian culture is built toward the adoration of deities/gurus and spiritual masters.
This means that if a new guru on the mountains pops up, people will swarm to him to learn more about him.
If a new master comes up, here are the people who will storm him too.
Those people don’t usually want to do the “real” spiritual work needed to reach the depth of these masters and decide to rely on them by seeking comfort, security and a sense of direction in these figures.
4.3 - Enlightenment
4.3.1 - Enlightened people have a high degree of acceptance of the present moment and of the reality
Being enlightened means that you realized the true nature of yourself.
You are God and not a random person with a name and an identity.
We can say that enlightenment happens, because at the end there is no one to enlighten and no one is enlightened.
Enlightened “people” have a high degree of acceptance of the present moment and of the reality.
They accepted reality for what it is: a dream/an hallucination.
For you there is no other reality except the one you see in your direct experience.
Do you see another one right now? I don’t. Where is it?
There is only one reality.
People who are highly enlightened are emotionally detached from their identity and thus from their emotions.
There are cases of Zen masters who reached a high degree of enlightenment that didn’t feel any pain even if they were physically mutilated.
This happens because they have reached a high degree of detachment.
At the end it’s only an arm that is being cut. Nothing to worry about, even because it isn’t real and he himself doesn’t exist.
4.3.2 - Common misconceptions about enlightenment
Being enlightened doesn’t mean you are not human anymore and you don’t have to do the laundry.
What changes is that you reach the realization of your true Self and become much more detached from your identity.
Before and after enlightenment the life goes on and you’ll still have a certain degree of attachment to your identity (there are different degrees of enlightenment).
So, it’s possible for an enlightened person to scream, being mad at someone and such, even if it’s less likely to happen.
You become much more self-reliant and imperturbable.
This means you’ll be a lot less reactive and you’ll notice triggers and monkey chatter as some kind of distant voices.
You’ll become much wiser, calm, silent and authentic.
One problem of the enlightenment is that people see it as a label and have certain believes about it.
This can cause enlightenment wars through masters and gurus: who is enlightened and who is enlightened most?
You tend to think you’ll have to do a checklist of things to reach enlightenment.
There is a high degree of idealization behind enlightenment.
The shift that must occur is seen as gigantic from a not enlightened person and as tiny for an enlightened person.
It’s true that an enlightened person is superior to a not enlightened person. This is because he “hacked the game” and has a degree of emotional mastery, wisdom and knowledge that a not enlightened person doesn’t have.
This doesn’t mean that an enlightened person is “better” than a not enlightened one.
Knowledge is useful a lot, but you don’t need deep metaphysical understanding to be enlightened, but you can navigate better trough the insights with metaphysical and spiritual understanding and reach deeper levels of knowledge.
Becoming enlightened is connected to mind your own life more, because you recognize how important and precious your existence is and you don’t want to waste it doing mindless stuff or with wrong people.
Some enlightened masters are seen therefore as assholes. You have to keep in mind that enlightened people are still humans AND that their “assholesness” is just a behavior that they had due to having really high standards in their lives and have nothing to do with you.
4.3.3 - Some practical tips to reach enlightenment
Detach yourself from your identity and thus abstain from moralism, judgments, speculations, interpretations, emotional triggers, mental chatter (monkey mind) and memories.
You must live in the present moment. This is the only thing there is.
The sense of time is just an appearance, a mind distortion to create coherence in reality and give you a sense of progression.
Avoid massive multitasking and focus on one thing at the time.
Practice both active meditation in blocks of time every day (e. g. 30 minutes a day) and mindfulness in your everyday life.
Be as much present as possible, trying to avoid distraction, future projections, daydreaming and monkey mind.
Focus yourself on experiencing life through direct experience rather than relying on third hand information.
Accept reality for what it is and not for what it could be/could have been if.
This means practically that you have to accept responsibility for your actions and your word and don’t waste any time saying: “I should have done this or this”. Once it’s done, it’s done. You can only control the present moment. Live in the present.
At the end nothing matters. It’s all a game, a simulation, a dream.
Don’t take life too seriously.
4.3.4 - The focus-on-the-touch technique to relieve stress and quickly improve presence in the present moment
If you feel yourself stressful, you can use the focus-on-the-touch technique to relieve stress and quickly improve presence in the present moment.
This technique is really simple:
1) Touch something (e. g. a table surface)
2) Shift your focus to your hands and particularly to the sensation of the surface on your fingertips and on your palm
3) Focus solely on the touch feeling and keep your mind clear
You can expand this exercise by using other senses, e.g. hearing or seeing.
You can then focus on particular sounds (e. g. you can tap with the pen on your desk) or on watching a light or simply watching your hand.
4.4 - Perspectives and reality (one vs infinite perspectives)
4.4.1 - The mind is NOT in the brain
The mind is not in the brain.
This is a common materialist misconception that’s derived from the assumption that consciousness = brain cognition ability = can be measured through IQ.
In reality mind is a tool that’s used by infinite consciousness to divide itself in finite forms and is not in the brain.
The brain IS part of entire consciousness and a subproduct of the mind.
Consciousness is infinite and it’s all there is.
4.4.2 - Reality is fluid, there is no one single reality
Reality is not a giant immutable block, but a fluid energy field in which forms appear and disappear.
It cannot be a single block because of the existence of perspectives.
What I mean is that 1 perspective = 1 reality and that each one’s reality is different from the others.
To prove this fact let’s take two people: one who is colorblind and one who is not.
Let’s bring both people in front of a green pine and ask both which color the pine’s leaves are.
The colorblind person will say the color is red and the other one will say it’s green.
Who is right? Which perspective/reality is the right one?
They are both right!
Reality mutate under observation through the colorblind person to perceive the same shared reality in another way.
This means that reality is fluid.
We can shift this example to other people with different believes.
They all perceive their reality in their own unique ways.
4.4.3 - One perspective vs multiple perspective
There is an existential dilemma whether there is one single perspective and all other perspectives are imaginary and therefore don’t exist or if they are infinite perspectives.
In the first case it means that you are the only living being who is existing and that others are just fruit of imagination.
After you died, life will not go on, because you’re the only thing that exist (you = your perspective) and there is no shared reality.
In the second case it means that each human/living/not living being has its own perspective and that there is a shared reality.
This means there are infinite parallel reality which are deeply interconnected one with each other.
After you die, life in the shared reality will go on.
You will eventually reincarnate in another thing (reincarnations are a belief, but I feel it’s highly probable that they occur).
4.4.4 - Breathing is not necessary to live
During the trip I had much less need to breath. My lunges were full of air, even if I breathed very few for a long time.
The idea you have to breath to live is just a belief.
The most ethereal and light your ego become, the less attachment to your identity and to your survival needs there is.
This has a profound meaning, because many believes we held about our survival are just not true.
Its better to have high self esteem then low self esteem.
Totally get you. I use to feel that way alot and still do.
You've got some wisdom to sort of notice that, that idea of the perfect disciplined man/woman is imaginary and doesn't exist. Even though you're not totally on board with it yet.
To be honest kid... real disciple doesn't come from thrusting yourself into some ideal that you may believe came from you, but actually came from your social conditioning. Real discipline comes from the willingness to LET GO of the social ideals, the beliefs, the dogmas about what you have been indoctrinated into thinking you should be, or should be doing. Real discipline flows naturally. Its what happens by default when you stop getting in the way.
Real discipline is a beautiful, free flowing river, that's running down the rocks as part of its nature. Its not a dam. It doesn't have barricades preventing it from flowing. And what you're doing is trying to make the river flow freely using barricades.
The fact you are admitting you have a problem with overtheorizing, reading and consuming material without taking action is a really good thing.
This is the first step.
If you reread your text objectively, only a small part of it tells about what your desire are.
The most of your text contains judgments about yourself, labels (I am lazy, I am this and that, I have this and that problem) and telling what's missing for you to act.
They are all just stories.
You are not your behavior. You are not lazy and you are not a bad person.
The more you identify yourself with this stories, the more you add fuel to the reasons why you CANNOT do the things you would love to do and you CANNOT be the kind of person you want to be.
So the reason why you are stuck is because of these stories full or self-hatred you are telling yourself
Start disidentifying yourself with these behaviors by:
1) meditating every day at least 20 minutes
2) stopping consuming self help material for a while
3) starting using a journal and contemplate your sticking points and the things or the area you would like to fix first
4) taking action, baby steps
5) becoming spontaneous and detach yourself from the outcome
6) being compassionate for yourself, your actual feeling of being imperfect and for your past