SQAAD

Member
 View profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    1,848

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by SQAAD

  2. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @Eonwe5

    On 3/4/2019 at 1:32 PM, Eonwe5 said:

    I think that most of my depressive mood comes from my habit of procrastinating. Most days of the week I feel too fatigued and lacking the willpower to start the things I have been planning to do for ages (Planning a trip, starting to paint, reading a book, writing an application letter...). Every time I think about how few of the goals I set myself I actually have achieved, every time I realize that I have let the months go by without actually doing the things I want to do, I feel frustrated, hopeless and depressed. That feeling is getting worse, as I still didn't manage to overcome my procrastination habit. 

    You just need to start doing slowly the healthy habits you know are good for you . It is easier said than done though.

    I make a TO-DO-LIST every day with small goals like reading one hour per day. This has helped me. If you wait to feel "right" & motivated you will never do anything.

    You gotta start bulding some momentum...

  3. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Today i didn't manage to be compulsion-free & started reading some articles/studies regarding OCD (i wish i didn't do that ). I stumbled across terrible news for my ego. Basically what i found is that OCD sufferers have impairments in learning ,memory  & attention.

    That came as a complete shock & huge dissapointment to me because i always believed that i had increased concentration compared to others...

    Anyways now i am dealing with terrible anxiety & "negative" thoughts regarding these scientific findings. I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor yet to be OCD  but i definetely believe that i am OCD, although my compulsions are generally mild. Any advice would be highly appreciated. It seems the more i know the worst for my ego.

    Does any of you who struggle with OCD have difficulty learning & remembering things? Personally i don't believe to have this issue but maybe im just deluded according to science...

    I don't know what to believe anymore....

  4. Posted

    @d0ornokey

    4 hours ago, d0ornokey said:

    Naw, I'm a case study of that being incorrect. My self-esteem was low as fuck, now it's fluctuating between low and high. I'm working on making it consistently high 

    Also, look at david goggins. Dude said he thought he was the "weakest mother fucker alive". Now he holds pull up records and some other shit like that. Runs super marathons and does other crazy shit. He now has strong beliefs about being able to do anything. That is at the very least, not the lowest self-esteem. 

    Self esteem = 

    Fixed mindset -> Strong growth mindset

    and 

    Self - hate -> Self - love 

    read nathaniel branden's books on self-esteem. there's some good case studies and information on self-esteem. 

    What do you do to change your fixed mindset?

  5. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @TheAvatarState

    40 minutes ago, TheAvatarState said:

    This is a big shadow issue, you are repressing and denying yourself. You probably did want to have sex with your sister, everyone who has a sister thinks or fantasizes about it at least sometime. I mean, look (don't actually look lol, I'm just telling you) at all the brother/sister porn on the internet, it's one of the biggest categories! It's nasty imo, but there's hard evidence this is a natural tendency. So this is a natural, biological thing, and if you are shameful about it, it means you can't accept yourself. That can have big consequences.

    Wanting to have sex with your sister IS NOT shameful. Even acting on that isn't "shameful" from a higher perspective, nothing is, but that would obviously be a bad decision in today's society. Think back to ancient tribes, they had to have sex with family to survive, because that's all there was.

    In fact, it would be wise to delete the word "shameful" from your vocabulary moving forward. It's a harmful word for the ego (by strengthening it) because it enforces absolute morality, division, hate, etc. No one who's high-consciousness uses that word, towards themselves or others. 

    I also have a feeling you may have not talked to your sister and apologized. You're not apologizing because you did something shameful (although taking too much acid in your parents house and losing your mind was pretty stupid xD), 

    Thank you for the advice!

    I mostly feel shame because of others (my sis for example).  I can see it in her face that she hasn't forgotten me for this incident. We are ok, i asked her sorry but we never discussed it any further. I caused her embarassment. I can't do the work for her.  I have forgotten myself. She hasn't.

    Yes it was stupid to take too much acid at home. It was my first time and only time. 

    I didn't expect to get so fked up. My reality changed completely. It was so crazy...

    I took large doses of mushrooms many times before and never lost all sense of reality like it happened with LSD lol.

  10. Posted

    @Elisabeth

    3 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

     

    . Maybe the veil was just lifted for a moment and you saw your sister as the beautiful young woman she is. 

    Also, was she even your sister during your trip? Or did the real her take shape of someone else in your imagination back then? Or is there no real boundary?

     

    From what i can remember, my sister took a different shape than the ordinary & i don't think i even realised she was my sister at that moment.(maybe i did though).

     I couldn't distinguish anything. "Reality" didn't make sense to me anymore. Crazy. Mind-blowing it was.

  11. Posted

    @John Iverson

    9 hours ago, John Iverson said:

    You said until now you are like that to her?, if that is so you really dealt with it.. it is hard but if you are aboe to dealt it i will give you my congrats! But the fact that you did't really know why you did that is because you are not really going inner self work? Do inner self work, retrospect, contemplate, take mushroom psilocybin mushroom, or LSD, the issue is inside in your self we do not really know what is really going on inside you fully..  this is my say here.. i hope someone will understand your situation to the point they will say something you want to hear..

    I have done quite a lot of contemplation & i can't find the part of me that would want to have sex with my sister. I guess i have to dig deeper. Also i have accepted/dealt with what happened.

  13. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @DrewNows

    23 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

    @SQAAD It is actually pretty tricky because people are often caught in their own ideas of what love is and how it "should" look but I have dropped a lot of insecurity and judgement regarding people's intentions. Not only have I gotten better at receiving love from others but mainly receiving it from myself. I am able to give others the benefit of the doubt only when i have no doubt about myself and that seems to work beautifully 

     Yes it is very tricky.

    To this day i hold the belief that everything someone does it's because it will make them feel happy first & then the others. For example you might be doing charity work but you do it because first & foremost it will make you happy otherwise you wouldn't do it.

    I don't know if this belief is true of false but my minds holds it as a dogma.

    I don't  even know if true love is possible from the place of the ego.

  14. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @DrewNows Nice.

    Are you able to understand/distinguish nowadays when someone is doing something out of love for you?

    Btw now i am on a mission as to understanding what love is. This video inspired, frightned me & caused my ego to revaluate many things. 

    It' very true  what Teal Swan says that most of us don't know what love is & therefore we are not truly capable of loving others.

  16. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @Zigzag Idiot

    12 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

     

    You were somebody else on those two tabs. Like the snickers commercials in a way,,,,

    I'm speaking from being a former out of control drunk.

    Shame can cripple people for half a lifetime. You have wisdom in being focused on healing that shame and the hurt relationship with with your sister instead of repressing and denial. Forgive yourself if you haven't already. It will work out.

    It simply wasn't you that said that so you don't have to identify with that. The same way with a lot of thoughts that are negative or shameful. Often they just show up without you creating them. These kind of thoughts are trouble if we begin to identify with them and think we are responsible for random thoughts. They can just be let go of. Shadow work is tough but the seeming miraculous can happen over time if you're sincere.

    Its also smart of you money-wise to live at home and not throw away money and effort until you have a solid strategy for what you want. 

     

    Thanks man! 

    Finally someone reads my whole post & replies with compassion and understanding.

  20. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @SFRL

    10 minutes ago, SFRL said:

    So you want to live in your Mom and Dad's Matrix? 

    Personally my father is never at home.

    & my mom works most of the day. She takes care of myself & doesn't want to be alone at home & girlfriends is something i despise. 

    Leaving my family to live with another family (gf,kids)? No.

    There is no reason to torture myself just yet. You have your own standards & i respect that but not everyone can be like you.

  22. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @SFRL

    11 minutes ago, SFRL said:

    Yeah well ok then, but don't be doing LSD around your parents. It's not rocket science to understand that's just not a smart thing to do. 

    Also you are not getting laid, getting laid goes a whole lot easier when you got your own place. So it's a vicious circle. 

    You think you are doing the easy thing by saving a little money, but you are actually making life much harder on your self. By staying with your parents you are not self-developing. 

    I don't care about getting laid at least for this year.

    If i was to be living alone at this moment of my life i wouldn't have much time for self-developing because i would be constantly worried /working on my survival. Either way one day i will be forced to live alone but for now i take advantage of the situtation.

    I believe i am self-developing at my own pace. 

    I understand your point of view though. Being able to survive & take care of yourself is very very important & definetely one day i want to be on my own but i don't see the reason to hurry. Nor do i want to find girls.  If i was to live alone i would probably rent a small hole that i would be embarassed to invite someone or a chick inside.

    I don't know where you live. Here in Greece most people my age & older live with their parents. It's not an excuse though.You can survive on your own but it is extremely hard for most people when they barely get their needs met.

  23. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @SFRL

    50 minutes ago, SFRL said:

    @SQAAD

    Also do you live with your parents and sister? 

    You should be careful about what you do around your parents. 

    Also handle your basics as a young guy. Living on yourself etc. Basically as a 18/19 Yeats old guy you should not be living with your parents imo. 

    Why not?

    I spend less money this way. I don't have to worry about cooking or washing my clothes.

    Plus i enjoy hanging out with my mother.

  25. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @John Iverson

    1 hour ago, John Iverson said:

    You are represing the devil , you said that you are denying something, don't deny just accept.. let go.. don't cling just let it go.. face it.. even it is so uncomfortable.. just face it like you are meditating.. thoughts are coming up uncontrollably but you can face it be a hero on your own :D.. just keep on growing.. i don't know how others her ein the forum will react but for me you must face it... like you are meditating don't cling.. the more you attach the ore you do something stupid..

    I have dealt with it. Maybe not enough though.

    I just want to understand why did i do it. I have accepted it now. But i am curious.