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  1. I knew yesterday that it was finally my time. I was gonna smoke some weed alone, which I have never done before, and surrender completely. I went outside and sat on a bench and smoked my joint, my ego had a lot of bubbling and I laid down on the bench. My heart began pounding faster than it had ever pounded and I completely surrendered to the fact that I was going to die. I stopped holding on to anything, and the world that I thought I new crystallized into complete nothingness and everything was at the same time. I saw everything as it was and spent eternity in this place. Then suddenly I was back laying on this bench outside. I got up and went home, knowing that none of this is real. You wake up to the fact that all of this is just a play of consciousness. There is no control and no one controlliling, only experiencing. Everything is intimately interconnected, everything is pure experience, there is nothing to worry about and no one left to worry. Everything is appearing on the screen of consciousness. It is the eternal play of infinite possibilities. It is freedom.
  2. I'm right there with you my friend. I also had a very strong LSD trip, and some LSD flashbacks on weed. I've also had awakening experiences while meditating. I have a hard time observing my thoughts and emotions without attaching or interfering, and they have gotten pretty strong lately. I think it's my ego that has taken the knowledge that i've learned from spiritual teachers on youtube and is using the methods given by them to hide within. It's really hard noticing when this happens, as it from the perceived point of view seems like I'm observing without attaching, but one good rule is to remember that if you're not in a light, joyful or peaceful state then you are not perceiving from the state of the self. The harder I try to observe and meditate the worse it gets, when I'm in a deep meditation suddenly something within me says "stop," and then it seems like I'm transforming into another dimension where there is complete stillness without mind. There is really nothing "you" can do to wake up.
  3. I have a hard time conversing with other people as I now have nothing in common with their way of thought. When I look into the eyes of other people, especially people I'm close with (my parents, the few friends I have left), I feel like there is this invisible thing between our gazing that makes it uncomfortable and unfulfilling to interact with them. I'm not sure if it's the big difference in mind states that create this gap, or if it's the judgements and expectations they have of me and I maybe have of them. I find myself seeking alone time a lot, I almost only talk with my parents as I haven't had a job in a long time. These are always really shallow and unfulfilling conversations though. I haven't had real social interactions in a long time, and find myself getting anxious just of the thought of talking with the cashier at the shop. These are not feelings on inferiority and I'm very aware of these thoughts when they come up. I have lost friends, as I have a hard time participating in ego talk. I feel unfulfilled, and that is probably because of the little ego I have left, but It feels like the only positive thing that have come from my awakening experience, was the experience itself. After that I have been living a pretty unfulfilling and detached life. While I write these things I'm aware that all these problems are illusions made up by the ego, that they aren't real, but I always find myself in that loop. Having these problems, then realizing they aren't real and that it is my ego that is speaking and creating all of these problems which gives me some sort of relief for a very short time, then falling into ego again, and so on. When I read posts on this forum it doesn't seem like that many people are fulfilled, but that is just my interpretation of the things I read on here. I would like to now if you are fulfilled? Please be honest. I would also like to know If you have found yourself being more disconnected than connected in the stages after awakening? Also does anybody else find themselves in the same kind of loop, that I mentioned?
  4. Enlightenment isn't really that easy to attain, as there are many years of egoic conditioning deep inside us all. I think a lot of people would have done it if it was that easy. I've had enlightening experiences, and these questions would probably seem very insignificant from an enlightened perspective. But there's no where else to go, we won't go anywhere after enlightenment, so It's a pretty valid question in my opinion. Why would you turn to drugs after enlightenment? Can you answer that question?
  5. " Others may become dropouts and live on the margins of society they feel they have little in common with. Some turn to drugs because they find living in this world too painful. Others eventually become healers or spiritual teachers, that is to say, teachers of Being. " Why would he talk about others becoming spiritual teachers in the sentence right after the people turning to drugs sentence? Try reading the whole bit again, doesn't it seem a bit confusing to you? He also talks about someone being drawn to spiritual communities and monestary's.
  6. These are the frequency holders, supposedly enlightened people holding the frequency of the earth on a high level. If you're enlightened, and you're more inward looking by nature, then it seems like you are not fit at all for this world. But what I don't get is how you can be enlightened and still suffering?
  7. I haven't really felt that good either after my awakening experience. It's beautiful in the moment of realising, but as soon as the ego takes over again, it's like you're an alien in this world. You know that you are everything and that everything happening in it's essence is nothing, but this realisation is pretty depressing for the ego. What I don't understand is the fact that the chapter is called "Frequency holders," but how can your frequency be high if your taking drugs to supress the pain of this world? I don't get it.
  8. So I'm done reading "A new earth" by Eckhart Tolle, and I really can't understand this part: THE FREQUENCY-HOLDERS The outward movement into form does not express itself with equal intensity in all people. Some feel a strong urge to build, create, become involved, achieve, make an impact upon the world. If they are unconscious their ego will, of course, take over and use the energy of the outgoing cycle for its own purposes. This, however, also greatly reduces the flow of creative energy available to them and increasingly they need to rely on “efforting” to get what they want. If they are conscious, those people in whom the outward movement is strong will be highly creative. Others, after the natural expansion that comes with growing up has run its course, lead an outwardly unremarkable, seemingly more passive and relatively uneventful existence. They are more inward looking by nature, and for them the outward movement into form is minimal. They would rather return home than go out. They have no desire to get strongly involved in or change the world. If they have any ambitions, they usually don’t go beyond finding something to do that gives them a degree of independence. Some of them find it hard to fit into this world. Some are lucky enough to find a protective niche where they can lead a relatively sheltered life, a job that provides them with a regular income or a small business of their own. Some may feel drawn toward living in a spiritual community or monastery. Others may become dropouts and live on the margins of society they feel they have little in common with. Some turn to drugs because they find living in this world too painful. Others eventually become healers or spiritual teachers, that is to say, teachers of Being. I don't get this part at all. Why would you turn to drugs after awakening? Why would this world be too painful to live in, after awakening to the truth? The way every spiritual teachers refers to the truth, is the peace and bliss that comes with it. Why would the world be too painful to live in, if you awaken to the truth of all there is. How can the Enlightenment, which is supposed to be "the end of suffering" in Buddhas words, lead to this.
  9. Thank you guys for your answers. It definitely helps hearing these things from you!
  10. I've made a post about this topic before, but It's pretty important to me and I would like to hear some other perspectives. I'm getting a double jaw surgery in the next year or two, and I'm having trouble with the fact that it isn't really possible to be unconscious. Anesthesiologists don't know what it is that makes patients unconscious, unknowing of the fact that it is impossible to ever lose consciousness. As Sadhguru says in the article below, the Anesthesia only numbs the recalling process. I have had many enlightening experiences; a huge shift in consciousness, I'm living as the separate self, but I'm aware that this is an illusion). The thing about this that troubles me a bit is the fact that I'm now aware that the anesthesia doesn't really make you unconscious and the possibility that the "level" of consciousness therefore has an influence on how you're gonna react to the anesthesia. Sadhguru doesn't really answer this question, he kind of dances around it, as he does a lot . The reason for my worrying is the continouisly expanding awareness I'm experiencing. I'm aware every morning that I'm asleep and that I am dreaming, so if I'm aware while sleeping why should I not be aware while doctors break up my jaws? As you could imagine this is pretty concerning. I try not to worry too much though, as It is in the future, and not now. I would LOVE and really APPRECIATE if you guys could tell me about your experiences, especially If you underwent surgery with total awareness of the separate self and your true self. THANK YOU!
  11. Suffering because other people are suffering, leads to even more suffering. To end suffering you have to stop feeding into the story of the suffering self of you and others. Because it is the story itself, that is the cause of the suffering in the first place.
  12. This is a 4 part documentary that I watched today, I thought it was amazing.
  13. I can totally relate to your problem, I've had similar problems with my family. Realize that the problem between you and your sister is manifestation of built up expectations towards each others behaviour/role. There is nothing you can do to change your sister, and every time you try to change her by telling her a problem you have with her, she'll find a way to take offense of what you are saying. This is because everything goes through her ego filter and twists your words to fit her reality, and the same the other way around. Everyone lives in their own dream world, that is why communication can get so messy. This is a great quote from the book "as a man thinketh" which sums this up: Mind is the Master power that moulds and makes, And Man is Mind, and evermore he takes The tool of Thought, and, shaping what he wills, Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills: — He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass: Environment is but his looking-glass. The answer I came too in my case was to try my best to not fill in the role that those people want me to fill, and find a place in my heart to have love and understanding for them instead. It helps to realize the non duality of existence and the beauty and equality in every being. Books which touches this subject in the light of awakening, that has helped me a lot, are books like: The four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and A new earth by Eckhart Tolle. These two books are a very helpful tool to change the way you perceive and deal with loved ones.
  14. So what you're saying is that we're already perfect, but at the same time we are working towards perfection? Please, correct me if I'm interpreting you answer wrong. I don't see how you could be a work towards perfection, when everything already is perfect as it is.