billiesimon

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Everything posted by billiesimon

  1. Yes, I totally underline this, about Salvia. Salvia Divinorum can actually be a powerful nondual psychedelic, but it needs to be understood and mastered. I've done several light and medium trips with it. It has nice healing powers. But the best part is how it makes you realize how everything in the universe is "in your head", because that's the feeling that you get. The entire universe is some kind of content inside the context of your "metaphysical head". No other psych has given me this kind of insight. Really shocking.
  2. The first one is incredible... The concept and its color rendition are something really close to a talented human artist. That's insane
  3. Ok, thanks for the explanation, I still can't feel this boredom when I reach higher states, only attraction for the nondual state. In my direct experience I don't have the answer. I'm only certain of being "stuck" here in this no-place. It feels like my human life is a deep dark mystery. The only glimpse of answer I got was "I like the challenge of starting as a resentful loser and then becoming a loving and wise entity." Which is exactly why I have stopped resenting my victimized past and started feeling deep compassion for everyone. But... Yeah, in those peak states I feel like there's satisfaction in the challenge of "from loser to loving being". I've become such a bleeding heart since I've started spirituality 4 years ago, I can feel empathy even for insects (even though I don't like them and have a bias). Your question is really deep, it's no joke. It triggered this profound reflection, I needed to write it out to you all On some level it's hard because now I feel too much compassion and it's making me a people pleaser I know you might say "compassion it's just a dream bla bla", ok, I'm not arguing. But... yeah, I'm trying to convey what I can't convey. In those states, sometimes even during your "hand meditations/inquiries", I get that devastating feeling that I'm not here to fuck around with a useless commoner life. I'm here because I am special. Not in the egoic sense. I'm special in the selfless meaning. I'm special because I can grow from resentment and hurt (my past) to share compassion with everything. The process of feeling love for insects even though I have strong biases has shocked me precisely because I got it from your famous hand meditation Yeah, I really needed to write this out. It's a really really vast and intricate question.
  4. Have you felt this even in the higher states of god realization? I have felt so much satisfaction in my experiences of nonduality that I find it hard to believe. Is it even possible that the Godhead feels boredom? Boredom is a slight negative emotion, not a nondual state.
  5. It depends. My first time with 2C-B-FLY I was already experienced with LSD, and already have had some small spiritual insights. I got serious fear of choking, fear of death and deep anxiety on the come up. Like some kind of small 5-meo trip. At the peak I got powerful bliss states and cried a lot for the beauty of nature and life. So, yeah, it depends. I fear 2C-B-FLY trips, they are harder than LSD for me. I've had 4 trips of this compound and it evokes really strong emotions, sometimes shocking. I remember I was trying to remove the 2C-B-FLY from the body by going to the toilet (plugged) but it was too late. And it was not a big dose, around light-common, 10 mg.
  6. That's amazing! I have a decent experience with spiritual insights on psychs (40 trips) and even in some deep sober inquiries. Would you recommend a THC trip? Could it be beneficial?
  7. But I guess that after the death of this form there is no eternal black void. What happens if this form dissapears?
  8. I've read a book from @Leo Gura 's list about the law of attraction, and I don't understand if it's just mumbo jumbo fairytales or a real spiritual phenomenon. I've also noticed that everybody in the spiritual community believes in it. Is it true? What are the right explanations for it? Maybe Leo can answer
  9. Another feeling I often get is that it's just shapes moving, but the awakening process is not related to the forms moving around. It feels like a big eye, and this eye is all the human senses, and this eye is the whole universe watching itself. An eye made of different shapes watching themselves. Really weird but I get it only a few times and it messes with my psyche a lot.
  10. I can't, since I don't know myself as God in the present moment while writing this. It's a memory from a "past" experience where I contemplated the question. Of course the insight might be wrong, but I feel that psychs are nothing special, since i've had even some small oneness moments in my normal dreams. So it's not about the psychs but all about God's plans for the ego. Sometimes I feel like I have no other choice but to walk the spiritual path. But if you have a different experience I am open to hear it
  11. From my own experiences with psychs, it's not a paradox. Psychedelics seem to be just a form, like all the others. They are just dreamed up to be the enhancer of consciousness. In other words they are just a "plot device" to wake up more directly than classic spiritual techniques (which are also plot devices). I mean, there's nothing special in psychedelics. They are just chosen by God to fit that role in the story. At least that's what I have contemplated INSIDE a psychedelic trip
  12. I hope this is ironic. Spiritual seekers can get a lot of hate, especially when talking about God. Ironically the ego is deeply attached to the concept of God
  13. It's an interesting question, that I've explored several times. I don't know the definitive answer, but I know that during my psychedelic trips the answer is always the same: "Psychedelics are just a story, a fictional catalyst, for awakening." It's fascinating because it's all a story. Meditation, self-inquiry, breathwork, DMT etc.... It seems to me that God put these "devices" inside the story to create a path to self-recognition.
  14. Thanks, at least I'm not psychotic Before spiritual practice my life was quite anxious but made a lot of sense, it was just normal human life. Now there are moments of normal anxious human life, and moments where my memories are just a fictional story. Of course there is no God recognition, I'm too newbie, but anxiety/monkey mind is replaced with deep mystery and time suspension. It depends on the quality of the day. Peaceful days are more mysterious and time-warped. Stressful days make me dive deep into my human identity and story.
  15. I have a real question from my own personal practice (I tend to practice and contemplate daily). Is it normal to feel mindfucked or lost in a sense of void after 3+ years of practice? I also use psychedelics once every 2-3 months and got several Infinity and unconditional love glimpses. But I'm talking about sober states. I also get several timelessness small glimpses while sober and walking alone in the park, where time seems to have never existed for small moments (paradox). Or other times I have to ask myself what's my human identity because I start to feel merged with the flow of the present. Sometimes I look at a water glass (or random object) and it starts to feel like it's the only thing in existence. Just for a minute or two. Because before consciousness work I never had these moments of sober mindfuck, and they started to appear more and more frequently. Now I can get them almost everyday. Is this spiritual progress or a psychological problem? I feel deeply confused in my consciousness recently.
  16. I get it, because of time and space disappearing. But what about remaining quite unconscious and receiving a lethal damage to the body? What should happen? I think the user was asking this.
  17. Isn't this akin to say that god is pure determinism?
  18. 2+ hours?!? That's insane. The most I achieved was 30 mins and I was winded. How can one reach 2 hours?
  19. I totally believe you, since the dreaming state is filled with suffering. What I don't understand is why does God need to dream up suffering and loss if being fully conscious is blissful? I've had my glimpses of awakening and I swear to God I would have never come back to the human self. Yet, I had to. Why? I don't understand why chase suffering?
  20. Isn't nonduality synonymous with God? God manifests itself in everything, creating the illusion of separate objects. Thus monism is the actual form of God. Isn't it?
  21. I have some MAL, but never tried it. Is it a worthy psychedelic? Have you tried it?
  22. Hey, I have changed quite a bit in the recent 6 months. I have gone through psychotherapy last year for some childhood trauma, and I've been diagnosed as a quite healthy person, no mental health conditions except for loneliness/family trauma. I have also been doing consciousness work for 3 1/2 years, reaching several psychedelic awakenings, a nice level of sober concentration, deep emotional awareness and connection with my subconscious, and some occasional samadhi states in before-sleep meditation (I like to master my half-asleep states to find new levels of awareness). I also get lost in contemplating objects in silence and mystery quite often recently. THE SYMPTOMS Is the following psychosis or signs of spiritual growth? - During my alone walks after dinner, I silence my mind and I very often feel in a sensory bubble floating in the empty cosmos. It's quite freaky. - During these phenomena, my visual perceptions remain the same but they start to become "nonsense" to me. Like it's not supposed to happen. I start feeling deep mystery and nonsense about the fact that I am seeing, hearing, feeling etc. - After some minutes of this, some fearful emotion happens and starts to tell me that I have no business in this phenomena, and starts to pull me towards some human business (please think about the laundry, about the emails, about finding a perfect gf bla bla bla). If I listen to them, the mysterious feeling disappears and my life starts to regain sense. - Sometimes I instantaneously realize that I'm here, now, and that I am completely imagining that something is happening outside my senses. If I start to dive deep into it, I feel completely lost, and my life starts to lose quite a lot of meaning. It's not dark or nihilistic. It's just empty and silent. Then some fearful emotion brings up the same old to do lists. - It's been 9 months since my last trip, but I've smoked some microdosing of salvia in these months, and I often get the feeling of having this really "all in my cosmic head" feeling, like this universe is inside my huge giant head. Weird. But not an actual awakening. I'm not attracted to a proper trip recently because I sense a deep fear from my ego, so I'm staying away. THE MOST WORRYING SIGNS - Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, because I like to drink some water and then get back to bed, I go sit in the kitchen, zero thoughts, but strong awareness of the present. And then I feel I have quite some trouble to identify my "body": is it the floor? is it the fridge? I have memories of this flesh being my body but my awareness has trouble feeling what is "me", so everything could be me. If I start to do some daily chores, my awareness refocuses on my body-mind as always, as a normal person. - Sometimes while I'm alone, silent and peaceful, I feel a deep desire to self-inquire on the spot. Generally what happens is that I don't understand why I have this story of being a human, of having a past (what is the past?), of having desires for the future (what is it?), and then I generally feel that these senses are made of air, of some kind of dreamy stuff. But I'm not really conscious of a dream (while this happens in psychedelic state). It's just that the senses don't seem that real anymore.... - Something has forever changed in my life. It's not a material change. Something a lot deeper has changed but I can't really get it. It feels scary but I'm attracted to it also. The deep feeling that I'm the center of the universe. Sounds quite egoic... RELATIONSHIPS - Interacting with people makes me lose all of the previous phenomena. The sense of other is really strong when some other person appears. All the mystery and dreamy stuff disappears. Might be related to strong emotions that people evoke in me (I'm an empath). What do you guys think this is? Is it psychosis? My therapist always told me that I'm quite a conscious and aware person. I don't understand. Maybe @Leo Gura if he can find time to read Thanks!
  23. Well, it's not about Salvia Divinorum. I do the microdosing once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. I don't think it has a strong impact on my life. I also contemplate a lot in the sober state.
  24. I have to say that psychotherapy (classic psychodynamic therapist) has skyrocketed my consciousness. My head is a lot clearer now that my abandonment trauma is reduced. I get incredible loving vibes from objects just from 12 ug of LSD, or microdose of Salvia. And breathwork makes me quite conscious for around 30 mins after. This was unimaginable before psychotherapy. I have to say that healing the ego opens it up for awakening quite a lot. I my opinion therapy is necessary for an ego to walk the pathless path, or the drama will keep stuck in Mind.