It's Obvious/I'm Alone

[Princess Arabia]

Sob, Sob. I'm not going crazy but it's obvious I'm all there is and I'm doing all this. I'm crying now because I'm seeing how it's all me. I'm writing this only to not go mad and to keep the shit going. I need to. Or else i will go mad. I wish I never read  some of the shit i read. I wish I never experienced some of the shit i experienced. It's obvious I've never done anything in my life. It's obvious there is no me. It's obvious I'm fish in water. It's obvious I know nothing, 

It's obvious I'm trying to articulate my message with precision, so I can feel like I'm writing to someone to read. It's obvious I'm doing all this and I'm not. It' so fucking obvious. 

You will comment and you will ask if I'm ok but it's so obvious.

P.S. I just need time to process or not process this, so ill pretend as if I'm here or not here and go to sleep and deal with your comments or my own mind later tomorrow. Going to sleep or whatever now. I don't even know what to write. I feel funny writing to myself knowing I'm playing this fucking game with myself. Tomorrow you'all.

Edited October 20, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[Javfly33]

Yes, is pretty crazy. You will need to some time to process it. 

Once your mind settles you'll see you being alone is not something bad at all, but rather the only option Love was possible. 

Signed,

You.

 

[Hojo]

grieve your life and return to void, once you are void you are infinite and can re enjoy. you can do what you actually wanna do because its just you and you can live your ultimate dream life by being yourself. its not as you think, the definition of god is there is always more than you think so stop belief systems and god can make your life beautiful. awakening means you get reset with more power over your mind !

crying is healing, do it really hard and destroy the negative thought pattern

 

Edited October 20, 2023 by Hojo

[Merkabah Star]

The Alignment sits above. 

[OBEler]

@Princess Arabia what was the cause to see this way you see? 

Is it existential Terror? Where is Love? 

[Bazooka Jesus]

3 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Sob, Sob. I'm not going crazy but it's obvious I'm all there is and I'm doing all this. I'm crying now because I'm seeing how it's all me.

The good news is that this is still an egoic interpretation of reality, not reality itself. But you will realize this too in time.

For now, just take it easy, do whatever it takes to stay grounded (which might include taking a break from this forum) and allow it all to wash over and out of you. And always remember that the long dark shadow right in front of you is just a product of the undying light that is all around you.

Love you Princess. 🖤

[Water by the River]

If there is still "someone" thinking/feeling of being totally alone, there are also still "others".

Empty Impersonal Infinite Consciousness/Reality contains these thought/feeling-arisings of being alone. "IT" is so empty that it can't feel alone. That would be an arising of thought/feelings "in Itself".

If these last arisings of separate-self-afraid of being alone-fear are transcended, there is only (impersonal) love and bliss in that Nondual Reality/Infinite Consciousness, realizing itself as one without a second.

Before that Gateless Gate, the game/Lila uses all fear- and delusion-meachnisms to scare the separate-self away from Truth. Beyond it, there is only nondual unity, love and bliss.  One justcan't see this from before the shift, which is in the nature of the game. No Illusion, No Duality, No Other. So fear is the price to pay for the game/Lila of having "an other".

Selling Water by the River 

[Rafael Thundercat]

I am someone reading your Solo confession

[ivankiss]

I imagine the insight or realization is valid, but it is far from being grounded or integrated.

I assume you are very confused and are possibly dealing with some sort of a psychosis. It will pass.

[inFlow]

Love you.

[Breakingthewall]

@Princess Arabia  

It is not like that, you are not alone, this is an idea, a mental structure, reality is not like that. Infinity is not alone, it is an unlimited ocean, it is not something personal, with a center. Being alone is something personal, since there is a center, the self, that is alone. This is precisely the illusion. There is no center, there is no perceiver of reality who is alone, that is the appearance that must be broken to open to freedom. Freedom is the disappearance of the self, and without self no one is alone, there is only absolute total infinity.

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

It's true, God is alone, or all-one, but it itself doesn't have to see itself through this particular lens. This is one perspective out of an infinite ocean of perspectives which could be assumed or not assumed. Isn't it miraculous how a beingness that has nothing to contrast it, has managed to comprehend it's own solitude through the creation of otherness? Just take some time to grief the illusions you appear to have lost. These illusions where a part of you after all. God does love its illusions. Just don't assume that this is the end of the illusion of "other" (or the illusion of being alone). This is just the beginning. The first step. These illusions reach far down into your human programming. There are very subtle ways in which they sneak themselves into your experience.

Edited October 20, 2023 by DefinitelyNotARobot

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

4 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Infinity is not alone, it is an unlimited ocean, it is not something personal, with a center.

Which is precisely what gives it the ability to comprehend itself as alone. It's infinitude includes infinite solitude and Infinite loneliness.

[Breakingthewall]

1 minute ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

Which is precisely what gives it the ability to comprehend itself as alone. It's infinitude includes infinite solitude and Infinite loneliness.

It's a misunderstanding. It happens when you realize the infinite. There is still duality, you perceiving the infinite. If you break all the barriers and let go of the self and are one with the infinite, there is no loneliness, there is only the infinite. Absolute freedom. it is not imaginable

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

@Breakingthewall You are not wrong per se, but the infinite itself could be regarded as a meta perspective within the infinite. It's a twisted strange loop. The point is that saying "you are not alone" is also a perspective. Perhaps a more inclusive one, but still a perspective nonetheless.

[Arthogaan]

Sending a warm digital hug. 

[An young being]

Being really alone is when you have nothing to interact with, not even darkness. If there is darkness, you can still consider it as a friend.

[gettoefl]

the work the journey the process ... IS indeed isolating

nobody understands nobody has been there nobody can possibly relate ... since you are doing you and nobody will ever do you like you do you

this is the price of admission, you discard all the consensus thinking constantly thrust your way and you pledge to plunge into the beyond unaided

when you reach the goal then you will be able to join the crowd in the market place and live life from this awakened consciousness

you might throw in the towel since the pain is too great but eventually you will remount your horse since you see that's the only game in town

so it can be two steps forward one step back sometimes one step forward two steps back

no two are alike

i bless you and thank you for being here and i send you love and light

 

[Yimpa]

The realization that I don’t have to be attached to one particular form or idea is really freeing for me. I can explore facets of myself less constricted because I’m no longer needing reality to go in ways that I assume are ideal for me. You start considering what is beneficial for the whole, which paradoxically is also you.

You are the author of your life. Don’t let people hand you a book and tell you that’s how life is. Write your own story and refine it as much as you like. Nobody else can stop you, but you.

[Princess Arabia]

Update: So this is how I'm feeling this morning. I'm back to my normal self. I'm not feeling any different than I use to feel except there is a feeling i can't describe that's present. Last night when I was writing my initial post or I should say afterwards, I felt trapped. Trapped in a body. Kinda confused. I kept on crying and talking to myself out loud. It seemed every sentence I made wasn't making any sense. They were normal sentences but had no meaning, Every time I tried to make sense of what I was saying, it seemed to not be what I was feeling. Example, can't remember much of the sentences but I think they were like, "it's so obvious, I'm doing all this, it's so obvious all others are me, but then I couldn't understand what that meant because I kept feeling as if there was no me saying these things, but in a sense there still was a me. 

Then I kept wanting to get out of this body, and then I i kept saying what body, then I felt I was trapped inside of something, I kept crying (not hysterically but sobbing profusely), I couldn't even relate to myself anymore as if everything I said, that wasn't it. The only thing i really remember saying continuously was "it's a feeling, it's a feeling, it's a feeling. Then I tried to make sense of the feeling, but I couldn't. Not that I was trying to describe to myself HOW I was feeling, but just saying, "it's a feeling". I wanted to get out the body, not forcibly, but I felt the feeling i was feeling was trapped and needed to go somewhere. I can't really explain it. 

Before all this something inside of me felt dead as if there was no me but there was still a me, both at the same time. I couldn't make sense of it. Also, it was like my past experiences kept flashing back to me, the mind kept remembering past stuff I did and went through. That only lasted for a short while. Then I kept saying things again and couldn't relate to where they were coming from, meaning they just sounded like words, even though they were legitimate sentences I couldn't relate to them, then I kept saying it's a feeling, it's a feeling. I couldn't relate to anything else but that phrase. 

The whole time this was going on, I knew I was all alone, not as in the only one in existence, but more like I was trying to pretend there was an existence. Like there was nothing or anybody here not even me but I was trying to make sense of stuff because there was really nothing or no one here but I didn't want to acknowledge it (not believe it) kind of like a denial. This was not a conscious thing at the time, I'm just remembering the feeling i had and now I'm writing this and kind of remembering what that feeling was. It was very subtle. 

Anyway, It calmed down with me realizing I was stuck in this body and there was nothing more to do but go to sleep and i slept like a baby and woke up feeling normal again, only with less mind chatter and a sense of peace. Which kind of wore off as the morning progressed. The few videos that came up on my YT feed this morning that I never saw before were in the realm of what I went through last nigh and even an email from Sunny Sharma whom I'm subscribed to was about nit letting the mind taking credit for Spiritual Growth and to remain humble despite new developments and insights and so on. Like me sending a message to myself. But then again, that could also be the mind taking credit for that. So I'm just back to normal but just with a little more sense of peace. 

Thank you all for the love and encouraging words and @Javfly33your message made me cry.