Went on trip with woman who didn't pay anything

[pablo_aka_god]

Last weekend I did a short trip to a nearby town with a girl I met on Tinder, we hanged out and had sex couple of times. this girl is working/medium class financially and she would come over to my house and I would invite her small things like fast food or share a bottle of wine.

Last week I told her I would go on a trip and that she was welcomed to join me. I never mentioned paying for everything. The minute the trip started every time the bill came she would not offer any money so I started paying for everything and told her I would take note of things I pay so she later gives me her part. She agreed so I payed for the hotel room, a day long tour, taxis and all food. She came to the trip with no money so I had no option except for leaving her there but decided to stay with her and pay.

At the end of the trip she told me she would later send me her part but 5 days have passed and we haven't talk since then and have a feeling she will never do.

I had a very good time but I feel really bad with what happened, I feel used. what are your perspectives?

Edited July 28, 2023 by pablo_aka_god

[Chives99]

maybe dont see her this isnt the 1950s , women have jobs, doesnt seem like she has much respect, but you could talk it out first

[Buck Edwards]

It's your fault. You should have pre-arranged everything before the trip. Should have asked her if she was willing to pay right from the get go. 

Plan trips well in advance with people who you really trust will pay their shares. I never randomly plan trips with friends because I know they won't pay up as that has happened several times before even on petty stuff like weekend dinners. 

It was irresponsible on your side to trust random people and invite them over unless you're throwing a party and ready to bear all expenses upfront. 

This is a situation of personal responsibility, own it and don't repeat it. 

[Spiral]

Don’t lend out a sum of money you are uncomfortable losing. It will only cause misery.

[r0ckyreed]

I thought you both were on psychedelics lol! I guess it wasn’t that kind of trip.

[pablo_aka_god]

thank you guys! next time I go out with someone I don't know much I will be more clear. I wasn't 100% clear because 1) I assumed she would be not abuse the situation(wrong, can't go through life acting list this). 2)I discovered that because of insecurity I put a facade of being rich with women which is not actually true and assumed that if I don't invite the girls to nice places they would dump me because that's the only value I can provide them. this ends up attracting girls that are not worth it and I end up feeling used so I will sell my personality to girls rather than my wallet.

3)Even if I make much more money than the girl, I think it's safer to be modest and not talk about how much money I spend. The focus should be in getting to know each other even if dates are on very simple places. I was putting too much focus on the place where we hanged out rather than on the interaction.

Edited July 31, 2023 by pablo_aka_god

[pablo_aka_god]

@Chives99 Thanks. couple days ago I messaged her and asked her when she was going to pay me. she told me to wait until yesterday when she gets paid and would send me the money.

I'm not going to message her anymore. she already knows what I'm expecting so it's up to her. I don't think she will pay but I feel better after sending her the message.

[pablo_aka_god]

Also this facade of being rich has ruined my finances. I live alone and have a good salary but spend it all in stupid things like expensive clothes. I have 0 savings. This is a reminder of how bad I handle my finances.

[thepixelmonk]

If you're putting on some sort of facade of being rich that's obviously your own fault. She's of course going to behave in a way that reflects that, not sure why you would expect otherwise.

[Phil King]

2 hours ago, pablo_aka_god said:

Also this facade of being rich has ruined my finances. I live alone and have a good salary but spend it all in stupid things like expensive clothes. I have 0 savings. This is a reminder of how bad I handle my finances.

Never lead with money when meeting women. It automatically sets a "provider" frame and they just see you as a meal ticket to get free stuff. Never spend a dime on a dime if you know what im sayin

 

[LordFall]

You lack boundaries if you're getting used by women financially. This is both emotional boundaries in how you're trying to leverage it beyond your current means but also communicative boundaries as you should be able to bring up who pays for what and in what cases as you get to know a woman. 

[Jacob Morres]

Damn. maybe call her up and respectfully call her out for it

She is lacking in ethics 

First commentator is victim blaming btw by saying it's ur fault 

But yeah lesson learned 

Edited August 1, 2023 by Jacob Morres

[Lila9]

Please don't be too hard on yourself.

Accept this and see this as a good lesson. This is what life actually is, a bunch of lessons.

Next time try to not talk about money at all and see what happens.

[Ulax]

On 7/28/2023 at 5:14 PM, pablo_aka_god said:

Last weekend I did a short trip to a nearby town with a girl I met on Tinder, we hanged out and had sex couple of times. this girl is working/medium class financially and she would come over to my house and I would invite her small things like fast food or share a bottle of wine.

Last week I told her I would go on a trip and that she was welcomed to join me. I never mentioned paying for everything. The minute the trip started every time the bill came she would not offer any money so I started paying for everything and told her I would take note of things I pay so she later gives me her part. She agreed so I payed for the hotel room, a day long tour, taxis and all food. She came to the trip with no money so I had no option except for leaving her there but decided to stay with her and pay.

At the end of the trip she told me she would later send me her part but 5 days have passed and we haven't talk since then and have a feeling she will never do.

I had a very good time but I feel really bad with what happened, I feel used. what are your perspectives?

@pablo_aka_god Shows her character at this point of her life imo.

Perhaps see the money lost as the price you pay to get to see her real character. 

[Leo Gura]

1) Stop being so cheap. If she doesn't pay you for this trip, so what? You had sex a couple of times and hung out. That alone is worth quite a bit to you.

2) If you're going to be splitting bills with a girl, do it right on the spot, or alternate who pays. Don't tally up a long tab and then expect her to pay for it long afterward.

3) If a girl is broke and doesn't even bring her wallet with her, that tells you that you shouldn't expect to ever get any money from her. At that point if you want to pay for her just be honest with yourself that this is your gift to her. And you can then get her to "pay" in others ways but placing more demands on her like cleaning your house or whatever.

4) If this girl agreed ahead of time that she was gonna pay you later, then don't badger her about it. Give her some time to pay. It sounds like she will do it if she's an honest, ethical person.

5) You need to judge ahead of time whether the girl you're sleeping with is ethical or not. Some girls are super ethical and can be trusted, others are not. So just understand the kind of girl you're with early on.

Edited August 1, 2023 by Leo Gura

[StarStruck]

I had a girl like this last week. It is give and take. I have no trouble giving but at the same time it is also ok to demand. I mean, she has a mouth and such.