I just fully realized that everything is against me

[Blackhawk]

Everything, everything, everything is trying to break me down, hurt me, scam me, take advantage of me, etc.

Both physically and psychologically.

For example: sleeping is a defense mechanism of the world trying to break down my brain and body.

When I wake up I have to eat, again to not die when the world tries to dissolve my body. And brush teeth, shower, etc.

Then I have to do all kinds of things, in the fight against the world. But the worst thing is that I have to work to get money. Again, in the struggle of survival.

But the psychological part is at least as bad as the physical part.

Humans outside of me are insane. They believe and do all kinds of insane things. Like invading peaceful countries and killing and torturing people. And people defend such stuff.

Disinformation, lies, propaganda, insanity, manipulation, etc.

And people believe in aliens on earth because some lunatics/mythomaniacs say something and because there's some blurry dots on a video.

Some people believe earth is flat, some people believe they are God.

And maybe the whole thing with romance/sex hurts most. I recently got ghosted by a girl online. I probably got a permanent psychological damage from it. I get nightmares about it.

And seeing sexy girls but not being able to get one hurts.

Being alive is like being in a spaceship and the space outside of the spaceship is constantly trying to kill you. Or in a submarine.

 

This post wasn't well written because now I have to hurry to go and suffer at work. But hopefully you get the point.

Everything is against me, at all levels, always.

Edited July 27, 2023 by Blackhawk

[Kksd74628]

@Blackhawk

Is everything against you or you against everything?

When dancing you could say that the music forces you go to with the pace of it or on the other hand you could say that it teaches you the mood needed for deepening the self-expression. The friction between tires and street isn't for making moving harder for vehicles, but IS actually an essential component in getting into movement in the first place. Beautiful rain doesn't ruin your majestic day, but rather clears air for you to breathe easier. Sexy girl isn't Universe making jokes on you, but instead trying to motivate you of life's incredible amount of possibilities. It is the perspective you choose as you can hopefully see.

Your life only changes after you change your attitude for it.

You can moan as much as you desire or you can start strategizing your behaviour according to your dreams of future. I am not as cold as you might pick right now. The point solely is to show how the essence of something is in the process of perceiving it instead of in the perceived thing itself. Why are you even trying to prove to yourself, to me or to other readers that life is COMPLETELY, UTTERLY and FULLY against your ass. You could use all that time to produce plan for you to hit new personal records in this game of life. Better diet? More meditation? More push-ups maybe?

Self-respect is the key.

Would you watch your friend, partner or family member go through hellish depression. Would you lend a helping hand and guide them towards CRUSHING VICORY!! I guess your answer so why in the GOD DAMN HELL you don't do it for yourself? Aren't you worthy person in your eye. COMPLETE human trash? No you fucking aren't and if you think otherwise you don't see the beauty and potentiality inside yourself that you have. Start doing things that make you see yourself in better light. Become a champ of your life. You're a HERO @Blackhawk . Trust me <3

With love
-joNi-

[Salvijus]

Here's an alternative view.

Life is like an ocean, those who can surf are having a good time. Those who don't are being crushed by the waves.

And the whole point of this physical existence in this domain is to learn to surf the waves, to learn the lessons a soul is meant to learn to overcome the misery, to rise above the ocean, to rise the conciousness above the ego-mind etc.

[kavaris]

@Blackhawk mmm... ...... ... id break this all down, and narrow down ONE thing you'd like advice on improving.

When you get this chance, and you are in a calm, meditative environment that allows you to be still and have conscious control of... well... okay well 1sec, you'll have a couple directions when in that scenario... if you want, break it down.

Break those things down, maybe make a note of all those concerns, and if there is one left that is 'Shining' in your mind with an evident amount of holes and instability that you would like worked out, bring it here again and lets do just that; working it out.

[Yimpa]

That’s what happens when you’re looking for problems all the time. This should come as no surprise 

[Blackhawk]

Fact is.. that it doesn't matter what I do, or how hard I try, or how hard I don't try. Because life is unfair, I'm a victim, and I'm in hell. Anyone who says otherwise/disagrees with me, is just confirming that.

There is no way out. Not even suicide. You guys don't understand how fucking bad it is. Sometimes not even I understand it. That's how bad it is.

Anyone who disagrees is just trying to cope with the shit. Or he/she got lucky in the life lottery.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A8eYIADO94

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcKNo08NTiY

 

[Blackhawk]

I'm getting pulled to opposite directions by 2 forces. One wants me to live, and the other one wants me to kill myself. Both suicide and staying alive is bad. Impossible problem, and I don't even know how I got here.

So that makes me stuck. Not dead, not alive, just mysteriously existing. Pretty sure I will get weird dreams now when I go to bed.

Edited July 30, 2023 by Blackhawk

[Yimpa]

The only one against you is yourself, believe it or not.

[FourCrossedWands]

How old are you? If you are in your 20s, you should 100% focus on becoming self employed and financial free. It will completely change your life.

You will stop going to work and meeting all kinds of idiots that just ruin your life, so you can focus on self improvement and finding a life purpose.

Edited July 31, 2023 by FourCrossedWands

[Schizophonia]

@Blackhawk 

Have you ever tested your testosterone/DHT?

The feeling of everything going through/attacking you feels like weak GABAergic signaling and/or strong NMDA signaling.

 

[TheCloud]

Do you want help?  Whether or not what you say is true, I think you wish it wasn't and that someone could assist you.  If you attack your rescuer/s, your fate is one driven not by outside forces, but by your own behavior.

[kavaris]

I agree, this is your chance to work it out. Life is short, so whether or not your ready to face some of this stuff head on, we can come up w/ a plan of action around some of the issues you have hinted to ~ as everyone else is here for the same reason... and that is, 'half the world is pulling us toward something, nd the other half blatantly wants us dead'/ not that i see that as a good foundation of thought, though you have to start somewhere with these thoughts nd that's fine.

Edited August 11, 2023 by kavaris

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-07-27 at 9:50 PM, Salvijus said:

Here's an alternative view.

Life is like an ocean, those who can surf are having a good time. Those who don't are being crushed by the waves.

And the whole point of this physical existence in this domain is to learn to surf the waves, to learn the lessons a soul is meant to learn to overcome the misery, to rise above the ocean, to rise the conciousness above the ego-mind etc.

Damn that was profound !!!! It’s interesting I’ve thought this myself, how sometimes I feel as if I’m surfing on top of reality . It is really like that. Like an art form , a sport 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-07-27 at 7:46 PM, Blackhawk said:

And seeing sexy girls but not being able to get one hurts.

I’m no expert but this whole mentality behind this post is lowkey the reason for this sorry 

[Princess Arabia]

Why don't you instead come on here and ask for advice on how to see the world differently. Instead, you say if anyone don't see your view, they are just coping or got lucky. Then you say some believe they are God. You complain about not getting girls but the selfishness in you don't see how with the way you see the world and yourself how much of a toxic environment you'd be creating for you and her. 

When you continuously have these types of beliefs and thought patterns the Universe has no choice but to reflect that back to you because it operates like a mirror. You don't see yourself as God because you have distanced yourself from God. Mentally. You have denied the God in you. God doesn't punish us we punish ourselves. We are in mental bondage and the only reason you feel bad is because deep down you know this, but because of selfishness you refuse to acknowledge this. 

We are walking around as miserable brats because of selfishness. Separation. So now we are in pain trying to mend our wounds with the wrong bandages. You have to surrender. Give up your old beliefs and create new ones. Give them time to flourish and you'll start to experience changes. Infinite possibilities are presently in your field but you are blinded by them because of your filters. You are falsely filtering the light of Consciousness with your own toxicity and negative assumptions. You can only feel what you're believing and assuming about yourself and the world. When you flip your original topic to the opposite belief "I just fully realize that everything is FOR me" you will start to see the changes that reflects that.

Edited August 16, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[Salvijus]

6 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Like an art form

An art of living.

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Salvijus said:

An art of living.

??

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

On 7/30/2023 at 5:00 AM, Blackhawk said:

I'm getting pulled to opposite directions by 2 forces. One wants me to live, and the other one wants me to kill myself. Both suicide and staying alive is bad. Impossible problem, and I don't even know how I got here.

So that makes me stuck. Not dead, not alive, just mysteriously existing. Pretty sure I will get weird dreams now when I go to bed.

Fuck dude I feel this so much. This is exactly how I've been feeling for well over a decade. It feels like I'm stuck in a limbo right in between life and death, too scared to live and too scared to die, making me feel paralyzed. I've been fighting this feeling for a very long time, I've poured all my passion into this war I'm waging against my own limits, but it's getting exhausting, because no matter how much I try, no matter how much I fight, life always finds a way to crush me again and again. No matter how much change I create, it doesn't change how I feel about life. I've come a long way from where I used to be, but it hasn't changed a single thing. Every time I start to feel good about life, life finds a way to rip it apart. I've still got plenty energy to keep trying different things, I'm nowhere near done, but I'd be lying if I told you that the part of me that just wants to slit my throat open and watch me bleed to death wasn't making any good points.

I feel your pain. i wish I could tell you something to make you feel better, but I know it won't change shit for you. Nobody can change shit for you. Your mind will always find a way to drag you back into this darkness. At least that has been my experience with these feelings. I hope that you'll find a way to break this circle.

[Nemra]

On 7/30/2023 at 2:36 AM, Blackhawk said:

Anyone who disagrees is just trying to cope with the shit. Or he/she got lucky in the life lottery.

Some people don't have the luxury of spending time on a forum to write about their problems. You're lucky in that aspect.

Before making everything a problem, make sure you're skeptical at first. Sometimes the problem is with you.

I know that it's difficult, but you can see the problems without always being negative.

Edited August 16, 2023 by Understander