Why is niceness such a turn off

[MuadDib]

@StarStruck People are attracted to survival value, but it's an incomplete truth. Humans are sometimes willing to die for love, for their children, for their fellow human beings, and even for animals. 
Would you say this is "nice"? "Self-sacrificing"?
It's important to be clear about what you're talking about because in this sense "nice" people are the most powerful people on the planet and casually move mountains while spinning the earth on their fingertips.

"Niceness" as a trauma response and a defense mechanism is something different though, and this is indeed a turn-off. 
In the same way that a bully who puts on a facade of strength and power is a turn-off. 
The latter is more attractive in terms of survival value, and might even be attractive to another person's trauma, but isn't what you want to be aiming for if you want to maximize your impact and power.

[Yimpa]

If a bully is messing with you, being nice is going out the window. If you allow bullies to walk all over you, you will inevitably suffer. 

Being nice can be a serious distraction if you’re not careful.

[something_else]

Nice is so generic that it's almost meaningless.

Women typically like men who have a strong sense of identity and character, not generic and boring men.

It's not that niceness is a turn off so much as that if being 'nice' is your main personality trait, that's basically saying you don't really have much of a personality at all.

If you are extremely compassionate, caring, empathetic, understanding then those are traits that are not always a turn off because they are actually indicative of a less generic personality than just 'being nice.'

 

[Nemra]

Being nice doesn't always mean that you don't have a strong sense of character or you are not authentic.

Before glorifying not niceness, think about how it has and will have a positive effect on you. You will find so many things.

E.g., If parents were always assholes towards their children, they would grow up being traumatic and dysfunctional, whether they were being truthful or not.

Being nice, like everything else, has its unhealthy and delusional side.

[StarStruck]

@Understander @something_else

In this thread the word niceness is being used from the position of weakness, not strength. I think that is obvious to everybody. Obviously there are people who will misunderstand what I meant with niceness but there is always room for misunderstanding and I can’t foolproof that  

When the words nice guy is used it is not used for a guy that uses niceness not from a position of strength but weakness and force. To get something for nothing. Not understanding how the world works i.e naivety. 

Andrew Tate does more charity than the people on this forum combined by a factor of 10 or perhaps even more. He calls himself nice and that is probably true but niceness is just one part. Niceness should only the cherry on the cake, not the cake itself. If Andre Tate was a non competitive nice guy (niceness from weakness )he wouldn’t even have accumulated all that wealth to share with others. 

This is what I found in my latest contemplations: In my opinion niceness is just another word for mercy. And you want to be the person who gives mercy to others, not expect mercy from others because nobody owes you mercy. 

Edited July 10, 2023 by StarStruck

[Nemra]

47 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

@Understander @something_else

In this thread the word niceness is being used from the position of weakness, not strength. I think that is obvious to everybody. Obviously there are people who will misunderstand what I meant with niceness but there is always room for misunderstanding and I can’t foolproof that  

When the words nice guy is used it is not used for a guy that uses niceness not from a position of strength but weakness and force. To get something for nothing. Not understanding how the world works i.e naivety. 

Andrew Tate does more charity than the people on this forum combined by a factor of 10 or perhaps even more. He calls himself nice and that is probably true but niceness is just one part. Niceness should only the cherry on the cake, not the cake itself. If Andre Tate was a non competitive nice guy (niceness from weakness )he wouldn’t even have accumulated all that wealth to share with others. 

This is what I found in my latest contemplations: In my opinion niceness is just another word for mercy. And you want to be the person who gives mercy to others, not expect mercy from others because nobody owes you mercy. 

I agree with you. What you are saying is the delusional part of being nice.

I sense people here get the wrong idea of being nice.

[Recursoinominado]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Because nice people cannot get shit done. Being too nice is a disease.

When lives are at stake there is no room for nice.

What all humans are attracted to is powerful leadership. Because that how humans survive. Weak leaders get you killed.

Damn 100%

[StarStruck]

@Understander Niceness should come from wisdom, not naivety. From strength, not weakness. Since my contemplations and meditations I discovered that I don’t even like most people. 

I’m finally shrugging off my last pieces of SD green ideocracy and naivety. There is place for tough love, honesty and truth. And quite frankly scoundrel dogs don’t deserve any of that. 

It is not even that I dislike them. I just misunderstood survival and I had a fairy tale notion of most humans. It was painful to see how naive I was. But it was mostly because of the haze that psychedelics give you. My eyes have opened right now. 

Edited July 10, 2023 by StarStruck

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, StarStruck said:

@Understander Niceness should come from wisdom, not naivety. From strength, not weakness. Since my contemplations and meditations I discovered that I don’t even like most people. 

I’m finally shrugging off my last pieces of SD green ideocracy and naivety. There is place for tough love, honesty and truth. And quite frankly scoundrel dogs don’t deserve any of that. 

I like, also I think niceness that comes from weakness is insecurity. 

[Nemra]

@StarStruck When you give someone a tough love and it makes them traumatic and miserable, put yourself in their shoes. Of course in different circumstances you can't always be nice. I see you're still justifying being not nice because you see that people are using it for lying and because they are insecure.

Edited July 10, 2023 by Understander

[StarStruck]

@Understander tough love is love too. Sometimes being merciless is merciful when you reach a certain wisdom. 

Edited July 10, 2023 by StarStruck

[Nemra]

@StarStruck I very well know what tough love is. I agree with you, but before giving others tough love make sure you are fair. Giving tough love can also come from weakness.

But you do you.

Edited July 10, 2023 by Understander

[Juan]

There is nothing wrong being nice, but also being an asshole when is needed, it’s about balance what matters. 

[Federico del pueblo]

On 8.7.2023 at 10:28 PM, StarStruck said:

I’m starting to integrate the opposite of niceness to become whole. If I don’t want to dance with somebody I will just say no without making excuses. Or when I feel like putting somebody in their place I will just do it.

But be careful to not confuse niceness with actual weakness.

If some charity rings your bell and you say "I'd kindly like to reject your request" you are being nice while being strong.

If you accept their request even though you don't really want to, now you're being nice but weak.

If you don't want to dance with someone you can be nice about it without looking weak too.

What repels people is neediness and insecurity aka people pleasing behaviour. Here you will alter your behaviour and act incongruent in relation to your true values and boundaries. This gets spotted as weakness, because it is weak, and generally is regarded as unattractive. 

Then there are indeed people who think other people who assert their boundaries without being apologetic about it are "assholes". But the reason they think like this is a coping mechanism because they're insecure and needy themselves and thus they need to alter their subjective perception in a way that protects their own fragile ego.

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Federico del pueblo said:

But be careful to not confuse niceness with actual weakness.

If some charity rings your bell and you say "I'd kindly like to reject your request" you are being nice while being strong.

If you accept their request even though you don't really want to, now you're being nice but weak.

If you don't want to dance with someone you can be nice about it without looking weak too.

What repels people is neediness and insecurity aka people pleasing behaviour. Here you will alter your behaviour and act incongruent in relation to your true values and boundaries. This gets spotted as weakness, because it is weak, and generally is regarded as unattractive. 

Then there are indeed people who think other people who assert their boundaries without being apologetic about it are "assholes". But the reason they think like this is a coping mechanism because they're insecure and needy themselves and thus they need to alter their subjective perception in a way that protects their own fragile ego.

Well said.

[Princess Arabia]

28 minutes ago, Juan said:

There is nothing wrong being nice, but also being an asshole when is needed, it’s about balance what matters. 

You just went from one extreme to the next.  I think somewhere in between is where the balance is. But then again, it's all relative. 

[MuadDib]

8 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Andrew Tate does more charity than the people on this forum combined by a factor of 10 or perhaps even more. He calls himself nice and that is probably true but niceness is just one part. Niceness should only the cherry on the cake, not the cake itself. If Andre Tate was a non competitive nice guy (niceness from weakness )he wouldn’t even have accumulated all that wealth to share with others. 

Interesting take.



Tate's charity is a cherry on a pile of dogshit.

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, MuadDib said:

Interesting take.



Tate's charity is a cherry on a pile of dogshit.

I love it. Lmao. 

[Juan]

16 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

You just went from one extreme to the next.  I think somewhere in between is where the balance is. But then again, it's all relative. 

I din’t go anywhere haha. There is a big difference between being nice and too nice. I just pointed out the fact that there is nothing wrong in both of them (nice and asshole at times if needed), that it’s about having a balance like you said. 

Edited July 10, 2023 by Juan

[Princess Arabia]

11 minutes ago, Juan said:

I din’t go anywhere haha. There is a big difference between being nice and too nice. I just pointed out the fact that there is nothing wrong in both of them (nice and asshole at times if needed), that it’s about having a balance like you said. 

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