How to cope with the fact that I will never be loved for who I am

[The Redeemer]

I can not believe i was not born a woman. It makes me so angry that women are praised for being themselves and me as a man is looked as worthless. I believe people need to be murdered for this. I can't cope with this.

[jimwell]

8 hours ago, The Redeemer said:

I can not believe i was not born a woman. It makes me so angry that women are praised for being themselves and me as a man is looked as worthless. I believe people need to be murdered for this. I can't cope with this.

They need to be murdered? 

I used to feel the way you feel when I was completely internally destroyed; extreme anxiety and depression and low self-love and self-esteem.

I decided to internally heal myself and become "how a man should be". It took more than a decade of consistent self-therapy while being a wage slave. It was difficult as fuck. After work, my workmates dined at restaurants, drank beer, or traveled to tourist spots; while I was inside my room, digging deep into the past, introspecting, contemplating, journaling, and facing my greatest childhood pain and fears.

 Now, I feel the opposite. 

Masculine beauty is profound or comprehensive, and very difficult to embody. And that's exactly the reason why I love being a man. Girls are shallow, though I love their physical beauty, femininity, and gentleness.

[Jenkins]

@The Redeemer in my opinion it's about pros and cons.

Sure, women have some advantages.

However, they also have major disadvantages.

It's normal and wired in our mind that grass is greener on the other side. I assure you it's not.

Dream about the life you want to have, backwards engineer it and create it slowly, but steadily.

If you wish to become a woman it's 2023 so you have that option as well.

One thing you will not escape is emotional turmoil. Life will be messy either way. You gotta embrace the chaos.

Also look inside you what and why is triggering you. For example, my mom was triggering me and I realized that's what triggering me in relationship to her are the things I hate about myself, which I've got from her.

Violence never helps in my opinion, only in a short term very skewed view.

[Jenkins]

@The Redeemer the more your life will be more awesome or you will be more awesome as an individual, you will be more appreciated.

Also you shouldn't care that much about what others think and treat yourself as how you would want to be treated.

[Raze]

Get ifs therapy 

[Blackhawk]

On 2023-06-28 at 3:13 AM, The Redeemer said:

I can not believe i was not born a woman. It makes me so angry that women are praised for being themselves and me as a man is looked as worthless. I believe people need to be murdered for this. I can't cope with this.

My theory is that men kill themselves in wars because of that.

Existence/reality is worse than hell.  Why?  Because only bad people are in hell.  But in existence/reality also innocent people are in hell. 

Being born as a male is worse than hell. For the love of God, if a woman is pregnant with a boy: abort abort.

Edited July 12, 2023 by Blackhawk

[Lila9]

I'm a woman and I often have the feeling that it's immposible to love me for who I am.

Men "love" me for shallow reasons like looks and age but not for who I am.

Many times I feel like men can't stand who I am, can't accept my authentic self and don't really want or care about it that much.

When I interact with men (and even women) I feel like I have to compromise a lot about who I am in order to feel accepted. And it's tiring.

I'm not complaining and I don't really care about it at this moment of my life.

I just want to tell how it's from my pov.

In general, in our current society, unconditional love is rare.

Usually people love people because they bring them some value that they need at a certain moment, not merely because they are who they are.

 

 

[Sugarcoat]

7 hours ago, Lila9 said:

I'm a woman and I often have the feeling that it's immposible to love me for who I am.

Men "love" me for shallow reasons like looks and age but not for who I am.

Many times I feel like men can't stand who I am, can't accept my authentic self and don't really want or care about it that much.

When I interact with men (and even women) I feel like I have to compromise a lot about who I am in order to feel accepted. And it's tiring.

I'm not complaining and I don't really care about it at this moment of my life.

I just want to tell how it's from my pov.

In general, in our current society, unconditional love is rare.

Usually people love people because they bring them some value that they need at a certain moment, not merely because they are who they are.

 

 

I feel a lot of them couldn’t even if they tried. They just see this narrow mental projection of you. They don’t even see you at all. You might have too much dimension to you whatever that means , too open etc for them to grasp onto you and fit you into their little narrow experience . Not that it’s of concern  as you say yourself - but just sharing perspective .

 

and yes totally. It’s like people in society don’t see how their love for someone is so limited and conditional. 

Edited July 13, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Leo Gura]

Very few women are loved for who they are.

The whole beauty of being a man is that you get to love yourself. Which is the best kind of love.

Edited July 13, 2023 by Leo Gura

[StarStruck]

As a man you have to walk the hero’s path or die trying. Otherwise you shat out by society. If you succeed the people will cheer for you. People are shallow so you need to devalue appraisal from others and value appraisal from god.  

Edited July 13, 2023 by StarStruck

[The Redeemer]

On 6/28/2023 at 9:46 AM, Jenkins said:

@The Redeemer If you wish to become a woman it's 2023 so you have that option as well.

I will never be a woman. I would be looked at as nothing more than a mere clown.

[Loving Radiance]

On 28.6.2023 at 3:13 AM, The Redeemer said:

I can not believe i was not born a woman. It makes me so angry that women are praised for being themselves and me as a man is looked as worthless. I believe people need to be murdered for this. I can't cope with this.

This is your repressed anima speaking or you are right now in your wounded child which didn't get the needed praise and support in the past (much likelier you were bullied and isolated). Thinking in that way, low self-esteem and self-pity will keep you stuck.

Get therapy (preferably IFS).

Get friends, if you don't have any, or move to a SD Green intentional community.

The strong way you feel about this ("murdered") shows that you can grow emotionally. Therapy will help alot with this.

[Rishabh R]

Ya the same thing is frustrating and traumatising to me . It fills me with extreme anger. By the way I can consider the possibility that I am deluding myself with anger and also I am deluding myself by making an assumption that nobody will love me .

[Princess Arabia]

16 hours ago, Lila9 said:

I'm a woman and I often have the feeling that it's immposible to love me for who I am.

Men "love" me for shallow reasons like looks and age but not for who I am.

Many times I feel like men can't stand who I am, can't accept my authentic self and don't really want or care about it that much.

When I interact with men (and even women) I feel like I have to compromise a lot about who I am in order to feel accepted. And it's tiring.

I'm not complaining and I don't really care about it at this moment of my life.

I just want to tell how it's from my pov.

In general, in our current society, unconditional love is rare.

Usually people love people because they bring them some value that they need at a certain moment, not merely because they are who they are.

 

 

You know, I can sit here and agree with you because I'm reading this and saying to myself sounds so true and I somewhat feel the same. Not all you said but most. The undertone for me is, men only like/love me for the way I look. Even if I have other qualities that they like, I feel if I wasn't attractive to them physically, they would dismiss all those other qualities and just concentrate on my looks and physique, and it wouldn't matter as much to them if I was intelligent, had a good sense of self, Spiritual, compassionate, caring, kind or any other good qualities I possess. Those would just be the icing on the cake but not a requirement. 

Then I say to myself, am I just making this all up. Am I believing this and then seeing it play out. I understand the power that I have. The power to create whether consciously or unconsciously. The power to call things into existence (so to speak, because everything already exists, but from the quantum realm to the manifested world), the power of the I AM, the power of assumption and the concept I have of myself. Maybe I'm the one who is judging myself by the way I look. Critiquing my physique, maybe I don't love me for who I am, maybe I love men for shallow reasons, like looks and age, maybe I'm the one who can't stand men for who they are, maybe I'm the one who is compromising myself  and should learn to accept myself for who I am, maybe I lack the ability to love unconditionally, maybe I'm the one loving them because they bring value to me at that time and not loving them for who they are and then projecting that unto the world and men.

We are unaware of how we see the world sometimes; and how we are, is how we see the world. Maybe if we change the way we see ourselves, the way people see us will change. I have done this in other facets of my life and I saw the change. Ironically, it isn't until we start to love the shit outta something we despise or dislike, that that thing miraculously disappears from our lives or shows up in a different way for us. We underestimate the power we have and as a result we become victims and feel powerless in changing our circumstances not recognizing we created them in the first place. It is easy to blame others but hard to take the responsibilities for our own behaviors. I like to test the Universe. Not competitively, but put some things to the test, like changing my belief on a particular thing, and low and behold the results I started getting changed. Also responding to situations differently and seeing the preferred results. It all starts with you. I'm still learning how to apply this to other aspects in my life, but the ego can be very stubborn and the brain likes homeostasis and the mind doesn't like change, so it's challenging, but well worth the effort. I'm learning to surrender and just be. This world isn't true, meaning it's all illusion and situations and circumstances are just happening and appearing; and it's not until we learn how to flow with the natural current of the Universe and let go of resistance, will we really experience the peace we so long for. 

Try to see men the way you like to see them, not the way they seem to appear and try changing the way you see yourself and let go of the critiques of who you think you are and try to see yourself as Source sees you . I should have started a journal, damn this was long, hope it brought some clarity. I'm not there yet but I'm trying to just relax and let life live life with my permission. I have to give myself the permission to receive it's gifts and be present with my presence. 

Edited July 13, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[jdc7733]

@The Redeemer To some extent, people do judge men more for taboo things. People do not need to be murdered for anything. I was just about to create a post relating to all mental illnesses. All mental illnesses should be seen as manifestation of neuroses. I’m guessing you have some kind of taboo thoughts a lot. I would start with seeing humour in some of your dark traits. It doesn’t matter if people accept you or not, not even if they severely hate or disregard you. Sometimes, life just plays with you, in the form of synchronicities (signs from god), so, you gotta play the game. Life will keep taunting you until you accept yourself, and sometimes just because. I hope you find the answers that you’re looking for.

[jdc7733]

@Leo Gura You basically said what I was trying to say with less words. Sometimes less words work, sometimes you need more. 

[Lila9]

On 7/13/2023 at 7:56 AM, Sugarcoat said:

I feel a lot of them couldn’t even if they tried. They just see this narrow mental projection of you. They don’t even see you at all. You might have too much dimension to you whatever that means , too open etc for them to grasp onto you and fit you into their little narrow experience . Not that it’s of concern  as you say yourself - but just sharing perspective .

 

and yes totally. It’s like people in society don’t see how their love for someone is so limited and conditional. 

@Sugarcoat You've put it very well. Thank you.

I believe that there is a scale between conditional and unconditional love, and I want to believe that many people are in the middle and not in the extream end of 'conditional love'.

[Sugarcoat]

5 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

@Sugarcoat You've put it very well. Thank you.

I believe that there is a scale between conditional and unconditional love, and I want to believe that many people are in the middle and not in the extream end of 'conditional love'.

I agree. And also requiring “unconditional love” from someone is in a sense just another form of conditional love 

[Lila9]

@Princess Arabia Thank you for bringing my attention to the games that my mind may play.

I'm sure there is some unfairness and currpotion within me as well, there is not even a doubt that I have lots of work to do, still.

However, it was important for me to provide my feelings at times, as a woman, that, unlike the OP may seriously believe, I don't enjoy any privilege of 'unconditional love' at his expense and that we are all at the same boat, as we live in the same culture more or less which has the same values, and the value of loving or accepting someone unconditionally is not the most dominant value.

Edited July 15, 2023 by Lila9