Life Progress

[Raptorsin7]

Yeah survivals a bitch eh.

I like brown or darker hair (:

[Raptorsin7]

"You have learned to bury your guilt with anger. I will teach you to confront it. And to face the truth"

[Raptorsin7]

I feel emotionally sick. Like a whirl of regret in my stomach.

[Raptorsin7]

@Judy2 ?

[Etherial Cat]

3 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I feel emotionally sick. Like a whirl of regret in my stomach.

Because of these posts and threads? C'mon, we all still love you. Don't feel bad.

The difficulty is all there; trying to help bring awareness to blind spot so things get eventually better.

The process is painful.

You're not bad for not knowing what you don't know.  

We all find ourself in your position. I've been there too.

Edited December 31, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Raptorsin7]

 @Etherial Cat ❤

I do feel guilty about getting to emotional and triggered, but it's not exactly like that.

In some way its good because I have really struggled to get in touch with these kinds of emotions so it's good they are coming up and it seems right.

Thanks for your kind words 

[Etherial Cat]

1 hour ago, Raptorsin7 said:

 @Etherial Cat ❤

I do feel guilty about getting to emotional and triggered, but it's not exactly like that.

In some way its good because I have really struggled to get in touch with these kinds of emotions so it's good they are coming up and it seems right.

Thanks for your kind words 

❤

Have you ever considered trying plant medicine like Ayahuasca or San Pedro to help you bring up emotions?

It's been effective for me. 

[Raptorsin7]

2 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

❤

Have you ever considered trying plant medicine like Ayahuasca or San Pedro to help you bring up emotions?

It's been effective for me. 

Yeah I have. I've done a lot of capsule mushroom and lsd trips, but I tend to get stuck with feelings of nausea and headaches especially my recent trips. It feels like I'm on chemotherapy so it's hard to motivate myself to keep tripping. I haven't done any trips in like 4-6 months at this point, but I've made a lot of progress with just sober insight so I do think now is a good time to get back into tripping because I can probably get more out of it.

I actually have some 5 meo malt right now, but I'm waiting for a friend to post their trip report before I do it. 

You did an Ayahuasca ceremony right? How was that?

I've heard with ayahuasca ceremonies they give you some pre-trip herbs to help cleanse your system. I think that's really valuable and I wonder if that's one of the reasons I've gotten stuck with some my past trips. I'll definitely experiment with 5 meo malt and if I don't make progress then maybe i'll look into a ceremony.

Interestingly, I actually had my deepest trips and greatest emotional breakthroughs in my early trips a few years ago. But since then I've never really gotten to the same level of release in my past 20-30 trips. So i'm unsure about how to move forward with psychidelics. I know what it means to feel good and have breakthroughs with perception and how I feel, but I don't know how to make it happen

[Raptorsin7]

 

[Raptorsin7]

Money is a magical reality changer

Edited January 6, 2022 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

35 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I had a look at previous threads on LSD bodyload in here, and Leo and Forestluv recommended on directly inserting the LSD in your... hum well butt.  Apparently, through this technic the LSD comes in faster, stronger and without the nausea.

On 12/31/2021 at 0:26 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

I've tried plugging, but I had a weird response. The trip didn't hit for a few hours, and overall even though there was less nausea I still thought the quality of the trip was worse than when I just took it orally.

36 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Alright! Good luck with that. Do you have a trip sitter? I'm questioning the practice of doing psychadelics all alone. I'm always a tad concerned about this.

No I don't. I have tripped with other people before, but I find it's difficult to truly surrender and go deep into the trip when there are other people around. I always feel like part of my attention is caught up with what the other person is doing, and I find it distracting.

I've done a lot of trips at this point so I am not too concerned about confronting something I can't handle, but maybe in the future it would make sense to get a trip sitter if at some point I come across something I can't handle alone. 

I have had full break through trips, or what I perceived as enlightenment, so i have a deep intuitive sense that if I just let go of everything it will be all good.

38 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I was about to get one in October, but my plans were made impossible due to outside circumstances. I've taken a few San Pedro trips though, and some have been absolutely wonderful.

Ahh okay. The one thing I like about the idea of Ayahausca is they give you other substances to help detox you before the trip. But I don't know if there is anything especially valuable about going somewhere to do a trip, compared to just doing DMT in your own setting.

39 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Perhaps you should change the type of psychadelics consumed. Mescaline for instance, could teach you new stuff. I think peyote and San Pedro are recognized as plant medicine in Canada, so they'd be easy to consume through a local shaman or something. 

I actually have some 5 Meo Malt so that's going to be the next psychidelic I use. I haven't tripped in many months at this point, so I'm a bit hesitant to get back into it, but at this point I think I'm ready to really start exploring with psychidelics again. I have a sense that 5 meo malt will be a really good psychidelic for me, i've been looking for a more direct route to a break through for some time, and from what i've read about DMT the trips are shorter and more direct than other psychidelics.

[Raptorsin7]

I've made an appointment with a tantra teacher. I think this go a long way to help heal my sexual repression issues and will lead to me overcoming my emotional traumas.

I think this will lead to breakthroughs. Sexual repression leads to a loss of sexual energy, and until this issue is resolved I think you will be handicapped on the path

[Raptorsin7]

God knows what I want more than I know what I want. I want to surrender my desires and let god give me what he will

[Raptorsin7]

I had a dream where two indian woman, 1 old and 1 young, told me they would show me my real self. They began some kind of cult ritual that began sexual, and ended up with me getting my throat slit. I could feel the pressure on my throat when I woke up.

I remember thinking they better not do some demonic shit to me. But I didn't feel threatened or angry when I woke up, I think they were trying to show me the true self beyond life or death.

I could feel my entire body shake with energy like I was going to let it all go and die. I've felt this energy before, it feels like i'm about to fully let go. But I couldn't do it. I resisted the urge to let go

[Raptorsin7]

Contemplate the following question: What is a thought?

-Look in direct experience for what a thought is. What is a thought before you label it a thought? 

Ask yourself what does identification feel like

Try looking at your eyes

Try not being aware

These are all awesome pointers

[Raptorsin7]

It would be awesome to see a high conscious emperor again

[Raptorsin7]

"According to some accounts, the emperor sited the French cannon himself, as he had at Lodi 18 years before"

Edited February 9, 2022 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

 

"Napoleon who had visited Lanne everyday, wept at news of his death. What a loss for France, and for me....."

"Marshal Lanne's death was a great blow to Napoleon and the army. He had proved himself an outstanding commander. As brave as Ney, with the military mind of Soult. The Marshal who led Napoleon's vanguard in 4 of his greatest campaigns..."

[Zeroguy]

research for the game of yours or just loving history.Maybe you are learning?

[Raptorsin7]

@Zeroguy No this is just fore the love of the history. If I make a game it will encapsulate the energy from this documentary so in a way I am learning. 

I have stalled for my game, but other aspects of my life are really coming together so if it's authentic desire I trust it will be there in the future.

I just love this series so much. I feel emotional just thinking of how much I love it.