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SamC

Did getting good with girls fix any of your self esteem issues?

41 posts in this topic

7 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

@SamC Low self-esteem is not a simple conscious thought that you either think or don't. It's an unconscious complex. The approach you're suggesting is not practical, in my experience. I know a girl who is literally obsessed with Teal Swan, there's not a single video of hers she hasn't watched. She knows all the theory, and yet she's still stuck with a poor self-image. I told her that that's due to lack of awareness. She used to have a serious eating disorder due to that issue alone, and working on it helped, but the underlying issues are still there to an intermediate degree in my opinion.

@Gesundheit  You missed my whole point. Where did I say it's easy and that you can think yourself out of low self esteem?  I never said that, All I said was that a self image problem is a story about who you are which is not true. I wrote that not because that means that we can affirm ourselves or think ourselves out of there - but to make a point.

This may sound super radical, but there is nothing wrong with anyone. The identity of being a person who have low self esteem is false one, yet of corse we are still stuck there. Knowing this in itself will not solve your low self esteem either. It's about what you do with it.

Now, What do you think acting on the thought and story  " I need to fix myself because I have low self esteem" is based on?  Fear or love? Is the answer Fear? Right, fear - cause this thought assumes low self esteem is bad and that you need to become something else in order to be enough. 

Now look at what low self esteem is.

"  the self image of not being enough/ unworthy/ unloved as one is"

In other words, the real way to WORK on your self esteem, is sometimes to feel, accept and mindfully observe your low self esteem and letting yourself have it and feel the resistance to having it.

Scary huh?

Cause it is the low self esteem that we are trying to run away from and now all of a sudden, we are tasked to face that fear head on; instead of running away from it.

That's my point. That self love and self acceptance heals you - not trying to fix something which isn't broken. 

 

 

 

 


"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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@SamC Yes, I think anyone can get stuck in the story of having a low self-esteem, which in and of itself is just more low self-esteem. In which case, what you're suggesting can be helpful. But otherwise, I don't think that would be a successful strategy, especially when there are psychopaths out there waiting for people with low self-esteem to abuse.

You can love and accept yourself as a person who does not know mathematics, but that alone will never teach you mathematics. There's nothing wrong per se about not having a mathematics degree, but in the game of life, you will have to deal with money, which is numbers, and some people will spot your lack of knowledge and exploit it if you're not aware enough. When I was a kid, my father used to give me two coins of 5 to take one coin of 25. That's basically how psychopaths see people with low self-esteem.

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If you are a virgin with poor self-esteem because of it, it will probably help quite a bit. Otherwise meh.

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20 minutes ago, Spiral said:

If you are a virgin with poor self-esteem because of it, it will probably help quite a bit. Otherwise meh.

Maybe. 

What do you think? @Leo Gura


"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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21 hours ago, Preety_India said:
  •  

 

 

24 minutes ago, Spiral said:

If you are a virgin with poor self-esteem because of it, it will probably help quite a bit. Otherwise meh.

Yea I agree 


Create your own life system. 

Preety preety

And then my dear, you can take a bath in suds. 

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13 hours ago, Lyubov said:

honestly, no it didn't

even after having sex with several really hot women

the next thoughts for me were, now I gotta double this number or make the process easier or have more crazy sex 

Lol.

I guess only time will tell what will happen to my self esteem.

 

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

It'll definitely make you feel better. 

But.... 

It's temporary. 

Work on your inner self worth and see where it takes you. 

You don't need something to fix your self esteem because it becomes a crutch to carry wherever you go. 

Self confidence is an inner trait that you must work on rather than rely on something to supply it. 

 

I belive this to be the case aswell but I honestly don't know.

Only time will tell I guess.


"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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@SamC You can get a narrow self-esteem boost specifically on the issue of getting girls to like you if currently you have the limiting belief that hot girls can't like you.

But self-esteem problems are typically much broader and deeper than that. And those won't be automagically fixed.

Getting laid helps with curing crippling neediness. Which is good for getting more girls. So it's an upward spiral. But if you got trauma-based self-esteem issues, those will probably not be fixed.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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It's kind of a catalyst to a better life. But there's a lot of different things than can serve similarly as well.

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4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@SamC You can get a narrow self-esteem boost specifically on the issue of getting girls to like you if currently you have the limiting belief that hot girls can't like you.

But self-esteem problems are typically much broader and deeper than that. And those won't be automagically fixed.

Getting laid helps with curing crippling neediness. Which is good for getting more girls. So it's an upward spiral. But if you got trauma-based self-esteem issues, those will probably not be fixed.

@Leo Gura Bingo. That's it!

It's litterly reprogramming the subconscious mind and busting limiting beliefs by getting evidence that the limiting belif is false.

Wow - I understand why you have planned to realise a course on this topic. This is deep and profound stuff;)

 


"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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Yes. And it is not as much about being good girls as getting your perspective shattered of what is possible (FOR YOU). You'll feel more powerful and have more confidence in other areas in life off of that. But in a sense, any success works like this. It's just you get a direct proof that you CAN do stuff. And it's quite empowering


"In time you will learn that intuition is a higher form of knowledge and your feelings are in fact your sharpest tool."

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54 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

Yes. And it is not as much about being good girls as getting your perspective shattered of what is possible (FOR YOU). You'll feel more powerful and have more confidence in other areas in life off of that. But in a sense, any success works like this. It's just you get a direct proof that you CAN do stuff. And it's quite empowering

Hyped for this 🙂


A thought can´t ever tell you how you feel.

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1 hour ago, Hello from Russia said:

Yes. And it is not as much about being good girls as getting your perspective shattered of what is possible (FOR YOU). You'll feel more powerful and have more confidence in other areas in life off of that. But in a sense, any success works like this. It's just you get a direct proof that you CAN do stuff. And it's quite empowering

LETSS GOO:P


"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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@SamC Its all bs. Dating is a scam and business. You will waste alot of time. Just improve yourself and practice socializing. 

To be good with women you just need social skills, common sense and awareness. 


The riches of illusion do not even compare to the riches of freedom.  -Sri Sadguru Siddharameshwar Maharaj

 

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8 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

there are psychopaths out there waiting for people with low self-esteem to abuse.

Damn I wish I wouldn't discovered this trough personal experience, this is so damn true.

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36 minutes ago, Kalki Avatar said:

@SamC Its all bs. Dating is a scam and business. You will waste alot of time. Just improve yourself and practice socializing. 

I don't think so, but we will see.

36 minutes ago, Kalki Avatar said:

To be good with women you just need social skills, common sense and awareness. 

It probably is easier than I belive it so though.


"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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@SamC Im telling you from experience. It can definitely help learning some pickup stuff, but thats just the cherry of the cake. You can do that after you improve your life if you want, other wise, its a waste of time. 

After you get good socializing, develop your personality, get social momentum and improve yourself, your self esteem will go up naturally and you will have confidence as to what you are worth in the market. Your unconscious mind will do 95% of the work for you when socializing. 

Ofcourse, it might take some time for you to end in that realization. 


The riches of illusion do not even compare to the riches of freedom.  -Sri Sadguru Siddharameshwar Maharaj

 

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@SamC Well it didn't for me and everyone I knew around me on the same journey. Most guys that good very good with girls remained deeply insecure. However that is not to say it can't help but you should look to it for that reason. Getting good with women can actually cause more problems in your life than before. You have options to become a sex addict and it takes a lot of time before you become wise enough to spot the sort of person who is worth bringing into your life and who will causes you problems. 

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@Globalcollective

3 minutes ago, Globalcollective said:

@SamC Well it didn't for me and everyone I knew around me on the same journey. Most guys that good very good with girls remained deeply insecure. However that is not to say it can't help but you should look to it for that reason. Getting good with women can actually cause more problems in your life than before. You have options to become a sex addict and it takes a lot of time before you become wise enough to spot the sort of person who is worth bringing into your life and who will causes you problems. 

Yeah, one can get into a rabbit hole to escape, mask and distract from the problem.

Kinda scary actually 


"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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15 minutes ago, Kalki Avatar said:

@SamC Im telling you from experience. It can definitely help learning some pickup stuff, but thats just the cherry of the cake. You can do that after you improve your life if you want, other wise, its a waste of time. 

After you get good socializing, develop your personality, get social momentum and improve yourself, your self esteem will go up naturally and you will have confidence as to what you are worth in the market. Your unconscious mind will do 95% of the work for you when socializing. 

Ofcourse, it might take some time for you to end in that realization. 

I'm open for it to be the case


"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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"If you are healthy, whatever relationship style you choose will also be healthy" - Neil Strauss.

 

"Before healing I always wanted more. More girls, more lays, more crazy sex. For the first time in my life, after therapy and after healing, I looked at my girlfriend and felt that I have enough. I don't want more, because what I have is good enough" - Neil Strauss

 

I paraphrased both of these but they are close. Based on what you are writing SamC I believe you would benefit from Neil Strauss' book The Truth. You'd probably read it in one sitting ;)

 


"Yes is the answer... And you know that! Fasho!

Yes is surrender! You gotta let it... you gotta let it GO!" - John Lennon, Mind Games

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