VictorB02

Girlfriends guy friend - really a friend?

37 posts in this topic

@VictorB02 This might just help you think about the potential evolution of your perspective on relationships.

It's been a natural process for me but I don't arbitrarily really assign categories anymore as it concerns relationships.

I see it as a consciousness simulation that's been created between the two people and the relations within that simulation are subject to ongoing change and progress. This is analogous to how I see myself as well and I think its really important to have if not categories symmetry between our inner and outer world and the relations between those, for example if you didn't really have a rigid identity it would make sense that your relationships with others wouldn't have that rigid identity either, what defines the parameters of that fluidity though is simply the patterns of fluidity you have with yourself; love for example, is a fluid identity that can be expressed both fluidly and in a committed way, committed is probably a combination of rigidity and fluidity with the rigidity really just being a case of the loyalty and the definitions of that govern that loyalty. Loyalty is the flip side of love then but both superimpose and support one another, with loyalty the love is simplicity and the loyalty explicit, with love the loyalty is implicit and the love explicit. 

In short, I've broken out of the mould of all traditions and have relationships based on the understandings I have of reality as opposed to the understandings of culture. This point might be a really important point for you to think about how you might wish to begin the same contemplation, regardless as to how different of a position you end up in. To note the background of this subject briefly when we often speak about relationships, we often do so under an implicit socio-cultural contract, meaning we project our own cultural standards on the subject and in doing so the frameworks that govern our thoughts on relationships, when in reality, we live in a global environment now where the contract is uncertain, and many people instead of upgrading their understanding of relationships when they want to have a global relationship with reality they're instead handling that dissonance by causing themselves more suffering by more rigidly imposing their culture on their global demographic. If you want your community relationships, of which is traditional, reliable and the safe way to proceed in life as opposed to expanding yourself up to global relationships which take a higher level of consciousness and everything that goes with that (i.e. including creative knowledge = knowledge you've created yourself, second hand knowledge = knowledge you've learned from others), you of course don't need to worry about any of this really however having an insight on other perspectives of course helps us in meddling with ourselves to come up with insights on our desired perspective on pursuing things. 

I now open myself up to potentially having loving relationships with hundreds of women all around the planet.

^ I've had to build up to this comment so that you could grapple with the context before I made what would seem an albeit unmistakably audacious statement, one that made sense in light of what I've mentioned.

Love here doesn't mean always sex, sex is just one aspect of expressing love. I'm more interested in having a loving relationship with their consciousness, so that they can expand my consciousness and they can expand my consciousness. Love here doesn't mean always being around one another, we may only see each other or speak to one another a few times a year, but the love is real, its pure, its honest and for me its the only way to have a relationship. By isolating exactly what you want in a relationship, which for me is like being extremely rigid on the fluid structures you wish to create, and by expanding to the entire globe about how the world can fit into that narrative, you greatly improve the likelihood that you'll be able to create the stability you're looking for in those narratives. This is what I refer to as my global demographic, and some of the characteristics within that defined demographic are high consciousness, high intelligence and high empathy. What's important to comprehend here, is that the more expansive your consciousness becomes, you're naturally going to want to create a loving relationship with an increasingly greater number of beings in the universe. The only reason I would restrict myself to my local community is if my community had all of and only women that fit those descriptions, but because the opposite is true and because its the natural direction of my consciousness anyhow in terms of having the greatest impact I can have on the planet, it serves my interests to expand the horizon line of where a loving relationship can be born.

As it concerns sexual exclusivity, which is what most people on the surface are talking about when it comes to a traditional relationship although in reality they also want emotional exclusivity as well, this would be something that is something that's talked about overtime and depending on life circumstances. It doesn't at all mean I'm opposed to sexual exclusivity, just that this is the foundation upon which I build sexual exclusivity. It's built on the foundation of love of all of life and fostering relationships with the most conscious beings on the planet solely based on love, the same exact love that I would devote to an exclusive relationship, so inclusive of what we traditionally refer to as "romantic feelings". It's basically the same as having a really close friendship + the romantic feelings because its a natural part of our sexual orientation, which for me is towards females.

This has nothing to do with "being a player", being a player is incredibly low consciousness and whenever I see posts on this website about "text game" and "strategising" when it comes to relationships I honestly feel bad for them that they feel they need to go to those lengths rather than from a place of pure authenticity. This is a very brief physical existence in this form so it makes very little sense outside of having a lack of self understanding and self control to submit oneself to those kinds of outlets. The quicker they can come at reality from a place of love and understanding about themselves the quicker they'll be able to aid in turning what has now become a very unhealthy dating culture for many demographics. To the contrary this path is all about creating true, honest and pure relationships where you're both truly there for one another inside the consciousness space you've created within your own unique consciousness simulation. Regardless as to where you are on the planet, regardless as to what position you are in life, what matters is, are you coming at love from a place of love? Then you have the first building block for developing this kind of advance paradigm.

Best.

 


Patterns of consciousness learn the patterns of consciousness, consciousness begins to transform using the patterns that govern the transformative process by which intercellular complexity can begin, the augmentation and evolution of consciousness through consciousness; this is how we all evolved and now we can move to controlled revolution.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@VictorB02 Freaking out is always a lose-lose game.

When you freak out, if she didn't cheat, then she will feel your lack of trust, integrity, and self-confidence, so she will act cold (and it might become a self-fulfilling prophecy).

If she actually cheated, then why should you even freak out about that? The damage is already done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it will be okay, if she has been friends with him for so long and nothing has happened and she is decent and not promiscuous in other situations then she won't betray your trust.  I mean, why now and not when she was single?  If they were meant to be, it would have happened.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 hours ago, meow_meow said:

Females lie, especially when it comes down to previous partner count.

This might sound harsh, but If I was in your place I'd tell her exactly that I do not want to see her hanging out with other guys except ofc if it's a random childhood friend that she just met on the street, some corporate party etc but not on a regular basis.

If she ignores your needs, tell her to get the fuck out and have the power to leave.

@meow_meow "Females" don't lie. People lie. It does not have to do with gender, it has to do with consciousness. The less conscious you are, the more truth is meaningless to you. 
Telling her what to do would be basically your ego, thinking less of itself when compared to others, trying to control other human, from a place of fear of external rejection and neediness. And that does not sound harsh, it sounds immature. And that is also not your need, it's your egoic whim. And leaving her if she says no, would not be your power, but you not knowing how to deal with being contradicted. 

@VictorB02 It's really cool to see your insights in this thread. I believe that in a relationship when one wants to ask for something from the other, it cannot be imposed. The only thing you can do is telling your partner how you feel, with no filters, being 100% honest, and get to a middle ground with her. Someplace you're both comfortable with. 
And I believe you're completely right when getting to the conclusion that you have absolutely no control over others and going so is a lack of love (but also self-reassurance) and that you can only control yourself here. Keep doing what you're doing, reflecting, and being the best you can be.

Warm regards

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know about your girl, but you sound insecure. Perhaps consider working on that regardless of what your girl does.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Had similar issue with my ex girlfriend..It didn’t work out at the end, because her head was in her past relationship.

Try to get more mature in each relationship and know yourself better.
When it comes to her, worst case u will find another one. 

Look at things in the right perspective.

 

Edited by Heaven

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Origins A lot to unpack, but I got it. I get what you're talking about.

I've also had an insight similar to this (although less nuanced) where I realized that the idea of a "relationship" and all of the boundaries that a relationship entails is completely fabricated by the mind. There is no relationship in reality. There are no boundaries to a relationship in reality. Its just an agreed upon mental construct.


"Your work is to discover your work, and then with all your heart, to give yourself to it."  - The Buddha      My YouTube Channel

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@F A B Agreed. I realized this after I freaked out about it and panicked, because I could sense her sincerity and truthfulness when she told me nothing happened. Its like that tone of voice someone uses when they have seen a ghost or paranormal thing, and are trying to explain to people who aren't believing them. Almost a sense of frustration in their voice, because of the disbelief.


"Your work is to discover your work, and then with all your heart, to give yourself to it."  - The Buddha      My YouTube Channel

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Keyhole said:

I think it will be okay, if she has been friends with him for so long and nothing has happened and she is decent and not promiscuous in other situations then she won't betray your trust.  I mean, why now and not when she was single?  If they were meant to be, it would have happened.

I agree. thank you

8 hours ago, Barbara said:

@meow_meow "Females" don't lie. People lie. It does not have to do with gender, it has to do with consciousness. The less conscious you are, the more truth is meaningless to you. 
Telling her what to do would be basically your ego, thinking less of itself when compared to others, trying to control other human, from a place of fear of external rejection and neediness. And that does not sound harsh, it sounds immature. And that is also not your need, it's your egoic whim. And leaving her if she says no, would not be your power, but you not knowing how to deal with being contradicted. 

@VictorB02 It's really cool to see your insights in this thread. I believe that in a relationship when one wants to ask for something from the other, it cannot be imposed. The only thing you can do is telling your partner how you feel, with no filters, being 100% honest, and get to a middle ground with her. Someplace you're both comfortable with. 
And I believe you're completely right when getting to the conclusion that you have absolutely no control over others and going so is a lack of love (but also self-reassurance) and that you can only control yourself here. Keep doing what you're doing, reflecting, and being the best you can be.

Warm regards

Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words.

7 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

I don't know about your girl, but you sound insecure. Perhaps consider working on that regardless of what your girl does.

I love the simplicity. It resonates. thank you.

 

5 hours ago, Heaven said:

Had similar issue with my ex girlfriend..It didn’t work out at the end, because her head was in her past relationship.

Try to get more mature in each relationship and know yourself better.
When it comes to her, worst case u will find another one. 

Look at things in the right perspective.

 

Thank you


"Your work is to discover your work, and then with all your heart, to give yourself to it."  - The Buddha      My YouTube Channel

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Girlfriends guy friend - really a friend?

LOL no, but you knew that already.

On 11/20/2020 at 0:09 PM, meow_meow said:

he just wants to fuck your girl.

LDO

Let me tell you a secret: women are not stupid.

This means your girl knows that

On 11/20/2020 at 0:09 PM, meow_meow said:

he just wants to fuck

From my POV there's a 50% chance they already fucked, and that's me being good. I mean those text messages please come over Oh man!

Just remember the last time a girl told you please come over. What did you do when you came over? Do you remember?

But even if they haven't, according to my dating coach women have your replacements lined up. She has her guy friends lined up ready to take your spot the moment you act out.

for example when you:

On 11/20/2020 at 11:39 AM, VictorB02 said:

freaked out - had a total anxiety attack, and my gf reassured me, showed me snapchat videos of them hanging out, and explained how he is just a friend

Dude!

Come on man!

On 11/20/2020 at 11:39 AM, VictorB02 said:

And I just want you're insight - is her exchange with this guy friend something I should worry about? Is there anyway to know if this is actually a guy friend? 

Bro how old are you? 5?
 

 

On 11/20/2020 at 11:39 AM, VictorB02 said:

I basically need advice because this same situation with guy friends is very triggering to me and I don't know why its so hard for me to accept that this type of platonic relationship is possible.

Yes it is pretty normal to be upset when you know your girl is all smiley Face timing with ANOTHER DUDE!

 

It's human nature.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
25 minutes ago, Arcangelo said:

Girlfriends guy friend - really a friend?

LOL no, but you knew that already.

LDO

Let me tell you a secret: women are not stupid.

This means your girl knows that

From my POV there's a 50% chance they already fucked, and that's me being good. I mean those text messages please come over Oh man!

Just remember the last time a girl told you please come over. What did you do when you came over? Do you remember?

But even if they haven't, according to my dating coach women have your replacements lined up. She has her guy friends lined up ready to take your spot the moment you act out.

for example when you:

Dude!

Come on man!

Bro how old are you? 5?
 

 

Yes it is pretty normal to be upset when you know your girl is all smiley Face timing with ANOTHER DUDE!

 

It's human nature.

 

 

I don't know about that.

It could be either way, I have lots of women friends and what op describes isn't that triggering to me.


There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled

You feel it, don't you ? - Rumi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It'll all be over one day anyway, no matter how hard you cling.

She is not yours. That is the simple Truth.

I am 99.9% confident that you two will break up sooner or later, and although it will suck, you will come out the other end stronger and wiser, and looking back you will feel like a total moron for letting her have so much power over you.

You realize that her being "yours" is a story that you invent, and then you spend every single day defending and reinforcing that story?

And when that story is threatened, you feel helpless despite being the architect of this entire situation!

You're a total fool for caring so much. Life is infinite and this is what preoccupies your time? xD

Focus on greater things. :x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hahahaha reading her messages is a hookie mistake, your relationship is OVER, sorry.

 

This will eat you inside forever, you will never be able to fully trust her again as your mind imagine the worst kind of scenarios on loop

 

You are living in scarcity and your dating history screams that, when you jump from one committed relationship to another, this is a bad strategy mistake because you will not develop a proper abundance mentality this way, which will fuck up all your relationships.

No way around, kid, you have to spend a good time single and learning to interact and attract females until you are 100% confident you can meet a soul mate easily if your current one leaves you (if you fear it, you are fucked).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, Barbara said:

"Females" don't lie. People lie. It does not have to do with gender, it has to do with consciousness. The less conscious you are, the more truth is meaningless to you.

Yes, Females are also people, and people lie, but that's not the message I was trying to deliver trough my post.
We are talking about OP's relationship with a woman (female), that's why I mentioned that females lie about their partner count, since it fits into this context and didn't expect someone to get cranky about it.

@VictorB02 Also, from my experience, don't take relationship advice from women, but rather from men who actually deal with women in terms of relationships.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, meow_meow said:

Also, from my experience, don't take relationship advice from women, but rather from men who actually deal with women in terms of relationships.

I strongly disagree.

- Don't take advice from women about sexually attracting women. They are totally unhelpful in this domain and it's far better to listen to men.

- Do take advice from women about the actual relationship aspects (post-attraction). Listening to only men in this domain is like shooting yourself in the foot. The whole point of a relationship is that you listen to the perspective of your partner (in this case, the female perspective).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Arcangelo I understand where you're coming from. Thank you.

20 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

It'll all be over one day anyway, no matter how hard you cling.

She is not yours. That is the simple Truth.

I am 99.9% confident that you two will break up sooner or later, and although it will suck, you will come out the other end stronger and wiser, and looking back you will feel like a total moron for letting her have so much power over you.

You realize that her being "yours" is a story that you invent, and then you spend every single day defending and reinforcing that story?

And when that story is threatened, you feel helpless despite being the architect of this entire situation!

You're a total fool for caring so much. Life is infinite and this is what preoccupies your time? xD

Focus on greater things. :x

This was such a great reply. Thank you. Reading that made me feel lighter.

18 hours ago, Recursoinominado said:

(if you fear it, you are fucked).

Very true haha. Thanks for the comment

 

17 hours ago, meow_meow said:

Yes, Females are also people, and people lie, but that's not the message I was trying to deliver trough my post.
We are talking about OP's relationship with a woman (female), that's why I mentioned that females lie about their partner count, since it fits into this context and didn't expect someone to get cranky about it.

@VictorB02 Also, from my experience, don't take relationship advice from women, but rather from men who actually deal with women in terms of relationships.

thank you

11 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

I strongly disagree.

- Don't take advice from women about sexually attracting women. They are totally unhelpful in this domain and it's far better to listen to men.

- Do take advice from women about the actual relationship aspects (post-attraction). Listening to only men in this domain is like shooting yourself in the foot. The whole point of a relationship is that you listen to the perspective of your partner (in this case, the female perspective).

great point. thank you


"Your work is to discover your work, and then with all your heart, to give yourself to it."  - The Buddha      My YouTube Channel

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now