F A B

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About F A B

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  • Birthday 04/03/1998

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    Italy
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  1. Background: I've been meditating 30 minutes a day for about five months now Problem: Although some days I feel very relieved, there are still a lot of days in which I feel my breathing so mechanical and stiff. The more I tell myself "stop controlling it, let it flow" the more I feel like I need to control it and it becomes really unnatural (when it happens I experience also some mild nervous tics).
  2. I like doing both strength and aerobic exercises combined with some stretching three times a week (I don't follow a rigid schedule anyway). I got a nice balanced body and I feel really alive while doing it. Indeed, being fit helps a lot also to face everyday activities, etc. I think as long as you don't get obsessed with it and you don't do it just to show off, then it is fine.
  3. Thank you, very reassuring Yeah, I've already experienced sometimes neck tension and mild shakes during some intense state of fear and anger. I guess it's how my body reacts to those stressful feelings and LSD has simply amplified it all. I see ? You are right, I treated it like a microdose whereas it wasn't really. This led me to ignore the setting. Next time I'll make sure no one can interrupt me. Thank you for sharing, I didn't know that. But I don't think so, anyway, because I got it from a quite popular online Duch store.
  4. Briefly: On 11.05.21 I tried acid (1P-LSD) for the first time. I tried a microdose of 11 mcg by dividing the tab into 3x3 matrix (so I got 1/9 of a full tab of 100 mcg). In the beginning, I was very fearful/anxious but then I calmed down through some stretching. After 1 hour I started to feel something and between 1 hour and a half and 2 hours I had the peak. It was really nice. I felt so aware, conscious, powerful and in the moment like never before especially while listening to music. It was just amazing. I couldn’t wait for the next day to try it again with a higher dose. On 12.05.21 I tried 33 mcg (completely ignoring tolerance ?). I had a bad trip. Maybe I can’t call it a bad trip because of the relatively small dosage, but sticking to how people define “bad trip” then I can say it definitely was. When I was alone I felt quite well, but when it comes to interacting with people I became extremely nervous (especially with my parents) of course because I was enormously worried they may find out. Due to the small dose, I thought I could handle it in front of others, but with the wisdom of hindsight, I think I completely got it wrong and neglected to build a proper “set”. Big mistake! I felt tremendously fearful and anxious. I felt a lot of tension in the neck, so much tension I could barely move it. I also felt very frightening tremors. I felt like my head and hands were shaking like crazy (but it was subjective because in the mirror I realized I didn't shake that much). I felt I couldn’t control myself. Fear of going mad/insane. Fear of having some kind of epileptic attack even if I don’t suffer from it fortunately (but who knows?). Fear of never going back to normal. Fear of remaining “disable” forever because of the substance. Today I feel good but I also feel a bit nervous by describing/recalling those moments.
  5. Is meditation/direct experience the key to not fall into abstract theoretical concepts and beliefs?
  6. I know it sounds stupid, but I can't get my head around this. Side note: Of course, I do encourage good behaviors (or at least what seems reasonably good).
  7. Does the practice of shutting the mind ("think nothing" technique) mean you silence also your feelings and sensations? Let's say, for example, you are meditating outside when you start feeling a gentle breeze. Should you keep the focus on nothingness or move it to the breeze feelings?
  8. @aurum @Recursoinominado Thank you guys, you were right. Last night I completely throw off all my thoughts and fears (I don't even know how I did it, to be fair). When I came to her place I was completely fine with the idea of just talking, kissing and having fun. No more. No sex required. No selfish needs to demonstrate whatever. I focused on her, on how beautiful she was and on how I was lucky to stay with her in that precise moment. Then magic happened ✨
  9. Thank you for your external point of view. I'll try to be more mindful about that attitude.
  10. Yes, well, the sources may not be the best... just a bunch of videos on youtube. Techniques like contracting the pelvis, breath, or trying to feel her, to be in her mind. But how am I supposed to feel her If I must be already focused on my breath and pelvis? They also feed me, in some way, the need for lasting longer and performing better than a normal random guy.
  11. A few days ago I started watching some videos about tantra in sex. My intention was to learn tantra in order to give more pleasure to my partner and elevate my sexual experience but it turned out to be the contrary. I focused on the teachings, my mind started thinking logically and I became mechanical. Moreover, I got out of hand the good aim of giving her pleasure, which turned into a bad willingness to become a "sex god" and make her crave for me. Is there anyone who can relate with this?
  12. @ern I can feel your pain. This is probably one of the hardest situations you faced and will face in life, but I'm confident you will be back stronger than before. Best regards my friend.
  13. It's not behind, it's a subset of Absolute Love.
  14. If you are looking for logical reasons, then you will never get into a relationship ahaha It's beyond that.
  15. @Red-White-Light Are you finding excuses to not invest in a relationship or are you genuinely expressing your disinterest in having one?