UNZARI

Girlfriend vs Passion

17 posts in this topic

heyo so i have a simple question perhaps many can relate to. so currently i am living at my parents house with my girlfriend on the verge of moving into our own apartment soon. we are both sharing a room with my 9 year old brother.

i am in a super creative mood right now and am constantly making things and selling them on my computer. my girlfriend is very supportive and accepting of that. but she says she’d wish i’d give her more attention right now. this is just recently because i just got back into making stuff. 

i find it difficult to concentrate on what i love doing because i have a loud 9 year old in the room and she wants my attention. it’s a big inner battle with me because i already slave myself 8 hours a day at a laborious warehouse job and i think about making this stuff all day, then i want to just get home and do it! i feel completely burnt out also. i have no time to just recharge and be in silence.

this is creating a lot of resentment in me and probably is in her. i feel really bad about it but simply can’t just not make my stuff or i will die inside. i will keep trying to talk to her about it, but if anyone has any tips on how to resolve this or encouragement it would be appreciated thank y’all 

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@UNZARI

What does she do all day while you're at work?

It's reasonable that she wants attention, but if it gets to an unhealthy level you may have to draw a line.


Loving a new world into being.

Energy healing, music making, tree hugging, sacred being.

Website: www.akourakin.com

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@aurum she works too at a different warehouse so we’re both tired as hell when we get home. it’s not that i just sit there and completely ignore her. i spend a good 2-3 hours not doing anything but talking then i hop on the computer and start doin my stuff trying to still talk to her and deal with my brother all while trying not to explode on everyone. i understand it’s just as hard for her everyday as it is for me so i massage her and give as much as i can give. i feel like a ticking time bomb, every so often i get a little snarky when she distracts me and i feel bad for it, so this creates a situation where i’m constantly hiding my anger and bottling it up

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sitting down and having. conversation about this with your gf might help where you tell her your feelings about your passion in a way that is non-aggressive and caring to her and all that stuff you just wrote in the post.

You both can then agree on time you will spend together vs time you want to spend on your passion.

You can agree that you set X amount of time away during the day just focused on your passion.

That way you can spend time with just her when you are not working. And you can be 100 percent focused when you are.

 

 

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4 minutes ago, UNZARI said:

i feel like a ticking time bomb, every so often i get a little snarky when she distracts me and i feel bad for it, so this creates a situation where i’m constantly hiding my anger and bottling it up

Yeah it's reasonable.

I think your best option is to be more honest with her.

If you feel like she's draining and distracting you from your purpose, but then you DON'T communicate that to her, it's going to build resentment. You're gonna get snarky and start having fights over nothing.

Get to the real issue. Get to the fear. And then communicate it with her.

What's the worst part about her distracting you from your purpose?


Loving a new world into being.

Energy healing, music making, tree hugging, sacred being.

Website: www.akourakin.com

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@aurum yeah you’re right. i get timid with stuff like this because i’m very sensitive and sensitive of other peoples feelings. but yeah i just gotta rip off the bandaid. 

i would say the worst part is just that i’m going hard with my stuff and she’ll try to show me a meme or something. normally it’s funny and whatever but because i’m trying to concentrate i perceive it as super annoying. it’s equivalent to getting a mcdonald’s ad in the middle of one of leo’s videos or something lol. also during when i’m making my stuff she’ll say how bored she is or will want to go out with friends. and i get it, and we still go see friends i’m not against that. but then occasionally i have this attitude where “i have better things to do” and i’ll tell her i don’t want to go. then i feel bad cause she’s sitting there bored while i’m at the best part of whatever i’m making (im the only one with a car/liscence. i try to encourage her to get into a hobby or creative pursuit and she wants to but she feels she doesn’t have the energy for it, i guess i can’t blame her 

thanks for hearing all this out i need a therapist lol

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She feels bored, but she doesn't have the energy for passionate work? Might be just me, I think she has the energy, but she doesn't find it meaningful enough to pursue some passion like you do.

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It sounds like you're in a pretty hectic home situation my man. You should be proud of yourself that you are doing a full time job and still paying attention to your girlfriend, little brother and your creative work. Sounds like you're doing a lot of great work and spreading a lot of love, so be kind to yourself, try to be as open as you can in your creative needs towards your girlfriend and she will probably understand and give you some space. Allowing you to balance and invest your energies in a more harmonious way! Keep shining your light my man, curious to hear what you're creating as well.

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@UNZARI

Just have an open conversation with her some day about this and let her know how you feel. Also get to know how she feels about it. 

Is there anything that she wants that has not been addressed yet? 

From a woman's pov, a woman can sometimes feel neglected and maybe get thoughts that you're not loving her if you're not giving her enough attention. Does she entertain such thoughts? Get to the root of it. If she has Insecurities, don't judge her or be negative about it or admonish her for that, just reassure her that you love her and sometimes it's difficult to get enough time, tell her to take it positively. 

Just keep assuring her. Maybe she only wants a confirmation from you about your feelings for her. 

One of the best ways to stop your girlfriend from being needy or feeling insecure about the relationship is to take her out every weekend to any place, just hangout in a garden or a park on romantic evenings and take her out for long walks where you can hug and kiss her and share private time with her in nature and give her full attention during this time. 

She'll feel better if you keep it as a regular weekend practice. She'll stop complaining. 

Try it. 

:)


INTP loner..... Live a Roman.  Die a Roman...... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. (I'm more Roman than you'll ever be ) only guys with zero ego and zero passive aggressive can talk to me, rest need not bother 

Preety preety

 

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Simply tell her your feelings as you told here, and tell how you feel about she telling you wanting your attention makes you stressed. Also you can be more creative about finding a solution to that. Arrange something romantic and just let her see that you give her attention, like you'd do, I don't know, close lights and cuddle together while you're doing your work and let her watch your work etc..

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@non_nothing @Preety_India @Darlisto @aurum thank you guys i feel like i broke through a brick wall! i simply let it out but very sincerely and gently and it’s like this all disappeared. it’s still challenging living here, but way less divided. she seems even more supportive of what i’m doing and is constantly giving me suggestions. counterintuitive. we started watching netflix togther and i take her out a little more often now. balance! 

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On 11/11/2020 at 9:01 PM, UNZARI said:

@non_nothing @Preety_India @Darlisto @aurum thank you guys i feel like i broke through a brick wall! i simply let it out but very sincerely and gently and it’s like this all disappeared. it’s still challenging living here, but way less divided. she seems even more supportive of what i’m doing and is constantly giving me suggestions. counterintuitive. we started watching netflix togther and i take her out a little more often now. balance! 

B|B|B| congrats man! Keep us updated.


Loving a new world into being.

Energy healing, music making, tree hugging, sacred being.

Website: www.akourakin.com

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On 12/11/2020 at 3:01 AM, UNZARI said:

@non_nothing @Preety_India @Darlisto @aurum thank you guys i feel like i broke through a brick wall! i simply let it out but very sincerely and gently and it’s like this all disappeared. it’s still challenging living here, but way less divided. she seems even more supportive of what i’m doing and is constantly giving me suggestions. counterintuitive. we started watching netflix togther and i take her out a little more often now. balance! 

🙂


There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled

You feel it, don't you ? - Rumi

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