Consilience

Going Super Saiyan – 2.4g Mushroom Trip Report

23 posts in this topic

Hello – I’ve discovered writing trip reports in this fashion really helps me with integration and the last two I’ve shared seem to be received well from the forum, so here I am with my latest haha. This will be kind of long, but it’s very powerful material.

This will be written using personal pronouns and from a perspective of ego, but please do your best to intuit the relativity here.

Background:
To really understand this trip, I have be fully honest about what’s lead me to this point in my life. I was unfortunately very misguided, unknowledgeable, and unwise when I graduated high school. See, I went into University without much of a plan or vision about what kind of life I wanted, all I knew is that everyone kept telling me I had to go to school. It didn’t matter if I had to take out student loans, I HAD to go. Well, fast forward and I’m senior about to graduate school and I have a little over $100K in debt. Yep. I felt foolish, I felt so much regret, I felt like an fucking idiot. How could I have let this situation unfold? Why didn’t I have the simple foresight to see this path was wildly un-strategic and a bad idea? To be honest, there was and still has been this deep existential dread associated with these loans that really sank into the core of my being as I went through school; it was like these loans provided a background vibration, or context to my waking experience that pounded away at my excitement for life, just dulling it with every beat. As if this wasn’t enough, two weeks before graduation I go to the emergency room where I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, a pretty brutal autoimmune disorder that if not managed correctly will slowly destroy multiple body systems and kill you. It pretty much slowly damages the body even when you have good control though. I remember feeling so hopeless that night in the hospital room. Not only did I have $100k in debt, but now I had one of the most expensive chronic illnesses in the United States (look into insulin costs) that could really ravage my body.

So this trip felt like some sort divine healing session where I truly tapped into all of my pain and trauma from this situation, but in a theme of going full-circle, simultaneously tapped into my inner potential and why I’m here living this life. The only words I can use to describe what the peak felt like was going Super Saiyan, which I’m sure a large majority of the forum knows about from the anime Dragon Ball Z. I don’t mean to sound cheeky or humorous here, it’s just the only term I could think of to describe what happened during this trip.

Set:

I wrote down 4 questions: What is vision? What is intention? What is will? Who is doing all of this?

Setting:

As per usual, my room, my music, and my cat.

Themes:

-       Super Saiyan

-       Vision and Life Purpose

-       Lightwork

-       Will

-       Patience

-       The Principle of Keep Going

 

Super Saiyan

One of the most amazing faculties of psychedelics is that they allow mind to tap into different experiences of time. During the peak, write before I felt like I achieved a state of “Super Saiyan,” it felt like a giant energetic bubble was growing in my body, almost like a ball of lava, within which all of my pain, particularly the pain from my loans and illness came crashing into awareness all at once. I experienced the years of my college education in this one moment. I experienced all the existential dread from those loans at once. I experienced the emotional pain from every finger prick and insulin injection, every high and low blood sugar episode at once. I felt all my helplessness at being chained by the American education system, I felt all of my helplessness at being the bitch of the American Pharmaceutical Industry, having to pay absurd amounts of money for health insurance and medicine just to live. And as the bubble expanded further and further, something snapped inside. Everything went full circle.

It felt like kundalini or some other energetic force shot through the emotional bubble inside my body, and suddenly I was at complete and utter peace. It was like I was in the eye of my storm. It felt like I had completely let go of all of the pain, all of the trauma. However, just like in physics energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed and that’s what this emotional surge did, it completely transformed. The energy from the pain was still 100% there, but it no longer was trauma, it was vitality. It felt zen. It felt like perfect harmony. It felt like perfect balance. It felt like with every breath I drew in, I could feel the universe providing energy for my purpose and with every breath I drew out, I felt like I as God was breathing out this purpose into the world. It was like a hurricane of energy was emanating from my body and mind instead of being stored inside as mental pain and bodily tension.

This state of Super Saiyan is one of complete nowness, complete peace, complete fearlessness, complete effortlessness, and interestingly enough, complete formlessness. As motivation, inspiration, pain and suffering ebb and flow through life, you can find inner indestructibility as your true self. To act from this authentic space of inner potential is what it means to go Super Saiyan. And what's so beauitful, is that it is available in every moment.

 

Vision and Life Purpose

I realized how incredibly powerful vision is. Vision can be the context for your entire life. Every action you take, no matter how small (brushing your teeth) or how large (working on your life purpose) can be done within this overarching meta context that we can call vision. Recently I’ve felt in somewhat of a limbo with vision, almost like I’ve been embarrassed or scared to fully embrace my life purpose, but this is no longer the case. I’m here to teach other’s about spirituality and help the collective consciousness of humanity wake up. I will do this through public speaking one day. At this moment, I’m very focused on paying my loans off by the time I’m in my mid 30s (I’m 23), so I’m using YouTube as a way to get my voice out. My channel’s name is Existential Wonder if you’re interested. Eventually however, I want to find a way to do this through public speaking rather than video.

Anyways, your vision is like a beacon for the energy of your form, your ego, your avatar, your survival as an individual, to align and attract towards with action. The more you understand your true nature, the more you will understand what your life purpose is and what type of vision you need for your life. Initially it may seem like there’s a paradox here. If your true nature of formlessness, and nothing actually matters, why pursue Life Purpose? And isn’t Life Purpose all kinda egoic in nature? It’s about the individual, and I’m not an individual, I’m infinite formlessness. One of the interesting features of God is that it operates at multiple levels, multiple perspectives simultaneously, so even though yes you are God, you are also a human doing human work, doing human survival. The nature and context of this survival can be more or less aligned with your soul, your “higher self.” I know some people on this forum dismiss such notions of higher self, but what you need to understand is that your higher self is just as much you and not you as a coffee cup. It’s simply an energetic force that resides within the whole of your experience as living as a human. It’s your self-actualization. Believe it or not, you as God want this energetic force, this energetic potential to play out and manifest. More on this later. Essentially though, vision is the beacon to center this massive energy and infinite potential that you have as an individual. As the energy grows inside of you, as you feel the call to Self-Actualize, and find your purpose, vision is the lightening rod to harness and create a single pointed focus for the energy. This helps you align all of your actions towards your mission rather than being swept away by devilry. Let vision be the context for all your action.

I encourage everyone reading this to find your purpose ASAP. Can’t recommend Leo’s life purpose course enough, it’s incredible.

 

Will

Ah, the ol free will vs. no free will debate. I know there will be non-dualists here that disagree with me, and there will even be scientists who’d disagree with me, but I don’t really care.


The fact of the matter is that you do have will, you do have choice. Your will is to self-actualize and return to yourself, to find enlightenment. This is what you're here to do. This is what you truly want to do. Let me reiterate, this is what you WANT TO DO. This is your DEEPEST SEEDED DESIRE. So here’s the thing, in every moment you can either choose to act from a place of devilry, or place of authenticity. The freedom of both is available, that’s how much freedom you really have as God. And no matter which option plays out, it’s the Will of God haha. It’s kind of a mindfuck… And it doesn’t make sense. But please realize Free Will is you becoming conscious of the fact that in every moment, you are truly free to act from whatever place you want. You are 100% free to be a devil (to play out your hedonism, addictions, cower from your fears, and embrace laziness, and basically be selfish), or you can be you (act from a place of fearlessness, self-actualization, truth, love, and selflessness). That’s really what free will means. It means there is the freedom for the energy to play out whoever it’s going to play out and if you think you can’t start taking action that aligns with your true nature, you are wrong. To dismiss free will is to dismiss the energetic freedom available from taking action.

I wish I could explain this more, but I’ll leave you with this: Never underestimate your willpower. Don’t try to figure it out with your rational mind. Become conscious of your Absolute Freedom.

 

Lightwork

Leo’s latest blog post really brought this to my attention. During the trip, it felt like that I became conscious that I am in this particular life very much on purpose, almost like this life was chosen by me as God. It was important that I be chained to multiple western systems (student loans and healthcare) because I’m not here to leave society as hermit or monk, or to live life modestly and out of sight. I’m here to help humanity wake the fuck up very much as an active member of society. It felt like I became conscious that all this suffering I experienced from my loans and illness was all necessary to get my ass in gear so to speak. The suffering was needed to give me the energy for my life purpose. If I wanted to live a life of seclusion and meditation, I’d have been incarnated as someone who goes off and lives that life. No, I’m here to help plant the seeds of collective awakening for humanity.

Now I have to be careful here not to get some kind of messiah mentality. I don’t feel like a messiah or Jesus figure. I don’t feel special, or better than others. I realized on the trip that this lightwork role can only truly be manifested from a place of humility and selflessness. The moment you think your better than others or casting judgement on other’s, you’re being a devil and don’t understand what Truth and Love are really all about.

This trip felt like I finally, and fully accepted the mantle of responsibility for my suffering and for my purpose here as a member of humanity. And Leo’s blog post of lightwork really resonated with how my life has been and continues to be. Oddly enough, it felt like this life really was a choice, these struggles really were a necessary part of the path that I accepted long ago… Before birth. I remember this energy inside of me feeling so ancient, like it had been slumbering and waiting for a moment of activation. But who knows man. Psychedelics get some weird mind states going.

 

Patience
You’ve got to be patient. Patience for yourself as you wake up fully as God, patience as you self-actualize, patience as you manifest your life purpose, patience as you work through your traumas and suffering. In the state of being Super Saiyan, part of the overwhelming peace that I’d achieved was that I found the importance of patience through this transformational process. Patience is one your strongest allies, and I became conscious of just how important it really is for all facets of life. Your path will take time, transformation and evolution takes time. Just be patience and trust yourself. When you can act from a place of patience, you are literally aligning with the forces of biological nature here… So just be patience and breath.

 

The Principle of Keep Going

I’d discovered this life principle a while ago, but I really rediscovered it on this Trip. It’s entirely self-explanatory, which is why it’s so effective and beautiful. Just keep going. No matter what struggles you’re forced to endure, no matter how much you suffer, no matter how much pain you have inside, keep going, please keep going. You owe it yourself on all levels, as an ego, as the collective consciousness of humanity, as the collective consciousness of Earth, and as God, to keep going. Keep persisting and never give up on your path. Until your last breath, keep fucking going dude. You have the tools to available. Actualized.org is literally a gold mine of the techniques, habits, strategies you need to succeed at your purpose no matter what flavor or variation it takes on. We are all incredible fortunate to have found this place.

Life is going to throw everything it has at you; your inner devil is going to keep tempting you over and over and over. You’re going to suffering enormously. You’re going to feel unmotivated, lazy, helpless, depressed, ashamed. Your negative emotions are going to try and rule your life, but you’ve got to find that inner peace and inner stillness that I promise is inside, and keep going. Keep going until you see who you truly are and what you’re here to do.

As this dynamic of the trip was playing out, an image flashed into mind. It was an image I drew years ago in a state of deep depression, but I see now more than ever what I was drawing.

Keep Going.png

Now more than ever, I feel ready to face the work of this lifetime. Thank you for providing the space to share.

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Beautiful trip report, topped off with an equally beautiful drawing. Thank you my friend. I needed this message today.

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Sweeeet! Lots of good lessons there.

I went to a psychic a few weeks ago and she told me immediately that I was a light worker. I'm like, yup.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Consilience Have you seen avatar the last air bender, or watched gundam seed?

You know the avatar state, or the seed in gundam?

These are metaphors for the inherent goodness in each of us that allows us to live to our fullest potential. Mistake is that people think they need outside circumstances to get there. Truth is we create our own emotions with thinking so we are free to cultivate this feeling on our own.

Same concept applies to Super Sayian. First they struggle to reach the heightened state of consciousness. Then they can do it seemingly at will with no call to adventure, or no extreme situation. The extreme situations are just lessons to show us they these states are in fact possible.

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Heh, I have had the same Super Saiyan experience. xD

I sometimes call it being the Supervisor.

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mhhh light worker... getting a little bit nostalgic everytime i hear it - it’s a little bit like talking about harry potter... what i wanted not to use as an example as in some sense it’s already making the whole theme seem a little bit hogwashed 😵

but fairytale‘s aside, even if you are a „light worker“ there are still different schools and in magic we still talk about different styles of magica. being a light worker can confuse people massively about what is and is not white magic i would not say that you can devide white magic and black magic in two different schools even though you could say one side knows more about shadows and the other one about light - what might not mean that you could not say they are both devidable into shadow work and light work - i‘d say white magic would maybe more talk about ombra work and light work and then also remind that there is real shadow work. nothingness work has some black hole aspects definitely, i guess that’s the difference i would make - as we all have a tendency to magic. it’s interesting to find out about to which side our tendencies go towards.

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Tyler Durden: ,,Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables – slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. " Fight club

I'ts strange that life purpose equals =singer, athlete,  rock star, artist, spiritual teacher, entrepreneur... and never nurse, waitress, Trash truck driver, judge, cashier, secretary, 

Like everyone should do what is funny and lovely to them...

So we wont have workers or anymore, or people who just have to do the job that has to be done, those ,,shitty jobs" ... entrepreneur vs worker...

This path and self-actualization would result in an interesting society of artists and preachers...

Not personal to you, maybe you really should be a public speaker on spirituality, I'm just saying how this is almost always the result of people who chase they desire of for their life, maybe selfish life...

Edited by Dino D

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@Bazooka Jesus This makes me really happy to read, I'm very glad it was able to help you that day. 

@Leo Gura That's funny. You definitely fit the bill :D

On 2/2/2020 at 1:59 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

These are metaphors for the inherent goodness in each of us that allows us to live to our fullest potential. Mistake is that people think they need outside circumstances to get there. Truth is we create our own emotions with thinking so we are free to cultivate this feeling on our own.

This comment helped me so much with the integration process and thoughts I will have below... Thank you so much for sharing haha. Yes I have seen The Last Airbender and yeah.. The fact that I am responsible for this is kind of insane. 


@Austin Actualizing Thank you for reading and the comment :)

On 2/2/2020 at 3:15 PM, Girzo said:

Heh, I have had the same Super Saiyan experience. xD

I sometimes call it being the Supervisor.

I don't understand haha that's cool you've had the experience though! 

@remember That's really interesting thank you for sharing! I honestly know nothing about magic... I just recognize the Law of Attraction play out within my life and it feels magical. I don't make the distinction between light and dark. 

 

On 2/3/2020 at 1:05 AM, Dino D said:

Not personal to you, maybe you really should be a public speaker on spirituality, I'm just saying how this is almost always the result of people who chase they desire of for their life, maybe selfish life...

I don't take it personally at all, I appreciate you sharing as you raised a lot of interesting points. Though tbh I don't have any answers, all I can say is that if everyone, literally an entire society, was expressing their greatest gifts for the world and the infrastructure of culture and society supported this, we would be living in a very very very different world. My intuition tells me the path forward is to help other's move towards this end and things will naturally work themselves out over time haha.

@reves I'm glad that was helpful for you! The patience principle has been huge thus far... 

@ElvisN I really appreciate this thank you... <3 

 

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Just wanted to write an update related to this report. 

So this past half week has been one giant ego backlash xD I pmo'd for the first time in like 3.5 weeks, and smoked weed 3 times. And I have to say, watching the energetic dynamic play out in such a way has been very fascinating. Even though these behaviors are really counter productive for the vision of my life I have, they still felt authentic in the moment... But I only realized this after I took such a dip. 

The last weed session I started feeling guilty. I started feeling anxious and frustrated that I'd let myself down after such a badass mushroom trip, I started feeling needy towards women and relationships, I felt low amounts of depression even which is really odd, and that the whole integration process felt botched. I then went into a state of deep confusion where I know longer knew what to do, I just literally sat on my floor paralyzed by not knowing what behavior made sense. Clearly the action I had been taking the past couple of nights wasn't really working out lol. But then the thought popped into awareness, "What am I?" 

I realized that I am nothing. I am literally nothing. And this insight is something I've been directly conscious of in the past, but sometimes it feels unaccessible in certain states of consciousness, which tells me the insight hasn't penetrated as deeply as it can, but in this particular moment, the awareness of this truth came crashing into consciousness. What @Raptorsin7 mentioned about how we are literally creating our emotions from thoughts became perfectly clear. I then spontaneously stopped generating all negative emotions and entered into a state of happiness and joy, while still conscious that these states where not ME. I started laughing hysterically lol. 

I saw how I was creating the survival of these mental states because I had been identified with them. I realized that because survival is the operating principle of the ego, certain egoic tendencies will continue to persist and be projected into consciousness precisely because there is survival at play, but that these projections are truly emanating from this nothingness that I am, and that "I" am perfectly free to shift perspectives on any state, and see the happiness and joy rather than anxiety and depression. The idea that an ego is surviving is an illusion, and thus this ego's states are 100% free to transform in any moment. You want to know what free will is? It's this freedom playing out in your experience as a human. 

So anyways, I feel ready to stop smoking weed again, go back to just not using porn at all, and contemplate this matter of spontaneously producing emotional states... Lol. Basically still just trying to understand what I am. 

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@Consilience nice :) sounds like a good plan. will you use any method to stop both addictions? i realized when i stopped smoking i had to trick my ego a little with different methods. or will you stop cold turkey? some people are better in managing it like this. it’s also good to replace old habits with new habits - for example doing yoga, meditation or writing in your journal instead of what you don’t want anymore.

to keep the diabetes in check did you try cutting out on meat, dairy and wheat yet? i know some people who radically changed their diet with diabetes and some of them even could change the illness so they don’t even have to use insulin.

Edited by remember

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9 hours ago, remember said:

@Consilience nice :) sounds like a good plan. will you use any method to stop both addictions? i realized when i stopped smoking i had to trick my ego a little with different methods. or will you stop cold turkey? some people are better in managing it like this. it’s also good to replace old habits with new habits - for example doing yoga, meditation or writing in your journal instead of what you don’t want anymore.

to keep the diabetes in check did you try cutting out on meat, dairy and wheat yet? i know some people who radically changed their diet with diabetes and some of them even could change the illness so they don’t even have to use insulin.

Yeah cold turkey is fine. If I fuck up in the future, oh well, I'm not too concerned... Again patience haha. But yes cold turkey is really the only way I see myself behaving for now. The thing is about the habits, I already am meditating 1 hour per day, contemplating informally throughout the day, consistently working out hard, reading books, working on my youtube channel, and even some journalling haha. I feel like it's just these micro moments where addictions can slip into my schedule are what I'm trying to finally eliminate, but thankfully the addictions don't seem to affect my ability to keep doing my positive habits.

Yeah I don't eat meat, diary and only some wheat. I think actually the best diet for a type 1 diabetic and possibly type 2 would be a meat based ketogenic diet. You'd have very little blood sugar fluctuations because of the lack of carbohydrates, however I just ethically can't bring myself to eat meat. I just don't see a point in another animal sacrificing their bodies for mine if there are other alternatives such as plants. Plants don't seem to suffer like animals, so I'd like to mitigate as much unnecessary suffering as possible.  

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@Consilience yes, meatbased katogenic  diet....and then get also some cardio vascular problems - also of course for some time it would maybe make you feel more balanced. really i met a woman who said she does not need insulin because she‘s vegan. why ever that works. she stopped the process before it got really severe. with meat eating you would more treat the symptoms, but you would not rebalance your system which is much more important. just think of it, you don’t exactly know what lead to the type 1 diabetes could be that a problem with proteins is part of it, at least it’s an autoimmune thing. maybe it helps you so it doesn’t get worse.

so it’s a good decision for more than one reason! i know it’s probably not easy but it actually is a good feeling to get some controll back through finding a diet that works for one and even is healthy, there are other organs to maintain ;)

Edited by remember

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3 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

@Consilience  You are Beautiful! <3 Thank you for this. What does patience mean for you in your life experience? :) 

Hey thanks ❤️ And thank you for asking... Patience. I think experientially, patience is like an acceptance of now, and letting go, a being, a surrendering to now. Often times I can get fixated in the future, whether its 5 minutes from now or 5 years from now, the mind, my mind creates these stories and imaginations of what it wants to one day occur or what it needs to plan for. But when I look at nature, when I look at the pace at which life moves, it moves very slowly. Transformation, evolution, change all happen at a snail’s pace relative to the quick fixes the mind craves. So patience is like reconnecting with the operating principle of life... just be with whatever is and be patient as impermanence and change play itself out. Moreover, let the patience be imbued with trust that whatever happens is exactly what needed to happen, and is all a form of self love and growth. My goals will manifest however they will manifest, trust the slowness of this journey and be at peace with what is already. 

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@Dino D if people were living their purpose, perhaps their would not be as much need for many of those positions like medical professionals, nurses, etc... ;) 

unhappiness -> illness -> more unhappy -> more illness

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On 10. 02. 2020. at 1:25 AM, PenguinPablo said:

@Dino D if people were living their purpose, perhaps their would not be as much need for many of those positions like medical professionals, nurses, etc... ;) 

unhappiness -> illness -> more unhappy -> more illness

Empty assumtion... you have to whipe your ass, wash your teath, make your bad, put out the trash, recycle it and so on... such jobs are everpresent in every society, and this will be the case in a spiritual society also... you cant avoid garbage, watter suplie, road building, administrative tasks, judges-the colapse of two opposite freedoms or righst and so on... utopia of positive outcome will never come... so we have to handle our shixt...

Spiritual people in this age tens to be hedonist and fun and plesure seaker, wealded with meaning and deep experiences...

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@Consilience  Wow that's such an amazing description!!! Actually, when I am sitting with a friend in a teashop and we are having a focused conversation, time goes by so slowly... :D It works!!

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