Western Buddha

what is the best way to let go of revenge?

26 posts in this topic

I need to let go of a grudge against someone who did wrong to me.

do you have any ideas how can i do it?

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19 minutes ago, Western Buddha said:

I need to let go of a grudge against someone who did wrong to me.

 

JUST MURDER HIM

 

Or love thy neighbor more ?

 

Edited by Preetom

''Not this...

Not this...

PLEASE...Not this...''

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Paraphrasing from the Dalai Lama's book:

"How does that person feel?"

"What do we have in common?" (body, mind, emotions... we are both born, we both die...)

"What kind of an environment does the person come from?"

Contemplate each of these questions. Use your imagination. Really put yourself in that persons shoes. If it's uncomfortable (as you are holding a grudge), good. Do it anyway. Do it so much that you totally understand and love the person in the end.

These questions are what you need. Do you have the balls to do it fully?

Good luck :)


Use the Prayer Swat Team!

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You eventually are forced to realise that all humans only act the way they act because of chemicals in the brain. People do not choose to be selfish or greedy or evil, they are as much as victim as you are. This is why the concept of "devil" comes in, the idea of a separate being that manifests in you and creates havoc, and that this is the real target. However the only way to truly realise this is by discovering it about yourself. In short, the answer to your problem is self enquiry. But it'll take you a while to realise that this person your holding a grudge against is as much the victim as you here. You must reach through their evil to help the person themselves out of the evil that has ensnared them. 

(Then again, people don't really exist...but it's handy to imagine they exist in this case.)

 

Now, you could just do it the old fashioned way and come up with a really good way to take revenge if that tickles your fancy more. I recommend a stealthy motherfucker approach, something that won't get you caught. If you really hate them you could just knife their tyres. What's wrong with a little revenge? Also, I actually promote revenge and destruction to the person in certain circumstances. For example, a corrupt police force would be suitable for destruction, otherwise they're going to cause even more destruction themselves. 2 wrongs do make a right sometimes. But remember the Golden rule of being a ruthless motherfucker, be smarter than everyone else.

Edited by Aaron p

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You need a strategy to move yourself up the Emotional Scale -- this is part of what we might call Emotional Mastery Work.

Look at where revenge is on the scale.   Don't feel bad if you're not good at Emotional Mastery work.  We can put together systems and strategies to get much better at this skill than we are.  This is mastering the skill of "Forcing Your Mood".  Leo talks about this in his Blueprint* (see link below).

Emotional Scale.jpg

*Leo's Blueprint

https://www.actualized.org/blueprint

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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15 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

@Barna That is a precious story.  Loved it.

I've read it like a year ago, but it still pops into my mind from time to time :)

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Just realize this, No matter how intelligently put your revenge is, it will never be as intelligently put as karma itself.

By getting revenge you 1. Fail miserably because natural laws do it better than you.

and 2. You create further karma for yourself by doing so.

Its a never ending cycle. Let go!

Creation takes care of itself

Edited by pluto

B R E A T H E

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The book Letting Go by David Hawkins

Alcoholics anonymous text book (I'm serious)

Some of the work of Don Miguel Ruiz

Also worksheets you can find online based on CBT principles. Things like the pros and cons of taking a certain action and how the cycle of thoughts-feelings-behaviour can keep you stuck in a mindset that is self defeating and self sabotage.

Not taking revenge and/or immediately stopping all punishment is the performance of advanced emotionally intelligent and mature people. I for one have not reached that level myself. Easy to talk about, hard to achieve. Well worth trying to achieve!!! 

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First, don’t ever step down to their level. You’ll become just like them and you won’t like yourself for it.

I’ll tell you the way I do it but be careful you might not feel very good about yourself after it, some brutal honesty is coming. Please highlight to read after taking a deep breath!

It was all my fault because I failed to protect myself!


I have an opinion on everything :D

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@Western Buddha Start watching Matt Kahn's YouTube videos and buy his two books. Realise that everything is here to help you. Embrace your anger, accept it, listen to it. Underneath it there's just good old fashion pain and vulnerability. Whatever you do don't berate yourself for feeling that way. Find the pain in your body, place your hand on it and say 'I love you,' over and over again. Forgiveness can only occur once the anger has been embraced and transmuted through love. 

Once this transmutation has occurred you will be able to move into unconditional love and realise that what was done to you was orchestrated by the universe for your greater evolution. You will thank this person in your heart for allowing this healing opportunity to take place and you will move forward more loving and stronger than ever

Edited by Wisebaxter

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On 1.8.2019 at 6:12 PM, Commodent said:

Have you confronted him about it?

i dont know if it is a good idea because he can completely tell me its all my fault and not regret his did in any way.

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The best revenge is living a good life. Don't get even, get ahead. 

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On 2.8.2019 at 11:19 AM, JustThinkingAloud said:

First, don’t ever step down to their level. You’ll become just like them and you won’t like yourself for it.

I’ll tell you the way I do it but be careful you might not feel very good about yourself after it, some brutal honesty is coming. Please highlight to read after taking a deep breath!

It was all my fault because I failed to protect myself!

im ready

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38 minutes ago, Western Buddha said:

im ready

I wrote it in white at the bottom of my original reply. When you highlight the whole section as if you wanted to copy the text, it will show.


I have an opinion on everything :D

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1 hour ago, JustThinkingAloud said:

I wrote it in white at the bottom of my original reply. When you highlight the whole section as if you wanted to copy the text, it will show.

ok. i read it. so how does i go on from here? self blaming is a good thing?

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Sorry, I didn’t explain it properly. It takes two to tango, meaning that when two people don’t get along both are to blame. The biggest problem is that these two people shouldn’t have put themselves into that position. If you don’t get along with someone either fix it or walk away from it. So that means that you’re partly to blame because you were around that person and opened yourself up to get hurt. Nobody needs to be hated, bad people get punished because everyone will walk away from them and they’ll lose the benefits of having good people like you around. :)

Don’t be hard on yourself though, we’ve all done it. Learn from it and don’t do it again. Watch out for signs that could lead to being hurt. Usually, when someone doesn’t like you or you interfere with what they want, you’re opening yourself up to get hurt.

If you have more questions, just let me know :)


I have an opinion on everything :D

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Gratitude and Love.

You can start with taking some kind of life lesson from it but ultimately you want to stop giving it any thoughts.

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