She is the one. Or is she?

[assx95]

I have this girl in my life whom i have confessed my feelings to, and she's ignoring me. I am meeting a new girl this week but i strongly feel like this one girl ( the one who i had feelings for) is the one. It becomes difficult when you know that there is only one of her and that she is irreplacable.  How is everyone able to let go when you know that if you don't fight for her, she'll be in someone else's arms?

What is the thought process through which you let go?

[Michael569]

The more you try to resist the emotion the stronger it gets and the more it will drive you insane. 

Identify the emotion. What is it? Jealous? Anger? Fear of loneliness? Fear of not finding a partner? Once you do, sit with it an open yourself up to the emotion. Feel it with every inch of your body as it flows through like an invisible snake. Do this until you become comfortable with the emotion. 

Once your body has had time to process it and identified it as not harmful but in a sense beautiful, it will naturally subside. 

If you resist it, it will torment you forever. 

[Nothingandeverything]

On 5.7.2019 at 10:34 AM, assx95 said:

I have this girl in my life whom i have confessed my feelings to, and she's ignoring me. I am meeting a new girl this week but i strongly feel like this one girl ( the one who i had feelings for) is the one. It becomes difficult when you know that there is only one of her and that she is irreplacable.  How is everyone able to let go when you know that if you don't fight for her, she'll be in someone else's arms?

What is the thought process through which you let go?

You let go by realizing that the best chance to keep a woman interested is to be willing to let her go and not fight for her. When you had confessed your feelings to her and she had been ignoring you since then I think you have only a chance in this case, when a woman ignores you, when you don´t run after her and wait until she comes to you. In my opinion, the reason why she´s ignoring you is that you have done something wrong.  Most men think in these cases that they must be taking action to improve the situation but in reality, you push with this behavior a woman only more away. you must give her space and show her that you are not needy and strong. Also, I think that "The One" doesn´t exist. This idea is only in your mind. You can find even a better match for you in the future. 

[TheAlchemist]

You can't force her to want you, you have done what you think is right and now you can disengage and let her engage you if she does. You can't fight for her to get her, if she wants you she will come to you. And be very careful with thinking a girl is "the one", more often than not it's just coming from a place of neediness and a mindset of scarcity

[Pilgrim]

10 hours ago, Nothingandeverything said:

You let go by realizing that the best chance to keep a woman interested is to be willing to let her go and not fight for her.

This. There is also a common quote that highlights this: "If you want something very, very badly, let it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, it was never yours to begin with."  

Letting go really is your only chance, you cannot fight for her. It will result in the opposite and you will loose her sooner or later. She has to be willing to come to you on her own. The only thing you can do, is to do your best to attract her – but simultaneously to let go of the outcome. With this I mean put your best self forward and detach from the outcome. Just see what happens. 

On 5.7.2019 at 10:34 AM, assx95 said:

It becomes difficult when you know that there is only one of her and that she is irreplacable

Also, this is a scarcity mindset. There might not be someone who is exactly like her, but there are other women who fit to you equally well. I know it's difficult when you have met someone very special and you can't really believe that anyone in the world could even get close to that. But that's simply not true and you are limiting yourself with this belief. Also the more you think this is true, the more you will cling to her and not be able to let her go. 

51 minutes ago, TheAlchemist said:

more often than not it's just coming from a place of neediness and a mindset of scarcity

Like it was said here already.. this scarcity mindset mostly stems from a place of neediness. You have a need, a lack and you want to fill this lack.. maybe she was able to fill this lack for a while, but she won't be able to do this in the longterm anyways.

The best thing you can do now is: 

- Contemplate where that neediness is coming from 

- Try to fill the emotional lack on your own. We all have heard this a hundred times.. but work on your self-love and your self-esteem. That's most likely the root of your neediness. It's a long process, but it's worth it. 

- Continue to meet other girls to work on your scarcity mindset 

- Do something that you feel passion for 

Edited August 7, 2019 by Pilgrim

[assx95]

@TheAlchemist

4 hours ago, TheAlchemist said:

You can't fight for her to get her

When you say this, does it mean - "The trying to attract her" part on my side is over. Now she's having conversations with me, but she acts like she's forgotten that i have confessed my feelings to her. 

[assx95]

@Michael569 It's a fantasy. And i have tied myself deeply with that fantasy. I call it a fantasy cause i imagine all kinds of romantic scenes with her. 
There's jealousy. Oh, i get it, i believe deep down, i've got a void which only romance can fill, particularly a romantic relationship with her. 

[assx95]

@Pilgrim Like i just told @Michael569 I think i have a void which only she can fill : Romantic love, particularly with her. 
 

[Tom T]

I as God made it so that everybody in the world has an infinite amount of partner to choose from !!! you have an infinite amount of compatible partners out there for you !!! this scarcity mindset is a delusion !!! you are imagining that she is the only one for you and that she is irreplaceable but this imagination of your is a straight up delusion which feels real !!! that girl you think is the one is just one partner out of the infinite !!! stay available and trust life !!!

[Tom T]

you will probs meet someone way better than her and you will be glad she did not reply back to you !!!

 

[RendHeaven]

15 hours ago, assx95 said:

I think i have a void which only she can fill

HAHAHA LOL 

[Leo Gura]

On 7/5/2019 at 1:34 AM, assx95 said:

It becomes difficult when you know that there is only one of her and that she is irreplacable.

That's an illusion. You'll see.

She is precisely replaceable. Not only that, but you WILL replace her.

But for a short while you'll suffer. Because that's the nature of irrational attachment. Notice that when you put something up on a pedestal in your mind, you create your own suffering.

The whole key to dating women is: Don't get attached to her AT ALL until at least you sleep with her. Any attachment you create before that will only create needless suffering and usually ends up ensuring you never sleep with her.

All romantic love is pure illusion. It's as illusory as jerking off to a celebrity in your mind. Only here you're using a real person to jerk off into -- which allows you to fool yourself into thinking it is real. Nope. Still pure fantasy.

[whoareyou]

54 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That's an illusion. You'll see.

She is precisely replaceable. Not only that, but you WILL replace her.

But for a short while you'll suffer. Because that's the nature of irrational attachment. Notice that when you put something up on a pedestal in your mind, you create your own suffering.

The whole key to dating women is: Don't get attached to her AT ALL until at least you sleep with her. Any attachment you create before that will only create needless suffering and usually ends up ensuring you never sleep with her.

All romantic love is pure illusion. It's as illusory as jerking off to a celebrity in your mind. Only here you're using a real person to jerk off into -- which allows you to fool yourself into thinking it is real. Nope. Still pure fantasy.

What do you mean by "all romantic love is pure illusion"? 

[RendHeaven]

@whoareyou Would you say that romantic love is "real?"

[Brenzo2]

2 hours ago, whoareyou said:

What do you mean by "all romantic love is pure illusion"? 

I can't say this very cleanly, but I think he's pointing to the fact that romantic love isn't objectively real, it's something we are generating and projecting. We are the creators of such romantic love.

In fact, take a look at this, although these guys are on the autistic spectrum, I think it displayed this phenomena perfectly; they have strong romantic and sexual relationships with objects. 

Short clip:

Full documentary:

 

 

 

 

Edited August 8, 2019 by Brenzo2

[Dwarniel]

On 05/07/2019 at 10:34 AM, assx95 said:

I have this girl in my life whom i have confessed my feelings to, and she's ignoring me. I am meeting a new girl this week but i strongly feel like this one girl ( the one who i had feelings for) is the one. It becomes difficult when you know that there is only one of her and that she is irreplacable.  How is everyone able to let go when you know that if you don't fight for her, she'll be in someone else's arms?

What is the thought process through which you let go?

If she was "the one" she wouldn't be ignoring you.

It's better if you teach yourself to be turned off by girls that ignore you, doesn't feel the same way as you do or treat you badly. Because it is a turn off.

(And the fun thing is.. If a girl who's ignoring you, picks up on the fact that you don't care - There's a chance she'll start chasing you lmao. We girls are weird like that)

Edited August 8, 2019 by Dwarniel

[Truthority]

She is the definitely The One. The Great Mother of Time. But her personality and body and mind is not it. This is the greatest gift to feel like this. It is an invitation. Talk to her about it. You'll be munching on her juices in no time 

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you,
not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
Rumi

[Leo Gura]

17 hours ago, whoareyou said:

What do you mean by "all romantic love is pure illusion"? 

A special attachment is formed which feels irreplaceable, yet it is replaceable and there's nothing objectively more special about one person than another.

It's the same as love for one's children. Your children seem special, but honestly, they are no more special than any hungry kid off the street. If you were truthful you'd admit it.

The ego creates this massive bias for the purposes of its survival. It's the epitome of selfishness.

You need to lie to yourself that your children are special, otherwise there'd be no compelling reason to protect them from annihilation.

[assx95]

@Leo Gura 

On 8/8/2019 at 0:53 PM, Leo Gura said:

That's an illusion. You'll see.

What do i have to do to see it? In my current state of mind, i can't. 

On 8/8/2019 at 0:53 PM, Leo Gura said:

The whole key to dating women is: Don't get attached to her AT ALL until at least you sleep with her.

The thing i don't understand with detachment is this : If i am detached from her, why would I even try? 
Don't I have to make moves after moves to get her attracted to me? 

Like, the first time i saw her, i took the initiative to talk to her and get her phone number. If i hadn't tried, and if i was detached, she'd not be in my life. I would have thought- That's just another girl. Maybe, i wouldn't even have gone to that place. Lol. I don't get it. How can one be detached and attract women? 

[Nahm]

@assx95 You are the one, she is your experience. She is the one, you are her experience. Try to make her the one, and you stray from the truth, ‘that you are the one’. Try to make her the one, and your sensations will infallibly tell you that’s not true, because you are the one. The experience that is love, notice, is entirely within, you.