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About Pilgrim

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  1. UPDATE: When I posted this, I was afraid of never finding a boyfriend and feeling fundamentally flawed deep down. I thought it had to do with me, because I was seemingly never able to make it work. I now met an awesome guy and I still can't believe that really happened. He is amazing and we just click so naturally. I realised it had to do with a pattern of mine and that I was just attracted to the wrong kind of guys. Also I think everyone is potentially compatible with multiple people, however there are people who are compatible with a higher number of people. Whereas for me, I am not compatible with that many people.. of course there is not only one possible person for me either.. but I feel very fortunate to have met at least this one, because I can sense it's rare.. and there just simply aren't many people like him out there. Before that (because I didn't meet anyone like him) I was stuck with the "normal" guys.. and they just don't fit to me and I don't fit to them. I tried to adjust myself and make myself "normal" as well.. but ultimately that can never work when you deny your true nature. With this guy I can be completely myself, I don't feel like I have to censor myself, or that he wouldn't understand certain things.. I can be vulnerable with him and I never really had that before. I wonder where it's going from here and I hope I don't idealise him too much, but my intuition tells me this could be a life partner. It just feels very mature. I just wanted to post this update here, cause I believe many people think it has to do with "them", when in fact there are always two sides. On a side note: this is totally true as well! I just now saw your comment.. I think that's a trap I fell into quite a few times already. As girls we are taught to be nice, I am totally wired this way and always very polite. I am very aware I have to work on not being too agreeable. Very good point, thanks for that comment!
  2. How? I really want to and I am getting better at this, I don't hate myself at all.. I like myself for the most part, but I don't fully accept myself either. I still want to "improve" myself.. how can I love myself and accept myself fully with all my weaknesses? How can I love EVERYTHING about myself not only the good parts?
  3. no that's actually the same thing.. ADD sort of is the reason for me being "behind". You know my brain just works differently than the brain of most other people.. I am smart, but just different. My perspective is different and I focus on other things than 95%.. so in most situations people don't really get how I approach things. I realise that I have to stand up for myself more.. in the past I tried to adapt to the 95%, but I know it doesn't work and well it didn't so.. honesty rules. Probably I am also just overly sensitive about the fact that I approach things differently, because for me it's very obvious. But most people probably don't even care.. so this feeling of not being "good enough" is a consequence out of the observation that I just process everything a little different than most other people, I am a bit slower but also deeper in my thought process and often "hyper focus" on things when they catch my attention and I just often feel inappropriate (AND it doesn't really help that I am generally a very observant person ). So the answer is self-love and self-acceptance. In the end, if you are confident and accept yourself the way you are everyone else will too. But I still have a bit of a way to go in order to get there I totally agree.
  4. I don't know.. I really don't think I am attracted to immature men. I think it's much more the opposite.. the only men I am attracted to are very, very mature. I like these extremely self-conscious guys who have a very deep thought process. I don't like assholes.
  5. I think it is because I have ADD and I am a bit different than most people. And that is probably the source of this feeling.. however I am quite certain that half of humanity (if not more) feels this way.. deep down, many people feel like they are not good enough. I think it's mostly just me.. nobody ever gave me this feeling, I just somehow don't accept myself because I am different. The key is definitely self-love and self-acceptance for me. yeah... I am not really attracted to that many men.. I don't know why. I have a very specific type and I think there are just not that many men who fit my taste. And I do tend to be attracted to very self-reflective and mature guys.. not in age but in their development. So I do realise that the guys I am attracted to are first of all rather rare and secondly probably a bit out of my league currently.. simply because I am not at this stage of development yet.. but I do expect the guy to be there. But they obviously want someone equal as well.. so that really might be the issue. However, I cannot make myself be attracted to someone I am not. I think the only way is to keep working on myself.
  6. good point, there might be some truth to this. I guess I really am not attracted to healthy men, at least not too healthy. I like a certain vulnerability in people.. those totally stable guys who never really seem to have a problem are kind of uninteresting to me. I definitely gravitate towards guys that have more layers.. but I am not sure if that really is a bad thing. I like guys who are mature and self-conscious, but also have edges. Yes that is true and that really is a danger. You have to stand up for yourself. I know what you mean and I am grateful I have never encountered such a situation.. but I still have to make sure I am not being used in everyday situations.. I was just raised to be very polite, this politeness makes it sometimes a bit hard to really be assertive and stand up for myself, but I am getting better at this
  7. exactly. @Mikael89 would you really want to be with a girl that didn't chose you, but just a relationship? Maybe my title was little bit misleading, obviously I am not just looking for any random guy who is willing to be in a relationship with me, but want to find out what is limiting me in having a mature partnership with a mature, self-conscious guy that is compatible with me. From your point of view this might look like a luxury problem, but it really isn't. In the end, nobody will be happy in a relationship that is not compatible and it's preferable to be alone than with someone who doesn't fit to you. I really don't know how to help you. It's obvious that you are suffering deeply and I am sorry it is this way.
  8. thank you for all your responses guys! @Salvijus well I guess I would just really want to have a mature partnership, because I believe you can learn a lot from each other and relationships also offer plenty of possibilities to grow. It's not that I just want any relationship.. I have a very clear picture about the kind of relationship I want. It's also not that men aren't interested in me.. it's more that I am somehow not able to make the next move with the kind of men and the sort of relationship I desire. But here you go.. it's still desire, it's still being a bit needy for this particular relationship to happen. I guess you're right, but how can I make myself not want something that I perceive as so valuable - also for my own development? @Shin thank you I read parts of the 6 pillars of self-esteem a few months ago and it really is very good! I definitely worked already on my self-confidence... but there are just so many areas in my life where I feel inferior compared to others.. my level of skill is just not as good as theirs. And I always feel I am a bit "behind", there is so much more to learn for me. I don't know if I should focus on my strengths and try to extend them as much as I can.. or if I should soften my weaknesses cause they are quite restricting. But my weaknesses are also closely connected to ADD, so I am not sure to what extent I am even able to reduce my weaknesses. @Leo Gura YES! This: that is very true for me. I think I know pretty well what kind of partner would suit to me and be good for me in theory.. but when I meet them in person, there is always something bothering me and somehow making me not attracted even though I value them SO much. Maybe it's the similarity.. that I just feel so close to them, but there is no "passion", "fire".. all the things we are told that love should be. There is one man like that in my life right now, but I am not having any romantic feelings for him. I value him a lot and I was wondering if I should give him a chance, because he really is a great guy and there is so much similarity between us.. but it would be also a bit unfair, because I know he has feelings for me and I don't want to break his heart. How can I start something with him, knowing I don't have any feelings? That doesn't seem right either. I don't have problems finding a man, but I have problems manifesting the kind of relationship that I wish to have. Maybe that's also a sign that I am simply not there yet myself. But I also think that I need to gain more experience in having a partnership. I have been turning down guys for a long time now, because I felt it was not what I was looking for. And then I have been turned down when I felt that WAS what I was looking for. So it's either my patterns.. or I still have to wait. But this desire is definitely growing with time, but it also seems highly stupid to me to get together with someone where it doesn't feel right. And when I feel it is right - the guy doesn't want to take the next move. That's the story of my life.. and I am pretty sure it's not only the guys.. there is something in my behaviour and in my subconscious beliefs that contributes to this end result. Thanks again everyone, will contemplate further on this.
  9. Hey lovely actualized community, I am 27 years old and I really wish to have a meaningful relationship. Yet my love life is basically non-existent since quite some time. I took time to work on myself and I am still not where I want to be, but I believe I made a lot of progress. And I feel I am ready for a relationship of the "next level". But I wonder if I am doing something wrong with men in general, because it somehow never works out. I am a pretty girl, I do sport regularly, live healthy, a bit introverted, a bit dreamy and in some situations insecure. I am a bit clumsy, but I also have this really cute personality.. mothers fall in love with me instantly, if men would think like mothers I wouldn't have any problem. Actually it seems like I attract many men at first too and most are very interested for some time, yet at some point it often shifts. I wonder if I am "too cute" in the sense of being the nice girl. I am definitely a genuine person and there is nothing wrong with that. But I feel like I am not showing my boundaries strongly enough.. that probably goes along with low self-esteem. There are also quite a few areas in my life where I do not really feel competent. I tried to work on my self-esteem but there are still many areas where I just feel insecure. Maybe I am just overly self-conscious and too critical, but in the end deep down I feel like I am not "good enough". So this belief obviously also mirrors the experiences I am having with men. Maybe I am also just picking the ones that are enforcing this feeling of not being "good enough"? Do you think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with this belief buried somewhere in my subconscious? And what can I do to change this? I believe it stems from me having ADD and always being a bit different than the others, feeling inappropriate somehow, but putting a lot of effort into seeming to blend in perfectly. I really worked already ver hard on trying to accept myself the way I am, but sometimes it feels like a mission impossible. Or could a relationship with an empathetic, sensitive man actually help me to believe in myself?
  10. Hey there, I want to put some of my content out there and I am thinking about a good medium. I guess I'll start with online. My work is visual (paintings and little drawings) combined with thoughtful insights. The topics are often society- or relationship-related. I guess I could look out for a few FB groups that fit as well, to engage with the community there. But mainly I am thinking about Instagram (maybe Pinterest and Quora as well). Is there another social network that could be interesting? Maybe Tumblr? There are also some social networks specifically for artists, but I am not sure if my content fits there best. I guess Instagram is the most suiting, because there is a big community there and it's easy to connect with other artists and get to know people in the scene. I am a complete newbe to social media marketing. If anyone is willing to give me any tips, I'd be really grateful. One thing I do not want to do is to present myself or share anything private about me. I wonder if that is a disadvantage (especially on Instagram), but I don't want to present myself and market myself as a person, but only my content. Of course I know that the way I present it has to fit and be consistent. But there will be no photographs of me as a person in my daily life. Do you think it's still possible to get a real presence on Instagram? Any ideas on what to focus? Also: Is it better to focus on one social network such as Instagram or should I try to build something on multiple outlets.. and try my best on Pinterest and Tumblr as well? Thanks in advance, very excited to hear your opinions
  11. I feel you.. and I think connection is crucial in life, there is no going around this. To me it just seems that you have outgrown this kind of environment and you could make yourself fit in if you wanted to, but you don't feel like you belong. The key is to keep looking for other people, you cannot expect to randomly meet these kind of people on the street or in bars or at your job (could coincidently happen when you're lucky, but likely it's not). Just follow your passions, do what you really enjoy and engage in those activities. You definitely have to move towards this direction in your new city and slowly you will meet the people where you feel you belong. Patience :), these people are out there, but they are rare and harder to find. Without taking action you are leaving it to pure chance to meet them.
  12. @Paul92 Could it be that your family and you have always been quite conscious? Like previously said, spiritual experiences aren't necessarily connected to consciousness. I know quite a few people like that, just very self-aware, humble, thoughtful people.. not into spirituality, but nevertheless conscious. That's also where their happiness comes from, they naturally have a healthy ego and are self-reflective. But they don't question their existence and things like that, they just pay close attention to all of the areas in their lives. I would also argue that it's not really possible to be truly happy and unconscious, but it's certainly possible to not be spiritual, live an ordinary life and still display high degrees of consciousness and live happily.
  13. I met someone interesting, but don't know how to proceed. It's been a while that I met someone I felt such an instant connection with. I am truly intrigued by this person, but I don't want to try to "win" him. I guess I want to know how to detach emotionally and not project anything into him. I do not know him well enough to really be able to tell who he is.. he really speaks to my hopes and I think he really is similar to me. But I don't want to fall in love with an illusion and I don't want him to fall in love with an illusion of myself. I want to be raw and honest. But simultaneously I wouldn't mind a little bit of "play" either. I want to leave him in the unknown to some degree, but not be too strategic or manipulative. What can I do? How can I be honest and authentic, but simultaneously not reveal too much and make it exciting? Interested in hearing about your thoughts.
  14. It's a bit of a coincidence that the Mona Lisa painting became that famous. Only because it's one of the most famous paintings in the world it doesn't mean that it's one of the best. Although the painting is certainly of high quality and definitely has something to it in my opinion (I like the mysterious smile, the simplicity and her intriguing gaze).. it still doesn't deeply touch me. I think there are way more incredible art works out there. The art industry is pretentious. Yet there is nothing more important than art and creativity in my opinion. It's like Leo said, art is everywhere. Everything is art, you just have to look closely. Everyone is an artist, it's not only reserved for the painters. And that is the kind of art that deeply touches me and that is way more fascinating. Leo's work is art by itself. Just the way the videos are composed and how he presents it - It's art. I feel like the essence of humanity is slowly drying out if we continue to operate the way we are right now. In our essence we are creative beings and yet creativity has such a small role in most peoples lives. Art is expression. If you are able to convey deep emotions and unify people of all backgrounds with your music, with your performance, with your writing, with your cooking, with your humour, with *you name it*.. that is the mastery of art.
  15. @Hardkill Relationships and marriage very often do not last for a whole lifetime - yet sometimes they actually do. But in most cases they don't and that is totally normal and understandable. There are multiple reasons as you mentioned. But that doesn't mean that monogamy doesn't work. But you have to be honest to yourself and when you realise that a relationship isn't working anymore, you have to end this relationship. You do not have to stay in ONE relationship for your whole life. Someone mentioned it already "serial monogamy" is what works best for most. Yet many people are afraid to separate, because people in general do not like change and are comfortable.