Pilgrim

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  1. I was struggling with loneliness quite a bit too! Recently it pretty much disappeared and I am suddenly not lonely anymore, enjoying solitude, enjoying connection with like-minded people when it is there, but not attaching to that anymore, not needing it to be there. It seems like I just accepted the transient nature of life. What helped most was to accept my loneliness. To really feel my loneliness in my body, to acknowledge it. And then I did something I have always wanted to do – in my case it was applying for an artist residency and working on some art – and naturally I met a lot of like-minded individuals. But my loneliness already changed before, when I accepted it and fully decided to carry my home within myself no matter where I go and just do things I genuinely enjoy. With this excitement it's much easier to meet people and it's also okay when you part ways again. You just attach less to people and friendships, knowing they will come and go. But that does not mean that you don't care! I care a lot and deeply connect but I appreciate the connection independent of its duration and don't have to necessarily stay in touch afterwards. So my advice is: Start a little adventure, do something that excites you and something that is totally new to you! Promise yourself to become your own best friend, treat yourself well and accept that at the moment you feel like you are lacking social interaction, friendships or a romantic relationship. Wholeheartedly accept this longing and know that it's ok to feel that way. Remember that this feeling will pass at some point but for now it's how you feel. Maybe try to even dive deep into this feelings, really examine it, where do you feel your loneliness in your body? And just send love to yourself and have compassion for yourself.
  2. I feel you. I have a very similar problem and highly question my competence due to being so different than the majority and also always having the feeling that I am "too slow". I too suspect to have some light form of ADD and the only thing that has helped is to accept that I operate differently than the majority, that means that what works for the majority doesn't work for me. Before you start doing anything, you have to work on self-acceptance and self-trust. I feel like you don't trust yourself (I have the same problem) and that stems from making the same experience over and over.. that you just don't fit in. No matter how hard you try, you cannot do what is expected of you. It's easy to start to doubt our own abilities at that point, but that's wrong! You have to stop comparing yourself to others and expecting of yourself to operate like the majority does, if you just try hard enough. You operate differently and that is absolutely OKAY. Give yourself permission to express yourself the way you are and don't try to make yourself fit into a system that doesn't fit to you. So, you are slow. That's okay. Find a job where you can be slow and where there is not much time pressure. If you can't find such a job, create it. You will find opportunities when you genuinely believe you are worthy of them. With ADD it is very, very easy to develop a form of self-hatred and to feel like a total loser and I feel with you so much because I can totally relate to this feeling. We have to learn to be utterly rooted in ourselves, to allow ourselves to set our own priorities and rules for life, which most likely differ a lot from the current standard. But you know what? There is no objective right or wrong and not everybody can fit into that tiny box society has created. So really start with fully accepting yourself and not judging yourself for your shortcomings. The number one thing ADD sufferers have to learn is to listen to their own rhythm and to not compromise who they are in order to fit in. If you subconsciously believe to be an incompetent loser than that's what you are going to attract. Over and over. Until the day you realise you are allowed to be different. Until the day you realise the others are not "better" because they are "faster". Until the day you honour your uniqueness and stop hating yourself for it. Until the day you forgive yourself and create the space for you to fully flourish. Currently you don't give yourself the space nor the permission to be who you are. You adapt and try to make it right for the others, but what is right for you?
  3. THIS! I love your whole answer.. there is so much wisdom in it. Another really great answer.. beautiful. A lot of people gave already great input.. there is not much to add anymore. But from personal experience, as a woman dealing with the same issue for a long time, the change really comes from within. I also feel like relationships these days are often lived on such a superficial level and seem so transactional in nature. "What are you giving me and what can I give you in return?".. it's a business. Not a relationship. But to get away from that transactional nature of relationships we really need to focus on self love and on feeling whole within ourselves. Only then can we see the other person for who they really are, not needing them to be a certain way to fulfill our needs.
  4. I am in a relatively new relationship (one year) with my absolute dream partner. It was basically love on first sight and the relationship is going great, I can really see myself spending my whole life with this person. There is just one issue: When we met I was in a pretty big phase of soul searching that is still not finished (and I guess might never? ). I feel like there is still a lot of work I have to do on myself, I am professionally nowhere near where I would like to be. There are lots of projects I would like to do, I would like to apply for art residencies, I want to do some house-sitting in foreign countries and create art, I want to do another education; possibly art therapy related, I sometimes feel like I would still like to explore more my own sexuality; I'm a girl and curious about other girls.. there are so many things I would like to do and I feel like with him I cannot fully express them. And that is okay to a degree, because relationship means compromise. And I know that I am naturally a bit flaky, I have a hard time with long-term commitment..but with him I know I want to commit. The relationship is my priority and I know it's the same for him. There is no "better" partner I am looking for, I know for me it's him. I just struggle with finding the right balance between "us" and "me", especially because "me" means things that are rather unusual and hard to plan, they require a high degree of flexibility and individual freedom and are not so compatible with a relationship. Specifically because the things I like to do are heavily connected to individual freedom, I like to just bounce around and see where the path is taking me. However, no amount of personal fulfilment could beat being with this man for me. I just feel like I want to give more space to "me" – the artsy, freedom-loving, adventurous me that likes to spend time alone and fully be in her own flow – not knowing how to integrate that with my relationship. He does not like to be physically apart for a longer time while I feel like I sometimes even need it. I miss him a lot after some time, usually already after some days, but I also really crave to be absolutely alone sometimes. Any advice is much appreciated
  5. I think there is nothing bad with loving multiple people at the same time. Your love is not limited and loving one person, doesn't take love away from another person. I don't see anything wrong with this. I think closure is important in the sense that you are sure you don't want to get back together, you have accepted that this was a part of your journey and it's over now. But there is nothing wrong in my opinion with thinking about ex's and even still loving them. Why wouldn't you? Just be clear that you are fully committed to your current partner and this is the person you are seeing your future with. Although in your case it sounds like you are still idolising her because your relationship ended before the honeymoon phase ended, therefore keep in mind that a lot of your feelings might come from idealising a perfect version in your head and this might not have to do so much with the actual "reality".
  6. It does indeed sound like she is having a victim mindset. The most loving thing you can do is explore with her where that victim mindset is coming from and as others suggested help her with becoming more independent and feeling more empowered. It's not a nice life if you have to depend on a guy to take care of you, it might feel like it's easier in a way but in the long run she is hurting herself more. There is no other way than to start to tackle this victim mindset and to understand where it's coming from and working towards empowerment. I don't think you have to kick her out fully, you can support her in her journey of becoming more independent and start with her paying half of the rent. If you keep on going like you are, you enable her and she will never get out of this mindset. If you truly love her as a person, you should not let that happen. It sounds like you are a very kind guy and I don't agree that you have to learn to become more masculine for women to be attracted to you. You can also operate with feminine energy, as long as you have empowered healthy feminine energy. Your approach can be kind, loving and supportive. The only important thing is boundaries. You do have to have clear boundaries. Communicate what is okay and what isn't. I think helping her with this process can also be healing for you. Because you are taking a clear stand and at the same time not letting her down.
  7. This is quite an interesting human being. He quit money and I love his perspective on giving and receiving without creating a dynamic of credit and debt. Nature just is.
  8. I think that's a struggle most people doing inner work know.. it's such a natural desire to be surrounded by like-minded individuals and to share your journey. Personally, I find it difficult to find a balance between taking action and simultaneously detaching from the outcome. I assume a lot of people here have the same desire, me included, to have people around you that fully "get you" and who are just naturally on the same path.. I've had since a long time an inner longing for a creative tribe of sorts and went to all kinds of workshops and events to meet like-minded people.. but at the same time there was also an energetic neediness to it (in my case). I think this is very natural and of course it's important to be aware of this desire. But obviously nothing good comes out of a mindset of lack and it's simply not sustainable. In my case there was too much trying on the outside, too much trying to take control over the matter. I truly think the way to go is working on your own vision, being in an energy of abundance, and you will naturally attract like-minded individuals. It will all happen by itself. I think the most important component here is trust. Trusting in yourself and trusting in your path.
  9. Hey guys, I thought I might quickly introduce myself, I am a 29 years old female currently living in France. The last job I worked at was in a public relations agency, before that I worked in marketing related fields in startups. I went to the typical business schools and most of the people around me are in typical corporate jobs. I always chose little agencies or startups cause I knew the corporate world was certainly not my thing.. but in the end I got somewhat exploited in the small companies as well. I am really sick of working as a "wage slave". What now? I am artistically quite talented, I could see myself working as an illustrator and actually make money from that. I am also really thinking about starting a little online shop, a gift shop with cute items for when you quickly need an aesthetic little present. But I am somehow so afraid of moving into that direction. It's as if I would be paralysed. I really have issues taking this leap of faith.. considering my personality and what I need to be happy, I probably have no other choice than doing my own thing.. but I am actually so terrified to make this step. And I have way too many ideas, way too many things I could potentially do... and I end up not being able to decide for ONE thing. I have not taken Leo's life purpose course yet, but it's on my list. So far I have been intensely focusing on Simon Sinek's "Start with Why" and it's surprisingly difficult to find "your why". There are reasons for it (your "why" is formed in the limbic system, which is responsible for feelings and does not know any language; therefore verbalizing your why takes a lot of time and you will rather "feel" it first and slowly find words for it. This is why you cannot reason or think yourself into your why). Your why is connected to something that is totally innate for you. Something that you are quite likely to even overlook, because the rational part of the brain deems it as unimportant. It's such a natural "skill" to you that you don't really consider it a skill. It's basically so obvious that you cannot see it and truly value it as something special. Because it's not really that special to you. You might feel like this is too easy or too banal or too unimportant to be anything of value, but that's actually where your natural talent very likely lies. So far I have hints for my why, but I have not been able to fully verbalize it yet. My question: I was thinking, maybe some of you are in the same situation? You want to start your own thing, either as freelancer or as solo-entrepreneur, you might have a rough idea but you don't fully know how your concept will look like in the end and you would like to exchange some ideas and also get closer to your "why"? And you would also like to work on what's blocking you? I would love to share this process with other people, the "why" process and the process of dealing with limiting beliefs and fear arising. I think what's currently blocking me are my limiting beliefs and not fully knowing my deepest why. I would love to work on this with sort of a support team/self-managed mentoring.. maybe we could work on our limiting beliefs together and share methods that have worked for us etc.? Anybody interested?
  10. Lately my thoughts about the world have become very negative. My view of life on this planet is that our species is just incredibly primitive. I am so sick of these ego survival games and I absolutely don't want to play the game, yet I have to. I understand that my thoughts and my judgements are the main problem.. I am believing my thoughts too much. Life just is, it doesn't need to be a certain way. I want our society and humanity to be more "developed", I am truly sick of this madness but I also understand that everything has its timing and life will take care of this by itself. So basically I am resisting life, I am resisting the natural flow of life. While I intellectually understand the stupidity and absurdity of this approach – I am not in control of what is, life just flows, no matter how much I hate it, it changes absolutely nothing – I still cannot help but resist it emotionally. Honestly, I often cannot fathom the stupidity that is going on here. Human beings have so much potential, yet the majority of people are more animal-like and thus so far away from their true humanness. That truly saddens me and I wish it would be very different. How can I let go of these beliefs? They don't serve me and I cannot change any of it. I can see that I am very judgemental and not giving enough compassion. I can see that my resistance to life the way it is, is the problem. How can I let go of that and accept what is? I have so much aversion against life and our world and especially our species and this stupid game of survival. I can clearly see that this is my problem: aversion and resistance. And I think the only way out of there for me is to see more clearly that it's pointless. Can you help me better see why it's so pointless to resist life? I need to fully become aware of the absurdity of aversion to what is. Thank you for anyone reading this.
  11. I have been in the same situation for quite some time.. longing to meet people with whom I could truly connect. As others have said, this is a rather lonely path.. the more you develop, the less you can relate to "normal folks". So naturally we wish to meet people who are more like us, where we feel truly understood. And while it's true that meeting these kind of people is rather rare, they still exist. And sometimes you meet them totally unexpectedly! My advice is: Try to get out of this scarcity mindset.. because that's a needy energy afterall.. I know from experience that chances of meeting equals are much higher when you are coming from an abundant mindset. That might require accepting that you might never meet a partner with whom you fully vibe. It's a possibility – try to get comfortable with that. Work on this until you really fully live in trust, until you trust that if you stay alone, it will be for the best. Only when I fully accepted this and started to be really okay with this possibility, did I meet my partner (very, very coincidently!). I still have this longing for a creative tribe of equals. I would love to have a conscious friends circle. But I think the best way of getting there is to truly let go of it and just see what life brings you.
  12. I know this topic has already been talked about a lot on here and I also read some older threads on that.. but I am still having so many questions in my mind.. so sorry about the repetition! Is Law of Attraction legit or not? I have dismissed it for a long time, it used to be total BS to me. But I am starting to consider there is actually some truth to it. I guess it makes sense that we do attract – maybe not what we think – but who we are as a whole at each precise moment. Positive thinking is definitely way too simplistic because there is too much going on in our whole mind-body-spirit-system to reduce it just to thoughts. On top of that so many repressed emotions/limiting beliefs aren't even in our conscious awareness.. so they of course direct our behaviour without us even noticing it. They I guess would need to come to the surface for Law of Attraction to actually work. But let's assume I would be able to work on all of my blockages, on my limiting beliefs and become aware of the deepest motivations behind my desires.. would I be able to set intentions that truly manifest into something? Or will I just attract what currently fits to my frequency and I have no control over what I am attracting? For sure it makes sense that the higher my vibration and the "purer" my motivations the "better" things I would be attracting.. but do I have a choice over what I attract? I guess it's more about getting more and more alligned with your authentic self and acting out of "purer" motivations and then letting go of the outcome and seeing where you end up.. If you like, let me know what you think! I am very curious to understand this better. THANKS
  13. I am about to dive into the "digital nomad" kind of work and life and am confronted with a problem: My rational part of the brain is feeling some fear and need for security and wants to do something that is somewhat "safe" to earn me some money.. I am thinking about UX design. I found a good online training for 8 months and then work as a freelancer in that field. The skill is in demand and I know I will find some online job opportunity with that.. be it a remote job or a freelance opportunity. I find UX design somewhat interesting, but it's not that it's my heart's desire to do this... but my only other option would be digital marketing; specifically copywriting and social media management and I certainly prefer UX design over these skills. My true interest however lies in psychology and art. And I am building an online project on Instagram connected to that. I am curating content about attachment theory, limiting beliefs and inner child work and explaining it with my own artistic illustrations through story telling. This is definitely where my passion lies and I also want to do more trainings in the field of psychology and become a therapist. Ideally I would attract an audience over Instagram and my website and be able to do 1-1 consultations over skype and zoom. This approach seems less "safe" to me regarding financial success, but I am just much more interested in that topic. Can you help me decide what to do? Should I do both? Or concentrate only on my heart's desire? I think I am somewhat talented in both, UX design also has to do a lot with psychology, you need to be able to understand the perspective of your audience very well and understand their needs and where they are coming from.. my background in marketing is for sure helpful with that, but my passion is for sure to work as a therapist. I am really twisted about this.. and considering to do both.. but I wonder if that's just fear speaking? And fear is as we all know a bad adviser. Or is it a reasonable consideration to learn a skill in high-demand and additionally to work on my passion project without pressure and see where that leads me? Really would appreciate some input, thank you ??♥️
  14. I feel exactly the same! For me it's very difficult to find the motivation to actually achieve something because it really does seem very pointless to me. I am exactly in the same situation, I don't know what to do with my life. There are things I like doing more than other things, but I don't really care if I end up being successful or not. I generally don't really care about a lot of things. I enjoy the little things though, I like to just observe the miraculous play of nature and feel the elements, be in a really rough rain storm or feel sunrays on the skin and things like that. But I genuinely don't know what to do about the "big" things in my life.. I don't care about them at all. But yes, maybe it is indeed freeing as well. Maybe let's just follow what excites us, even if the excitement is small. It might be a trace. There must be something that in some way or form excites you or makes you curious even though it's totally "unimportant". If ultimately everything is pointless, it really does not matter whatsoever the content is.
  15. Since there is a lot of talk about the big conjunction happening on December 21st this year, I was wondering if anybody knows a good and trustable astrology site or some other trustworthy sources? I find it particularly difficult to find good sources on astrology.. but I deeply intuit that there is something to it. Thanks a lot in advance!!