Pilgrim

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  1. I think I met mine as well.. we have been dating for a couple of months, but it got too intense for him (he is the runner) and we are in separation now. I'm not sure if I am deluding myself, but somehow I just know it's true.. we are twins. Today I accidentally ran into him when he was on a date with another girl! That was quite rough.. but the few months with him already transformed my life immensely. I don't know if we will ever come back together.. but already shortly after meeting him I had a feeling this person will be very important in my life. I try not to cling to the idea that we will ever be back together. Maybe he will just stay my friend.. I also don't know if all twins are meant to be in a romantic relationship. But meeting your twin will definitely change your life. I can really feel that I am stepping into my power. I am the chaser twin and usually for the chaser the lesson is to not control the situation. Not to hold onto this person. You have to follow your own path. The chaser really needs to learn to let go and the ultimate lesson is self-love and self-acceptance (for both actually). I can notice that I am already taking huge steps into that direction.. but I don't know if we will ever unite again. Maybe I will also meet a soulmate at some point and have a romantic relationship with this person – in any case the meeting of my twin really brought me closer towards understanding who I am and how I want my life to be. Somehow I also had a feeling that I might meet him today, I was not expecting to see him on a date.. that took me by surprise. But I was actually not too surprised to see him, I don't know I felt we might meet. I can't really explain any of this with my rational mind and sometimes I am really scared I might be deluding myself. But there is also some knowing, that is just there.
  2. Hey there, So, I have a problem. I am a hypersensitive, empathetic, introverted person and I need a lot of flexibility. The way work is structured is not for me, I know that. I get overwhelmed too quickly, so many people in a room is very exhausting for me and generally the pace of the work life is a bit too fast for me as well. Also I cannot state how much I detest the stiff structure, I would feel very different if I would have more freedom to decide and more choice. But the simple fact that someone expects me to go to an office every day and to sit there from 9 to 5 every day is SO hard for me. I feel incredibly caught and my world seems so small and tight. Currently I also have to commute nearly 3 hours every day. So my day is very full with work and I get home very late and very exhausted. Obviously this is not a lifestyle that is sustainable, and I never intended to do this long term.. simply as long as it serves me. In the beginning the intense structure was very good for me and it helped me come out of a phase of disorientation. However, now I feel my thoughts are much more organised and I know what I want to do. I want to look for a part time job (25hrs) and concentrate with the 15hrs I have left every day on creative projects, I really want to start a podcast with a friend and I am also a painter and want to focus more on my art. I know from my heart that I want to do this and I am pretty sure I found my "why" so to speak. Yet, I have only been at my job for 6 months and after 1 year you get a kind of certificate.. it's a sort of traineeship and I would have finished the traineeship after this time (it's in Public Relations). I don't want to work in this field long-term, yet I have learned many valuable things already and I know I struggle with discipline and perseverance. I did learn some valuable skills in content creation and I learned more of the stage orange "effectiveness techniques", honestly this whole traineeship feels like a looong personal development seminar (but stage orange) and I know those are things I HAVE to learn.. time management, self-organisation, perseverance, discipline, claiming my space.. all things related to masculine energy actually.. this is really underdeveloped in myself and if I ever want to succeed in anything, I have to develop some grit. There is no way around that. So I thought especially with the commute and the tight structure and the tendency of everyone in this office being chronically overworked is a good learning opportunity for me. HOWEVER, now I am not sure if I have been asking too much of myself, if I was pushing myself too hard.. I notice that I am very, very exhausted to the point where it definitely isn't healthy anymore. 6 months does not sound long, but it is very long, if you barely can make another day. I am completely at my limit right now and I lost all motivation that I previously had.. partly I think because I found my "why" and anything that isn't related to it feels like a waste of time and energy. I honestly don't know what to do. Continue or leave? Whatever I pick, it has to be for the right reason. I cannot stay for the certificate only.. it has to be connected to my "why" and it is through the personal development factors.. through the increase of my discipline and time management.. but obviously not directly (and it might start to become counter-productive, cause I am so much at my limit) and if I leave it also has to be for the right reasons.. being true to myself, knowing who I am, knowing what I want, knowing that I need more flexibility and definitely not this caught office life and that there is no point in waiting any longer to start properly working on my why... and not that I give up because I didn't have the discipline and the will to stick through it. How can I know and understand my true reasons and motivations? I tried to filter already WHY I want to leave and am just not 100% sure if it's for the right reasons or not. Like I will leave for sure after 6 months, but I actually really want to leave now already and just fuck the certificate. But is it for the right reasons? Any help is highly appreciated!! I would be SOO GRATEFUL for advice @Leo Gura @Emerald @ajasatya maybe you have some wise words for me? Thank you in advance!!
  3. It's pretty common to fall in love with other people while being in a relationship. It happened to many friends of mine, they developed strong crushes towards other girls/guys and have already been in relationships. This is totally natural, there are other interesting people on the planet - other than your current partner. However, as you mentioned.. of course the new person is more exciting to you. You know what you have with your girlfriend (on break).. relationships roughly consist of 4 stages: attraction, connection, investment and compatibility. You seem to have all four components with "Amanda", with "Kylie" you seem to have attraction and connection.. investment is hard to tell, it means the level of commitment both of you are willing to put into the relationship. It means if the other person is loyal to you and wants to build a future with you. The 4th sage usually only shows with time, in order to live in a serious relationship with someone you need a certain amount of similarity and your lifestyles have to match, otherwise you will have a lot of problems in everyday life. Usually falling in love and developing a crush is still pretty superficial. You don't fully know the other person yet and it almost always involves a certain amount of idealisation. When you're falling in love, your hormones are going crazy and your basically "on drugs". This feeling is amazing, but it also clouds your judgment.. it's seeing through the typical rose coloured glasses. Maybe "Kylie" is a true love as well, but only time will tell. A guy friend of mine told me once: "You have to observe your feelings carefully, and oftentimes the crush goes away with time. If not, you have to make a decision". So, if I were in your position, I wouldn't force myself to make a decision right now. You are not in a relationship at the moment, you can take your time to see how things evolve. But keep in mind that developing a strong connection with someone is not a sure sign that you can also live in a happy relationship with them. Other factors count in as well. And in the early times of developing feelings for someone, you usually don't know the person well enough to have a rounded image of them. Usually we are projecting all kinds of things onto them.. and only later we can see the flaws, that we couldn't see in the beginning. Take your time. This happens to many people.
  4. So I was seeing this really great guy for a couple of months, but unfortunately it didn't work out between us... and I can't properly let go. Therefore I am going on a lot of dates now to distract my mind a bit. And I noticed that I am actually slightly stiff and reserved in a dating situation, particularly when I am interested. How can I loosen up more and also show more of myself? I play it way too safe.. and only say what I think is acceptable, what makes me quite predictable. I'd love to show more of my quirks and generally be more vulnerable. But somehow it's very difficult for me to share or show something personal to other people? Any advice on how to approach this is highly appreciated
  5. I am not an expert in this, do you mind explaining why you see so much potential in Ethereum in the long run? Thank you so much! I have some money aside, but I am a bit risk-averse.. but if I want financial independence over time, I need to get more comfortable with taking risks I totally feel you. I also think there has to be "more".. but I don't want to live outside of society either. In my personal opinion if you have enough money on the side, I would invest in real estate in some country/area that is booming for vacation and rent it out via Airbnb
  6. Interesting question! Well for me it seemed like most people were very oriented on the goal "achieve a certain amount of money by time x through putting in service/effort", a totally reasonable SMART (=Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Reasonable, Time Bound) goal. And that's a good way to go, but I felt like they want to "force" it to happen and all their attention lies on achieving this specific goal.. for me there is an underlying truth of "attracting" things, success and people when you are acting out of your Authentic Self and you don't need to force things to happen. They happen naturally.. but it takes a lot of trust and especially authenticity. It's a sort of detachment of the outcome.. it does not necessarily need to happen this specific way and I might adapt my plan on the way.. I am just going to put genuine effort in it, plant a seed and see how big it grows (total detachment of the outcome). Also, for what do they want to achieve this money? Ultimately they want happiness and think they can buy that with money. Money definitely plays a role in your happiness (at least in mine) cause it gives you security and the resources to devote time on the things you love.. however, when you're stuck in the mind set of wanting to be "rich".. it's never going to be enough. They are so attached to the money and being successful, they will just ache for more, more and more. And ultimately this attachment to money will make them very miserable.
  7. I attended a Master Mind group yesterday and it was quite fun! It's a pretty orange Master Mind though and most of the teachings were centred around money and getting rich... and I also feel that most of the literature is concentrated on orange thinking.. one of the books mentioned was "rich dad, poor dad" and the main discussion was about "think and grow rich". Did any of you happen to read either of the books? I think even though I am more interested in alternative, holistic topics and many of the people were way too success-focused for me.. it could still be very useful for me. I haven't really developed stage orange ever. I am a naturally non-competitive, but collaborative and non-materialistic person. So this is new thinking for me and the literature is also "new". Even though I feel like I can see through some of the limitations of this mind set and it's clear to me that ultimately that's not the way for me to go.. but I think I can integrate some of the knowledge. It was very practical and I want to combine the efficiency with more holistic topics.. more in the sense of a social entrepreneur. But if I want to achieve something I also have to look at the monetary side of things.. otherwise it's just going to stay a dream. So I think it's very useful for me, even though a lot of the thinking is not totally aligned with my values. And at times it feels like a "step back".. because I can see through the limitation and I know that there is a deeper truth underneath. But overall, I still need to integrate orange.. so it's not really a step back, but just a catch up of something I skipped over. What do you guys think? (Sometimes I got triggered to hint at something that lies underneath.. but I realised it doesn't make any sense. You can't really see through the limitation if that's the mind set you're at. It will just sound like gibberish and non-sense.. and the people will think "wow she's so naive, I got it figured out and she has no idea. Intuition is so woo-woo, what could you achieve with it. It's numbers over gut instinct." Or something along these lines.. so it's a total waste of effort to try to make someone understand something, he or she is not open to. So that could be difficult, to be able to see through some of it and not say a word.. because ultimately everyone has to find out for themselves and you can't convince someone into understanding.) So many learnings
  8. For whoever this is interesting.. I decided now to completely cut the ties with him. He doesn't deserve this, because I know he truly cares about me. But I don't deserve the current situation either. It's hurting me because I can sense that he is holding back (be it out of fear), but he simply isn't all in and I am. And I want a guy who is all in with me. So that's my answer.
  9. Thank you for all your diverse answers, it's quite interesting to see all of these different opinions (and projections ). Indeed I cannot know what's going on inside of him and indeed I cannot do the work for him. I realised I have some work to do myself, cause I was clinging a bit too much. It seems like we have this dynamic of the "chaser" and the "runner", the runner runs out of fear of intimacy and the chaser chases out of a lack of independence. But it's also beautiful that we found each other and have to learn to deal with these problems now. I have to be strong on my own (I changed my pattern already and distanced myself) and he needs to open up emotionally and be vulnerable (he tries and at least is aware of his pattern). So we are learning a lot and growing together, this requires a quite high level of maturity though and it's not easy. We hope for interdependence.. so far he is radically "independent" and acting as if he doesn't need anybody and could do everything on this own and I am more the dependent one.. but both are false in a way.. we both want security, he does not want to be hurt again and can't be vulnerable and with this he is isolating himself and ultimately hurting himself but he feels like it's more secure and I am too attached and clingy and feel like I need someone for security (polar opposite).. for our healing process we need to balance this dynamic within ourselves. Obviously the goal would be a balanced self and to form a healthy form of independence on both sides, which thus can lead to a healthy interdependence. We'll see what the future holds for us, but I know we both have to work on these patterns and heal our wounds now first. Thanks to all of you again!
  10. What to do if the guy I am seeing has commitment issues? I have been dating a guy for 3 months now and since he came back from a Vipassana retreat he is acting very weirdly. We have been very close before and now he is very distant.. it seems like he is too hurt emotionally and not able to open up. And it seems that opening up to someone is getting harder for him, the better we know each other. I am also wondering if he just feels like we are not a match, since mostly "I am not ready for a relationship" means "I am not ready for a relationship with you" but in this case, I don't think so. I feel like he is very hurt inside.. he has been cheated on quite badly and it seems like he developed a fear of intimacy. He can't properly commit to me right now and wants to take it very slow, this involves also no physical intimacy/contact since he feels like he is loosing himself too much. He wants to develop more of a platonic friendship now (it seems like he feels this gives him more security) and take his time now and get more stable within himself. It seems totally reasonable to me, but the problem is I want a committed relationship, I want to know where I am at.. and he can't give this to me right now. He deeply wishes for true intimacy, but he is also incredibly afraid of it. I don't really know what to do.. because if I am waiting for him until he is ready, it seems like I am deciding against myself. And I don't want to do that.. I am making myself way too dependent on him then. That's why I decided to distance myself now and let him go. It's truly difficult though. But I don't see that there is another option? Maybe he is able to sort it out and maybe I am still there, when he is ready. But maybe I am then also gone already.. I don't know. How can you heal commitment issues and a fear of intimacy? Thank you for everyone who can contribute to this!!
  11. I have met this great guy, I cannot put into words how amazing he is! We are dating since 3 months now and around the 2nd month we have become intimate and we went very crazy because the physical connection was just beyond this world.. that obviously distracted us quite a bit. And although we are both pretty aware, there is still much to learn and I think we got carried away by our sexual connection.. hormones took the lead. Now we are trying to start from the beginning and get to know each other more slowly.. because a true, genuine connection needs time and sex can be too distracting for that. (I believe there is another layer to sexual connection and we certainly have touched this layer already.. but it's too easy to get carried away in more "animalistic instincts") I believe that true, lasting love needs to grow on an emotional, mental, spiritual AND physical level. We have a connection on all these levels and I believe that sex can actually help to grow on these levels. But he wants to take it very slowly now and not be intimate for a while.. therefore my question is: how should I behave now? I have a very strong physical attraction towards him and I feel the need to touch him a lot. Yet I also don't want the physical part to be the dominating one and quieting out the other dynamics of the relationship. Maybe it's really best to try to leave aside the sexual part for a while and focus on the more "quiet" parts of love. But what can I do if I just feel the need to be physically close to him? How can I get closer to him on the mental, emotional and spiritual aspect of the relationship without being physical for now? Does anyone have a good idea how to especially focus on the emotional and spiritual connection? I feel like our mental connection is very good as well, we can really get carried away in conversation.. we talk a lot about spirituality as well, but that still seems to be a mental connection (since we are talking). Actually I felt most spiritually connected to him when we were having sex (that's why I know we touched other layers of sexuality already.. but I cannot deny that hormones were dominating at other times).. but what other way is there - besides the physical - to feel spiritually connected to someone? I don't believe it's through conversation.. but I just don't know how? Maybe through looking into each others eyes for 30 minutes? Meditating together? And then the emotional connection.. that one is the most difficult for us.. I have not fully opened up emotionally yet, but that is something that is difficult for me and I believe he hasn't either. Although we both want to, but we have been hurt in the past. And I think we are both still having some emotional protection walls around us. What can we do to feel emotionally more connected? I mean probably we have to be vulnerable.. and that's really the hard part.. I am really scared about being too vulnerable. But I know that's the important thing to do. But what precisely could we do to connect on a very deep emotional level? Could we also express ourselves through art and music and go through this route to the emotions? @Leo Gura @Emerald I would really appreciate your input on this question. I believe it could be interesting for many people on here.. thank you so much!!
  12. UPDATE: When I posted this, I was afraid of never finding a boyfriend and feeling fundamentally flawed deep down. I thought it had to do with me, because I was seemingly never able to make it work. I now met an awesome guy and I still can't believe that really happened. He is amazing and we just click so naturally. I realised it had to do with a pattern of mine and that I was just attracted to the wrong kind of guys. Also I think everyone is potentially compatible with multiple people, however there are people who are compatible with a higher number of people. Whereas for me, I am not compatible with that many people.. of course there is not only one possible person for me either.. but I feel very fortunate to have met at least this one, because I can sense it's rare.. and there just simply aren't many people like him out there. Before that (because I didn't meet anyone like him) I was stuck with the "normal" guys.. and they just don't fit to me and I don't fit to them. I tried to adjust myself and make myself "normal" as well.. but ultimately that can never work when you deny your true nature. With this guy I can be completely myself, I don't feel like I have to censor myself, or that he wouldn't understand certain things.. I can be vulnerable with him and I never really had that before. I wonder where it's going from here and I hope I don't idealise him too much, but my intuition tells me this could be a life partner. It just feels very mature. I just wanted to post this update here, cause I believe many people think it has to do with "them", when in fact there are always two sides. On a side note: this is totally true as well! I just now saw your comment.. I think that's a trap I fell into quite a few times already. As girls we are taught to be nice, I am totally wired this way and always very polite. I am very aware I have to work on not being too agreeable. Very good point, thanks for that comment!
  13. How? I really want to and I am getting better at this, I don't hate myself at all.. I like myself for the most part, but I don't fully accept myself either. I still want to "improve" myself.. how can I love myself and accept myself fully with all my weaknesses? How can I love EVERYTHING about myself not only the good parts?
  14. no that's actually the same thing.. ADD sort of is the reason for me being "behind". You know my brain just works differently than the brain of most other people.. I am smart, but just different. My perspective is different and I focus on other things than 95%.. so in most situations people don't really get how I approach things. I realise that I have to stand up for myself more.. in the past I tried to adapt to the 95%, but I know it doesn't work and well it didn't so.. honesty rules. Probably I am also just overly sensitive about the fact that I approach things differently, because for me it's very obvious. But most people probably don't even care.. so this feeling of not being "good enough" is a consequence out of the observation that I just process everything a little different than most other people, I am a bit slower but also deeper in my thought process and often "hyper focus" on things when they catch my attention and I just often feel inappropriate (AND it doesn't really help that I am generally a very observant person ). So the answer is self-love and self-acceptance. In the end, if you are confident and accept yourself the way you are everyone else will too. But I still have a bit of a way to go in order to get there I totally agree.
  15. I don't know.. I really don't think I am attracted to immature men. I think it's much more the opposite.. the only men I am attracted to are very, very mature. I like these extremely self-conscious guys who have a very deep thought process. I don't like assholes.