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About Pilgrim

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  1. I had an experience yesterday, that I can't place.. I actually tried to convince my body that I was dying (read about that technique somewhere online) and was imagining how it would feel like to be dead, I tried to surrender as much as I could and at some point I felt as if I was not in my body anymore.. it's so hard to explain, but as if I was slightly above my body.. and it turned very, very black.. but I was aware of the blackness.. my eyes were closed, but I felt like the blackness increased.. I also got very afraid... but surrendered to the fear.. then the whole experience stopped again. Any ideas?
  2. Funny, I was thinking about this today as well on my commute back from work.. I know for sure that I cannot work an office job for the rest of my life and I feel very trapped in the traditional working environment. I know I will have to find a solution for myself and it won't be a 9 to 5 in an office, at least not longterm. However, sometimes I have this guilty voice in my head, that whispers "don't be so entitled, so many people work jobs they hate".. but then it hit me, that it's not me who is putting them into this box.. they are doing it to themselves. I dare to dream that I don't have to work like this for the rest of my life, I dare to ask for more. Of course I know that a solution won't just fall into my lap.. but simply because I am open to the fact that I can change my situation and I believe that there has to be an alternative, it's much more likely to happen to me. So there is no need to feel guilty.. I am just putting myself into this very same box if I feel guilty for asking for more. It's not my fault other people are limiting themselves to that kind of lifestyle, but I can empower them to start seeing what's possible. Because it's like you said how could you pursue anything if you don't believe it's possible? So what do I think is possible? I think it's possible that I am going to be a couples therapist at some point, that I will have my own podcast and that I am going to be an "influencer" of some kind. I think it's possible to use social media differently – it's not the medium itself that causes havoc, but the way people are using it. I think it's possible to live an authentic life, not having to wear a mask. I think it's possible to be soft and simultaneously strong.
  3. What is your exact fear? That she doesn't reciprocate the feeling? Or are you just overwhelmed with the intensity of the feelings you have for her? Are you afraid you're getting lost in a "fantasy"? Usually falling in love does include a certain amount of "fantasy".. that's what falling in love is.. we partly fall in love with the image we have about people in our head. But since she is a friend of yours you likely know her very well already.. so you don't idealise her too much, you know the "real her" already. That is good! It's a lot more difficult to see the real person when you fall in love with someone you don't know that well and particularly when you are being intimate already. That fuels the romanticised picture we have in our heads immensely. What I want to say is: I think there is no better foundation than friendship for a relationship! You likely know the real person and you genuinely like her for who she really is. Still: Chances are that you still idealise her a little. You have painted a picture about her in your head.. try to see if that picture really matches with the reality. "When you feel like you love someone more than life itself".. this is beautiful, but it also sounds like idealisation. The difficult part now is to observe your feelings and to be very honest with yourself. Enjoy these intense feelings, but simultaneously try to detach a little (in a loving way). Observe, feel and ask yourself what is going on. Where do these intense feelings come from? What behaviour of hers triggers them? Are they connected to a lack you feel in yourself? Does she maybe "feed" this lack with actions she takes, things she says? I hope this helps you explore your true feelings and to find out how much of this intensity is genuine and how much of it is in your head.
  4. What's the best way to boost personal development? I know there are no quick fixes, but due to a very spoiling upbringing I feel like I am far behind in quite many areas. There is so much that I need to learn, it's crazy. But mostly I need to get out of my comfort zone and start to be able to deal with more pressure and to take some risks. I play it way too safe. One thing I plan to do is go to a poetry slam and present a text of mine. It won't be genius, but I guess it won't be too bad either and it's definitely a challenge for me to show myself and my thoughts in front of an unknown audience. I want to put myself in more situations like this and really would like to do a few extraordinary things that really push my development as far as possible. I know that consistent effort is key as well and most efficient in the long run – no matter how small the improvement. Any tips on how to make myself more accountable with consistency as well? But generally I am looking for situations/workshops/experiences that enable remarkable growth in a relatively short time. Have you had any such experiences? I am quite sure I don't do this out of a need for approval.. I really want this for myself. I want to work on my own empowerment and feel empowered. I want to become the creator of my life and not stay a reactor. It's starting to make me a bit angry even that I have done this to myself for this long and now I can't wait to become the creator I wish to be. What are generally the most important ingredients for growth in your opinion? (the toolkit basically) Which events/experiences made your growth skyrocket? Thanks so much in advance!
  5. This. There is also a common quote that highlights this: "If you want something very, very badly, let it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, it was never yours to begin with." Letting go really is your only chance, you cannot fight for her. It will result in the opposite and you will loose her sooner or later. She has to be willing to come to you on her own. The only thing you can do, is to do your best to attract her – but simultaneously to let go of the outcome. With this I mean put your best self forward and detach from the outcome. Just see what happens. Also, this is a scarcity mindset. There might not be someone who is exactly like her, but there are other women who fit to you equally well. I know it's difficult when you have met someone very special and you can't really believe that anyone in the world could even get close to that. But that's simply not true and you are limiting yourself with this belief. Also the more you think this is true, the more you will cling to her and not be able to let her go. Like it was said here already.. this scarcity mindset mostly stems from a place of neediness. You have a need, a lack and you want to fill this lack.. maybe she was able to fill this lack for a while, but she won't be able to do this in the longterm anyways. The best thing you can do now is: - Contemplate where that neediness is coming from - Try to fill the emotional lack on your own. We all have heard this a hundred times.. but work on your self-love and your self-esteem. That's most likely the root of your neediness. It's a long process, but it's worth it. - Continue to meet other girls to work on your scarcity mindset - Do something that you feel passion for
  6. Thank you so much for starting this topic! I am currently incredibly frustrated with my job and I feel like there are mainly jobs with an "orange" mindset in my city. Can anyone help me find metrics/characteristics with which I can identify higher consciousness jobs? Of course things such as transparency, certain buzzwords, concentration on social and environmental values, a good work-life balance and things like that indicate a more "green" mindset. The best fit I could find so far were jobs that concentrate on social entrepreneurship.. I guess so far I can best identify with that. But I wonder if I can go deeper within a job... How could you identify a job with a "yellow" mindest? Or even "turquoise"? Are there certain areas that they concentrate on? For instance I feel like with therapy and coaching you are more likely to find people like that. There are quite a few artists as well. But are they also somewhere in the "regular" business world? Thanks so much for any answers!!
  7. @Oliver Saavedra I think it's important not to romanticise the connection and to observe what happens. I am not totally sure if he is my twin, but that questioning comes more from my rational mind. There have been quite a few coincidences in our lives which got me thinking though. And somehow I knew very early that this person is going to be very important in my life... I guess it comes down to: "when you know, you know." I can't explain it with my rational mind. But something inside me seems to know. Yet, I try not to cling to the idea too much. He is not ready right now anyways. This will need a lot of time and currently I need to focus on myself.
  8. I think I met mine as well.. we have been dating for a couple of months, but it got too intense for him (he is the runner) and we are in separation now. I'm not sure if I am deluding myself, but somehow I just know it's true.. we are twins. Today I accidentally ran into him when he was on a date with another girl! That was quite rough.. but the few months with him already transformed my life immensely. I don't know if we will ever come back together.. but already shortly after meeting him I had a feeling this person will be very important in my life. I try not to cling to the idea that we will ever be back together. Maybe he will just stay my friend.. I also don't know if all twins are meant to be in a romantic relationship. But meeting your twin will definitely change your life. I can really feel that I am stepping into my power. I am the chaser twin and usually for the chaser the lesson is to not control the situation. Not to hold onto this person. You have to follow your own path. The chaser really needs to learn to let go and the ultimate lesson is self-love and self-acceptance (for both actually). I can notice that I am already taking huge steps into that direction.. but I don't know if we will ever unite again. Maybe I will also meet a soulmate at some point and have a romantic relationship with this person – in any case the meeting of my twin really brought me closer towards understanding who I am and how I want my life to be. Somehow I also had a feeling that I might meet him today, I was not expecting to see him on a date.. that took me by surprise. But I was actually not too surprised to see him, I don't know I felt we might meet. I can't really explain any of this with my rational mind and sometimes I am really scared I might be deluding myself. But there is also some knowing, that is just there.
  9. Hey there, So, I have a problem. I am a hypersensitive, empathetic, introverted person and I need a lot of flexibility. The way work is structured is not for me, I know that. I get overwhelmed too quickly, so many people in a room is very exhausting for me and generally the pace of the work life is a bit too fast for me as well. Also I cannot state how much I detest the stiff structure, I would feel very different if I would have more freedom to decide and more choice. But the simple fact that someone expects me to go to an office every day and to sit there from 9 to 5 every day is SO hard for me. I feel incredibly caught and my world seems so small and tight. Currently I also have to commute nearly 3 hours every day. So my day is very full with work and I get home very late and very exhausted. Obviously this is not a lifestyle that is sustainable, and I never intended to do this long term.. simply as long as it serves me. In the beginning the intense structure was very good for me and it helped me come out of a phase of disorientation. However, now I feel my thoughts are much more organised and I know what I want to do. I want to look for a part time job (25hrs) and concentrate with the 15hrs I have left every day on creative projects, I really want to start a podcast with a friend and I am also a painter and want to focus more on my art. I know from my heart that I want to do this and I am pretty sure I found my "why" so to speak. Yet, I have only been at my job for 6 months and after 1 year you get a kind of certificate.. it's a sort of traineeship and I would have finished the traineeship after this time (it's in Public Relations). I don't want to work in this field long-term, yet I have learned many valuable things already and I know I struggle with discipline and perseverance. I did learn some valuable skills in content creation and I learned more of the stage orange "effectiveness techniques", honestly this whole traineeship feels like a looong personal development seminar (but stage orange) and I know those are things I HAVE to learn.. time management, self-organisation, perseverance, discipline, claiming my space.. all things related to masculine energy actually.. this is really underdeveloped in myself and if I ever want to succeed in anything, I have to develop some grit. There is no way around that. So I thought especially with the commute and the tight structure and the tendency of everyone in this office being chronically overworked is a good learning opportunity for me. HOWEVER, now I am not sure if I have been asking too much of myself, if I was pushing myself too hard.. I notice that I am very, very exhausted to the point where it definitely isn't healthy anymore. 6 months does not sound long, but it is very long, if you barely can make another day. I am completely at my limit right now and I lost all motivation that I previously had.. partly I think because I found my "why" and anything that isn't related to it feels like a waste of time and energy. I honestly don't know what to do. Continue or leave? Whatever I pick, it has to be for the right reason. I cannot stay for the certificate only.. it has to be connected to my "why" and it is through the personal development factors.. through the increase of my discipline and time management.. but obviously not directly (and it might start to become counter-productive, cause I am so much at my limit) and if I leave it also has to be for the right reasons.. being true to myself, knowing who I am, knowing what I want, knowing that I need more flexibility and definitely not this caught office life and that there is no point in waiting any longer to start properly working on my why... and not that I give up because I didn't have the discipline and the will to stick through it. How can I know and understand my true reasons and motivations? I tried to filter already WHY I want to leave and am just not 100% sure if it's for the right reasons or not. Like I will leave for sure after 6 months, but I actually really want to leave now already and just fuck the certificate. But is it for the right reasons? Any help is highly appreciated!! I would be SOO GRATEFUL for advice @Leo Gura @Emerald @ajasatya maybe you have some wise words for me? Thank you in advance!!
  10. It's pretty common to fall in love with other people while being in a relationship. It happened to many friends of mine, they developed strong crushes towards other girls/guys and have already been in relationships. This is totally natural, there are other interesting people on the planet - other than your current partner. However, as you mentioned.. of course the new person is more exciting to you. You know what you have with your girlfriend (on break).. relationships roughly consist of 4 stages: attraction, connection, investment and compatibility. You seem to have all four components with "Amanda", with "Kylie" you seem to have attraction and connection.. investment is hard to tell, it means the level of commitment both of you are willing to put into the relationship. It means if the other person is loyal to you and wants to build a future with you. The 4th sage usually only shows with time, in order to live in a serious relationship with someone you need a certain amount of similarity and your lifestyles have to match, otherwise you will have a lot of problems in everyday life. Usually falling in love and developing a crush is still pretty superficial. You don't fully know the other person yet and it almost always involves a certain amount of idealisation. When you're falling in love, your hormones are going crazy and your basically "on drugs". This feeling is amazing, but it also clouds your judgment.. it's seeing through the typical rose coloured glasses. Maybe "Kylie" is a true love as well, but only time will tell. A guy friend of mine told me once: "You have to observe your feelings carefully, and oftentimes the crush goes away with time. If not, you have to make a decision". So, if I were in your position, I wouldn't force myself to make a decision right now. You are not in a relationship at the moment, you can take your time to see how things evolve. But keep in mind that developing a strong connection with someone is not a sure sign that you can also live in a happy relationship with them. Other factors count in as well. And in the early times of developing feelings for someone, you usually don't know the person well enough to have a rounded image of them. Usually we are projecting all kinds of things onto them.. and only later we can see the flaws, that we couldn't see in the beginning. Take your time. This happens to many people.
  11. So I was seeing this really great guy for a couple of months, but unfortunately it didn't work out between us... and I can't properly let go. Therefore I am going on a lot of dates now to distract my mind a bit. And I noticed that I am actually slightly stiff and reserved in a dating situation, particularly when I am interested. How can I loosen up more and also show more of myself? I play it way too safe.. and only say what I think is acceptable, what makes me quite predictable. I'd love to show more of my quirks and generally be more vulnerable. But somehow it's very difficult for me to share or show something personal to other people? Any advice on how to approach this is highly appreciated
  12. I am not an expert in this, do you mind explaining why you see so much potential in Ethereum in the long run? Thank you so much! I have some money aside, but I am a bit risk-averse.. but if I want financial independence over time, I need to get more comfortable with taking risks I totally feel you. I also think there has to be "more".. but I don't want to live outside of society either. In my personal opinion if you have enough money on the side, I would invest in real estate in some country/area that is booming for vacation and rent it out via Airbnb
  13. Interesting question! Well for me it seemed like most people were very oriented on the goal "achieve a certain amount of money by time x through putting in service/effort", a totally reasonable SMART (=Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Reasonable, Time Bound) goal. And that's a good way to go, but I felt like they want to "force" it to happen and all their attention lies on achieving this specific goal.. for me there is an underlying truth of "attracting" things, success and people when you are acting out of your Authentic Self and you don't need to force things to happen. They happen naturally.. but it takes a lot of trust and especially authenticity. It's a sort of detachment of the outcome.. it does not necessarily need to happen this specific way and I might adapt my plan on the way.. I am just going to put genuine effort in it, plant a seed and see how big it grows (total detachment of the outcome). Also, for what do they want to achieve this money? Ultimately they want happiness and think they can buy that with money. Money definitely plays a role in your happiness (at least in mine) cause it gives you security and the resources to devote time on the things you love.. however, when you're stuck in the mind set of wanting to be "rich".. it's never going to be enough. They are so attached to the money and being successful, they will just ache for more, more and more. And ultimately this attachment to money will make them very miserable.
  14. I attended a Master Mind group yesterday and it was quite fun! It's a pretty orange Master Mind though and most of the teachings were centred around money and getting rich... and I also feel that most of the literature is concentrated on orange thinking.. one of the books mentioned was "rich dad, poor dad" and the main discussion was about "think and grow rich". Did any of you happen to read either of the books? I think even though I am more interested in alternative, holistic topics and many of the people were way too success-focused for me.. it could still be very useful for me. I haven't really developed stage orange ever. I am a naturally non-competitive, but collaborative and non-materialistic person. So this is new thinking for me and the literature is also "new". Even though I feel like I can see through some of the limitations of this mind set and it's clear to me that ultimately that's not the way for me to go.. but I think I can integrate some of the knowledge. It was very practical and I want to combine the efficiency with more holistic topics.. more in the sense of a social entrepreneur. But if I want to achieve something I also have to look at the monetary side of things.. otherwise it's just going to stay a dream. So I think it's very useful for me, even though a lot of the thinking is not totally aligned with my values. And at times it feels like a "step back".. because I can see through the limitation and I know that there is a deeper truth underneath. But overall, I still need to integrate orange.. so it's not really a step back, but just a catch up of something I skipped over. What do you guys think? (Sometimes I got triggered to hint at something that lies underneath.. but I realised it doesn't make any sense. You can't really see through the limitation if that's the mind set you're at. It will just sound like gibberish and non-sense.. and the people will think "wow she's so naive, I got it figured out and she has no idea. Intuition is so woo-woo, what could you achieve with it. It's numbers over gut instinct." Or something along these lines.. so it's a total waste of effort to try to make someone understand something, he or she is not open to. So that could be difficult, to be able to see through some of it and not say a word.. because ultimately everyone has to find out for themselves and you can't convince someone into understanding.) So many learnings
  15. For whoever this is interesting.. I decided now to completely cut the ties with him. He doesn't deserve this, because I know he truly cares about me. But I don't deserve the current situation either. It's hurting me because I can sense that he is holding back (be it out of fear), but he simply isn't all in and I am. And I want a guy who is all in with me. So that's my answer.