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About assx95

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  1. My god! This is a game of cat and mouse just like enlightenment! Thanks a lot for trying to explain things from your perspective
  2. Selflessly as in without a self, wouldn't I find love in just being? There's no trying there If women don't come to me, their loss haha. Men need to be earned as well ! So who tries?
  3. I love attention from women. I might need it too as a man, Not denying that. But I'm not willing to play mind games and strategize to get love and attention. This has only made me more deceptive, sneaky, and manipulative. And trying to get women, and pursuing them, has only made women uncomfortable and creeped out in the end by me, as a man. It becomes a struggle. Instead, I am consciously letting go of my identity as a man, and grounding myself in being. I feel the love there. Of course, the feelings and needs come back from time to time, but I have seen what they lead to.
  4. There's no contradiction. I did cry and I did lose faith in women as a man. But being a man is an identity I can wear and take off, like changing clothes. I know in my direct experience that identities are fluid, and I have the direct experience of being a glass bottle and a ceiling fan. So, I don't think there's any contradiction at all, only the appearance there of !
  5. This is about my life Your life. Since you are me. So, we fell in love with women, and went to them, with an abundantly loving heart, and every time, we were stabbed in the heart by the woman we loved We don't fear being stabbed and we could go again to them We just don't see the point of going to them. We have to break the cycle. In a counter-intuitive move, we would not go to women and stop trying altogether We would not expect anything of them We would consciously let go of them and let go of who we had become We are the shiny hearts that glow in the dark They come to us And when they do, we'd love them as we always did So, in this one life, we all had, I fearlessly stopped trying and let women come to me All we are doing, I am doing, is letting go of being a man. Of being a human. Letting go of the identity I built for myself. This has only freed us. I don't know anything about the life ahead of us, but trust me, we are deeply grounded in being. Just that these feelings get overpowering sometimes. And not to forget, it was a woman I truly loved, who truly awakened me to love, let me tell you, the last time we met, and it will be the last, she hugged me tight, and I hugged her, and I closed my eyes, and I let go of everything, I couldn't feel my body, nor hers, just warmth. Just an expansion. Just love. Much love to all <3
  6. Since y'all are discussing women, let me pitch in, as a 25-year-old virgin (I don't like labelling myself, but it's to establish the context) living In India (that's again for context too) It's now my responsibility to put things across as they really were: All women whom I found attractive and who were in my social circle, at some point of time (I'll now generalize these 10-15 women), it was so much smoother in the beginning, but things would really turn around when I started falling in love with them, i would feel the need to text them how I feel, and ask them out more often than they usually hung around with me, all this was in line and authentic with how I really felt, but somehow, women didn't like this. All of them, in some way or another, would withdraw, and some reacted violently asking me to fuck off or stay away from them, or it would be as subtle as not contacting me ever again, and some would just leave me on read. So, being myself, and expressing how I really feel, in the moment, was a big turn off for all these women. Something I couldn't wrap my mind around this. I felt hurt too. When i was 21-22, i tried pickup too, in pubs and nightclubs, was surprised that someone who is absolutely new to this, could get numbers and dates, i did 50-100 approaches, but in the end, i had no gf, or a girl who was really attracted to me enough to stay around. I would watch RSD videos when i was trying to pickup girls, but then i stopped, but i wasn't aware of redpill until I was 25, i absorbed that content like a sponge, but then months later, I could see how it was toxic, and it was making me manipulative and sneakier. Not in line with me seeking to just be. And merge with reality. So, I am saying no to redpill. I have never even kissed a girl in my girl. And at this point - I'm like- Fuck this shit! Fuck women! I have tried enough, and apparently, women don't like me or are creeped out when I try and when I express how I feel and what I feel. I give up. I won't try anymore. If any of you women feel triggered by what I said, I'm sorry, but this is how my life has been. And I am just bringing out my perspective.
  7. I faced what is the spiritual ego. And it claims superiority over others. It just mixes with the Old school devil ego I had, and the combination becomes so dangerous and toxic. I had my first awakening a few days ago, and it seems like the ego's pants are on fire, and it's running around and burning other people, I only realize later that I am harming others psychologically through stupid ideology and setting their ego's on fire as well. Not respecting their boundaries. I took this step to disable all social media and delete contacts of girls I might want to text. Cause I have seen so much toxicity. I want to distance myself from all people. Instead, I will let people come to me. I don't need to go around chasing people. Meanwhile, I will work on myself, the ego, to make it less toxic. Any advice?
  8. You are right. Redpill made me a toxic, manipulative, deceptive, lying, sneaky person. Ideology like this only harms men. Even if they get laid with this ideology, it's not worth it. For they don't see women for what they really are. I'm not claiming that I know how women really are. But the perception is distorted when you begin consuming Redpill in the hopes of attracting women, cause previously you weren't able to All I need to do as a man to learn and attract women is contemplation about relationships, respecting boundaries, and backing off when I get a feeling that they don't want me to come any closer (I still fail at this and it concerns me), becoming more aware, taking chances when you feel like their body language is inviting you or you have the intuition to do so. And even if after all this, I fail to attract women, then to simply accept it, rather than spin a story about how I am the victim, and the world is fucked up and unjust, and how women are a certain way, this is just a grand narrative of the ego. And it becomes perverted very soon. I don't even need to attract women. Yesterday, I just sat with my eyes closed and was just being. And I imagined, and it just happened, some good sex with someone I might like. It was so vivid, it was real. It's that simple.
  9. Oh god! This is self-inflicted horror taken to the extreme. The way he has spun his worldview, he tells himself a tale of being the victim. But he himself is a true reflection of everything he hates, and cannot accept. He wants to freeze certain parts of reality and is the devil. He could just sit down and accept it. And that would solve everything. But no, he has to play all these mind games, cause that's what the ego does.
  10. @Danioover9000 Yeah, it is something to be aware of. I've been living very unconsciously.
  11. @JonasVE12 Primarily, I was too caught up falling in love with girls who played hard to get, that, and I spent a lot of time fapping, which I could have used, the time and the energy to talk to girls instead. But back then, I didn't have fearlessness, as I do now. I mean if my confidence at 18, was 10/100, now it is 70/100. I don't hesitate to ask girls I like on dates. And then I get rejected. Even I have the confidence, I just don't know how to play the game. I get first dates, and it is downhill from there. @Harlen Kelly I noticed how I believe that holding semen will lead to something great, spiritually or attraction-wise, but I can see how it is an unquestioned ideology. Will have to experiment. @Danioover9000 These practices, I can't do properly, cause I don't understand exactly what's being done. But yeah, doing it daily, does affect my mental state and health. How do you decide the frequency or do you go with what the body tells you? @Osaid Yeah, I feel like you hit the sweet spot when you talked about the body needing rest after so much fapping. And yeah, edging might be the elephant in the room here. Not that if it is bad per se, but if you're doing it frequently, but still wanting to hold on to semen, you might as well start all over again.
  12. I am going into it with the idea that the body is intelligent enough to release excess semen through wet dreams or reabsorb it or turn it into something else or break it down. But I have heard people getting prostate problems after holding it for two years. I have been on both extremes where I have jerked off 4-6 times for several days straight and it leads to desensitization for me. I don't get hard unless I use my hand. And I have also been on Nofap where I held on for a good 40 days and it was an amazing experience. There is a lot of ideology that comes with Nofap that it will attract women, and it will bring in more energy, and it will elevate spirituality. I must say it is somewhat true for me. But then, I cannot attribute it to Nofap alone. I don't want to be the guy, who in pursuit of attraction, more energy, or spirituality, doesn't listen to my body, and then gets a prostrate problem. I am 25, a virgin, and don't have a gf which might explain why I might be lured onto this path. But it is much more than that. I genuinely feel this is what I want to do. But then also not fuck up my body in the process. How do you guys do it? What is your frequency of ejaculating?
  13. @Godishere I am quarantined, and where I live, psychs are not available so easily. I have done it 4 years ago, and back then, the trip was all about survival and the beauty of reality. And the symbol of onenness- Ouroboros, I was lost in the mind back then.
  14. Yesterday, I was following "How to get enlightened" video of Leo, and I was trying to locate "I", there was a moment where there was a realization that the body and the inner voice, is a perception just like the glass bottle which I was aware of, and then instead of being so attached with the body, I identified with the glass bottle. And it felt like all of reality is tightly glued together, and there isn't a separation at all, and there was no "I" to be found, just perceptions. I tried to do it again, and failed. When I become aware, I get lost. And I am not aware that I am aware. And then when I am able to become aware, the body confuses me. The inner voice confuses me too. And then I ask as suggested : Who is aware of the voice " I am aware", but still I keep looking for the self, and it frustrates me, that I cannot find it, and there was no experience of being one with everything either. But If that isn't how you do it, how do you do it?