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About assx95

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  1. @AwakenedSoul444 Hey. I read your entire story. I am 24, and I am bad with girls I have cried for hours at night when the girl I loved, ignored me and was with another man. I still am in love with the girl who wouldn't text me back. Don't think your love is more important than mine, it is only relatively so, but not absolutely. Here's the deal I learnt after so many heartbreaks. "Don't expect anything from women but love them when they are with you" Can you do that?
  2. @Serotoninluv I notice this tendency of mine to focus outwards, and creating addictions and distractions from turning inwards. I realize I am the devil. I deceive myself. I rebel in the name of freedom, and end up trapping myself with bonds and attachments, I offer myself endless pleasures, only to give myself endless misery. I forged my own identity. And it was by design. I resist death, by design. I was designed, fated, to be the devil. I survived this far. Why would God trick himself and suffer for it?
  3. For some reason, I don't understand.
  4. Whenever you focus on something, you're distracting yourself from something else. It's wonderful how these opposites come together. I've reached a stage where I could willfully create my own meaning, or just disperse myself into infinite distractions. I have no reason to do either. I realize I am only stacking a pile of dominoes. That no reason I think of, to do something is grounded in something absolute. To think of the very nature of my existence, It's like I am part of a giant machinery, only constrained by what I cannot do. That I am the part, and the whole. Self-awareness creates a ripple which extends to infinity. To think of the self as the self is a distraction I was born with. I don't know what I want, or who I am, or what if anything, is my task!
  5. Yeah man, I'm going to do my own thing. This is going to be life-transforming.
  6. @Chew211 That's inspiring to hear. Kudos man.
  7. Because to choose, I must distinguish. And this choice to create a distinction, gives me more freedom in contrast to being stuck in a loop of jerking off to porn which only increases its variety and choice to infinity. I'd be stuck in that rabbit hole till I have a sexual appetite. I want Mother nature to give me the sexual visions, when I need them. So Porn is not needed. I am creating all these distinctions to untie myself, to free myself cause I know from experience what keeps me stuck in a loop.
  8. @Serotoninluv Hey! Thanks for writing your thoughts on addiction. I think it is simpler than that. I know that I will use sneaky tactics and my own intelligence against my own resolve. It's analogous to playing chess. I choose not to ground my decision on any reason or any morals. And I have given a free outlet to sexual energy, by allowing myself to masturbate, but without porn. It is porn, that I have resolved to eliminate. I may face backlash, but I refuse to negotiate with the devil. The devil I know, is no other than me. Porn to me is not good or bad, it is something which binds me, which restricts my freedom, and is a distraction from being. Unless, I happen to be indulging it, while being fully conscious. It goes full-circle. I was wrong. It is not that simple. And I can't even say that.
  9. @Meetjoeblack This is no porn. Not nofap.
  10. @28 cm unbuffed Thanks man.
  11. I started my self-actualization journey with an insight : The little things I do, matter. I choose real women over porn, my imagination and my sexuality will more than suffice for the lack of it. I choose to look inwards for sexual pleasure, not outwards. I don't need a reason to not watch it, just as I did not need a reason to watch it.
  12. In my country, my mother told me that after 4 months, people don't usually abort.
  13. How then, can I, with awareness, make up anything I want?
  14. I think just like you. My thinking twin sister.