Sidra

WTF am I supposed to do ?!

63 posts in this topic

@Sidra

I am completely ignorant about your actual situation. Don’t take my comments here too literally. The aim is to contribute to your thinking, not to suggest specific things. You’ll need to ‘make things fit’ the situation you’re in. Maybe some, maybe none of this helps. Maybe an ongoing dialogue helps. 

 

Meditation every day. Get your vernacular kosher as not to stir up any more conflict within the family.

https://www.spiritualexcellence.com/blog/meditation-in-islam/

Change your perspective of Truth & Islam to be unifying of what you want and what your parents want. Stop looking for differences, start seeing unifications, what connects. Meditation will make this easier, as your current thinking will slow, and clarity & new perspectives of bigger pictures will arise. Given your current age, simply getting older will contribute positively to this also. 

Start learning about making money online. Learn every aspect of it. Start small. Grow your income every month. Give all the money to your parents. Make a goal of building this income to what would comfortably support you. When you are old enough to move on your own accord, you will have already set up the income to do so. 

You’ll need incredible focus, unprecedented effort, radical open mindedness and lot of creativity in your thinking, and to maximize the usage of every resource. 

The internet is a serious resource. Facebook. Etsy. Etc, etc. There are many, many more. This forum is a resource. We are a community, imo. There are many, many more. Take advantage of resource. 

I suspect you’ll need to turn scarce to no money, into a business. You’ll need to dramatically think out of the box, as well as research some psychology etc as you go. One example (just an example as I have no idea what you’re actually working with there) people spend hundreds of millions of dollars on single art pieces. I am not suggesting you attempt to make money like that right out of the gate, or that you even pick up art as a means, I am suggesting you research into why people do that, and understand the emotions at play, and utilize that knowledge. Perhaps ‘art of a refugee’, as a theme, so to speak. If there is no paint, etc, use what there is...pebbles, mud, dirt, clay, garbage...research this - you’d be surprised what people can turn into art, and surprised how much it goes for. Keep in mind, in large part, people spend insane amounts of money on art - because of the story. You have a most significant story. 

Another thought....google emails addresses of authors, celebrities, actors, head of big companies, etc. You’ll see the addresses are mostly generic.. john.doe#companyname.com. You could google to find leaders of big companies, and humanitarian driven individuals, and either find their actual email addresses, or take a few blind shots at generic addresses. Format what you want to say, edit it, and send hundreds of emails a day to everyone you can think of / find online. 

Write to publishers. Seek a book deal. You have a story. 

 

Again, this is just top of mind stuff, and hopefully any of it is somewhat helpful. I wish you the best. I can’t even imagine how difficult your situation is. I also can’t even imagine the unstoppable force of a person such adversity will bring forward in you. I believe you can and will find your way though, and I believe your story will inspire many people. 


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2 hours ago, Shin said:

Don't you dare say to me you ride cars instead of camels !

Here we go 😂❤️

To the record, I have only seen one camel in my entire life, I'm 22.

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@Sidra

I am completely ignorant about your actual situation. Don’t take my comments here too literally. The aim is to contribute to your thinking, not to suggest specific things. You’ll need to ‘make things fit’ the situation you’re in. Maybe some, maybe none of this helps. Maybe an ongoing dialogue helps. 

 

Meditation every day. Get your vernacular kosher as not to stir up any more conflict within the family.

https://www.spiritualexcellence.com/blog/meditation-in-islam/

Change your perspective of Truth & Islam to be unifying of what you want and what your parents want. Stop looking for differences, start seeing unifications, what connects. Meditation will make this easier, as your current thinking will slow, and clarity & new perspectives of bigger pictures will arise. Given your current age, simply getting older will contribute positively to this also. 

Start learning about making money online. Learn every aspect of it. Start small. Grow your income every month. Give all the money to your parents. Make a goal of building this income to what would comfortably support you. When you are old enough to move on your own accord, you will have already set up the income to do so. 

You’ll need incredible focus, unprecedented effort, radical open mindedness and lot of creativity in your thinking, and to maximize the usage of every resource. 

The internet is a serious resource. Facebook. Etsy. Etc, etc. There are many, many more. This forum is a resource. We are a community, imo. There are many, many more. Take advantage of resource. 

I suspect you’ll need to turn scarce to no money, into a business. You’ll need to dramatically think out of the box, as well as research some psychology etc as you go. One example (just an example as I have no idea what you’re actually working with there) people spend hundreds of millions of dollars on single art pieces. I am not suggesting you attempt to make money like that right out of the gate, or that you even pick up art as a means, I am suggesting you research into why people do that, and understand the emotions at play, and utilize that knowledge. Perhaps ‘art of a refugee’, as a theme, so to speak. If there is no paint, etc, use what there is...pebbles, mud, dirt, clay, garbage...research this - you’d be surprised what people can turn into art, and surprised how much it goes for. Keep in mind, in large part, people spend insane amounts of money on art - because of the story. You have a most significant story. 

Another thought....google emails addresses of authors, celebrities, actors, head of big companies, etc. You’ll see the addresses are mostly generic.. john.doe#companyname.com. You could google to find leaders of big companies, and humanitarian driven individuals, and either find their actual email addresses, or take a few blind shots at generic addresses. Format what you want to say, edit it, and send hundreds of emails a day to everyone you can think of / find online. 

Write to publishers. Seek a book deal. You have a story. 

 

Again, this is just top of mind stuff, and hopefully any of it is somewhat helpful. I wish you the best. I can’t even imagine how difficult your situation is. I also can’t even imagine the unstoppable force of a person such adversity will bring forward in you. I believe you can and will find your way though, and I believe your story will inspire many people. 

@Sidra Some very helpful piece of advice, it can open up a lot of new ways for you (some I wasn't aware of), I still don't recommend taking the difficult approach, I prefer making peace with what you have until you're able to change it to the better.

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2 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

Here we go 😂❤️

To the record, I have only seen one camel in my entire life, I'm 22.

@Sidra Some very helpful piece of advice, it can open up a lot of new ways for you (some I wasn't aware of), I still don't recommend taking the difficult approach, I prefer making peace with what you have until you're able to change it to the better.

 

Liar

😏


There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled

You feel it, don't you ? - Rumi

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5 minutes ago, Shin said:

 

Liar

😏

2 hours ago, Shin said:

 

Okay, I also did eat camel meat one other time (😋 seriously).

Your latest post goes perfectly with your dog avatar 😂

❤️

Edited by Truth Addict

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1 minute ago, Truth Addict said:

Okay, I also did eat camel meat one other time (😋 seriously).

😂❤️

 

giphy(2).gif


There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled

You feel it, don't you ? - Rumi

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@Truth Addict 

The fact that the average salary is from £70 to £90 per month for a full time job and that you guys are here on this forum despite all the dogmatism and the political situation in your country literally blow my mind up. I never thought I would experience something like this in my life.

Even if I don't live in a first world country, I'm paid more than you and still have trouble getting all my shit together.

All of this is fucking incredible.

Edited by Raphael

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@Sidra  I want to show some respect by admitting that I have no way of imagining what it's really like to live where you live.

A friend of mine left her country of very strict religion and lives here in Europe as a free girl now, pursuing her passions and having many friends. She never talks to her parents anymore. For her, this was totally worth it.

Here's my honest and best take on this, given aforementioned disclaimer:

What you need is for people to tell you that it's okay to leave your parents, family and country for good.

I'm not kidding. I know how hard it is to give yourself permission for something when all day you are in an environment where people tell you that what you want is sinful and wrong and you should be ashamed to want that.

That influence is just really hard to break through. You need to offset it with different voices, if you'll have any chance of breaking free.

I have no idea on the practicalities of escaping your situation. But I do know that if you can let go of the judgment from your environment, and actually give yourself permission to go for what you want, then you have a chance.

So, here's my contribution:

It's okay to want freedom. It's okay to be selfish for once, so you can be a great person later on. It's okay to break up with family. It's okay to desert your whole environment and never look back, if that is necessary. Sad, but good. Give yourself permission. Be nice to yourself. Want the best for yourself without shame. Think of the person you could become, and how much more good you would be able to do for the world, if you were more free.

I'm talking to you from the other side of the fence. I want you to go for what YOU want. We all want you to climb over that metaphorical fence, and we'll catch you with open arms when you make the leap. You'll have more loving friends than you thought possible, and will meet your new, self-chosen family.

Waste no time trying to make your friends and family understand. They won't. Ever. Ever. Let that go.

I don't agree with the people recommending to stay in the same place and just meditate a lot and start an online business. Your environment is toxic and too strong, it will drag you down eventually. It is poisoning you, and you can't win by staying. If you want to get the fuck out, do it now.

 

Climb over, we're waiting :D

Edited by flowboy

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"There's no such thing as too much of a big price to living the life you want" 💜

Dont put more constraints on your situation, I say go all in, be 100% committed to that one single goal of breaking free, put all your focus on it and let it absorb your everyday attention (crazy monkey mind to be expected, so do your best to keep the mental balance with relaxation, acceptance and living gratefully in the moment), your curious mind will go curiously following all kinds of existential questions and topics and stuff and while its okay to let your attention slide off to different topics once in a while (moderately), I say you always bring your attention to the one goal you're prioritizing at the moment, as for your parents even tho I know how close minded they can get I think you're really just imagining worst case scenarios while reality can be totally different and you might be surprised of how compassionate and accepting parents can be when you least expect it (theyre your parents after all). 

And even if worst case scenario does turn out to be true you know there are a lot more people that will always be by your side, its a tough sacrifice to make though, but you should be expecting sacrifices to be made, its your highest value after all, valuable things are never free!

I say consider this perspective but I also say you should consider how to play it safe tho and if you can (that would be best case scenario), dont be too attached to the best case scenario tho. 

Love this thread, lots of compassion and support im here 💜💜

And don't forget, Im here for you too! 

Edited by Pernani

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On 05/05/2019 at 10:36 PM, Shin said:

Sorry dude wrong quote.

 

@flowboy

Your advice is so irresponsible.
It will cause Sidra a lot of unnecessary suffering.
If you're serious about helping her out, don't just spit egoic advice on situations that you have no damn clue about. Instead, send her the money that is required for her to live abroad, that can help her out.

Sidra is only 17 years old, she has almost no experience with life, and you want to throw her in a jungle.

"Climb over, we're waiting". This is the most irresponsible advice I've ever heard in my life!

@Pernani Same goes for you, in a slightly less harsh way.

Edited by Truth Addict

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1 hour ago, Truth Addict said:

 

@flowboy

Your advice is so irresponsible.
It will cause Sidra a lot of unnecessary suffering.
If you're serious about helping her out, don't just spit egoic advice on situations that you have no damn clue about. Instead, send her the money that is required for her to live abroad, that can help her out.

Sidra is only 17 years old, she has almost no experience with life, and you want to throw her in a jungle.

"Climb over, we're waiting". This is the most irresponsible advice I've ever heard in my life!

@Pernani Same goes for you, in a slightly less harsh way.

That's just the way you see things, doesnt mean your perspective is better than others' tho. I think a complicated situation like this need different perspectives, its not all black and white, although I do believe that one shouldn't just take rash decisions and throw themselves into the fire but one should also know what to prioritize. tbh im kind of in a similar situation myself so this is also a message to myself 

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@Pernani

I understand.

I saw how more nuanced your advice was, that's why I said: "in a slightly less harsh way".

But still, considering the current circumstances in Syria, even if you earn £200 per month, let's say you'd spend £100, and save £100 every month.

You'd need 80 months (almost seven years) just to gather the money that's required to start a bank account abroad, let alone the passport and tickets and college.

You can find males who are CEOs in Syria, they may earn more than £2,000 per month, I know some of them, they've worked so hard to get there, and they're in their 40s.

But women mostly have ordinary jobs and careers, like being a doctor or an architect, and those jobs don't get that kind of money.

There's a hope for Syria, a project called: "Belt and Road Initiative", a continent wide project organised by China, that promises a lot of economical benefits to the contributing countries.

As estimated, Syria would get 200 billion dollars a year from that project, that's almost 20 times its current yearly budget.

I'm not sure about that number, but even if you take a zero out, it's still a lot.

So, if all things go well, everything will change for the better for everyone.

I'm optimistic.

Edited by Truth Addict

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13 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Your advice is so irresponsible.

@Truth Addict Actually, your comments are toxic and dangerous.

Telling someone they're weak and vulnerable, and that they have to "just accept that their situation, there is nothing you can do right now" is just not the right answer.

I don't know why you're trying so hard to be disempowering and patronizing, but that's no way to help someone solve a serious problem.

What is this "experience" you speak of?

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On 5/5/2019 at 3:44 AM, Truth Addict said:

You CAN certainly change your parents, I did. But it will take time and it requires patience and compassion for them. We'll talk more about that in private.

No you cannot. As a general rule, you cannot change people. And it's a huge trap to think that, and waste time hoping for that.

Maybe you were a lucky exception, but that doesn't mean that it will apply to someone else.

 

Edited by flowboy

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1 hour ago, flowboy said:

No you cannot. As a general rule, you cannot change people. And it's a huge trap to think that, and waste time hoping for that.

Maybe you were a lucky exception, but that doesn't mean that it will apply to someone else.

 

If you believe that, then yes, you can't change anyone.

However, when it comes to changing the people who love you, it's much easier, you just need to know how to play it right with their belief system.

@Wasem No problem buddy.

And no, I don't want to thank you. I wasn't even defending my post to need someone else to defend it for me.

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10 minutes ago, Wasem said:

there is a good amount of truth in the information he's giving, especially when it comes to info about life in Syria.

I have no doubt that he knows everything about life in Syria.

I do doubt, however, that he is an authority on:

  • Helplessness vs taking action
  • Inner game of making sacrifices to go for what you want
  • "Changing people"
  • Leaving Syria (as I understand, he still lives there)

...any more than the rest of us.

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@flowboy

Okay, if you insist.

I've worked in a pharmacy for 5 years.

I've worked as a sales representative for one year.

I've worked in a drug store for one year.

I'm currently working in a photography studio.

Misc: I have worked briefly on Microsoft Word, I have attended a house painting workshop and now am painting my uncle's apartment, and I have a lot of experience in computer hardware and software maintenance.

I started school a year earlier than ordinary students, I had always been a top notch student, I am studying medicine right now which is the top rated field in Syrian universities, and I have failed twice in the last year due to suffering and struggling against my parents.

I could go on, but I think you get it.

Edited by Truth Addict

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@Sidra Thank you for coming here to share you thoughts! I empathize with you deeply. While I was lucky enough to be born in the US, not having to worry about "hard" roadblocks like geographic location, war, strict religious doctrines, etc (my heart goes out to you on those), I've had to deal with a lot of "soft" roadblocks like social pressure, "orange" success expectations, parents, and the biggest one of all, my own mind. It sounds like you're seeking advice for the "soft" roadblocks, which is good, because the hard roadblocks are more personal and logistical (which you can and must figure out yourself or with friends there. Yes, even your parents, so you have to conquer the soft roadblocks first).

First and foremost, as a fact of the universe, you will suffocate for the rest of your life if you don't pursue your inner thirst for knowledge, understanding, and true spirituality. Not being authentic to your true nature is the greatest mistake you could ever make. You have a duty to yourself that comes prior to pleasing the world. It's a sacred force within you. To not honor your top values is to deny yourself, and you will be miserable, which also means you can't serve the world in your greatest capacity. Unfortunately, most people are in this category and never accept the call. Just look around you... do they look and feel happy? Do they even know themselves? I highly recommend reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho if you haven't already.

Secondly, your parents' main drive, whether they know it or not, is to see you succeed, be happy, and make an impact in a way that's authentic to you. Somewhere along the way society convinced them otherwise, but deep down they are still connected to the feminine spirit of raising a child, to be more successful, happy, and healthy than they were. You have to understand that they FULLY BELIEVE that this narrow path of religion and dogma (they don't see it that way) is what is best for you. They want what is best for you, and that's the only way they know how. Because their parents told them that, and so on all the way back to your great great great great grandparents. And yet... Love will eventually win, you have to trust that. They may get angry, they may never understand, but they will still love and pray for you no matter what. What I'm saying is that you cannot stop for you parent's approval. They don't have the vision you do. They don't know what's best for you. So with Love and Understanding, let go. I broke my family apart for many years because I didn't understand myself and couldn't express what I felt. But this is getting better all the time, and I couldn't be happier now. When you take the initiative to make a positive change in your life, they will come around. They just want to see you do great things. You said "Heartbreaking but liberating" yes. In the end, big picture, this move would be best for both you and your parents. :)  

Energy spent persuading your parents is energy wasted. Plain and simple. Lead by example. It doesn't matter how "Blue" you are, an authentic, positive person commands immediate respect. It is universally admired. Attachment and subsequent judgment of views is a lesser, secondary response, for which you should have no interest in. That's low consciousness bullshit and can't be changed. Understand that by trying to change this response, you only feed into it and poison yourself.

Read Leo's latest posts, and you'll see that your top values of Truth and Freedom cannot be found in college. That being said, college can be a great opportunity, and might be your ticket out of there! If this is the route you take, remember to never lose sight of the path you are on. Use it for what you need to but don't get sucked in. 

There are many ways to chip away at and overcome your fears, all of which are based on understanding them. Tim Ferris's technique called "Fearsetting" (search Youtube) is a powerful, logical way to bring perspective on your fears. I highly recommend it, especially for financial and logistical fears like moving and living on your own. For inner fears like self-doubt, limiting beliefs, insecurities, etc., learn about the mechanics of anxiety. Alan Watts (search youtube) has some great talks on understanding anxiety. Basically when you dig to the root in yourself, it's all an illusion! It's attachment to past or false future outcomes, which do not exist. Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle to understand this.

I really wish you the best, and I hope you'll consider the advice here. It is in EVERYONE'S best interest that you take the call to become your greatest version. One last thing, it's a common trap to get frustrated quickly... to give up, point fingers, etc. This stuff takes TIME! Go easy on yourself, you still have a year and a half to figure this out, and even past that, life is just one big "figure it out" simulation with new sets of challenges. Uncertainty is synonymous with change. "Not knowing" is the greatest gift, because it means you are alive! There are few things I'm certain about, and based on my personal experience and research, one of them is that putting your head down and obeying society is synonymous with the decay and death of your soul.

Oh, and stay subscribed to the School of Actualized and the forum! :P

 

 

 


"The greatest illusion of all is the illusion of separation." - Guru Pathik

Sent from my iEgo

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hey

I'm so surprised and shocked at the whole story and all  

I had come here wanting to start a topic just like yours with the same exact title of what the fuck am I supposed to do? :D but wouldn't want to do so anyway cause there are no answers to your life's problems on the internet you have to figure them out yourself

you won't believe my shock as i was reading your post and feeling like why does this girl have the same exact situation as mine and why does she think so much like me we're even the same age the same exact thinking pattern the same exact issues and social situation and I live in Iran 

it's so interesting really how so many people all around the world can be dealing with the same exact issues and how we all have the same coping strategies as humans, it's so ridiculous 

well generally i guess some of us which is a very big chunk of the world population are simply not supposed to get to what we want, it's really that simple we just won't. we are really just born to suffer through life and hope it will come to an end soon. 

I used to be optimistic like you are but sooner or later you'll have to come back to reality and just accept it and face it head on and take whatever life throws at you, at least that way you won't be suffering continuously cause your dream world doesn't match up with the reality you're in.

we are quite simply victims of our fate, all that shit that you can somehow change your situation just won't cut it, it's not just an accident that so many of us having the same situation have such similar thinking and world views and it's again no accident why all of us keep failing at life and keep not living the way we want to, it's exactly supposed to be that way, starting out happy and optimistic wanting to change your situation, next thing you know you're failing disastrously only to get your feet back into reality and finally come to face the fact that your life was never meant to be a good one 

logical mind says it, statistics say it too, not very many people if any at all have ever made it to success and freedom coming from countries like ours, stop dreaming and go with whatever life throws at you and just accept it cause trying to change it will only make you suffer more with no actual results.

i don't want to make you feel depressed and all but that's the reality and it is depressing and i am depressed because of it as well there's just no way out.

Edited by sarapr

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