Arthur

My therapy with 5-MeO-DMT

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Posted (edited)

I thought I'd share my journey with this mysterious substance.

About 3 months ago I acquired 500mg of 5-meo-dmt HCl. I don't really have a history of doing psychedelics or any other substances for that matter. My first introduction to psychedelics came from Leo's video about 5-meo and Enlightenment. My main focus was doing Spiritual work, and I decided to cut to the chase. 

I used 5-meo as a prescribed medication. I followed up on my trips almost every week. I forced my ego into doing it as a practice, despite resistance. It really helped that I don't have a full-time job and I work from home. I had so much free time to introspect, that there was no excuse to not partake in this spiritual therapy.

I've posted a couple of reports from various trips I had. I've done 11 trips for the past 3 months. They were all powerful and contributed to my growth, but not all of them were breakthroughs. Here I want to give a short summary of the two major breakthrough trips, and some results from doing this practice. 

For some reason, I needed much higher doses to get the same experience. Maybe substance purity or body tolerance is to blame, but ultimately it doesn't matter. Consuming the substance does not produce a "standard" mechanical response. Each trip is a going inwards towards self-discovery. There is no way to accurately predict what will happen on any dose. Many times I went on a trip expecting reactions based on doses and previous experience, I was surprised every single time.

I don't generally like to discuss spirituality. Every discussion is pointless and ends up fueled with spiritual Ego. It's just thoughts that go around and to create more thoughts. Ideas trying to deconstruct other ideas, how silly. It's all conceptual and none of it is Truth. It's easy to get lost in that and mistake it for actual experience. I will still write some spiritual Mombo-jumbo nonetheless, just to illustrate what 5-meo can do for somebody who never tried it.

 

The first breakthrough - "Ego death"
A couple of trips in, I experience ego-death. With me dying, the whole external world collapsed on itself.  My body/mind mechanism disassembled completely, and what remained was indescribable. There are really no words to put this experience into a category. It was not out of this world. I merged with pure consciousness itself in the infinite void of existence. It was an extremely powerful and life-shattering experience. I can't recall any memories, because all of them are things, and this was no thing. I don't even know what happened to my body while I was gone. I do remember how I came back though. Suddenly I felt a loud pounding in my veins and in my head. I felt my heart pumping blood through my body really hard. It was as if my heart stopped and later restored by an electric shock. Maybe I wasn't getting enough oxygen, as I found myself lying face down on the bed. Either way, there was no external existence, so my death didn't really matter.

This was a powerful NDE trip. It left me in a complete state of shock, awe, and maybe a touch of PTSD. My previous self died on that trip, together with all my materialistic believes about reality and myself. It was an extremely powerful Samadhi experience. My brain rewired and my awareness expanded significantly. Two weeks after the trip, everything in my visual field occurred as though it is made out of glass. I felt every sensation as though for the first time, and it was amplified by a thousand. I would stare at people intensely. I was constantly alert and aware of my surroundings. All of that accompanied by strange tensions in my head and a feeling of euphoria. 

 

The second breakthrough - "Being God"
This trip happened quite recently. It was my last trip, and I gathered every bit of substance I had left. It wasn't that much. I've done much higher doses on other trips. The catalyst for this trip was the process of self-inquiry. I've started a more serious introspection practice after Leo's "How To Do Self-Inquiry" video. It also showed me that there is much more to learn on the spiritual journey, so my mind was open to it. 

As soon I closed my eyes, after a period of the typical come-up sensations, I became aware of true Self. I was there just swimming in an infinite sea of awareness, and out of the blue, I was shown my existence as God. There is really no other way to put it more softly. You created yourself and this reality... It is impossible to conceive from the human perspective. You can't really see it being in a human form, as we are right now. But as soon as you step out, it is obvious. It's like me saying "I just held a thought in my hand" or "I just walked on water". It doesn't make sense as long as you are in this objective reality. Yet even then, I can say "I walked on water in my dream", and you think "okay that is possible". The same thing happened here, as I'm writing this, I am me - the person. But when consciousness goes to another plane, I am God, and so are you. You created millions of distinctions and points of view to experience them all. It's truly all your Karma

For me, the key that opened this door was the realization that there is no external reality. Everything happens within me and my awareness. But even then, it is not really "my" awareness, as it is impossible to monopolize awareness. There is only consciousness and it can shift and morph. One moment it can manifest this entire existence, and in a split second, it can go back to nothingness and infinite void with no recollection. It's kind of similar to when you were born, it just happened in one snap. Except that you weren't born into the external world, the external world was born within you.

 


Aside from any spiritual insights, 5-meo cracked my mind real good. I've experienced immense psychological maturity. Just for that reason alone, doing this practice was worth it. I look at things very differently now. My ideas became more holistic and systematic. I have a better understanding of where other people are coming from. I see everything as a part of a bigger body. Nature, people, politics, technology, everything functions and exists of its own accord. I'm less arrogant about my knowledge, thus, I invite the state of "not knowing". This openness is usually followed by a true understanding and deep insights. 

Thanks for reading my post. Right now I want to shift my focus away from spiritual discoveries and more towards life purpose. I want to say a huge thanks to Leo and his work. Seeing the effort and contributions of somebody like Leo, drives me to pursue a meaningful life purpose. After all the gems and growth I've received from Actualized.org, it is really unfair to not work on giving true value to others. I think everybody should consider working harder to provide practical results. The cost of all the knowledge we receive from Leo, is working on ourselves and helping others.

As Uncle Ben once said - "with great power comes great responsibility".

Edited by Arthur

"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

 

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Excellent work! :)

 


"Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself." -- Rumi

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4 hours ago, Arthur said:

Except that you weren't born into the external world, the external world was born within you.

Very beautiful report! And inspiring, I’ve tried 5 times but my trips were not profound, I’m still figuring out the right dosage (not sure if I have a tolerance or my spiritual practices are not being enough) reading the report was a great reminder to go back to work with the substance. 

Thanks 

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Thanks yet again for your nice reports Arthur. I wish you all the best in your journey.

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:)


"A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are made for"    - John A. Shedd

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@Arthur. Do you think your experience would have been different if you had never learned anything about nonduality beforehand? I know that may be hard to extrapolate, given you did have prior knowledge, but if you could try. I'm curious if people who know nothing about nonduality, once taken 5-Meo, would have the same experience. 

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@Jed Vassallo Probably not. There's a lot of reports on Erowid that showcase that most people just don't get what is happening to them.

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Thank you for the great comments! It's awesome to see that many people liked my post and maybe found it useful.


"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

 

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20 minutes ago, CreamCat said:

Am I part of the external world, now?

it's kind of mindblowing that everyone is the source of reality, isn't it? xD


unborn truth

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8 hours ago, Jed Vassallo said:

@Arthur. Do you think your experience would have been different if you had never learned anything about nonduality beforehand? I know that may be hard to extrapolate, given you did have prior knowledge, but if you could try. I'm curious if people who know nothing about nonduality, once taken 5-Meo, would have the same experience. 

That's an interesting question. 

I think it helps in that is sets up the intent to discover the Truth. Practically speaking, hearing Spiritual teachings only helped me in that I can find words to describe the experience, like Truth, Ego, God, the Self, Infinite etc. Yet, It does give you the openness needed to go out there and get the experience. Once the possibility is there, it will almost certainly happen. For me, the possibility of getting insights about myself became real after Leo's Self-inquiry video.

I don't think there is a "by the book" response to 5-meo. Each trip is really a journey deep inside of yourself. If somebody has the intent of using 5-meo recreationally, then they will get a recreational type of experience. Even if we look at it rationally, each response is produced in the brain, like a dream. Every person dreams, but the content is different.


"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

 

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1 minute ago, ajasatya said:

it's kind of mindblowing that everyone is the source of reality, isn't it? xD

I haven't been on psychedelics, yet. So, I don't strictly understand what you say.

I just find it weird to think of the possibility that you are right now part of the external reality as a human and the external reality is inside you. It is a strange loop.

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