Viking

Why does approval feel good for most people?

16 posts in this topic

Approval is when people act in ways (including talking) which make you think they think you're good.

Why does it make people feel good? does it reinforce their beliefs? does it divert them from negative beliefs?

Why do people seek it so much?

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It's people's issues. Seeking approval feels good because their giving into their issues rather than trying to fix them. I used to be like this year's ago. I had an abusive childhood so I couldn't really see my own value/ worth. I had self worth issues and I was needy due to my own issues. Getting others approval made me feel better about myself temporary and like I had value. However eventually it didn't really help anymore and it caused me more pain than anything which caused me to start to Working on those issues. Now I'd rather be alone than seek others approval. This is why I used to be like this. I hope this helps!

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20 hours ago, Viking said:

Why do people seek it so much?

It's a survival instinct to be part of something. Because alone you feel weak. And when you're weak subconcsiously you're afraid of death.

If you're the only one who thinks Justin Bieber is amazing in a prison. Do you see how vulnurable it makes you? Suddenly you're like the enemy to others. You can actually die if you say something like that in prison.

People think if you're not one of them then you're against them. If you're different then immediatly you will be labeled as wierd, crazy, and demoniosed in many ways. And then executed.

So naturally nobody wants to be that guy who's different. Everyone wants to belong somewhere because it's safe. Your safety for survival gets setisfied so now you can relax a little bit. That why it seems to feels good when you're a part of something. 

But it's just fear. 

 

 

Edited by Salvijus

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Or it can just be feeding of ego to feel superior, better.

Then again you can not like this because you think you are given way to much credit and looked up to and you just think that they

think that you are way better then you actually feel  you are. 

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Why do people seek approval from others? I'm going to talk from direct experience here as I did (and if I'm honest still do in small bits). It's incredibly low confidence, identity crisis, low self-esteem, low worth etc. They need to hear it from other because they value others opinion's greatly. Others are 'above' them in some way.

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1 minute ago, Charlotte said:

Why do people seek approval from others? I'm going to talk from direct experience here as I did (and if I'm honest still do in small bits). It's incredibly low confidence, identity crisis, low self-esteem, low worth etc. They need to hear it from other because they value others opinion's greatly. Others are 'above' them in some way.

I think this is interesting, because I'm kind of the opposite.  I tend to have high confidence to the point of narcissism, and we still care about other people's opinions.  We feel like we have to maintain an image, and when we get approval, we pride ourselves in our ability to maintain that strong image.   I'm not disagreeing with anything you are saying, how could I, just letting you know that us in the higher confidence spectrum are also slaves to other people's opinions


Comprehensive list of techniques: https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices

I appreciate criticism!  Be as critical/nitpicky as you like and don't hold your blows

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@zambize  I appreciate your perspective, it's very interesting to read it from the opposite end of the scale. 

Is it hard to maintain the image you've created? Also how does it feel when you receive negative feedback?

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8 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

@zambize  I appreciate your perspective, it's very interesting to read it from the opposite end of the scale. 

Is it hard to maintain the image you've created? Also how does it feel when you receive negative feedback?

I walk around with sweat pants (they are so comfy) and right now I got this sick ass game of thrones t shirt on me.  I really don't spend a lot of time maintaining my self image, I think it would be more accurate to say that I stress about the image I have.  I finished first in class, I tend to do well in intellectual situations, and that has caused a sense of pride that when I say something stupid and get proved wrong I just cringe so fucking hard and causes a bit of anxiety, because that image is going to be affected.  Even in some of my debates with for example Leo on here, I'll stress about him coming back with some great argument that puts me to shame.  I try to just laugh at it, and can usually turn that attitude around pretty quick because I also really value truth and being aware of everything I can be aware of, including my delusions, but yeah,  I still feel anxiety in my stomach when I have to come to terms with the fact that I am or could be far more deluded than I thought


Comprehensive list of techniques: https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices

I appreciate criticism!  Be as critical/nitpicky as you like and don't hold your blows

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Because all that anyone ever really wants, is love. The love of God which they are too scared to give themselves. So they seek shallow substitutes from external sources.

Love is the greatest high in the world. It makes the ego feel complete.

All you ever want in life is to feel complete. But this impossible for the ego to feel constantly because the ego is partial and incomplete by definition. So it steals love in little bits because it is not strong enough to love the entire world.

What the ego misunderstands is that what it really wants is not to receive love, but to give love.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Some ppl don't want approval. They just want to be authentic and themselves, but that's not an easy thing to do, especially when the person wants to express the discovery of non-duality to "friends." :P So, therefore, one has to find healthy ways to do this, like expressing it in a life purpose. Even if it's done there, it has to be expressed in very tactful ways nowadays. Otherwise, the "wrong" message gets sent, or others misinterpret it.

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5 hours ago, zambize said:

I walk around with sweat pants (they are so comfy) and right now I got this sick ass game of thrones t shirt on me.  I really don't spend a lot of time maintaining my self image

Sorry I meant the mental psychological 'self' image you created, not the physical one. 

Really interesting to read. Thanks for sharing :)

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I think its not so much that we like approval but that we are so hurt by dissaproval.  We come into this world not really knowing how or why and we start having thoughts, emotions and actions that people tell us are wrong, or absolutely bad.  We start believing this and boom we start getting all tangled up making aspects of us wrong and aspects of us right.

I think this creates so much trauma that any sort of authentic approval starts lessening that heavy load we have on our back and we are reminded that we are ok, that we are doing life okay.  

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This is an interesting topic I found myself getting wrapped up in the past few weeks. Teal Swan talks about how seeking validation starts in childhood as a way to ensure our survival. At the earliest stages in our lives our survival depends completely on our relationship with our parents/caregivers. When we are being "good" we are met with loving actions, when we are "bad" we are punished, or at least not given much compassion/understanding. This puts us in a situation where disapproval is fearful because it could = death, and of course this can get burned into the psyche. Validation feels good to so many because it can temporarily ease our very deep, ever-lingering fear that we aren't "good" enough just the way we are.

Edited by zenjen

"Move and the way will open."
– Zen Proverb

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It makes you feel like you're gonna have your suffering reduced in the future in some way.  It's kind of a short-term delusion. 

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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In my opinion, it is human nature to crave people's approval. It feels good and probably helped humans perform well, survive and be happy in tribes from an evolutionary perspective. But the problem starts when we start getting attached to this approval and base our entire self worth based on other people's approval. If they like us, we feel euphoric. If they hate us, we feel depressed. Then we are always uncertain whether they like us or not. Hence we are in constant anxiety state. I believe learning to value/love yourself no matter what is the antidote to this suffering. 

Like Rumi said, "we don't need to go looking for love, we just need to remove the barriers to it"

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