Is it worth going out with someone who doesn't fit perfectly with your values?

[Aquarius]

Right now I'm working on myself and on actualizing my values, I haven't been actively looking for relationships, but this question kinda bugs me. 

Let's say I'm fairly green. Would it be worth to pursue an orange relationship in the future? Because where I live chances are I will never find a green or turquoise person. Is it better to be alone then?

Here are some of my values that I'm working on to actualize:

• humbleness, humility, modesty

• understanding, compassion, empathy

• desired to grow, learn, see, experience and understand

• desire for adventure and openness for new things

• strong unconditional love for myself and others

• desire to help unconditionally

• passion, life purpose, good planning skills

• health and nutrition

• spirituality

• being easy going, laid-back, calm

• sex as a tool for exploring energies and creating spiritual connection

Those are some things that I like in a man as well, but where I live currently there are no such men. Or maybe I don't search enough?

I'm going on a series of travels with my father and his girlfriend, so I might meet more people. I don't think my personality is suited for the mentality of people living here though. We'll see. The only people that are educated enough to care about some of the values I listed are stage blue. Strong, heavy blue. 

What are some solutions?

[SFRL]

SD is just a model. You may just as well throw the whole concept out of the window if you are creating all these limiting beliefs around it. 

Edited November 16, 2018 by SFRL

[Shin]

Don't sell yourself short just because you feel lonely.
Don't worry, you'll find those "Green+" guys, it's only a matter of time.

Work on yourself for a while, you'll be better suited to handle that kind of Relationship,
And when you'll least expect it you'll meet someone lovely I promise  

Edited November 16, 2018 by Shin

[Forestluv]

@Aquarius Those are solid Green values. Perhaps you could find a healthy Orange person to date. Many people centered in Orange are not dogmatic ideologues obsessed with materialism. Many are moderate Orange looking to improve themselves to achieve personal goals and meet their personal needs. When I was Orange-centered, I dated a Green-centered woman. As well, when I was Green-centered I dated and Orange-centered woman. So, I've experienced it from both sides. I would say a few sources of conflict in the relationship were:

1. One person being over-analytical and trying to "figure everything out" and "fix things". Other person, wanting to talk about feeling, emotionally connect.

2. One person placing higher value on material things. Other person placing higher value on personal experience and connection.

3. One person seeing the relationship as transactional - two people each trying to meet their own needs. The other person wanting to build a sense of "us". Shared purpose and meaning.

 

[Aquarius]

@SFRL I didn't create limiting beliefs. I listed some values that I am looking for. Why are you assuming that I care so much about SD? I'm just using it because it helps me label some situations. But that's all. For me, if a person is even purple or red and meets my needs, then I don't even care about the labels. I was simply asking if it's worth pursuing a person who doesn't believe in holistic values, but instead they care about materialism. If I used these two labels instead of green and orange would it really make a difference?

@Shin Thank youu. That's what I'm trying to do. <3 

19 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

@Aquarius Those are solid Green values.

Do you think so?? I just listed things that are important for me, didn't really care where they belonged on the spiral. I thought unconditional love was turquoise but I think I was mistaken. 

[SFRL]

@Aquarius because into the second paragraph you get into your subject using SD, after giving a short introduction in the first paragraph. 

And then in the last paragraph you wrap it up using SD again. 

That's just basic reading/skimming skills on my part. 

[Forestluv]

2 hours ago, Aquarius said:

I thought unconditional love was turquoise but I think I was mistaken. 

Turqoise unconditional Love is much more radical than that for Green. At Turqoise, it is absolutely unconditional Love.  Without any conditions, Love expands to include all “evil” such as Hitler, terrorists and torture. Green unconditional love still has conditions the person is unaware of.

[thehero]

Oh hey, I fit those values. Solution would be to date me. 

But I've thought about it a bit. Green+ seems the way to go. OR, if they're on an upward slope and I can see their potential.

But also keep in mind developed people are also looking for developed people. And your level of self esteem will attract similar levels of esteem. So I'm transitioning to working on myself, and when the girl comes she comes. I think that's how it's best done anyway. That's how eben pagan does it 

Tbh if they fit this criteria:

I also CAN NOT deal with orange relationships. Green relationships or no go. Intimacy and connection are too important to me. 

I am not willing if the other person cant self reflect or question their beliefs. (Problems can't be solved if this cant be done) 

They dont have their own purpose, vision or something that gives them their own independence. They gotta be doing things. Especially because if I'm dating her, she should be helping me grow somehow through osmosis. 

So far this it it. I'm lenient on looks, I just want to be minimally attracted at least. 

 

Edited November 19, 2018 by thehero

[brugluiz]

On 16/11/2018 at 1:47 PM, Aquarius said:

Right now I'm working on myself and on actualizing my values, I haven't been actively looking for relationships, but this question kinda bugs me. 

Let's say I'm fairly green. Would it be worth to pursue an orange relationship in the future? Because where I live chances are I will never find a green or turquoise person. Is it better to be alone then?

Here are some of my values that I'm working on to actualize:

• humbleness, humility, modesty

• understanding, compassion, empathy

• desired to grow, learn, see, experience and understand

• desire for adventure and openness for new things

• strong unconditional love for myself and others

• desire to help unconditionally

• passion, life purpose, good planning skills

• health and nutrition

• spirituality

• being easy going, laid-back, calm

• sex as a tool for exploring energies and creating spiritual connection

Those are some things that I like in a man as well, but where I live currently there are no such men. Or maybe I don't search enough?

I'm going on a series of travels with my father and his girlfriend, so I might meet more people. I don't think my personality is suited for the mentality of people living here though. We'll see. The only people that are educated enough to care about some of the values I listed are stage blue. Strong, heavy blue. 

What are some solutions?

Don't you think that this labeling thing isn't too much? Sometimes I have the feeling that we incorporate all levels of the spiral and it's impossible to label people. By the way, SD is nothing if you can just be present and enjoy the moment. You can do it in whatever level of the spiral.

I would suggest you reading David Deida. I hope you find awesome souls around the world, but, please, don't label them with colours. Try to connect with their hearts instead. And have fun.

[ajasatya]

On 16/11/2018 at 0:47 PM, Aquarius said:

• humbleness, humility, modesty

• understanding, compassion, empathy

• desired to grow, learn, see, experience and understand

• desire for adventure and openness for new things

• strong unconditional love for myself and others

• desire to help unconditionally

these values are incompatible with such a restrict filter. are you able to embody those or are you just being hypocritical?

[Aquarius]

@brugluiz I didn't want to sound like I'm labeling people with colours, sorry if it sounded like that. I totally get what you mean and you are right. 

I simply thought it would be easier to point to certain characteristics in a fellow human being if I used SD labels. I see many people using them on the forum. I wasn't realizing I sounded like a hypocrite lol. It wasn't my intention to demonize anyone. I'll be more careful with my wording next time, thanks.  

@ajasatya As I said in the top post, I'm also working on these values and that's why I won't look for such a person now. It was just a hypothetical question.

And well, I can still have my preferences of what kind of person I'm looking for in a relationship. I know it sounds like a filter when it is said out loud. And maybe I'm also the kind of technical minded person, so that's why it might have sounded a bit "cold". But I think you're getting lost in the details of my post instead of trying to see what I mean. Besides, this was just an idealized scenario I wanted to get off my chest so I could express my wants and deepest desires in life. I was under the assumption that in this forum it is advised to be radically honest about what we feel. I probably should have taken better care to formulate my post more properly instead of sounding like a spoiled child.

Thanks for pointing this out for me though.

@SFRL Yea I might have worded my post a bit weirdly. My apologies for the confusion.

@Serotoninluv I have felt glimpses of the Turquoise unconditional love and I tried to embody it many times, but without a solid Orange stage foundation it all crumbles it seems, and I tend to lack that foundation myself.

@thehero That's sorta how I feel about most of the society I live in. But I try to remind myself: Be the change you want to see in the world.  

Edited November 27, 2018 by Aquarius

[ajasatya]

2 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

I'm also working on these values and that's why I won't look for such a person now

wise words! keep it up

[Aquarius]

@ajasatya Thanks!

[universe]

I dont look for shared values. The questions Im interested in are: Can I life my values with that person and grow. Is the chemistry right. Do they enrich my life.

To some extent that may be linked to shared values. But I dont really feel like I need anyone to stay true to my values. That would shift too much weight from my shoulders to theirs. Everyone has his own way and everyone can learn from everyone else. But I never had a very long relationship so take what I say with a grain of salt

[Aquarius]

11 hours ago, universe said:

I dont look for shared values. The questions Im interested in are: Can I life my values with that person and grow. Is the chemistry right. Do they enrich my life.

To some extent that may be linked to shared values. But I dont really feel like I need anyone to stay true to my values. That would shift too much weight from my shoulders to theirs. Everyone has his own way and everyone can learn from everyone else. But I never had a very long relationship so take what I say with a grain of salt

I see.  For me the way you look at the situation sounds very realistic, I think I can learn from it.

[RareGodzilla]

Nobody will fit your values perfectly. But if you have "must have" principles, you should uphold them. 

[Moreira]

You are confusing roles, if you want somebody with your same interests and values that's called you best friend, you dont need to have to share spiritual interests with you man for example.

Edited November 27, 2018 by Moreira

[ivory]

I have a similar question. Right now I'm dating someone who's not growth oriented but I wish that she was. She is a blessing and a great friend but the admiration component isn't there. I'm going to stay with her but am a little afraid of outgrowing the relationship. I think the important thing is to keep the communication lines open and be honest about my feelings. I hope that I will inspire her to work on herself but we shall see.

 

If things don't work out between us I will definitely be more selective in the future. Admiration is very important to me and going forward I won't settle for less. As for now, the important thing is that I am learning about myself and continually clarifying my values.

[d0ornokey]

@ivory

On 11/29/2018 at 10:54 AM, ivory said:

Admiration 

this is a positive shadow aspect. perhaps there is times when admiration isn't your positive shadow though. 

[Aquarius]

On 11/27/2018 at 7:21 PM, RareGodzilla said:

Nobody will fit your values perfectly. But if you have "must have" principles, you should uphold them. 

Truth has been told. Thank you.

On 11/27/2018 at 8:07 PM, Moreira said:

You are confusing roles, if you want somebody with your same interests and values that's called you best friend, you dont need to have to share spiritual interests with you man for example.

Yeah, took me some time to realize this. Well oops!  

11 hours ago, d0ornokey said:

@ivory

this is a positive shadow aspect. perhaps there is times when admiration isn't your positive shadow though. 

Cool.

Edit: This whole thread has been utterly useless from my part. Ugh. The only reason why it has a value is the output of the people who commented on it. Namaste, you guys.

Edited December 1, 2018 by Aquarius