Women shaming men for being attracted to/dating younger women

[LordFall]

Just saw this on Reddit and figured I'd share here since it's such a great example of the phenomenon. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/1xtgklw/i_31m_started_seeing_someone_younger_25f_my/

A lot of the power that women exert in society is hard to notice if you aren't well versed in power dynamics and is based on soft power and approval/shaming of behaviours that don't benefit them. If you are a man looking to build the best life possible you will be shamed in all kinds of ways for your desires and ambition so it's important to be aware of this trend.

Age gap relationships are quite popular in terms of older men dating younger women(older women dating younger men is also a trend although less common) and it tends to exacerbate the gender polarity which can be quite enjoyable and mutually beneficial for both parties. Some age gap relationships involve manipulation and exploitation of the younger partner(sometimes reversed and its the younger partner taking advantage of a lonely wealthier older partner) so be sure you're coming at it form the right place but it's definitely not the case for all instances. 

Conversely, sour grapes is very common with humans and women tend to be better at social skills than men so their shaming hiding insecurity about their own dating lives can be hard to spot for some men that are less aware. The mirror to that would be men shaming women for being promiscuous when they are simply insecure themselves about the sex life they wish they had or their lack of screening skills and them fear-mongering about not being able to trust women. 

I just wanted to highlight this specific version of it since for a lot of men we only start to become very attractive in our 30s as we start to get our finances, social circle and overall life together and a lot of younger women are down to date you but you will start to get hate from older women and even other men for your dating preferences even if you are an honest, trustworthy and dependable in all your dating encounters.

Attraction isn't one size fits all. A man can appreciate the depth, maturity, and presence of a woman in her 30s or 40s while also being naturally drawn to the energy of a younger woman in her 20s. Shaming men for responding to either dynamic usually comes down to controlling the market rather than any genuine concern for consent. A lot of people didn't grow up with a self-improvement mindset and don't think dating skills are learnable so they settled for a mediocre dating life or are still single and are quite mad about it. 

Edited 22 hours ago by LordFall

[Sugarcoat]

32M and 25F is nothing lol. Society is ridiculous with this age gap thing. 

[Emotionalmosquito]

[Schizophonia]

Because people defend their interests; the more you normalize age gaps the more you decrease the probability of an older woman or even a younger man finding love (or sexuality) with a partner of their own age. These collective subjects therefore have an interest in eliminating this possibility. I'm not saying it's significant enough to be truly intelligent and anyway there are guys who like older girls and vice versa lol, it helps to rebalance things a bit. I mean that people have a reflex to reason like that even if it's subconscious.

They can't directly make their power agenda explicit if they aren't in a sufficiently strong position; being upfront is a social luxury. Evolution has so favored deception in humans that they're certainly not entirely aware of their own agenda; perhaps it's like a robber taking memory-erasing medication to maximize their chances of success during a police interrogation; if what I'm saying makes sense.

 

So instead they will try to manipulate others’ superego with notions of ethics and such.

 

That's why democracy is a big mess and public debate is so much bad faith; because no matter how much you repaint the walls, deep down it's about survival.

Edited 19 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Heaven]

9 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Because people defend their interests; the more you normalize age gaps the more you decrease the probability of an older woman or even a younger man finding love (or sexuality) with a partner of their own age. These collective subjects therefore have an interest in eliminating this possibility. I'm not saying it's significant enough to be truly intelligent and anyway there are guys who like older girls and vice versa lol, it helps to rebalance things a bit. I mean that people have a reflex to reason like that even if it's subconscious.

They can't directly make their power agenda explicit if they aren't in a sufficiently strong position; being upfront is a social luxury. Evolution has so favored deception in humans that they're certainly not entirely aware of their own agenda; perhaps it's like a robber taking memory-erasing medication to maximize their chances of success during a police interrogation; if what I'm saying makes sense.

 

So instead they will try to manipulate others’ superego with notions of ethics and such.

 

That's why democracy is a big mess and public debate is so much bad faith; because no matter how much you repaint the walls, deep down it's about survival.

💯.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I had a relationship that lasted for 3.5years with a 62 year old man. That is a 25 year age gap. He is a fairly well known, high profile individual.

Age gap tends to be more of an issue when there are problematic dynamics; eg a really young person can be exploited due to lack of experience. There are a lot of factors that go into the dynamics that present themselves.

Edited 18 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Valach]

Hmmm, yeah, you can find all sorts of opinions on reddit. 32 and 25 is not that crazy of a difference, but depends on the stage of development of the person of course.

That being said, I am also not the biggest fan of bigger age gaps especially when it comes to younger people (there is just much  bigger difference between 20 and 40 than between 40 and 60). Often times these relationships are very objectyfing and transactional (though you could argue that all relationships are transactional in their nature - except for parent and their child relationship perhaps). A lot of the men I meet who seek much younger woman for relationships  are simply men who do not see woman beyond their beauty and sex. Is it evil or immoral? Of course not. But it is immature and the people who engage in this are immature as well. I just turned 30 and even dating a woman who is 25 is a struggle for me because I feel like there is simply noticable maturity gap for a proper relationship.

That being said I do not go around judging people or telling them what to do. We all have our own paths in this. But I generally do not get along with ppl who seek these age gaps - and the worldview is same among my guy friends who matured as well. In a way I am jealous (and I complain about it a lot haha - my own stuff to work out).

[LastThursday]

I think it's telling that laws prohibit relationships with a minor (as they should), but there aren't laws against age gaps. In other words societies in general don't have a problem with two consenting adults getting it on. Really it boils down to social prejudice. It's also a kind of sliding scale. The difference in maturity between a 31 and 21 year old, is not the same as between a 51 and 41 year old. 

I do wonder if it is just about maturity and/or control though. Are older people hooking up with younger people shunned because they're less fertile in some sense? Does biology come into it? Or is there more of an ickiness because that 21 year old was a child only a few years ago? Or is the mentality that you should stick to your age cohort because that's where you're most compatible in terms of life experience?

Oh yeah, and do women have a bigger problem with age gaps than men do?

Edited 6 hours ago by LastThursday

[LordFall]

13 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

So instead they will try to manipulate others’ superego with notions of ethics and such.

 

That's why democracy is a big mess and public debate is so much bad faith; because no matter how much you repaint the walls, deep down it's about survival.

Yes precisely. I'm all for holding people accountable and making sure society moves in the right direction but if we're gonna accept scrutiny into what happens into consenting adult's bedrooms then there are a lot bigger questions we should ask ourselves as a society. 

12 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I had a relationship that lasted for 3.5years with a 62 year old man. That is a 25 year age gap. He is a fairly well known, high profile individual.

Age gap tends to be more of an issue when there are problematic dynamics; eg a really young person can be exploited due to lack of experience. There are a lot of factors that go into the dynamics that present themselves.

That's cool, thanks for sharing! Do you mind elaborating a bit on how that was for you? Was there an element of mentorship involved in the dynamic, that's a cool aspect of age gap relationships that can be enjoyable and beneficial for both parties I think. Also why did it end? 

Quote

That being said I do not go around judging people or telling them what to do. We all have our own paths in this. But I generally do not get along with ppl who seek these age gaps - and the worldview is same among my guy friends who matured as well. In a way I am jealous (and I complain about it a lot haha - my own stuff to work out).

@Valach What do you mean by this? 

Edited 6 hours ago by LordFall

[Ulax]

Humanity is the BS-ing animal

[Lyubov]

You get some pretty unreasonable voices on the edges of both sides of the spectrum. There are some creepy dudes in their 30s and 40s who do sorta go kinda far in justifying how they should be able to pick up 18/19 year olds without judgement. You then get the feminist side who have all sorts of post modern beliefs that most people in reality find silly. 

Young women are the most beautiful, sexy and vibrant. I don't think it's really wrong to wanna be with them as a man even into your 40s. The issue is there is a thin line where some guys  leverage too much of their influence to take advantage and disrespect them. The man who is aware of this is therefor very cautious who he mingles with and his desires. It's fine to find young women sexy and beautiful, it's sorta another thing to be so involved with them and seemingly need to base your relationships around them because they are easier to get and impress. 

The guys who are outspoken of this, defending their pursuits are corrupted similarly to a capitalist who can justify to themselves finding creative ways to legally scam people out of their money by "playing by the rules." 

it's just a bad look to be a guy in your 30s and 40s trying to defend going after such young women but it is really case by case, I can't just blankety use the number to judge every instance. 

Edited 5 hours ago by Lyubov

[Valach]

32 minutes ago, LordFall said:

 

@Valach What do you mean by this? 

Which part? Sorry i am a bit confused 

[Recursoinominado]

It's just gaslighting driven by bias. Women seem more prone to biased thinking because they're more emotional. 

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Recursoinominado said:

It's just gaslighting driven by bias. Women seem more prone to biased thinking because they're more emotional. 

You're shitting yourself. A man's bias leads him to committing sex crimes and starting wars. A woman's bias leads her to not wanting to date loser gamers or in the worst case divorcing a guy and taking half of his bank account. 

"Men commit the vast majority of violent crimes, accounting for roughly 80% to 90% of violent crime arrests and perpetrators globally and in the United States, while women account for 10% to 20%." 

Action is driven by thinking. This is pure bias that women are more biased than men. They're not biased in a way you want them to be, which is probably you getting laid by them. But no, men are far more biased and corrupt than women in general. 

Edited 4 hours ago by Lyubov

[something_else]

The chance of dysfunctional power dynamics definitely increases with age gap.

It’s basically impossible for an 80 year old and an 18 year old to ever have a functional relationship, for example.

Honestly it’s probably even pretty close to impossible for an 18 year old and a 30+ year old to have a functional relationship.

With something like a 25 year old and a 50 year old it’s very much on the line. Possible to be functional? Yes. But likely to be functional? Not at all

So age gap can serve as an indicator of dysfunction, even if it isn’t always a guarantee.

 

[Zenterus]

This is sooo true! And a lot of men are so naively ignorant of this phenomenon. It's kind of like this whole parroted answer to "Who should pay for the date?" which is "The one who invited, of course!" Yeah, no shit, cause the man is the one who typically invites, so isn't that convenient? I've even heard guys say this shit and I'm just ashamed for them. I remember, quite recently, I had a woman ask me out on a date and when I agreed, she said "So where are you taking me?" and I responded with "Uh, where are you taking me. You invited, remember?"

The highest level of Game is to truly be as authentic to yourself as possible. Cultivating your own unique personality and ways of being, having a unique set of interests, doubling down on your talents and building a life that is centered around everything that is true to you, uniquely you and around topics that you're damn-near an expert in. That way, within your world, you're at the top of the hierarchy and anyone that comes into your sphere of influence has to bend to your rules. This is what society, advertising and the real world does to us every day and this is how we take back our power.