Men: How do you feel & react when you see women cry?

[Judy2]

42 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The one who's sympathy is asked for.

In the context of this thread, the man.

You are welcome to cry all you want by yourself.

okay

42 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Children are clever little devils who know how to use tears to manipulate and avoid responsibility.

I think we do have to take children at least a little seriously, though. Even if we think their reasons for crying are silly. 

Otherwise, that's gonna mess with their emotional development. 

Imagine ignoring your 10-year-old daughter when she cries, or even your five-year-old daughter. Or telling them "ha, you're just being silly!" That's how you raise someone with serious attachment trauma. 

Of course, there are differences between children and adults. That is why i chose not to bring this up as an example. I thought it was obvious that there are good reasons to be sympathetic with children.

Edited 5 hours ago by Judy2

[Leo Gura]

27 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

I think we do have to take children at least a little seriously, though.

As I originally said, if it's serious take it seriously.

[Schizophonia]

How do you react if you saw a girl stuck in the washing machine 

[trenton]

13 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

What emotions / feelings come up for you? Sympathy, heartbreak, disgust, sadness, pity etc

So you feel compelled to action? 

I have seen women cry tears of joy. I end up feeling proud of myself and happy that I managed to turn her life around. This happened when my coworker was a victim of predatory loaning, putting her 60,000 dollars in debt. I showed her Biden's student loan forgiveness program which was open at the time and she qualified. It ended up turning her life around after being stuck in fruitless legal battles for 15 years.

I have also seen women who were completely distraught. I will assume you mean an adult rather than a three year old girl on the side of the road abandoned by her parents, in which case I felt that she couldn't be ignored and I needed to do something about it. When I see women crying, I feel morally compelled to speak with them and not ignore them. Sometimes these women are suicidal because they are victims of identity theft and they are being framed for crimes they didn't commit while the perpetrators make obscene amounts of money, forcing the victim to go homeless. I then feel the need to research potential resources for this person as I did with the victim of predatory loaning.

Apparently it is common for people with autism to express compassion through practical problem solving. I do this with men as well when I called 911 to prevent a man from jumping off of the bridge.

Alternatively, if I get the impression that a woman is being a cry bully trying to manipulate me, I look at her either disapprovingly or with complete indifference to crocodile tears.

[Juan]

Whether it is a man or woman it doesn’t matter to me, I ask if they’re ok and depending on their answer I choose if to dive deeper and see if I can help.

[AION]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

How do you react if you saw a girl stuck in the washing machine 

What if she had nothing on

Edited 4 hours ago by AION

[Judy2]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

As I originally said, if it's serious take it seriously.

yes, sorry.

[meta_male]

17 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

What emotions / feelings come up for you? Sympathy, heartbreak, disgust, sadness, pity etc

So you feel compelled to action?

For me it's usually sympathy when they try to hide it and their eyes tear up. But I've had girls throw a tantrum crying and that's when I feel disgusted. It really depends on the reason. There's been times when it made me tear up too. I just listen, no action needed, maybe a hug, depending on who it is.

 

[meta_male]

3 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

How do you react if you saw a girl stuck in the washing machine

It depends on who it is.

[Joseph Maynor]

I don't know how I feel about this in the abstract.  

[yetineti]

I’ve seen men and women break and people cry for all sorts of reasons. I’ve noticed a few types.

There is crying, and there is bawling. Bawling is what I’d consider “max crying.”

If somebody is bawling, man or woman, there are usually only a select few options that actually comfort them or provide direction.

Silent presence works 80% of the time. If you know them, give them a hug; if you don’t—ask. If it’s somebody you’re very close to, and they’re really bawling, probably collapsed, hyperventilating, a restraining full-body hug can be surprisingly effective. I’ll lie behind them and hug them with my arms and legs, quite tightly. No words, maybe shhhhhs, like a baby. I only bring this up because it’s been a gut reaction a few times. I had considered it before, as I’ve seen people bawl. It helped with my dad, though. And, separately, a girl I was with. Seemed like the best option at the time. I recognized that people’s minds can overwhelm them, and literal restraint can be comforting.

Extreme scenarios. Silent presence works 80% of the time. If they’re really bawling, time slows down for me. It’s not exactly explainable.

Sometimes, if it’s more basic crying, identifying whether they’re looking for more comfort or more direction helps. Men usually want more direction. Women usually want more comfort.

(Usually) Comfort is: listening. Listening is: waiting for an actionable. The actionable is: repeat what they said and demonstrate it (especially if it’s about you).

Comforts can also be:

Walk away (rare)

Walk away—come back with food

Suggest food

Ask them what they want

“Spar Listen”—where you pseudo-defend yourself or the subject’s objections in a self-defeating manner that is funny and highlights the silliness

Suggest an activity (favorite show, etc.)

Encourage/reward previous or future activity

Reminders, context

Offer a formal “it’s okay to move on”

Do something specific to address the actual problem

“New Plans,” where you rewrite the day (not literally, but at least “rewrite the problem” in a way that would sound good or workable to most)

For direction:

Listening—still, especially if the person thinks out loud

FORGET WHAT THEY WANT, tell them what they need, especially if you can repeat something they said themselves that points to that need, or can gently identify a pattern with a relatable solution that highlights a path forward. But really, don’t tell them. Talk about it.

Logistics

a. Actionables

b. Contingencies (can be pressuring, but if legitimate, the rational mind will see options deplete and create the actionables itself)

Walk away, let them figure it out

Ask simple questions

Ask challenging questions, depending on the person

Wait X amount of time, then attempt one of the above options if timing feels paramount to its effectiveness

Any combination of the above options

People are funny. You have to know the person or have a high EQ before you go trying to body-hug people into comfort, obviously.

I tend to think less about why somebody is crying and more about the fact that they are, and I want it to stop lol. I want everybody happy and problems solved. But that can’t happen dishonestly and it has to meet the person where they are at, in a way that helps everybody and the situation—which often means identifying why, anyways.

I lived with my mom alone through high school. Probably odd timing for both of us. Before that, a handful of kids were babysat in our house for the first 10+ years of my life. Also, my dad worked from home—and when we weren’t the perfect family, mommy and daddy made each other cry a bit themselves (a lot).

Among the regular surprises in life. Sometimes the best move is not to think about it. Maybe that’s more of the male default, anyhow.

I like options.

 

Edited 1 hour ago by yetineti

[yetineti]

People cry more on impulse, habit or survival, more than they consciously fake it, in my experience. 

Calling it fake or ignoring it on those grounds would only work in pick up, on the first few dates with someone, someone you’re just getting to know or interact with via work frequently, etc.

This shouldn’t be a notable problem with in our own lives, if we are surrounding ourselves with good people.

If it is, I’d suggest better people or considering more workable solutions.

What ‘little thing’ could actually be solved?

Maybe the solution is faster and more of a win-win-win than what meets the eye.

—

Anybody ever play Left4Dead? You would think my experience with all this crying would have desensitized me but the witch in that game, sobbing—fucking hell 🤣. Super scary.

I was also like 10 years old, though.  

Edited 1 hour ago by yetineti

[Joseph Maynor]

@Natasha Tori Maru  My question for you is why did you ask this?  Are you going thru something?  

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Appreciate your answers all 🥰

[Joseph Maynor]

@Natasha Tori Maru  It is far easier to fool someone, than to convince them they have been fooled.

[Lyubov]

8 hours ago, LordFall said:

I hear you and see what you mean but that’s a form of light bypass and an invitation to understand the woman deeper. 

If a woman resorts to fake crying as manipulation it means she doesn’t have the communication skills to express her wants and needs otherwise. If a man finds himself in that situation it makes sense to initially be annoyed but I would encourage us to look deeper and see and understand the woman to truly understand what she’s crying about to be able to eventually solve her problem. 

I think you can absolutely solve others problems but you have to understand it better than they do and they have to allow you to help. 

 

I don't disagree that I'm a bit dismissive and give off your typical uncle vibe but I personally don't expect perfection from myself in this domain especially with all the women I've been with and shit I've been through. Women are annoying and the hotter they are the crazier they get. Many guys will go in with an idealistic mindset, however when the rubber meets the road... man you change your tune. Developing your own healthy boundaries, being a strong un-reactive pillar, and restoring your own energy is waaayyyyy more important than ever trying to solve a bitch's problems. 

 

Edited 40 minutes ago by Lyubov

[Lyubov]

8 hours ago, Salvijus said:

"Cry me a river" is my usual response. 

amen

[Elliott]

Quote

simplypsychology.com

https://www.simplypsychology.com

Why Many Men Struggle to Name Their Emotions (2026) - Simply Psychology

Apr 17, 2026 — ✓Researchers call it normative male alexithymia: a socialized, subclinical difficulty identifying and describing emotions, more common

 

OP

Quote

What emotions / feelings come up for you?

 

Thread

I'd ask what's wrong, hug, girls fake it a lot, i empathize, sympathize,....

[Jirh]

5 hours ago, Judy2 said:

Imagine ignoring your 10-year-old daughter when she cries, or even your five-year-old daughter. Or telling them "ha, you're just being silly!" That's how you raise someone with serious attachment trauma.

I think this is very important and tricky at the same time. It's always like this with emotions.

And this is true on the personal level too. On the one hand, you want to listen to your emotions. You don't want to shut yourself off to that authentic side of yours. Yet, on the other hand, you don't want to let your emotions dictate your life and decisions, because they often fall short compared to logic.

And I think it's not as simple as deciding whether it's serious or silly. It's serious enough for the child to cry about it. But most parents don't have emotional maturity to know how to handle their own emotions properly, let alone their children. They operate mostly from dogmatic beliefs and autopilot and dysfunctional upbringing.

Ego factors in this too, and it can blind the caretakers for example. Maybe they just don't want to admit being wrong. Maybe they care about their self image more than they care about their child. I've seen real life applications of those examples. And there's definitely worse.

Striking the right balance is the hardest thing, and it's what emotional maturity is all about.

That maturity would then propagate to others automatically as we interface with their emotional systems and struggles.

[Lyubov]

6 hours ago, Judy2 said:

Imagine ignoring your 10-year-old daughter when she cries, or even your five-year-old daughter. Or telling them "ha, you're just being silly!" That's how you raise someone with serious attachment trauma. 

Women are not children. In general I don't care for this comparison when it comes up in this forum which it has before. No, women and children are not similar in temperament. To me it is just a double standard society seems to hand wave away where a lot of women do not take responsibility for their emotions. Men of course don't take responsibility for it either but the consequences catch up far quicker for them when they do some outrageous unacceptable shit. 

Edited 20 minutes ago by Lyubov