Women Are Drugs

[Kokorec]

Why do men need women so much, other than re-production and child care. 

 

I'm investigating it in myself and also ask you to see how you feel and why?

 

Personally there is a part of me that looks for a woman's approval more than a man's, sex is a big driver in my life also. Yet am not quite aware why.

Help me  @Leo Gura 

[Yimpa]

 

[Cireeric]

Evolution is very interested in you being interested in women. If there wasnt enough incentive to put our bits together we wouldnt be here. But youre probably more interested in the subjective/1st-person experience. I think overall its an ingenious design, it makes life so much more alive, interesting, adventorous, playful, fun... And as a motive it is atleast to a degree behind almost everything one does - it gives everything fuel.

[PsychedelicEagle]

Romantic relationships are more likely to be perceived as scarce, uncertain, and irreplaceable — all of which drive approval seeking.

Change those and approval seeking drops:

1. Reduce scarcity — widen your social networks; reframe dating as a numbers game;
2. Reduce uncertainty — experience is king; past successes reinforce your intrinsic worth;
3. Reduce irreplaceability — expand your sources of meaning and identity: develop principles, competence, build a community.

One example of expanding meaning and identity: achieving post-conventional levels of ego development enables realization that 80% of the population is conventional, valuing what they were socially-programmed to. From there, you can internalize it's silly to let your self worth be defined for such people, which frees you up, making you less needy. 

[Kokorec]

55 minutes ago, Cireeric said:

Evolution is very interested in you being interested in women. If there wasnt enough incentive to put our bits together we wouldnt be here. But youre probably more interested in the subjective/1st-person experience. I think overall its an ingenious design, it makes life so much more alive, interesting, adventorous, playful, fun... And as a motive it is atleast to a degree behind almost everything one does - it gives everything fuel.

Sounds superficial, i am curious what's the general emotional need for it. Even if its pure evolution, what does the drive optimize for?

[Kokorec]

54 minutes ago, PsychedelicEagle said:

Romantic relationships are more likely to be perceived as scarce, uncertain, and irreplaceable — all of which drive approval seeking.

Change those and approval seeking drops:

1. Reduce scarcity — widen your social networks; reframe dating as a numbers game;
2. Reduce uncertainty — experience is king; past successes reinforce your intrinsic worth;
3. Reduce irreplaceability — expand your sources of meaning and identity: develop principles, competence, build a community.

One example of expanding meaning and identity: achieving post-conventional levels of ego development enables realization that 80% of the population is conventional, valuing what they were socially-programmed to. From there, you can internalize it's silly to let your self worth be defined for such people, which frees you up, making you less needy. 

writing style scream ai, and I want to argue and make it seem like I am above those points but I am not and they are too valid to argue with 

[How to be wise]

@Kokorec Three reasons: because other men want women, because (you believe) she doesn’t want you, and because she sees herself as the prize.

This is mimetic desire. Wanting something because other people want or have it. This is different to spontaneous desire, which is a desire that came from inside you.

I advise you to read ‘Deceit, Desire and the Novel’ by Rene Girard. He explains in depth the difference between mimetic desire and spontaneous desire, and why many of our desires (particularly the stronger ones) are from mimetic desire as opposed to spontaneous desire.

 

[Kokorec]

@How to be wise I send you a digital kiss(just blow it unto air should arrive in a couple days), I will read it. Any tips/resources for not feeling wanted and not making her the prize?

[How to be wise]

@Kokorec The solution is to understand mimetic desire. Mimetic desire is not desire for the object. It only arises because others (Girard calls them mediators) want or have it. Because they want or have it, now you need to compete with them to get the object.

Notice this has nothing to do with the value of the object for you. Only because others desire it, you assume it’s valuable. Hence mimetic (mimicking) desire. Their desire becomes your desire. 

So your desire is actually not for the woman herself. It is (in large part) all the other men who are chasing women. You mimicked their desire by assuming that because they all want it, it must be valuable. But that has nothing to do with what you find valuable.

Ask yourself why you specifically (instead of other men) want women. 

Whenever you feel desire, ask yourself whether other people also want her. If they do, that’s one of the signs of mimetic desire. Mimetic desire is not about the object, but about the others who value the object, and you assuming that if they think it’s valuable, then it must be valuable. And if they have it, then you must also have it, otherwise you’re less than them.

What makes desire for women a bit more complicated than desire for inanimate objects is that she can see herself as the prize. When you see her desiring herself, you assume that she must be valuable to desire herself, so you mimic her desire. 

The solution is to understand that your intense passion has nothing to do with the value of the object. If you truly valued the object, it would be spontaneous desire instead of mimetic desire.

The other solution is to read the book! Specifically chapter 1, 2, 3, 4 and 11. I can’t write down everything here. 
 

It’s an old book, from the 60s, which tells you wisdom is timeless.

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, Kokorec said:

Sounds superficial, i am curious what's the general emotional need for it. Even if its pure evolution, what does the drive optimize for?

Growth and evolution. Being able to attract females in most species has driven natural selection forward for hundreds of thousands of years. If there was no pussy to reward my efforts I would be much lazier in life. 

I would call them a muse more than a drug. Drug has a negative connotation. If you have a negative relationship with women, that's on you. 

@How to be wise I quite like René Girard's theory on desire but I don't think it's the full picture here, maybe only like 30-40%. There is clearly something both biological as well as ethereal and spiritual to the relationship between the feminine and the masculine. 

Edited 5 hours ago by LordFall

[How to be wise]

39 minutes ago, LordFall said:

@How to be wise I quite like René Girard's theory on desire but I don't think it's the full picture here, maybe only like 30-40%. There is clearly something both biological as well as ethereal and spiritual to the relationship between the feminine and the masculine. 

Every time I encounter an attractive woman, I ask myself three questions. These are Girard’s checklist for mimetic desire. First, do other men want her. Two, does she want you, and three, does she value herself. Mimetic desire says that you copy other people’s desires. So you copy the men who want her, and you even copy the woman herself, who desires or values herself. If she doesn’t want you, that also creates mimetic desire.

If however, I encounter a woman who does not tick the mimetic checklist, that would mean it is in fact spontaneous desire, which is desire that came from inside me.

I’ve never met a woman who I desired that did not tick, if not all, then at least one of the mimetic checklist. I will find it interesting to desire a woman and know that it is not mimetic. 

[Leo Gura]

It is hardwired into your brain.

[Jordan of the Shire]

4 hours ago, Yimpa said:

 

Wutz so funny??? 

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Jordan of the Shire said:

Wutz so funny??? 

I read the last sentence of OP’s original post and then re-read the title of the post and it made me laugh when I focused on those only those two sentences