Kokorec

More than a week ago I had a trip on weed. It was my first time experiencing something like this and it slammed my psyche for a few days. With time, the heavy effects went away. I recall most of the event,but broadly. I feel like I forgot the detailed images and thoughts I had in my mind. When I was trying to remember the details of a certain part in trip I remebered a chain of feelings and thoughts and the rest came like a thread. After the initial shock and spinning images in my mind, which I can't recall in detail now, there was a part where the experience was like a movie and out of my control. A good example of the feeling would be when you first wake up in the morning and are aware but not in control. I will share the details I remember below. What I can't figure out about this experience is that at some point I convinced myself that this was True Awakining, how this was going to go on forever, and that all of my life, all of what I have heard and learned, was to make this infinite trip smooth and mostly a good one. In some points, I even experienced what can EXATLY be called as "plot-twists". Whenever I conviced myself that this wasnt a infinite trip after a short while I was again pulled back in to the "infinite trip" and saw how this was indeed a "infinite trip" and how I was getting "ego backlashed" into "unawakining". This "plot-twist" happened a few times more with more force until I fainted out of tiredness. I would really like an explanation of what this experience really was. What I remember in detail and also was confirmed was my friends who were there with me was these. I wasnt able to surrender to the experience and as result I got anxious and focused on my incriesing heartbeat and that was the start of the just having awarness part. I vividliy remember my consciousness going away and coming back. Being aware of almost having something like a heart attack and coming back with my friend shacking me and saying how I am not going to die. I had awarness while this was happening and I wanted to act but couldnt. After I was more in control I opened my eyes which greatly reduced the trance effect. I went back to my room with the other two friends and in there this life feeling like a film kicked in so fucking hard and the experience which I couldnt explain what it was happened. I remember some thoughts I had. I thought that this was true awakening and this was gonna turn me into a hippie with my other two friends(that thought alone scared me :p). I remember some thought and actions feeling right and some dont with and soo intensive intuition that the wrong moves made my heartbeat skyroket. I remember the I conviced that all of what i heard(to breath deep and focus on it, to meditate etc.) was for this experience. When I did get the hang of it there was a feeling of getting in and out of control of the Experience of life itself. I also had the sensation of jerking off but not cumming CONSTANTLY for a good while in the small frame where I surrendered more to the experince this jerking of transformed to something 100x of cumming and it felt BLISSFULL and also I imagined that how I was getting a blowjob from my other friend but in the future(but feeling the effect also in the moment) if I let the experience happen. This imagining/realasition actually disturbed me because I never felt twoards man.

@Yimpa LMAO

And also I see signs almost everywhere how I should be reading into them and react ?

This helps. The more I think the more I try to put limits for "safe playing" the more it gives me anxiety. I will try to think less and play(?) more but one thing is reading into spirituality and Leo's content also feels like I am doing what I shouldn't. How should I approach this stuff it feels like playing with fire in some way its warm but it also feels like it will burn me.

@Moksha It doesn't feel like I should be proud, but thank you. Having my ego acknowledged in any way also contributes to dissonance. I feel as if it is creating a trap for me, and this also results in me doubting the signs that I receive from people. Should I just trust them? THIS hits home. Any more detailed explanation on how I can more silently realize and how not to energize my thought with attention I will look at "The Mind Illuminated." Thank you.

@Razard86 I'll let God guide me:)

First of all thank you taking your time and replying. I'm trying, to let it sometimes it's so natural sometimes it feels unbearable. My biggest fear happens when I think about if I am losing my mind or all of it is Real which it is:). I know it somehow deep down but still cant accept it fully its feels soo unnatural and scary, The biggest obstacle I feel like I have is understanding what is my ego's Traps and what is Real and that sturggle of trying to understand which is which. It makes me quite unsure if what am experiencing is real or not and as a result gives me anxiety and a lot of heart palpitations. What can I do to ensure am on the path and get rid of anxiety in the long run? Also what would you recommend on how to build a good foundation( how to pace it etc.) and how not to feel like am losing my mind completely. I am still trying to find balance and enjoy this. Soo please give answer accordingly to my experience. Thank you <3

I'm 19 I have been consuming leo's content for a almost two years now. I've read trip and awakining reports and always wanted to experience something like it. Since last week I have started to smoke weed. Normally it hits me a few times and gives a ease of head and a lot of laughs but this last different. Started with a lot of laughs with 2 other friends and after some minutes all three of us stared laughing and making jokes nontop. This went on for 10-15min and at some point we kinda telepathcly merged(at least that what I felt.). I also thought I had passed away. I turned back when my friend said "No dying bro what dying keep calm". Also there was some moments where I felt like I was watching my life as a movie and interfere in some moments. Since this experince happened which is now almost two days ago I still fell odd to put it simply I feel like I need some guidance. Some moments I see a path for my life and effortlessly follow but occasionally I feel like am imagining all of this and going crazy -kinda-. I again and again see some signs on what I should be doing how I should just let it flow, trust and accept what's going on. It feels so naturel at times but also Freaky at a lot of times and I get scared, I fell fear. Also there is a almost constant anormal heartbeat and it increase when ever I try to see everything as it is. I read about kundalini psychosis and the symptoms seemed like what I am experiencing(It's the phenomenon where you kinda awaken but not totally and your mind thinks its going crazy.). What should I do? How should I react and think about it? What am I really experiencing?