How do i recognise when someone is treating me bad?

[Asia P]

I feel like other people, my family included, are treating me bad, because i do feel very bad when i am in company. I feel like i want to run away from everyone. I feel like people approach me only when they need something from me. This makes me feel sad. 
Why do i see evil in everyone? Am i the evil one? 

[Rishabh R]

@Asia P Same experience with my relatives. I apply a general rule by asking myself - Are their opinions worth giving a F--- about ? Most of the time answer is - No it doesn't matter. 

[PolyPeter]

hey
sounds like a difficult situation

I have no idea or more context, but recently i came across this guy tim fletcher, who talks a lot about ctpsd. complex truama. 

 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSCybLjDZhs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqr98O8QT3M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q05UsS3x90w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXzaSHeJHWE

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Raze

[Joseph Maynor]

31 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

I apply a general rule by asking myself - Are their opinions worth giving a F--- about ? Most of the time answer is - No it doesn't matter. 

Interesting.  

[Jirh]

1 hour ago, Asia P said:

How do i recognise when someone is treating me bad?

You are asking the right questions.

Although, unfortunately, there's no easy way to tell. "Bad" itself is a relative concept that differs among people and time and place.

It's not impossible though, but it takes work; time and effort.

1 hour ago, Asia P said:

I feel like other people, my family included, are treating me bad, because i do feel very bad when i am in company. I feel like i want to run away from everyone.

The feeling of wanting to run away from everyone is your body and mind screaming at you. It is a signal that something is deeply wrong with your environment and your interactions with it. You should listen to that signal. It's the truest thing you know.

1 hour ago, Asia P said:

I feel like people approach me only when they need something from me. This makes me feel sad. 
Why do i see evil in everyone? Am i the evil one? 

Again, you are asking the right questions. The fact that you are examining your own role in this shows you are not the evil one.

However, you should pause here. You are not evil. You are being used. That's awful. But it's not your fault.

This pattern is known to happen to people who self-sacrifice, over-give, tolerate, stay too long, are easygoing, too nice, too generous, too forgiving, etc...

If you are born with a high threshold for toxic behavior, you will likely experience this pattern.

Or if you are desperate for human connection, you will have low standards and at the same time it will make you an easy target for people who lack integrity.

Or if you were conditioned to trauma and learned to cope early in your childhood, toxic behavior will seem normal to you, so you don't even recognize it, which probably fits the question you're asking.

Perhaps you have a mix of all the above. The short answer is that it's a problem with boundaries, self-image, and sense of self.

I'll leave you with practical advice from DeepSeek:

Quote

Here is a practical way to start recognizing mistreatment and building the boundaries you lack:

Step 1: Stop analyzing their motives, start trusting your feelings.

You feel sad. You feel used. You feel like running away. These feelings are not a "clash of agendas." They are data. They are your internal alarm system telling you that a situation is not safe or healthy for you. The first step is to validate your own feelings. When you feel that pang of sadness after an interaction, do not say, "Maybe they didn't mean it." Instead, say, "This interaction makes me feel sad. This is my signal that something about this is not okay for me."

Step 2: Identify the specific behaviors, not the abstract "bad."

"Treating me bad" is too vague. You need to see the concrete actions. Start a simple journal or note on your phone. After an interaction that leaves you feeling bad, write down:

Who was it?

What happened? (e.g., "My sister called and talked for 30 minutes about her problems, then hung up when I started talking about my day.")

What was the "ask"? (e.g., "She needed me to listen.")

How did I feel? (e.g., "Sad, used, invisible.")

After a week, look at the patterns. You will likely see clear, repeated behaviors. The evidence will be on the page. It is much harder to doubt a written record than a vague feeling.

Step 3: Learn what a boundary is (and isn't).

A boundary is not about controlling the other person's behavior. It is a rule you set for yourself about what you will and will not tolerate, and what the consequence will be.

Not a boundary: "You need to stop calling me only when you need something."

A boundary: "I am no longer available to be a one-sided emotional support. If a conversation is only about the other person's needs, I will politely end the call."

Step 4: Start practicing with small, low-stakes boundaries.

You cannot change your family dynamics overnight. Start small.

A friend asks for a favor you don't have time for? Say, "I can't help with that this week, but I hope you figure it out." Do not offer a lengthy excuse.

Someone calls to vent again? After a few minutes, say, "I have to go now. I hope things get better." Then hang up.

The goal is to feel the discomfort of saying "no" and to learn that the world does not end. People who respect you will accept your "no." People who were only using you will get angry, guilt-trip you, or disappear. This is the most important information you will ever receive about them.

Step 5: Reclaim your time and energy.

Your time is the one thing you can never get back. When someone approaches you, ask yourself: "What is the cost of this interaction to my energy, my time, and my self-respect?" If the cost is always high and the return is always zero, you have your answer.

Finally, therapy is a very good idea. This pattern was likely learned long ago, and a professional can help you unlearn it in a safe environment. You are not asking for too much by expecting reciprocity, respect, and kindness. You are asking for the bare minimum of human decency, and you deserve it.

Good luck, and take care!

Edited 1 hour ago by Jirh

[Asia P]

@Jirh thank you

[AerisVahnEphelia]

no you good, people project into you energy and you start to believe the energy might be you.
 

do not let yourself suffer by "duty", you've a right to peace & happiness and your mental & physical health is a normal thing to protect and preserve.

[Judy2]

generally, this is one of the main functions of emotions: to quickly evaluate situations you find yourself in. 

but there can also be such cases when emotions are under- or overly present in the sense that they are either repressed or disproportionally triggered due to prior experiences, so they do not "fit" the severity of the present situation.

a goal for a healthy human being may be to tune in with themselves enough to develop emotional regulation that is somewhat adequate to present situations, because in this way emotions can serve to help answer questions such as "is this person treating me badly?". or at least if a disproportionate emotional reaction occurs (realistically speaking, we all get triggered from time to time), it is helpful to recognise this as such.

 

take anger, for example. some people don't get angry enough when boundaries are being violated, and feel sadness instead, blame themselves, etc. others feel overly angry. both dispositions are likely shaped by past experiences. there can be a healthy amount of anger, too, which serves the function of letting you know reliably when your boundaries are being crossed, for example, by family members.

Edited 4 minutes ago by Judy2