How to cope with getting older

[Ryan M]

I’m 33 and ever since I reached my 30s the thought of getting any older haunts me every day. Something about reaching 40 specifically sounds so depressing. There’s not one good thing about getting older, I’d actually be happy if life ended at 40 just so I didn’t have to see an old version of myself and have an older partner, not to mention my health declining. Is it normal to feel this way?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

You have to move through a phase of deep allowance and acceptance.

Your looks will fade. This is just how it is. That is not to say you cannot remain attractive in later years - but the attractiveness of youth fades.

I always put immense investments in other areas of my life. When I was younger my grandmother told me 'pretty women die twice'. Wise words, even if I did not understand the full ramifications at the time. 'Every dog has his day' is another idiom quite related. Are you attached to your looks, body? Health is the only thing I care about now. Looks are secondary. I want to remain vital for as long as possible and that is all. I welcome aging now - it is a privilege  turning 40 this year & I am lucky to look decent still.

[Ulax]

I heard book: Staring At The Sun: Being at peace with your own mortality: Overcoming the Dread of Death by Irvin Yalom is helpful.

[LastThursday]

I think about this sort of thing constantly. I've just turned 53, so, you know.

Except, people are consistently surprised when I tell them my age. I was talking to a woman I play badminton with who works in a theatre, and she said "we need more young people like you in our theatre, everyone there's over 50". I didn't have the heart to tell her. I'm surprised myself when people think I'm younger.

My point is, is that "being old" is largely a state of mind, and your state of mind reflects in how you feel about yourself, and how others perceive you.

We are living in the 21st century, and people can and do keep their health well into their seventies. I have a friend who's 57 and regularly runs half marathons and longer. 

It's undeniable that you have less energy with age, and your looks can go down hill, and you'll start having aches and pains. But it's not a given. Life isn't just about "being youthful", there's lots of other more exciting things to compensate. You know yourself better, you're wiser, more intelligent, understand people better, make better decisions, take control, stand up for yourself, financially more stable. In other words lots and lots of things just keep improving and never stop. 

Do I wish was twenty again? Of course, but only if I can take my current knowledge and experience.

Getting old is just a change of emphasis, not an excuse to give up.

[bazera]

@Ryan M

On 01/01/2026 at 2:21 PM, Ryan M said:

getting any older haunts me every day. Something about reaching 40 specifically sounds so depressing.

I turned 30 this month and I also struggle with this, especially when I think back and realize how quickly it went from 20 to 30, I'm assuming it won't be any different from 30-40 in that regard.

I also made some pure health choices that led me to be a bit overweight and in a bad shape at 30, which I'm trying to correct now but it's challenging with all the bad habits developed over the years, but it has to be done.

But in many ways I think 30-40 will be far more exciting and enjoyable then 20s, because I have all the lessons of some fucked up decisions that I made over 20s now that I can use to dramatically improve certain aspects. 

I just wish when I'm 40 I look back at my current self and be proud that he really considered all the lessons from failures and really put theory into practice.

I think the most important thing is to prioritize your health and well-being that will create a foundation for all the other stuff (creativity, career, relationships, spirituality, etc) that you will be doing.

Without that foundation, nothing works and everything is extra-struggling. At least for me.

[Joseph Maynor]

There is not much change except you have to become more conscious of health as you get older.  Diet, exercise, meditation, and avoiding things that sap your energy that are not needed.  The older I get the happier I get actually.  

[Basman]

Saw an old man at a concert yesterday. Dressed well. Had a bitch. In shape for his age. Boss. 

You know your doing something right when your girl is clinging to you in your 70s. 

[integration journey]

On 1/1/2026 at 3:40 AM, LastThursday said:

I think about this sort of thing constantly. I've just turned 53, so, you know.

Except, people are consistently surprised when I tell them my age. I was talking to a woman I play badminton with who works in a theatre, and she said "we need more young people like you in our theatre, everyone there's over 50". I didn't have the heart to tell her. I'm surprised myself when people think I'm younger.

My point is, is that "being old" is largely a state of mind, and your state of mind reflects in how you feel about yourself, and how others perceive you.

We are living in the 21st century, and people can and do keep their health well into their seventies. I have a friend who's 57 and regularly runs half marathons and longer. 

It's undeniable that you have less energy with age, and your looks can go down hill, and you'll start having aches and pains. But it's not a given. Life isn't just about "being youthful", there's lots of other more exciting things to compensate. You know yourself better, you're wiser, more intelligent, understand people better, make better decisions, take control, stand up for yourself, financially more stable. In other words lots and lots of things just keep improving and never stop. 

Do I wish was twenty again? Of course, but only if I can take my current knowledge and experience.

Getting old is just a change of emphasis, not an excuse to give up.

Wise words. Thank you 

[PsychedelicEagle]

On 1/1/2026 at 11:44 AM, Natasha Tori Maru said:

'pretty women die twice'. Wise words

Wise words indeed.

[Jodistrict]

You don't know just how young you are.  

[integral]

I wake up everyday in shock that I'm still alive

More existence? More of this? 

1. Existence never stops, it's not that you should fear getting old and dying, that's the easy part, the problem is you are immortal and this is never going to end and as a finite human what you should fear is that this doesn't stop.
2. To be more practical about it the older you get the more tired and bored of life you're going to be to the point where you don't really want to still be alive because you've already experienced enough, this is not that good, think about what life is like are you really actually enjoying all this? As you get older you get sicker and I'm telling you you'll quickly rewire your brain not to want to be alive, there's a built-in system in biology that allows people to want to die.

Edited 12 hours ago by integral

[integral]

Everyday is more of this! Can you even believe it, It's ridiculous, notice how absurd this all is. 

You wake up and the reality has handed you another one of "these" for no particular reason.

Edited 12 hours ago by integral

[Carl-Richard]

I always pictured my mid thirties as the age I'm like "supposed" to be.

Edited 9 hours ago by Carl-Richard

[Nemo28]

@Ryan M See that - getting older feels like this - just recognize it and that's it. That's the nature of this world - change, getting older, body decaying, eventual death of body. 

[Nemo28]

32 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

I always pictured my mid thirties as the age I'm like "supposed" to be.

I'm exactly 35 - the perfection incarnate  

[Nemo28]

4 hours ago, integral said:

I wake up everyday in shock that I'm still alive

More existence? More of this? 

1. Existence never stops, it's not that you should fear getting old and dying, that's the easy part, the problem is you are immortal and this is never going to end and as a finite human what you should fear is that this doesn't stop.
2. To be more practical about it the older you get the more tired and bored of life you're going to be to the point where you don't really want to still be alive because you've already experienced enough, this is not that good, think about what life is like are you really actually enjoying all this? As you get older you get sicker and I'm telling you you'll quickly rewire your brain not to want to be alive, there's a built-in system in biology that allows people to want to die.

Harsh, but yeah, that's closer to my experience too.  In my job, i meet lots of old people, and oddly enough they really dont want to die. They are sick, ugly and weak, yet they are holding on to life tightly and some clutter their homes with so much junk (valuables in their eyes), that you can't even navigate there - so many attachments. 

[integral]

3 hours ago, Nemo28 said:

Harsh, but yeah, that's closer to my experience too.  In my job, i meet lots of old people, and oddly enough they really dont want to die. They are sick, ugly and weak, yet they are holding on to life tightly and some clutter their homes with so much junk (valuables in their eyes), that you can't even navigate there - so many attachments. 

Yeah when you have no Spiritual Development and You Never Grow Up you become a 90 year old hoarder

Edited 4 hours ago by integral

[Nemo28]

31 minutes ago, integral said:

Yeah when you have no Spiritual Development and You Never Grow Up you become a 90 year old hoarder

lol

[integral]

When you're 90, this is one moment out of infinity that you are going to experience.

Your entire life doesn't even register as the insignificant Speck of a moment in the vastness of total moments you're about to have.

You are an immortal infinite God. And you're scared of a moment cuz you designed yourself to pretend to be human.

Edited 4 hours ago by integral