Why can't I stop hurting every time I get rejected?

[Something Funny]

Logically, I don't even really care and know that everything is okay and that I am making progress. But emotionally, I just feel so sad, empty, and alone. It hurts like a bitch.

[Kid A]

Because our minds aren’t adapted for the rejections we experience in modern society. Our emotions are adapted to a pre-historic society, where rejection was something that could lead to isolation and thus death. No wonder why it hurts like hell.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CW-CvGwRLX0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uHpPI3lz1Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHfAMh6Edm4 https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-be-resilient-and-bounce-back-rejection

Edited 14 hours ago by Raze

[Hojo]

Because you are making fiction in your head and sabotaging yourself. Its very hard to do but this is what going with the flow means. Everytime you think about conversations you are going to have or think about other people when they are not there you are sabotaging yourself. It seems like you are preparing but its going to have a counter effect to what you want.

As a man when you do this you are confusing yourself we are trained to do it but not built for it.

The best thing a man can do is nothing. Especially with thinking about woman. Once you get traumatized you will go into thought spirals that sabotage you later.

You might think how can thinking about a person sabotage it but it will everytime 100 percent without exception.

The more you think about a date the more chances it will get fked up. The more lonely you get the more you sabotage this spirals fast. If you are interested in a girl and want to date its best to stay not interested. Just say to yourself not interested and you will be in better flow for real life.

Woman can do this kind of stuff men can't. Let them do it and you go play video games or something. Let them do the mind work.

Once you fall into this pit its hard to get out cause you actually have to do nothing to get out. And when you do nothing you spiral again cause you are lonely.

When you think too much it will show to a woman when you talk to her cause you want her to like you. She will clearly see you are doing it and won't like you because of it. You will be oblivious that you are doing it or be oblivious that you are giving tells that you are desperate for love.

This is a survival mechanism woman have. To be able to see these tells that you were thinking about them alot. This activity is threatening to a woman.

You are a logical creature diving into the realms of unlogical thinking and you will drown in it and go mad.

Edited 16 hours ago by Hojo

[Hojo]

@RazeThat first man is being way too aggressive.

[TheCloud]

First of all, emotions are normal.  What you're going through is not something that needs to be rejected, or rather, rejecting it might make it worse.

Second, what do you do to manage your mental health?  You need to find something you can reliably sit down and do to work through things like this.

[Something Funny]

@Hojo thank you, great advise.

[Something Funny]

1 hour ago, TheCloud said:

First of all, emotions are normal.  What you're going through is not something that needs to be rejected, or rather, rejecting it might make it worse.

Second, what do you do to manage your mental health?  You need to find something you can reliably sit down and do to work through things like this.

I don't have a dedicated mental health practice. Or a routine in general. My life is a mess right now.

[Lucasxp64]

For me, I suffered like hell with rejections, but the worst kind are more than just rejections, but when someone is BIPOLAR about me, when they are interacting with me frequently and they have some kind of on-off about me, that stuff is nuclear corrosive for me. I'd rather get honest rejections than being treated in a bipolar way.

First you need to somehow internally reframe rejections, by simply acknowledging the conditions of success not being there. I.e. on a cold approach she is not in the right mood, 60%+ of women are in a relationship depending on the age, you might literally just not be her type, or her personality is so vastly different from yours that you wouldn't even want it to work.

I tried before to work it out with some women that I felt were rejecting me for some reason, but they would still give me chances and I'd be trying to make up for the incompatibilities, it made me miserable, rejection is also a blessing that opens up space for the right woman in your life.

Edited 3 hours ago by Lucasxp64

[TheCloud]

9 hours ago, Something Funny said:

I don't have a dedicated mental health practice. Or a routine in general. My life is a mess right now.

 

What are your top messiest issues?

[Vercingetorix]

Mindsets that I find useful:

Learn not to take them too seriously. laugh at them. Whatever you can laugh at doesn't have power over you. Whenever you catch yourself identifying with the hurting thoughts, recognize how funny this whole situation is.

You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens (Rumi).

It fucking hurts, but it's ok. The pain is growing you.

Understand that there isn't another option; you have to go through those rejections. So, might as well face them sooner rather than later.