Where do you go to meet women now that you're in your 40s, Leo?

[Joshe]

11 hours ago, meta_male said:

@Joshe I mostly agree, but I’d still argue: some people see through the BS early. Not everyone needs 40 years to know what doesn’t feel real. The risk of developing complexes goes both ways...faking extroversion just to earn solitude can leave you just as miserable.

For me, the sweet spot is social exposure to stay grounded and connected, without bending myself to fit in. 

I'd never recommend changing who you are just to fit in. Introverts don't have to fake extroversion. There's really no faking what's inside. Just that they should expose themselves to social situations and learn how to endure them and exist inside them with relative comfort.

If you seclude yourself too early, you're cutting yourself off from many important life lessons. 

These days, I basically don't socialize at all, other than this forum. But I spent 30 years getting more than my fill, and I've consciously decided I don't want it because I now know what it entails and what the rewards and costs are. I think I'll likely return to being social when I'm done with my serious work. 

[OrangeOak]

Just a few things in response to what people have said:

You can’t fuck yourself up totally.

You can live an extroverted life that isn’t shallow or unspiritual. You don’t have to just go to clubs and bars, you can create an amazing, rich, social circle that provides you with all your social needs, including sex. 

The key is to let go of your own thoughts, such as “socialising is bs” or “I’m weird” etc. and be playful. Self-absorbtion kills your vibe. Other absorbtion is the key. 

I don’t think it’s possible to be happy living a secluded life unless you have met a certain amount of your social and sexual needs. 

People think socialising is hard. It’s only hard for the ego, but once you’re out of your head, notice how effortless it becomes.

I struggle with being self-absorbed, which makes it hard to connect, but I used to be very social, and it is the most joyous thing! 

Be outrageous, people. Out. RAGEOUS! 

Edited Saturday at 01:19 PM by OrangeOak
Typo

[Basman]

On 23/07/2025 at 10:53 PM, zazen said:

Like a narcissistic dog you say .. 😂

Awkward way to stand and hold a hand while the mics in the other.. homie just trying to establish 45sec of kino contact to unlock cosmic levels of attraction and free love.

This hurts to watch.

How can someone possibly be this American and loud?

[Jannes]

On 23.7.2025 at 10:53 PM, zazen said:

 

 

It wasnt that stupid imo. Owen asked what the name of her favourite pet is and answering dog is so unexpectitly unoriginal that it opens up some 'adorable energy' is in the air and if you are in the right state of mind and sensitive enough you can use and cherish this opportunity. Owen did it in a way where he made fun of it, but not from above but also by making fun of himself. 

Edited Monday at 08:47 PM by Jannes

[Emerald]

On 7/22/2025 at 5:50 PM, Leo Gura said:

Perhaps after all my spiritual work is done I will be more inclined.

At the moment I crave total isolation.

Do you actually crave total isolation? 

You socialize on this forum every day or nearly every day, quite a bit. And that's not total isolation.

It may be that the forum acts as a means of keeping your socialization tank full enough, such that you don't crave it from other sources. 

Funny enough, I used to identify with being a loner and enjoyer of solitude as a teenager... when I had the most social interaction built right into my environment. (And I still enjoy my alone time as I see moments of solitude as a space for what I refer to as "self-romance"... like I am taking myself on a date)

But when I was 20, I truly was alone to the point where if I was killed, no one would notice I was gone for a long time. And I realized then that it was only because I was getting my social support needs met that I could identify myself with solitude and find enjoyment in the solitude.

It was because I never truly had lack that I had the luxury to identify as a person who enjoys solitude. It was a very humbling experience that broke down that identity that I had been holding onto as a point of pride.... and as a means of differentiating myself as head and shoulders above there other people who are too shallow to see the value of solitude... and who "operate like sheep."

It was quite humbling to realize that I too am a sheep in need of a flock. And it's only in getting totally lost from the flock that the sheep realizes its nature.

[RendHeaven]

47 minutes ago, Emerald said:

It was quite humbling to realize that I too am a sheep in need of a flock.

Yes that's me as well

I do think Leo's actually different though

Leo is a GIGA-nerd about independence of mind. It's one of his highest values.

Given that the foundation of relationship is group-think (literally), it would be a natural roadblock towards Leo's entire MO.

Obviously the forum supplements some sort of socialization need for him.

but that doesn't contradict his desire to mostly be alone in contemplation

[Emerald]

31 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Yes that's me as well

I do think Leo's actually different though

Leo is a GIGA-nerd about independence of mind. It's one of his highest values.

Given that the foundation of relationship is group-think (literally), it would be a natural roadblock towards Leo's entire MO.

Obviously the forum supplements some sort of socialization need for him.

but that doesn't contradict his desire to mostly be alone in contemplation

Leo isn't any different. He's human just like everyone else.

[RendHeaven]

2 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Leo isn't any different.

No, he clearly loves solitude more than the majority of humans.

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

He's human just like everyone else.

Yes, but some rare humans actually love solitude more than the rest of us

Don't strawman Leo by conflating his highest value with your teenage inexperience

[Joshe]

Solitude is freedom, which is one of my highest values. I feel like I need maybe 85-95% solitude to be happy. It all depends on my energy though. 
 

[Emerald]

14 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

No, he clearly loves solitude more than the majority of humans.

Yes, but some rare humans actually love solitude more than the rest of us

Don't strawman Leo by conflating his highest value with your teenage inexperience

I'm sure that Leo believes what he's saying. I believed what I was saying too when I was valuing and identifying with solitude.

But is it truly him loving solitude? Or is a way of rationalizing his own avoidant tendencies to himself by framing them more in the positive?

I know from personal experience that it's possible to believe the former... but to have the reality be the latter.

And if you didn't notice... he spends a lot of his time socializing on this forum. So, he says "I value solitude" to a group of people who values him and who see value in his pursuits... of whom he interacts with almost every single day.

So, he clearly values social interaction. He just doesn't identify himself as someone who values it as valuing social connection is common.

A pattern that I've experienced has been a strong identification and enjoyment of solitude... along with an attempt to make myself a rare person who is rare in quality and kind. But there is a pattern of using this to differentiate myself from other people as a way to feel "a cut above" others by "being the rare person" who enjoys solitude and who is aware enough to value things of a higher nature.

It's like being a special and extraordinary alien living among the dull and dreary ordinary humans. And there's an ego boost that comes along with that tendency that helps one distinguish themselves from the "contemptibly common" qualities of the masses.

But in my medicine journeys, I have recognized that there are deep patterns of disconnection that have come from years and years of differentiating myself from others... and conceptualizing of myself as alien-like in my divergences from the norm (including but not limited to a proclivity for solitude and the valuation of higher achievement and higher states of awareness... as well as an attempt to be a rare person).

And this coping strategy has many boons to it. You really can reach to heights that most people aren't so interested in reaching. And so much potential can be realized in this hyper-individuation path.

But it is usually borne out of first feeling different and alien in a bad way... such that one eventually embraces this difference and builds an identity of being alien in a good way.

And while this coping strategy has many positives to it, it creates a sense of disconnection from other people, from nature, and from the universe at large. And one feels that one cannot belong without proving one's self special and divergent through rarity of identity. 

I see these same kinds of patterns playing out in Leo's M.O. from the way he speaks about valuing solitude. It reminds me of me. So, I can't simply take his statements around valuing at face value (especially since he spends a lot of his time socializing).

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Emerald

I can say I am more solitary than most.

And I have had periods in my life of no contact with others - a month at the maximum. 

I was only able to endure it because there was a goal and meaning - making solitude very tolerable.

I need depth of connection. So quality shits on quantity for me. And it only needs to be one person.

In lieu of that - most of my casual social needs are met through going out alone. Art shows. Jazz clubs. Conventions. Taking the laptop or sketchpad to a cafe. People watching in large energy spaces with little contact. Just witnessing. These acts satisfy much of my social needs when I am more isolated. I don't need to interact per se, just witness.

Edited yesterday at 05:01 AM by Natasha Tori Maru

[Eskilon]

10 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Emerald

I can say I am more solitary than most.

And I have had periods in my life of no contact with others - a month at the maximum. 

I was only able to endure it because there was a goal and meaning - making solitude very tolerable.

I need depth of connection. So quality shits on quantity for me. And it only needs to be one person.

In lieu of that - most of my casual social needs are met through going out alone. Art shows. Jazz clubs. Conventions. Taking the laptop or sketchpad to a cafe. People watching in large energy spaces with little contact. Just witnessing. These acts satisfy much of my social needs when I am more isolated. I don't need to interact per se, just witness.

Literally me. 👁️🔍

#Witnessmaxxing #Voyeurmaxxing