How to solve an inferiority/superiority complex? (no gimmicks please)

[UpperMaster]

Hey guys.

I've had a complex developing for years. It surrounds general success and power. It started after a lengthy encounter with a narcissist, as he made me feel so powerless and insufficient, that I started romanticizing the idea of being "better than people". 

By nature, I genuinely enjoy seeing others succeed. But when someone’s success triggers feelings of inadequacy in me, especially if I feel looked down on, it hits extremely hard. It’s painful.

The complex is growing stronger. The psychological ramifications for me are that I constantly feel horrible, disappointed with my self and afraid. I am incredibly motivated to better myself, but the direction towards which I orient my life seems to be less about what I want and more about preventing the feeling of powerlessness and insufficiency. Matter of fact, I want to be so much better than people that other people feel powerless and insufficient just like I did. 

I don’t want to live like this. I know this mindset is irrational and even toxic, but just knowing that doesn't stop the pain. When it hurts, the logic lowkey doesn’t matter I just want the pain to stop.

It's becoming a big part of my life now. I will talk about it to my therapist soon. 

Do you guys have any advice on how to cure this? 

How should I phrase it with my therapist?

I understand to some extent why elitists are so power hungry. I somewhat understand why they go through hell to get what they want. 

Edited June 27 by UpperMaster

[Joshe]

Nice honesty. I think these are very common feelings but most don’t have the courage to admit them. I notice similar feelings in myself as well. I’m not sure the best solution but for me, I just acknowledge the feelings and move on and try not to get hung up on them. I also don’t try to force myself to be good, as in be happy for the fortune of others if I’m not.

When we feel we deserve so much better and see others we deem less deserving reap more rewards than ourselves, it is naturally unpleasant. The only way I would know to eliminate the negative feelings is to remove the “shoulds”. Which would likely take extensive psychoanalysis to identify and uproot. 

You’re likely a neurotic, like me. If so, there is a book that will show you things you will know to be true when you hear them, but never allowed yourself to see. It’s called “Neurosis and Human Growth” by Karen Horney. My preferred method to uproot things is psychoanalysis. It’s hard work though. 

[Hojo]

I dont know the answer but I think the emotion you are feeling is jealousy. So that could be a start.

For instance you like a girl and your best friend started going out with her type emotion.

Edited June 28 by Hojo

[Jacob Morres]

no advice but i relate in a lot of ways

sometimes suffering really makes us crave success and power. as much as we dont want to admit 

[Javfly33]

12 hours ago, UpperMaster said:

I don’t want to live like this. I know this mindset is irrational and even toxic, but just knowing that doesn't stop the pain. When it hurts, the logic lowkey doesn’t matter I just want the pain to stop.

It's becoming a big part of my life now. I will talk about it to my therapist soon. 

Do you guys have any advice on how to cure this? 

How should I phrase it with my therapist?

I understand to some extent why elitists are so power hungry. I somewhat understand why they go through hell to get what they want. 

Consider that when it "hurts", is not about the other person but what your thoughts are telling you about yourself in that moment.

Basically your mind is playing a trick with you, is saying the problem is outside when actually is inside.

You can´t let your mind tell who you are. Because it will always tell you who you are based on your experiences, past and karma. 

Because that´s what the mind runs on: information about the identity it has constructed. It can´t reveal who you are.

So if you use your mind to tell who you are it will always tell you the same story. You need to stop letting the mind telling you who you are. 

Edited June 28 by Javfly33

[Rishabh R]

I also experience jealousy from time to time when I see a couple. The advice that I can give you @UpperMaster is changing the perspective to - You are as good and successful as other people no matter what the external appearance looks like. 

Also I have discovered that most of the time when I am feeling inadequate by seeing others success it is an exaggeration of other's status. 

I used to be jealous of many people but later when I discovered their internal realities that their life is worse than me no matter how good they look externally.

[UpperMaster]

11 hours ago, Joshe said:

Nice honesty. I think these are very common feelings but most don’t have the courage to admit them. I notice similar feelings in myself as well. I’m not sure the best solution but for me, I just acknowledge the feelings and move on and try not to get hung up on them. I also don’t try to force myself to be good, as in be happy for the fortune of others if I’m not.

When we feel we deserve so much better and see others we deem less deserving reap more rewards than ourselves, it is naturally unpleasant. The only way I would know to eliminate the negative feelings is to remove the “shoulds”. Which would likely take extensive psychoanalysis to identify and uproot. 

You’re likely a neurotic, like me. If so, there is a book that will show you things you will know to be true when you hear them, but never allowed yourself to see. It’s called “Neurosis and Human Growth” by Karen Horney. My preferred method to uproot things is psychoanalysis. It’s hard work though. 

Thank you. Yea I expect that alleviating these feelings are hard. Thanks for the book recommendation.

I might do psychotherapy to help me with this

 

A part of me doesn't even want to get rid of the complex, because that means it can potentially live out the fantasy of working and becoming better than others. 

Edited June 28 by UpperMaster

[UpperMaster]

53 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Consider that when it "hurts", is not about the other person but what your thoughts are telling you about yourself in that moment.

Basically your mind is playing a trick with you, is saying the problem is outside when actually is inside.

You can´t let your mind tell who you are. Because it will always tell you who you are based on your experiences, past and karma. 

Because that´s what the mind runs on: information about the identity it has constructed. It can´t reveal who you are.

So if you use your mind to tell who you are it will always tell you the same story. You need to stop letting the mind telling you who you are. 

 

44 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

I also experience jealousy from time to time when I see a couple. The advice that I can give you @UpperMaster is changing the perspective to - You are as good and successful as other people no matter what the external appearance looks like. 

Also I have discovered that most of the time when I am feeling inadequate by seeing others success it is an exaggeration of other's status. 

I used to be jealous of many people but later when I discovered their internal realities that their life is worse than me no matter how good they look externally.

 

I appreciate the advice given. I'm not sure if applying your advice would work for me. As in idk if its that simple.

The main thing I'm super scared about is coping. In the sense that I feel pain but am in denial about it. Maybe letting go technique can help.

 

Edited June 28 by UpperMaster

[UpperMaster]

5 hours ago, Hojo said:

I dont know the answer but I think the emotion you are feeling is jealousy. So that could be a start.

For instance you like a girl and your best friend started going out with her type emotion.

Yes. It is jealousy to an extent. The jealousy is what triggers trauma from the past. And then its really bad.

 

 

Edited June 28 by UpperMaster

[Hojo]

@UpperMaster You just have to notice you are doing it and it will stop. When it happens just say this energy is trying to make me react  I have faith in God  the creator of this universe I will not react like I normally do then fill yourself with God's love.

You already know you are doing it and being aware is like 80 percent of the battle.

[Ulax]

Hey bro,

Sounds to me like you are taking some wise and sensible steps towards changing some unwanted beliefs and emotions. 
 

I’d recommend some radical acceptance to help deal with the toxic person you were in relationship with:

https://themighty.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Radical-Acceptance-DBT.pdf

 

Then perhaps experiment with repeating compassionate and encouraging phrases to yourself:

- https://www.calm.com/blog/words-of-encouragement

- https://the-conflictexpert.com/2019/08/06/32-phrases-to-help-you-express-empathy/

And then re therapy, I’d say I think it’s great that you are taking action by seeing a therapist! I think a helpful approach can be to have initial meetings with a few different therapists before committing to one.

And also perhaps keep in mind what sort of therapy you want. Maybe you already know this but different therapies can approach psychological change in very different ways.

Edited June 28 by Ulax

[Loving Radiance]

Be real honest with your therapist about it. Talk to them like you wrote the above post.

Additionally to what others already wrote, I can recommend IFS, voice dialogue and somatic process work.

Mindfulness meditation with labeling is also great for getting aware of the pattern when it arises outside of meditation in daily life.

Edited June 28 by Loving Radiance

[Deziree]

Self-honesty is the path mate. Just be aware of your emotions and thoughts. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Everyone had their own unique path. You have yours too. You are suffering from deep insecurities and that's pushing you to growth but that's negative motivation. You are operating from a paradigm of fear rather than motivation and enthusiasm. You want to succeed at the things you do because you like doing them and not because you want to be better than everyone or to put someone down. Extend an empathetic glance to people who are doing better than you, think that they deserve and even if they don't, think of them as fortunate instead of thinking that you're inadequate. What's happening is that you are largely centering your ambition around Ego and egoic fulfillment. 

Instead take the route of compassion. Both fortunate and unfortunate people deserve compassion. You don't have to be jealous of them. Think of yourself as deserving of whatever you don't have and thankful of what you already have. Then focus on what you gotta do to filter out distraction and pointed focus on what you want without any ulterior motive. Without any insecurities. Without too much illusion or attachment. 

Radical self acceptance might also help you. You haven't yet embraced the unhelpful parts of yourself. Integrate that. 

Tell yourself that you love yourself as you are and who are. Begin with this emotion of acceptance. Then your jealousy might fade away a bit. 

And always know that what we do is not just to feed the ego endlessly but to find awareness, hope, help and gradual improvement. 

Other responses were good too. Excellent! 

 

[samijiben]

@UpperMaster Your OP is VERY relatable. It seems an apt description of our human condition: getting confused.

In short, your problem is that you exist still, and you need to remove yourself from existence by doing nothing, but this is anotjer story.

I comment on this thread to say how grateful I feel for all the above posts from the kind, insightful, imaginary folk of Actualized.org who extended their hearts out to you with such simple and illuminating explanations that I sincerely believe will, if you follow them in earnest, lead you to the well of gold that you have been searching for. 

It is easy to see where another goes wrong whom we do not know well or are already aquaintded with, since we aren't familiar with their habitual iosyncraticic tendencies & behaviors: it's like, "Oh, that's where your going wrong! Obviously!"

But it is so much more difficult for oneself because one is totally mired in his habituation. To get out, he has to become someone else. That is the Only way to see what it is that you are.

[Salvijus]

The only way to escape the endless dick measuring contest is if you no longer have one. That way you have nothing to compare. 

Life is made in such a way that no matter what size dick you have, you can't help but feel inadequate in the presence of Creation. Beating others becomes one's  secret consolation prize to mask that feeling of inadequacy. As long as you cherish your tiny dingo, you can't recognize your true worth. 

It's a cryptic message. 

Edited June 29 by Salvijus

[Aaron p]

On 27/06/2025 at 9:53 PM, UpperMaster said:

How to solve an inferiority/superiority complex? (no gimmicks please)

Just do what I do, I do it better than everyone else 

[Joshe]

44 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

beating others will become your secret consolation prize to mask that feeling of inadequacy.

Or living up to an ideal becomes the prize, and when others live up to it, it’s a reminder that you’re not. I “should” be this good. I “should” reach mastery. 

[UpperMaster]

On 6/28/2025 at 3:51 PM, Ulax said:

And then re therapy, I’d say I think it’s great that you are taking action by seeing a therapist! I think a helpful approach can be to have initial meetings with a few different therapists before committing to one.

 

Thanks for sharing the links. Therapist meeting tmr!

[MVPJOURNEY]

Love the honesty from everyone on this. I felt this feeling in a big way before as well and thoughts and feelings can still arise. Internally I had to be perfect because of how my mother treated me (telling me i wasn’t good enough constantly or that she wished i was more like xyz kid), this led to feeling inadequate when in the presence of others success despite being quite successful myself (comparatively to the people around me - which i later found out i surrounded myself with to feel less inadequate).
 

The good news (or bad news) is that you’ll always have a chance to work on this until it’s resolved internally because they’ll always be people better than you at something (as is the case for all humans). 😅

 

Hope you have a productive time with the therapist tomorrow 🙏

[EternalForest]

It sounds like you need more humility, as well as a healthy outlet for your feelings of powerlessness. In this case I'd recommend:

a) Humbling yourself in real life as much as possible. Experience what its like to donate, volunteer, and do selfless acts of kindness for others. Let this become second nature.

b) In your private life, preferably through art, get all the feelings of power that you desire. This could be through roleplaying, writing, video games, imagination, etc. Be the king of the world that you crave to be in a way where no one gets hurt.

c) This is the most important part. Build a foundation for yourself, and do things to earn genuine respect from others. Become a master in your field. Work towards something extraordinary. In this way, you won't even have to demand respect from others. They'll simply give it to you out of their own will because they look up to you so much. This is good, healthy respect that's good for you.

By doing all 3 of these regularly, you'll have enough humility, natural admiration and healthy outlets that you'll rarely if ever feel inferior or the need to hold power over others. Not saying it'll never happen, but it'll be rare.