I Want to Wake Up as God and Escape the Human Dream — Why Is That Not Happening?

[Yeah Yeah]

@Sugarcoat Hey Sugarcoat, thanks for jumping in. I’ve read your post and yeah, it sounds like you really get it. I think there’s something about the way this whole ‘awakening’ thing gets talked about that just doesn’t hold up when you’re knee-deep in the rawness of it. Like, I’ve done the work — the states, the meditations, the isolation, the letting go — but somehow it still feels like I’m stuck in a loop.
I’m not here looking for sympathy or quick fixes, just trying to cut through the noise and see if any of this can actually lead somewhere real. So it helps to hear someone echoing that back. Let’s keep the thread alive — maybe there’s some signal in all this noise.

[Wilhelm44]

Have you tried LSD or DMT or Ayawaska, ie something stronger than weed ?

[Yeah Yeah]

@Wilhelm44 yes I've done the psychedelics but fairly sure that is more a materialist experience within the human dream rather than the clarity of spiritual sober awakening to some higher self or my god self teachers circle around yet when I practise dropping my identity to form and ready to wake up it doesn't seem to work so I'm confused how I could be infinite intelligence pretending to be limited and yet unable easily awaken to myself like good game but I now wish to remember - I mean Tom Campbell or  Donald Hofman even say we are in a virtual headset so I can't seem to take it off whenever I wish and awaken to my fuller self which makes little sense to me 

Edited May 28 by Yeah Yeah

[Leo Gura]

48 minutes ago, Yeah Yeah said:

@Leo Gura

If state is everything, and none of the things I’ve tried so far — meditation, weed, writing, deep contemplation, surrender — have shifted my state into that “radiance of God” you describe, what specifically changes it? Like what changed it for you?

5-MeO-DMT or DMT should do the trick. These are the most direct and most powerful state-changers.

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So here’s my question — does changing state mean moving into higher vibrational states? Like David Hawkins' map of consciousness: powerlessness, grief, fear, desire, all the way up to joy, peace, enlightenment. I've even heard some spiritual folks say that if you get too blissful, too joyous, your body starts to "de-manifest" from physical reality because your frequency is too high.

Is that what you’re pointing at?

 

No.

That vibrational talk is mostly not deep enough. Those are relatively mild state changes relative to what I'm talking about.

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That I’ve gotta basically drop my painful life story — stop identifying with the suffering, poverty, loneliness — and instead force my state into one of joy or love or expansion? And then that will be the gateway into God-consciousness? Or are you saying that even that wouldn’t be enough unless it’s a radically different state that overrides all vibrational emotional states?

I'm saying that's not good enough.

You need a more serious state change.

Dropping a painful life story doesn't really change your state. It frees up your mind and removes emotional obstacles, which is great, but I don't call that a state change.

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So I’m open — I just need some clarity: does the path involve transcending the lower states by reaching joy, or is the path something else entirely?

No. That's not serious enough.

You need a serious state change.

My advice to you is to research Bufo or Ayahausca retreats. Invest in a retreat and you will likely have a breakthrough. It's actually quite simple, it just costs some money and effort to travel.

In a sense you are over-complicating this with emotional work. Emotional work is great but it is not directly related to Awakening/God, which is why you aren't seeing progress on the God front. You need to upgrade to a more direct method.

Edited May 28 by Leo Gura

[Breakingthewall]

@Yeah Yeah the movement that you have to do is openenss. No one can guide you to do that.

Forget concepts like dreams or God; they are misleading and will only trap you further. Realize that you are. delve into that fact to the fullest. Forget absolutely everything; you simply are. Open yourself to it, dissolve any concept, idea, mental barrier, intention, or projection. Only you are. Open yourself to it absolutely. Everything is in this, nothing is missing. 

Then you will see that forms are just forms, but anyway, pain is painful. That's life. 

[Yeah Yeah]

@Leo Gura
Appreciate the clarity. I’ve done light DMT before — trippy, but not breakthrough. Ayahuasca’s been on my radar more seriously, feels more transformational than visual. Haven’t done it yet, but I’ll add it to my "if/when finances align" list. I’ve felt stuck in a low-grade state for years — writing, meditating, surrendering — but no real shift. Hearing you say that’s not deep enough kind of confirms what I’ve sensed. Maybe I’ve been mistaking self-awareness for actual awakening.

@Breakingthewall
I hear you. I’ve wrestled with being stuck between seeking liberation through my story and trying to just be. Your reminder to drop everything and open to raw being hits something deep. It’s not easy — but I’m listening.

Thanks to both of you — this is more than theory for me. I’m in the trenches with it daily.

[Leo Gura]

14 minutes ago, Yeah Yeah said:

Maybe I’ve been mistaking self-awareness for actual awakening.

Awakening is such a radical state change that it feels like you've broken reality. It's a state change so radical that the human mind cannot even imagine that such a state change is possible.

It is an impossible state.

So yeah... nothing you've been doing has been it or even in the ballpark of it.

I know it's frustrating. I'm just being very straight with you so you don't waste your time jerking off.

Really what you need is a breakthrough dose of 5-MeO-DMT. That would show you what I am talking about. A lot of stuff I say will suddenly make a lot more sense.

Edited May 29 by Leo Gura

[Infinite Tsukuyomi]

It wasn't until after an NN DMT trip that I had my experience of "no self/no doer" "uncontrolled chain reaction" awakening (two hours after it wore off actually).

Then with 5 MeO DMT within just a few seconds it felt like as Leo said, I broke reality. So radical, so True that it's not possible to believe it. 5 MeO DMT will make quick work of what you're trying to do. It will also quickly put meditation and your other work into proper context. If you do end up going that route, really contemplate how much you want what's True beforehand. It seems like you do have genuine interest. After my 5 MeO trip I remember thinking "If people knew what they were trying to discover by meditating, they would probably stop". 

There is sort of a lower case a, awakening for your daily life as well. Look at your actions and situation, and see what counter-intuitive things you could do differently. Go belief hunting, multiple times a day, question something your mind said recently. Go identity hunting for identities like: virgin and broke and see what purpose they serve ("the mind has already said these things many times, why does it keep bringing it up?"). Avoid answering your own questions, leave space for non-verbal answers. Weed and counter logical/intuitive actions might be something you can do in the meantime for your regular personal development, until your 5-MeO DMT trip. 

Honestly low doses (micro to medium) of something like magic mushrooms is where the regular personal development can get a kick as well. Even after 5 MeO, I still notice things about my own personal problems that enlighten me. 

Edited May 29 by Infinite Tsukuyomi

[Yeah Yeah]

@Leo Gura

Feeling inspired again to return to psychedelics, but this time not just to trip — I’m more interested in actual breakthroughs. I think what I’ve really been after is experiencing things like ego dissolution, nonduality, and God-realization firsthand, not just reading or thinking about them.

I’ve done acid and had some decent insights, but it still felt like it stayed within the realm of the mind — like ideas and patterns being rearranged. I’ve also tried normal DMT (N,N-DMT) a few times. Didn’t fully break through, but it felt alien, fluid, and alive in a way that was completely different from acid — almost like touching something other, but not fully becoming it.

If 5-MeO really goes beyond both — not just visual or alien, but actually dissolves the self and shows you what you are at the core — then yeah, that might be the direction I need to explore. Feels like I’ve done a lot of circling, but haven’t quite hit the center yet. So I’m seriously considering it now, not as escapism, but as a way to actually get clear on what awakening really is.

Edited May 29 by Yeah Yeah

[Wilhelm44]

@Yeah Yeah  "Still broke.
Still a virgin in my late 20s.
Still getting up at 3:30 a.m. to clean toilets.
Still driving a shitbox car that could die any week.
Still dealing with cravings, pain, loneliness, depression, and rage.
Still “being called Isaac” by the world. Still “having to survive.”

 

Lets be honest, clearly what you mentioned above is a big motivation for wanting to wake up. 

And that's fine, by all means go for the breakthrough.

Just realize that a lot of suffering can already be removed by doing effective self therapy.

With the emphasis on effective.

I would highly recommend that while going for the spiritual breakthrough, you simultaneously

take in most of the videos on Jordan Thornton's youtube channel.

He's one of those academic guys who took the time to read basically all the books on this topic.

In each video you will get unique nuanced insights and practical exercises from the best books

on Jungian psychology, healing money blocks, masculinity, sexuality, etc etc.

Trust me, if you engage with this channel, it will 10x your self healing process.

And life will already become more pleasant.

His channel is truly a gem, enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/@jordanthornton

 

 

[Nemo28]

In the end you can't do anything about awakening, only Grace can help you. When the despair becomes your reality, with no way out, Grace/Mercy has to reignite the flame, and to receive that light, you might have to go to a place you have avoided for very long. Am I awake? NO. But thats okay, as long as it is seen. 

[koops]

Do you think by awakening you are going to be happy with your current lifestyle?

Do you really want to awaken; or do you really want to have sex, make good money and have an overall chill-happy emotional state?

There are 2 different things.

[PurpleTree]

Because nobody really cares what you or I want.

 

[Someone here]

17 hours ago, Yeah Yeah said:

 

I’ve been deep in this work for a while. Reading, meditating, contemplating, journaling, testing ideas, and chasing every glimpse of awakening I can get. I’ve listened to Leo, I’ve listened to others, and I’m fucking serious about this—not just interested in spiritual fluff or talking about the ego. I want the real thing. I want to wake up fully, now, in this lifetime.

And yet here I am—still stuck in this human dream.

Still broke.
Still a virgin in my late 20s.
Still getting up at 3:30 a.m. to clean toilets.
Still driving a shitbox car that could die any week.
Still dealing with cravings, pain, loneliness, depression, and rage.
Still “being called Isaac” by the world. Still “having to survive.”

I don’t want this. I want to wake up as God. Not as some blissed-out gaslit version of peace, but actual, undeniable remembrance of my infinite self. I want to exit the dream. Not escape like a coward, but exit like an awakened being who remembers the game is up.

Everyone keeps saying I’m already God.
That I already am awake.
But that feels like total bullshit when I’m still subject to this matrix of limitation.

If I’m God, why can’t I just wake up right now?
Why do I still have to “earn money,” “go to work,” “get old,” “possibly die in some tragic accident,” or rot in my own aging loneliness just because that’s what this life path seems to be?

I don’t want to “wait for awakening” until after death.
I don’t want to pretend that suffering is okay.
I don’t want to just gaslight myself by saying, “None of this is real,” when it still feels very real—especially when poverty, rejection, and time are punching me in the face daily.

I’ve meditated while stoned.
I’ve tried “quantum leaping” into God-consciousness.
I’ve tried sitting still with my suffering.
I’ve even tried waking up by death, like pressing so hard into the dream that maybe I’ll snap through. But nothing sticks.

So what the fuck am I missing?

Why is awakening dangled like a carrot I’m never allowed to reach?

If I am God, why don’t I have access to God’s full memory?

Why can’t I rewrite this dream on my own terms?

Why do I have to suffer through the game to “earn” what I apparently already am?

Don’t give me “just be more aware” or “you’re already there” unless you can back that with real, lived clarity—because I’m done with spiritual riddles that go nowhere. I want the exit. Or I want to know, for real, that there isn’t one.

Because right now, it feels like I’m trapped in a loop:

 “You’re God, but you’re also this human. Just keep suffering until you die, and maybe then you’ll understand why it had to be this way.”

No.

If I’m infinite and sovereign, then I want to wake up like it.
Otherwise, this is just one more scam inside the dream.

So tell me—what the hell is actually going on here?

I'm not awake nor even close but I relate strongly. 

Your primary proplem is lack of acceptance.  You said" just because life is what it is and it sucks and I don't want this bullshit..I want full total liberation and to exit the dream completely."

  What that essentially means is death .not some bing bong ego death. But death in real. As long as you are in a human body that needs to eat..shit ..sleep..etc then this limited tiresome life is not gonna change .even billionaires go hungry ,you know ?

All you can do is either accept your life completely ..or go die ..or take some psychs.

 

[RendHeaven]

you're going to wake up as God one day and want to escape THAT by going right back to the human dream lol.

[Sugarcoat]

18 hours ago, Yeah Yeah said:

@Sugarcoat Hey Sugarcoat, thanks for jumping in. I’ve read your post and yeah, it sounds like you really get it. I think there’s something about the way this whole ‘awakening’ thing gets talked about that just doesn’t hold up when you’re knee-deep in the rawness of it. Like, I’ve done the work — the states, the meditations, the isolation, the letting go — but somehow it still feels like I’m stuck in a loop.
I’m not here looking for sympathy or quick fixes, just trying to cut through the noise and see if any of this can actually lead somewhere real. So it helps to hear someone echoing that back. Let’s keep the thread alive — maybe there’s some signal in all this noise.

I personally think that there are exceptional cases where awakening comes easy or spontaneously to someone. But those are extremely rare, maybe they are genetic freaks. But I think the average person would need extreme amounts of work. Like extreme amounts of tripping and meditating etc.  So even if you’re doing the work it might not be enough. I find for myself that in life it’s important to have a strong desire if you want something, so that desire guides and fuels your action. I think  @Salvijus has talked about desire. Maybe it’s a more feminine approach. But if you have a super strong desire for something then it’s easier to make yourself do the work and go the lengths required. Most people lack that strong desire. 

Edited May 29 by Sugarcoat

[Princess Arabia]

This might not resonate and I also feel your pain. You cannot wake up to God the Divine beauty precisely because you are that. NOTHING. It exists because of you, not the other way around. NOTHING exists because something exists. If you didn't exist NOTHING would exist. Cannot have hot without cold, white without black, up without down, etc. An empty room isn't touched by it's contents precisely because it is empty, void and without qualities. In order for there to be a room it has to be bounded, measured, limited, and has some quality to it. The contents of the room doesn't touch the room and the room couldn't exist without it's borders. Without limitation, boundaries, measurements, there is no room. You are limited, bounded and measured, your opposite is God or the Divine or Nothing.

Everything has an opposite in this material, relative world. If there wasn't, NOTHING would exist. God cannot exist with you. You cannot exist with God. Has to be one or the other. Hot and cold cannot exist together. They both collapse to form a union. While you're in this form you cannot wake up to God. You will die. God cannot be both. It is both but it cannot BE both at the same time. All your work and practices and processes will lead nowhere precisely because they're being done while their opposite is what holds them together - so to speak. Like two sides of a coin.

You are trying to get enlightened as a somebody but you can't because that somebody has an opposite. You are only a somebody because a nobody exists. That nobody exists because of a somebody. Problem is while you're one, the other cannot shine. Drop the need for enlightenment and drop the processes and doings so the other can shine. It cannot be visible to you when there are paintings all over it. You don't notice the empty canvas, you notice the painting. Two people walk in a room one knew a painting was on the wall the other didn't. One notices a missing painting, the other sees just an existing wall. Cannot notice something that some other thing covers. Notice that you can't see empty space, but empty space is a thing. When you sleep it emerges, when you awaken it gets hidden. Stop trying to awaken and go to sleep instead.

Edited May 29 by Princess Arabia

[krazzer]

@Yeah Yeah

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I’ve been deep in this work for a while. Reading, meditating, contemplating, journaling, testing ideas, and chasing every glimpse of awakening I can get. I’ve listened to Leo, I’ve listened to others, and I’m fucking serious about this—not just interested in spiritual fluff or talking about the ego. I want the real thing. I want to wake up fully, now, in this lifetime.

This is good. You need dedication. 

Quote

And yet here I am—still stuck in this human dream.

Still broke.
Still a virgin in my late 20s.
Still getting up at 3:30 a.m. to clean toilets.
Still driving a shitbox car that could die any week.
Still dealing with cravings, pain, loneliness, depression, and rage.
Still “being called Isaac” by the world. Still “having to survive.”

I don’t want this. I want to wake up as God. Not as some blissed-out gaslit version of peace, but actual, undeniable remembrance of my infinite self. I want to exit the dream. Not escape like a coward, but exit like an awakened being who remembers the game is up.

Yes, you are done with this shit. Does death sounds better than being alive? This is good. But you don't need to let your body die. Just the ego needs to die and you will wake up as God.

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Everyone keeps saying I’m already God.
That I already am awake.
But that feels like total bullshit when I’m still subject to this matrix of limitation.

You are not god and you are not awake because you identify as a person. If you can stop identifying as a person, you will be awake. This matrix of limitation will stay, however, but it will just be your playground.

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If I’m God, why can’t I just wake up right now?
Why do I still have to “earn money,” “go to work,” “get old,” “possibly die in some tragic accident,” or rot in my own aging loneliness just because that’s what this life path seems to be?

You can wake up right now, but you are identified with you being a person to much to let go of it. 

And you don't need to earn money, you don't need to go to work, it's just your conditioning and your mind telling you to do that.

"Rot in my own aging loneliness just because that’s what this life path seems to be?" That's another concept which you made up. And you started to believe in it. 

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I don’t want to “wait for awakening” until after death.
I don’t want to pretend that suffering is okay.
I don’t want to just gaslight myself by saying, “None of this is real,” when it still feels very real—especially when poverty, rejection, and time are punching me in the face daily.

Saying "None of this is real" won't help you indeed. You need to embody it. 

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I’ve meditated while stoned.
I’ve tried “quantum leaping” into God-consciousness.
I’ve tried sitting still with my suffering.
I’ve even tried waking up by death, like pressing so hard into the dream that maybe I’ll snap through. But nothing sticks.

Keep looking. Keep suffering. Maybe suffer a little more

Quote

Don’t give me “just be more aware” or “you’re already there” unless you can back that with real, lived clarity—because I’m done with spiritual riddles that go nowhere. I want the exit. Or I want to know, for real, that there isn’t one.

Hahahahaha "spiritual riddles that go nowhere". You are right! No word can describe it, one can only point at it. You are the only one that can make you understand. But spiritual masters can help.

Quote

 

Because right now, it feels like I’m trapped in a loop:

 “You’re God, but you’re also this human. Just keep suffering until you die, and maybe then you’ll understand why it had to be this way.”

No.

If I’m infinite and sovereign, then I want to wake up like it.
Otherwise, this is just one more scam inside the dream.

So tell me—what the hell is actually going on here?

 

It's your mind speaking to your mind. You will never find peace inside there. You have to break out. The problem is all these words won't make any sense to you until they do. But you seem very motivated to get there. This is good. Keep looking. Keep listening. Keep trying. At some point something could just click. 

[Spiral Wizard]

@Yeah Yeah consider this: in order to leave this reality you have to ‘graduate’ this reality. Meaning, you must ‘pass’ / ‘master it’. So if you can’t handle & love this reality, if you can’t live in harmony in this reality, how can you expect to graduate to the next? 

It’s tricky, you CANNOT ESCAPE. You cannot escape into dying, that will just put you back where you started until you muster the courage to surrender to the pain that you are trying to escape from - because that will be your TRUE DEATH. True death does not mean running away from pain but fully surrendering to it. Not by force but through surrender to what is as you go about normally & responsibly handling your life. 
You will naturally elevate by loving this reality so much that it dissolves into death not the other way around. But this love cannot be faked (it’s not an active process you can do as an ego), love is the result of becoming aware of what’s blocking it: resistance to pain. 
As long as you are resisting this reality even a single bit you will remain here because you haven’t fully learned the powerful lesson of surrendering to the pain while living a normal life. This is a blessing, not a curse. Once you get this and practice this you will see why the universe/yourself requires you to do this before you move to the next reality. Otherwise you would not be able to handle the next reality. It’s your preparation for heaven. The moment you no longer want to leave because you’ve already created heaven within, is the moment you may be able to leave but you might choose not to anymore.

So the core ‘lesson’ of our 3rd dimensional reality is becoming pure love which is complete unity. It’s the unity of polarities. Neither light nor dark. Unification of polarities is the same thing as saying annahilation of polarities.This process of annahilation is the pain process. They are just helt apart by resistance but as soon as you allow the annahilating pain & all the uncomfortable emotions they will naturally neutralize & annahilation you into the Tao which is ‘inbetween’ light and dark so to speak.

The issue is that right now your life is in the dark and you are trying to chase the light because you want to escape the darkness in your life. But the counter intuitive move is fully meeting the pain of your life and no longer resist it - that is what will not only liberate you from recreating the situation you are in (meaning external things will improve because you suddenly see solutions you haven’t before) but you will also grow into the awake, mature, and integrated being you want to be.  
 

Practically speaking, this requires lying down and relaxing for multiple hours regularly and doing absolutely nothing: just opening, relaxing and allowing any feeling, even if it’s just numbness or tension at the beginning. And then you just stay with your awareness on the that, whatever it is: the boredom, the fear, the pain, that uncomfortableness, etc. 

This is a tough path, laced with self deception and resistance to pain at every corner - without a guide who has walked this path that can help you untangle your web of misunderstandings and hold space with his empathetic presence for your emotions, it’s honestly next to impossible… so find one. 

 

Edited June 1 by Spiral Wizard

[Spiral Wizard]

On 29/05/2025 at 0:56 PM, Infinite Tsukuyomi said:

After my 5 MeO trip I remember thinking "If people knew what they were trying to discover by meditating, they would probably stop". 

Interesting! I felt the same thing after my recent awakening & almost annahilating pain process on LSD. But I didn’t dare to go all the way because it became too scary of a pain, I thought I was about to physically die, never return from this white hole / singularity and I didn’t want to let go of my mom as a separate Individuation in my dream as God. 

I’m curious, how would you describe what you discovered that made you think: if people knew, they wouldn’t want to continue?  
For me it was basically the shocking complete annahilation one has to go through. I almost didn’t want to continue but I saw that I had no choice, no matter what I do I’ll end up in pain. After integration time with my guide I’m starting to see how there was nothing scary about the pain itself except my resistance to it. So now I’m more in surrender with it. 

What’s been your experiance? 

Edited June 1 by Spiral Wizard