How do I become a more loving and compassionate person?

[sleep]

Ive always had this desire on the back of my mind to be more loving. I dont know if its because of my upbringing or what, but Ive never been good at receiving or demonstrating affection, in fact im kind of repulsed by it, especially physical touch. Im also not very empathic, even though I would like to be. 

Im troubled by this because in my opinion love should be genuine or it is no good. Yet I barely feel love for others or myself. 

[Raze]

Do metta meditation 

Edited March 24, 2024 by Raze

[Ishanga]

20 hours ago, sleep said:

Ive always had this desire on the back of my mind to be more loving. I dont know if its because of my upbringing or what, but Ive never been good at receiving or demonstrating affection, in fact im kind of repulsed by it, especially physical touch. Im also not very empathic, even though I would like to be. 

Im troubled by this because in my opinion love should be genuine or it is no good. Yet I barely feel love for others or myself. 

The Key to all of this is knowing Bliss within, that all Your Experiences happen within You, and that You can determine how You want to be within Yourself, Blissful or Miserable! First intellectual realization is basically this, Accept all that is as inevitable, the way things are are the way they are, 2nd is Living absolutely in Now presence, use the past to become wise not wounded, plan for the future via imagination and creative forces, but realize that Life is always rooted in the Now, and that is where life is, so make that a primary, 3rd Respond to Life rather than React, this is the difference btwn being Conscious vs Complusive, one brings forth your Free Will, the other  makes you a slave to situations, pick which one is more impowering for You..With all of this once it is mastered within Yourself, then You will not have any Stress Response what so ever, no matter what is going on, Your natural Intelligence will then become more available to You, You will be at Peace no matter what, and life Energies will start to rise up, bringing forth more Joy and Bliss in Your experience.

Start a Yoga practice to work the other side of it, start with this one its easy and simple...

 

[Arthogaan]

For me the key insight was this:

If I had the same brain, experiences and environment that a given person had - I would behave and think exactly as they do. We are all in this together.

Try to look at everyone as an innocent child. Wake up this kind of parental love for anyone.

[Thought Art]

Reading books on love, lectures on love. Psychedelics, Qigong, and interacting with people, suffering, self reflection, feeling my emotions etc

[Hojo]

You might be doing it already but just confusing yourself. Are you going around being hateful in your mind? Its a duality so you are either doing one or the other. Just stop fighting with the mind and whether you are being loving or not and you will see you probably are being loving, now you can be loving in the present moment. Being in the present will automatically make you more loving. If you aren't hating them you are loving them.

Edited March 25, 2024 by Hojo

[Consept]

For empathy I think the best way is to really understand someone else's perspective, without judgement. As in imagine you were really that person, how would you feel, what would be important to you, really imagine and feel those emotions. 

For example someone you pass living on the street how do they feel? What's a good day for them? What's a bad day? Etc 

[Yimpa]

Become a hippie 

[sleep]

@Hojo more than hating id say i simply feel an aversion towards love. Its not like i hate people, i just dont feel like i love them. If my mom hugs me for example, all I think about is how i want her to stop hugging me. I also cant return words of affection genuinely or stuff like that. 

 

Thanks for the advice guys btw. Seems like an important part of empathy is being able to understand people's situations and understanding i might act the same way they do if i were in their shoes, which seems also like a first step towards love. 

[Basman]

7 hours ago, sleep said:

@Hojo more than hating id say i simply feel an aversion towards love. Its not like i hate people, i just dont feel like i love them. If my mom hugs me for example, all I think about is how i want her to stop hugging me. I also cant return words of affection genuinely or stuff like that.

This sounds more like a problem with intimacy rather than love in the general sense, as you say that hugs and affirmations of love disgust you. But you don't say that you hate people, so you can't be misanthropic. It seems like you associate closeness with pain from my point of view.

[sleep]

@Basman that might be the case. Yeah, I dont hate people, I actually desire for most people if not everybody to attain happiness. I guess the problem lies more with the expression of love. 

[RendHeaven]

watch vinland saga

 

[hyruga]

You need to realize cultivating relationship with people is more important than earning money. Because you can always earn money but it's hard to repair a broken relationship.

[Basman]

11 hours ago, sleep said:

@Basman that might be the case. Yeah, I dont hate people, I actually desire for most people if not everybody to attain happiness. I guess the problem lies more with the expression of love. 

Hating touch and eye contact is a typical characteristic of autism.

It could be worth considering to speak with a professional about your aversion and if you are possibly autistic or any other hang-ups. Sometimes your just built different irrespective of diagnosis.

[Inception]

Your heart may be closed for fear of being hurt, which could be due to the fact that you've been hurt in the past.  Also, you may have a fearful avoidant attachment style.

In which case you "should" open your heart, easier said than done though. Here's some things to try:

• Open your heart chakra (Anahata). You might have a lot of energy stuck there.
• Find someone to be vulnerable to and open yourself up to.
• Deal with trauma e.g. with a therapist.
• Find something you find beautiful and contemplate that feeling.