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The worst issue is due to this German socialization and the experiences I had etc. I find it extremely difficult to find help, for emotional re-occuring issues, such as panic and fear of killing myself due to failure and it's such an extrem notion in me I might do it, simply because of how current society is structured and keeps marketing itself. I don't find any proper solace, due to to many broken promises, especially the very subtle ones, where I don't know who I can derive joy. I keep going for the ones I can for help and explain, yet it does not really help when I can't find a proper therapist to work on deeper issues, and it costs so much money to work on this, and the general issue I've had I don't know who to turn to and I don't deal well with pain as due to subtle constant pains and just the type of gaslighting associated with it in order to deal with it. I feel I barely had a proper chance at decent socialization in a more "normalized" scence, due to heavy comparision and status based interactions. I never enjoyed beign at the bottom, even when I never truely was, yet it bothered me to not be in a well-regarded procces, so to speak and have options for self-care. I just don't know anymore what to deeply work on when it comes to older fears, and issues especially IQ & beign black in Germany, the whole survival notion of science and the right-wing & liberterian stronghold of this, it does not help me & it does help me. It's not a solution, I just have no idea how to deal properly with hypersensetivity, and I don't enjoy the hogwash of therapists that can exist, not working on what is bothering me the most. The old one I fucked up I admitt the new one, was absolutely a time fking waste I find it so disgusting to pay her one fking cent, I hated it utterly to breath into my stomach and feel XYZ. I will not pay for breathing you're not functionally at any place where I would pay one cent. Also, especially the German marekting around this and setting the black girl/boy as cool cultural sphere etc. I just don't enjoy it even when people do their best, I just don't know why I keep sabotaging myself, I can't function properly without beign able to maintain healthy routines, and this has been an issue ever since, when I had emotional issues I had no one to go to, and no one takes it seriously. My old psychotherapist was so good, yet lacked the abillity to help. The other one was okay, to talk to it helped me, yet I would like someone I can resonate more with like the old one, I did not know all of this due to my mother keeping her fucking mouth shut, with all the issues I've been giving my best to overcome, I don't know at times if I can trust my memory, especially in the earlier phases, I did not fucking know. This German skeptical cyneccism and gaslighting was worse than any possible ghetto I've could have grown up from, I just don't know, I can't deal well with the pain of solving problems & the social sphere of this good boy life, and generally boyish feelings that are not stemming from some holism and then are abused for power and what fking ever. I generally can't help myself much without proper exercise and in it's current form my knee and my scar can kill me, it's just not fun to have so much pain in breath, it's not enjoyable a fat girl as psychotherapist twat not understand this, if you've never opted for peak physical health you will not comprehend any of this. It's also often some very subtle detail, it's so painful I would quit an entire career out of it I don't see the benefit of doing it when someone can show it to me in 5 seconds and I understand it, I don't enjoy it. I don't know how to deal with this whole thing and I don't like socities marketing, I wish at times all humans would shut up. The point is I really need a gifted psychologist, my old one was so overburned and the other one was so fking dumb, I would've killed my existed beign next to something so utterly stupid, I am so fking sorry saying this, yet speaking consciously here does not do me any good. I don't like to subtely euphemise everything, and act consciously when the other one was no capacity to the same pain perception, if it would not be so severe then IDK. My nervous system is extremely sensetive, and sensory overload is also a thing that kills INFJ's and I gave my best to expand this. I just don't really know how to deal with this, I can do it and did all of it. I just don't know how to deal with unused giftedness it's one of the biggest issues I have faced. It makes it difficult for me to accept things and even when I accept them there are two ways, do nothing about it and accept it, do something about it or just accept it etc. etc. Using and here for TIER2 consciouness etc. Does not matter as much. I also feel due to lack of proper parenting I can't enjoy work for university I feel like I have never been a proper experience of what that looks so much was subtely broken and a half half thing I don't know which triggers there are at times. I just don't like this good boy preperation anymore it makes me suicidal to life like this & be a "proper member of society" it burns me out, and I fking hate all of these subtle notions I would like to life also at a higher place, and not in a fking basement. My existence has been so stereotypical without much choice, I would literally end my life because of it, because humans are a pill of shit that deserve to be extinguished and yes I wrote this I've said this to others in person and no I don't incline to do it, yet it is what it is to me. I feel better saying it that you are all pieces of shit to me and that a family is a piece of shit. These happy notions etc. even with the best research it's so fking difficult to create this injured, I don't get much joy of leisure activites besides video games, due to my super serious attitude. I want this edge also at times, I just don't enjoy to many things and to many gaslighting type of experiences. IDK what to think. I feel gaslit by Leo and Actualized.org, because of this cynnaical attitude I wish I would never have followed this place still, yet people will not understand why not leave? Why are you not making billions & you have alien intelligence? It's not that simple, especially emotional issues and traumas, and I have extrem issues when I can't solve a problem & it seems simple due to beign made fun of and other stuff, I just don't know I have never been encouraged in these scenarios. I just don't know why I keep creating perfect scenarios and then sabotage it, I feel also so fking gaslit by the job market and marekting I dunno what to say anymore. I fking hate white culture at times, and their panic rational shit faces who are overweight and dressed in clothes like things I am not saying. The worst thing of all is, I know this is doable, with a bit of care taking, yet I still have the issue of I need help and I don't know where to find it besides with friends, which sucks tremendously. Talking to my mother what I have to tell her to communicate with me is so fking horrendous, she can't speak as she only gaslites and she does not understand she just fking inflicts pain to make "TRUTH" real, because that is her reality, due to whatever fking reason. I don't like it, I don't like it how I grew up and how I have to cope to exists and having it beign taken so often, without it beign my direct fault. Also beign emotional as a man, beign shamed for this subtely all of this all of this bullshit and drama I don't like to create and that is there etc. etc. etc. etc. I just stop here, I wish I could get proper help, yet it all just costs money and I feel my future has been fked by so many things I can't put it into words even the subtle hopes I had so much fear, idk what to say. I don't know how to solve these patterns besides starting early, and I don't enjoy dealing with positive socital reinforcement etc. I wish humans would generally just shut their mouth, I don't know if this is a male thing, yet I dunno it's just some social things I know I run into a burn out, due to me beign reckless and risk taking and negating so many stuff, I'll get isolated etc. It really all depends etc. I just wish I could have done some music and or some type of therapy that way that would help me endlessly more than anything else, even consdering the memed generational trauma, how much "terror" I experience and fuck faces make fun of it, it seriously is a deep seated hatred for glee. That I would like to express I dunno what to do quiet frankly with the materalism and money centric attitude I become such an arrogant narccist you would not fking believe it due to this if I would just embrace the toxicity etc. It's very painful & I don't really know what I can do, I did the mistake of having routines break due to subtelties, where I had control, people then generally wonder what is wrong, and I tell them and they still don't really comprehend. I don't think anyone besides my old psychotherapist gave me a feeling of feeling loved because of these issues etc. Also even then I sabotage myself so I don't know, without exercise and beign in some sports team I don't have proper contemplation tools I feel like & work etc. also having this dysfunctional family generally as emotional "Rückhalt" is absolutely not possible, they gaslite and say I blame while they blame etc. It's such a emotional shit house of fking whinery and lamenting subtely I hated every fking god damn uttering of this piss shit. I know why girls have been terrorized when I see how I grew up only with girls, it's so fking disgusting from a hardcore male perspective and the balance stuff, I just can't find a foothold with all the excessive bullshit and the excessive adapation of normalizy also. I just dunno music is really the only thing that helps me at times. Especially loosing my mind helps me. I don't know why, yet it is that way.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #46 - Fri Sep 8th '23 - 9:02 AM Higher self: What is true? Lower self: Nothing. Nothing is true. I've got nothing for you. Higher self: Nope... Something is true. Lower self: Yes ... something is true, but I can't use words to explain it, so whats the point. Higher self: The point is to get you there. How else are you going to get there? By watching more Leo videos or reading more books or meditating more? You don't even like meditating... Lower self: Okay fine.... Everything is one. Higher self: Everything is one, aye? What does that mean. What is everything and what is one? Sounds like a duality to me. Lower self: Yes, it is a duality. But dualities do not exist. Thats what this paradox thing is telling us, that there is a fault in the way that we are looking at things. We want to start looking past it. Everything is literally all there is in the entire universe. Everything, by my definition is the entire universe, God, every emotion that you can think of, every event that you can think of, every single thought stream coming out of a sentient being, every plant on this planet or any other, every star in the entire galaxy and beyond, every grain of sand on the beach, every molecule in the human body, all of the water in the sea and ocean on Earth and on every other planet, every video game, every human being that ever existed, every dinosaur that ever existed, every animal, current and past and future, every rock, every boulder, every eye ball, every disease, every infection, every fight, every bar, every insult, every dream, all energy fields, every color, every piece of music, every event that has ever transpired and will ever transpire, every book, every piece of clothing, every neck tie, every job application, every beating heart, every brain, every tornado, every comet crashing into something, every movie and TV show, every Instagram account, every Twitter account, every sentient being on the Earth and outside of it, every hallucination, every acid trip, every picture that you think is in your head, every airplane, every shoe, every shoe lace, every window, every flower, every tree, every forest, every sunset, ever lake, every river, every ocean, every road, every state, every country, every continent, every boat, Magellan, Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, my best friends, my family, every ego, every shin guard, every shin, every soccer ball, football, baseball, cricket, every sporting event, every school, every water fountain, every slice of pizza, every building, every sky scraper, every train ride, every train ticket, every pen, every pencil, every factory, every yoga class, every whole foods, every psychological model, every guru, every alien, every UFO, every Youtube video, every idea, every conspiracy theory, Jed McKenna, every awakening, every spiritual pursuit, every church, every religion, every football team, every high school clique, every sexual encounter, every kiss, every crush... shall I go on? And that is only scratching the surface because I have a limited perspective here on Earth, in this puny human body. Get me out into the stars like you God and I'll be able to see the whole god damn universe. Higher self: Okay... we understand what everything is.. Now what is one? Lower self: One. well, one is the first number in the numerical language.. Higher self: Thats not what you mean by one... you said that everything is one... what does that mean to you? Lower self: It means that everything can be encapsulated in one thing. That is truth. I know that its true because it must be true. Everything has to be encapsulated in something. I guess I'm really just putting everything in a box. I'm categorizing everything, but theres really only one category and it is one... I could add more categories, but that just doesn't feel right. Higher self: I don't get it. Lower self: Yeah me neither... Aright just let me think out loud for a little bit... Well we know that these paradoxes are always true, right? If a statement is a paradox, that means that we are onto something... thats what I am going to conclude from some of our previous discussions.. and "everything is one" is certainly a paradox... Higher self: Can you explain why its a paradox please. Lower self: Because everything is everything, take all of the examples that I listed above and multiply it by infinity... and one is just one thing, it is singular, I mean truthfully when I think of one, I think of one person, one lamp, one desk, one plant. Singular. So that is not everything, that seems like the complete opposite... Which is what makes the statement a paradox... Yet it is such a common term "Oh yeah... everythings one, we are all one, lets all love each other." Yet no body stopped and questioned that this is the most obvious paradox that there is?! Jesus christ we are missing this shit. Of course I never realized it either until I sat down and thought about it so I'm not above it either.. I'm sorry for judging all of you people. Anyways, this is a massive paradox, we know this now, which means that there is truth to it? Can we conclude that truth lies within every paradoxical statement? Higher self: I don't know... I think thats a stretch... what are the paradoxical statements that we've come up with so far? Lower self: "Everything is one" "Nonduality is true" "Non-existence exists" Higher self: No. we cannot conclude that, we need to look into each statement in further depth. Lower self: Okay, yeah I can tell that I was being lazy with that claim. A big problem with this work is that its mentally draining. I feel like I just ran 30 laps but only gained an inch. Higher self: Yes, thats the nature of the work... Lower self: Alright... thanks for that... *Long pause* Now lets gain a little more understanding on the statement "Everything is one," So everything is infinite things, and one is just one thing... how can everything be one... is infinity packed into a single molecule... or a single body... I don't think so... so that means that they are opposites... but no they are not opposites because opposites do not exist, opposites are human mind constructions... But everything can't be one. It just can't be. Higher self: Alright... I'm going to help you out a little bit. I think that what the statement is alluding to is that God is in everything. We humans are all one in the sense that we are all God. Lower self: Okay but even a statement like God is in everything doesn't make any sense to me because I don't know what God is, I just talk to him sometimes but don't even know if its real. You know what... everything cannot be one, thats my answer to this. The shirt that is laying out on the chair in front of me is a singular object. It is NOT infinite. not infinite at all. If it were infinite, it would look infinite and it doesn't, its just a shirt, a single fucking shirt. Higher self: What about all of the cotton threads within the shirt, there must be thousands that make up the singular shirt, does that make the shirt a thousand cotton threads or just one thread. Lower self: I don't know, it depends how you look at it, yeah sure.. you could say "Hey, that person is wearing a thousand cotton threads"... but you'd sound pretty silly. Higher self: Okay... so your definition of one depends upon the persons perspective, which means that it is a relative truth. Lower self: Yeah... sure. Whats your point? Higher self: My point is that we are looking for absolute truths, not relative truths... Therefore, your definition of what one is is relative, it is not absolute. Lower self: Fine then, lets just scrap the "everything is one" statement, its fine by me, not true, get it out of here... Higher self: Okay.. I can tell you are getting aggravated, I think its time for a break. Just to clarify, I think that I have been harping on "Everything is one" as something to look into because I intuit that there is some truth to it. And I think that we should trust my intuition when it comes to where we want our conversations to be steered. Lower self: Yes, I'm on board with that. I need some food, I'll talk to you later.

There is no Human to being human just as there is no Alien to being alien. It's all one of the same mind. God is dreaming it is a human who loves to cosplay and dream. Imagine you have infinite dreams you can jump into any time you wish to and be whatever character you want to play.

Some people who get psychosis claim their body is alien. And some say they seen ufo in this state. Wonder why many talks about aliens when in this state. And a lot are scared to get harmed by ufo. Kinda intressting.

I hope also when I have a new guitar, that this will just work fundamentally better in terms of tapping into inner child I did so much trauma work already, I would not work with people who are the slightest bit to dull to get what I am talking about intuitively. As I'd need more direct information. I am glad my psychoterhapist had a TIER-2 inclination about beauty and love. Showed me more with whom I'd work if I'd be interested in having an excellent relationship and brining that value into this also etc. I'll post my meditation session later, people also seem more willing to listen to me, as I deeply listen to them. So I am up for more reading etc. I just have to get rid of the technological people. They do no good to any process, it's a different perspective I am clumped into due to marketing bias & beign tall and strong, people already think you are like a foreign technology, if you really consider how alien at times ppl can view you & it feels like. Beign tall = alien technology. Yes, heared it here first. Also practicing my CC & giving people shadow work material is ultra funny to me & IIRC part of holism and childlike parts of turqouise I stopped with this, yet I might bring it back even from orange to get the orange crunch out. Also at times Leo gives me nightmares at times I dunno why exactly, yet it happens. I had a very akward hateful feeling I dunno why all of this happend due to to many deaths in my immediate enviroment. Leo is really a good guy, that is the point some are more questionable

Humans are so full of shit, they lie, scam, and play games, they are not interested in truth, just defend their point of view to feel good about themselves, and are incredibly selfish. To be honest, I would like to be an evolved alien or animal like a bird. Humans= pettiness

If Aliens are a thing, and in the future we make contact and commerce to some tiny degree, I'd like to ask those aliens about the mythological stories that mankind and native tribes told, and sightings of criptids like Yeti/big foot/sasquatch, dog/wolf men, Chubacabra/Enfield monster, and many other such hidden creatures. What if the Kraken actually existed, not a giant squid but a giant octopus? Surely these UFO aliens have been around the world with their alien technology observing this planet, surely they too have more sightings?

I see no reason why a highly advanced intelligent alien race has had to send one of their own physically to this planet. Why not remote controlled space craft?

@Leo Gura would you consider talking about alien love? i wannnnnnnnna know hehe

Anyway, couldn't help but notice this. Steven Greers narrative in the past: -Lue Elizondo = Disinformation agent -The secret government is planning to unite Earth against an alien threat in the near future. Lue Elizondo in 2022 TLDR: -People and nations will have to unite. -We are not no-top of the food/alpha chain. -Greer and the other charlatans will have to change their names and dissapear.

^^^ my own personal sighting. Didnt know what it was, but it may not have actually been aliens Do you guys think the public is ready for aliens to reveal themselves? The government is definitely aware of their existence and in possession of some of their technology, but I feel like humanity is just too smallminded and petty to be prepared to deal with a hyper intelligent alien species. Leo, do you think your current purpose is to bring more understanding to alien consciousness so that we will eventually be prepared to collaborate with them? Also could alien technology literally solve all of our energy problems? If thats the case, then I think the aliens must have good reason to not reveal themselves and are just waiting for the right time. What do u guys think?

Yeah Im an alien but i choose the full dive experience and im here to struggle. For now

Let me introduce you "Alien Torture".

Hm maybe but I don't think so. I feel blissful when I watch her, yes her energy is a bit alien but it's not fake. For me, an example of inauthenticity is the recent Hulk Hogan podcast with Joe Rogan. Couldn't watch more than 10 minutes..

Good insight, I would say that the thoughts are you, but at the same time they are something alien to you. You as an individual being are mind, perception, movement. Thought is something learned, it comes from outside, it is programming. It is the collective mind entering you and possessing you to use your processing power. This is inevitable, language is this and you, as an individual being, are not worth more than a larva, you need the collective to survive. the problem with being enslaved like this is that it makes your life an alienated, miserable shit, suffering. the solution is understanding, total clarity, mastery of yourself, detaching of the thought.

I like to think about things that many people see as small things and deconstruct them and analyze them. Small issues usually relate directly to bigger issues somehow. I also like to think about society in general, which is in a way always open-ended. Always becoming and transforming. I like to try to understand these things. And as mentioned above, a lot of my emotion does actually follow my "logic" first, and not vice versa, so I need to have some sort of clear logical understanding, perspective, or praxis governing my emotions and behaviour. I'm under the understanding that this is actually quite alien to quite a few people. Yea, I know that? This is about complimenting men more in situations that I would like to remain platonic. I've lost a good handful or two of male friendships for this reason over the years (some of them were very good ones IMO), and I think I've had one where we stayed friends but we aren't particularly close anymore anyway. I would like to avoid situations like these if possible. This isn't about my needs; I know how to not compliment everyone on the street, lol. This is at least partially about men complaining (or feeling wistful) that they don't get compliments from the opposite sex more. I myself was just wondering about myself, coming from the opposite side of the equation. What could I potentially do to meet some collective, unmet need? So it has to be this way because it's been this way since time immemorial? I guess if that's truly the case, no compliments for anyone then! Seriously though.... people complain that modern urban society is cold, insular, and unempathetic, I am legitimately trying to figure out how to be kinder and less.... cold, insular, and unempathetic. Lol............

He is but its making them with more quality. Which will take longer. Also, he said he is working on many new stuff all at once. Alien consciousness, new topics, new style of communication, new courses, etc.

Problem is, we train human parrots. They just repeat what they hear from an authority or popular/common agreement or opinion. They train kids to sit down, shut up and listen. When these kids go out into the world the look for someone to tell them to sit down, shut up and listen(SSL). When they have learned something they they think is of value (usually from an authority) they will practice (SSL) on other people and it goes viral. They only way they can communicate is with(SSL) mentality. That is why it is so important to speak your truth and speak your mind. People haven't learned to think for themselves. If you try to get them to think for themselves, they start getting confused because you are doing something that is totally alien to their way of thinking and the resort to (SSL) way of communicating. I know it is annoying as hell and frustrating, but unfortunately that is the condition of the world. It is as if they don't know what intellectual honesty is and how to do it.

The question answered itself yesterday. I had first contact, and it was utterly astounding and beautiful. Aliens are all about high frequencies and love. They are excited to see how humanity evolves out of the dark into the light (love). And I was probably one of the first thousands who they wanted to meet. And only because I was full of joy and excitement. Only then, do they have the calling to open their dimension to you. Follow your highest excitement and you can perceive alien conscious forms if it is necessary for you. ?

Hey guys, I want to get in contact with people here, who seriously have had (or believe to have had) contact with any kind of Alien. After all, intuition and reasoning can't really get this part of reality clear for me. And this stresses me out sometimes. Here are some question I have: Why do they look like what they are typically portrayed? Could you have sex with them? How and why are they interested in us? And why don't they show their interest more? How long have they been here? How many different species are there? Do they get along fine with each other? Are they dangerous Aliens? Are they also beautiful Aliens? Can they speak our languages? What kind of mind-bending physics are at play to even come to us? How old can they get? What are their hobbies? What is their way of showing love?

@Razard86 thanks for your advice but that sounds so alien to me. I used to be filled with so much hate but now I just kind of ignore bad things and hope they go away. If I try and think good things about myself, I just kind of think that's not true, then sum myself up as okay, I guess. Like, I can just about accept myself but I can't love myself. Maybe one day I'll remember this or at least think something like it and finally be able to love myself. Sometimes I have given things without expecting anything in return but now I just like see giving and taking things as a kind of contract.

I dont usually watch mainstream materialist scientists and especially celebs like NDT but I love the TOE channel and somehow I managed to watch the whole thing: I used to think the guy was somewhat intelligent but he showcased SUCH a high amount of ignorance and lack of open-mindedness that I honestly wonder how someone this unintelligent can be considered a rigorous scientist? Some highlights: (14:08) Had we been distracted by those kinds of questions over the past century, none of what we know about the universe would be known today. (15:56) philosophers aren't useful anymore 26:55 Curt: A Theory talks about what the heck you're dealing with. It talks about ontology, so there needs to be that component as well. NDT: Why does it need to be, if what we're doing still works? it needs to be to you, the philosopher, but to me the practicing scientist ... I don't need to know that. The search for that answer will distract me from other progress I will make in this physical universe. (46:03) Im not interested in testimonies, testimonies are the lowest form of scientific evidence. Bring an alien to the public square. (1:01:00) i didn't know porcupines climb trees so you probably didn't see a porcupine. And many more, I can't find all those gems ? Also, notice how extremely defensive NDT was in this whole interview. This ties perfectly to what @Leo Gura said about materialists in today's blog post. But to be honest I don't like your conclusion Leo, I'm pretty sure Curt, you, or Bernardo Kastrup can debate NDT or any other materialist and make them look ignorant since they are. Change starts from public discourse and the more content in favor of idealism comes out, the more people will get to question their beliefs.

Reminds me of the (half) joke... the moment you die, you will probably wake up in an alien body holding a water bong in your hands, surrounded by a bunch of alien buddies who all stare at you and ask you "dude, how was it?"

I just watched "Moment of contact" on Amazon prime which Leo recommend. It's really one of the best alien documentaries. Makes me believe in aliens, these interviews are genuine. If there are similar good quality alien dokus please share

@Vibes 1.Death is just a change in consciousness, you letting go of the body/killing yourself is you suffering and surrendering to god fully. After that you become god and forget who you were, because you didn't accept/love yourself you will incarnate your consciousness from god mode to physical reality that you make up. You can't stay as god as this is too great of a responsibility and only full acceptance and love of yourself for eternity will allow you to stay as god forever. From god mode you just have to imagine a reality, for example: You imagine that you're on a planet and you're from an advanced alien civilization that's is basically all. When you imagine yourself into this character, everything from there will be constructed in the presence on the go around you. 2. Another possibility is that after you suicide/kill yourself, you can be stuck as brains or another form of consciousness in the same reality. Because you didn't die let go of your body naturally you can be stuck in the same reality as a form of consciousness, this is what free will is. God realization is the deconstruction of the reality/evolving beyond yourself, so if you as ego/dream character don't know much after reincarnation the reality might become what you believed in. Gods free will is a scary thing. But i think it's most likely the 1st possebility @OsaidIt is only hell if you can't fully accept yourself as god, this means accepting insanity and everything that is inside of you it also means letting go of everything. It also means accepting all the control and freedom you get, which is huge. Being god is such a big responsibility that there is nobody to take it.