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A while back there was an insight/joke here on the Journal forum about spongebob being hung up spending 3 hours writing the word 'the'. I've had a bad case of it lately. I thought writing about it might help me get past it. One reason for it is an avalanche of ideas coming together. The ingredients here are - the idea of shadow work, forgiveness and love as a focal point in practice, kenosis (letting go), metanoia (reversal), transformation in rebirth, unveiling of essential qualities, 3 Centered Awareness as the result of alchemy.

Can one expect a raise in consciousness and inner transformation from just staying present to the moment throughout daily life? I often forget to stay present when driving or doing mundane tasks and wonder how much different I would be as a person if I always took advantage of opportunities to stay present. I'll be testing this out more for myself but was wondering what other peoples experience has been when using presence as a tool for brain function, equanimity, peace of mind, consciousness, inner growth, happiness and other benefits. Thanks

@TheOne transformation happens inside time, creation from nothing is outside of time. What do you think of that?

This guy is my hero. in a twist of irony to what he says in this, I am so grateful for his teaching. But i would like to get some understanding, context, and maybe guidance in how i can assimilate, or simply navigate this. Ok so there is this story told by Tara Brach which summarised my psychological mindset now. And it's about a horse. There is a horse tamer and a horse. Who would of thought? And they were really good together. He was a race horse. But before he was a race horse he would be out of control. That is, until he met this horse tamer. So one day as the horse is doing one of his routines, something happens that triggers one of his early childhood trauma that he was suffering from. And it sent him into a panic. And bucked the rider and fled in fear. So the people go to the tamer to try and get it back for the race. So the tamer goes as and acted in accordance with the respect that their close connection deserved. He approaches, but maintains a lengthy distance. A healthy distance, he stood there in the far distance. Not close enough to see his face, but not far enough so that you can't distinguish him. He's quite far. And it showed that he was there for the horse in whatever capacity it needed him to be. This was obviously to do with my conditioning as a child growing up and not being given that space needed to come to terms with reality...on your own terms and not someone elses. But then upon listening to my friend Roger he begins to say that we will compile all sorts of stories and explanations dependant on past experience and circumstance to create a version of reality. Even when we think that "all is one" and all of that. Conceptually thinking it and thinking that conceptual thought leads to experience. And that that is not the teaching. And that this place he was talking about was really transforming me while i was listening to it. Everything began to appear to me a dream. All the people i met today were dream characters and with that perception with it came this sense that i really was creating the stage for everything to happen. When you're in a dream there is a feeling present within my experience that i do not share in reality. Maybe it's not when I'm in the dream but when awake i realise that the whole setup was created by conciousness. And that there is this emotional charge that runs through each happening. And that you get to in some part decide how you'd like to participate with each happening. Attitude wise. He then speaks about "flip flopping" from enlightenment experience bringing forth great peace, to losing that and going back to the old ways of thinking. And being hard done about it. And also realising that this whole procedure of transformation is part of the dream i am creating. I want to be changing. And that conciousness doesn't have a body, but it localises it within the body as a means to partake in this life. But the whole experience can't be divided into inside and outside. And that all of this is not true as these are thoughts and ideas are dependant on circumstance and experience. And that through this flip flopping of insight, from peace to anxiety one gets upset with him/herself. And personally these insights (which he directly adresses in this video) hav led me to recognise how dependant i am upon circumstance to be happy. And he cleverly re frames it. To, now you know, this is direct proof that happiness is NOT to be found in circumstance. So you find yourself in a different place. Where your attitude counts more than you ever thought possible. Rather than think our happiness is dependant on circumstance, a flow of opposites in intercourse with each other as you observe the happening. So it's a deeper recognition that happiness comes from your attitude to circumstance and does not come from circumstance itself. I also had this surreal sense that reality is silk. That we were all connected with silk, but that silk extends through to all forms. As this way of thinking implies the real untethered connection between all things.

OH. MY. GOD. OK...uhm...I am going to start this by making it clear that there is absolutely no possible way for me to describe exactly what the hell happened last night. I can only dance around it like a lunatic. It's probably going to be sloppy and not very well articulated, as I have not integrated the experience fully... Or at all. Not even sure if I can call it "an experience"... I'm still kinda shocked from what went down. However; I want to get it out while it's still fresh and raw. Will let it marinate. The idea is to let go and see if anything valuable comes out of this post-documentation, on it's own. Be not mistaken; I am going to write about this from a rather limited perspective and level of understanding. Although there was no "me" involved, really. It all happened to awareness, by awareness, within awareness. So here goes nothing... Some background: Had a strong intention of breaking the pattern and living intuitively these days. Acting on intuition strictly instead upon thoughts. Ignoring them. Turning the cheek on them. Emphasizing synchronized being and surrender. Have no job. No responsibilities. Live alone, far away from anyone I know. Parted ways with my gf. So basically have all the time in the world. Absolute freedom to experiment and do whatever the hell I feel like doing. Reached whole new levels of mindfulness and mindstillness. The breath deepened, blasted through. Senses sharpened. Linearity started fading. Perception was getting increasingly higher in definition. I was centered. Calm. Blissfully fulfilled. On the flip side; Went through a few ego backlashes, conceptual deaths, minor panic attacks and everything that comes with the package. Felt like I was dancing with physical death often. Insanity was right next door. Had difficulties with staying grounded. The body started adjusting itself in weird ways. Troubles with maintaining breathing pattern. Occasionally lost in thoughts and emotions. Overall; was embracing the process of transformation - looking forward to that next big shift. And boy was it big and intense. Completely caught me off guard. There is just no possible way to ever be "ready" for this. Impossible. It's always 100% real and in your face. Can turn no cheek on death when it comes for ya. It's horrifying. But... Turns out; death is not even the biggest fear, really. There is something else. Hyper-awareness: Cannot find a more suitable word. This one seems to sit well. I can only describe it as becoming "way too aware" of every tiny little detail in reality. Of its totality. Simultaneously. Continuously. So much so it starts to freeze. Crystalize. Time starts slowing down; stopping. Literally. Actually. It's crazy! Every configuration of reality; every split second is like a snapshot. And you are not the experiencer of it. Nor the observer. You are freaking it! You are each and every one of those frozen, static snapshots. Nothing in-between. Think stroboscope! The five human senses completely dissolve. Collapse. No lag in perception whatsoever. Not a corner blured in visual field. Crystal clarity. Language starts sounding like garbage. Nonsense. All sounds merge into a giant sonic field. All undefined. Sensations turn alien. Otherworldly and super sterile. Oh man... I can already see how I'm chasing my own tail. There just is no way for me to give this any justice. It's just way beyond my comprehension. It's like swimming within myself. Moving within stillnes. Absolutely crazy. Each thought is a reality on it's own! As perfect and complete as it can be. A static snapshot! Each thought is THE TRUTH! That's the paradox! You're already in it. You are it. You're a thought experiencing itself. Right now, right here. "Reality" only seems solid and "real" because your mind can't catch up with it. It's happening waaay too fast; to put it that way. Yet it's static. You're only jumping from one complete configuration of reality to another. Shifting continuously. As if you were running from yourself. And you do this only because you fear crystalization. You don't fear death. You fear being frozen in time. In no time. And not as you now might think. Not as a human being. As pure, crystalized awareness. Holy macaroni! I really do hope any of this makes sense to you. I could not overblow it even if I wanted to. I'm just trying my best here. This is not just about transcending the mind/body complex. It's so much more. Your true work only starts after letting death pass through. It does not end it. Not even nearly. Death is still within the game. This... This is not a game anymore. I have no idea what it is but it's unlike anything. And somehow I am it. But also not. "GOD" is not a good enough word for it. Nothing can give it justice. It is unthinkable. Unimaginable. Incomprehensible. Somehow I became aware of every possible configuration of reality "within my reach" last night. There was not a single move I could make without seeing it happen beforehand. It's hard to explain because there was no more experience of time. No before and no after. And I was not really seeing the configurations... More like sensing them. Being aware of them. It all happened within pure awareness. Was on extremely high alert. Shifted from taking everything for granted to taking nothing for granted, whatsoever. Paying attention close, unlike ever before. All naturally; through synchronicity and surrender. The Hologram; This is how reality is. I feel pretty confident to claim that the mind is responsible for it. Imagine standing still while simultaneously, rapidly spinning around yourself. That which is still, is nothing. It's the formless you. That which is spinning rapidly, is the infinite amount of configurations of reality. Of thoughts...Of you! Hah! It's all one; however you put it. But in order to reach an understanding of yourself, you must separate yourself from yourself. Create an illusion of duality. Which is exactly what's been going down all this time and now you know why. You cannot see the hologram, because you're immersed in it. You don't see the projector because you're too occupied with the projection. I cannot let you know how to step outside of it, but it can be done. Only you know the way. But you must face your biggest fears. They are the guardians of exits; to put it that way. Of course I'm only scratching the surface here. Will share more in depth insights once I integrate and do further investigations/explorations. The sweet sleep; Thank God there is a percentage of you that is unconscious of itself. Seriously. Be grateful for it. Being 100% aware of your totality is not a tea party. To a human being; it is beyond any imaginable horror. At least it scared the shit out of me. Managed to "lower" my frequency/level of awareness by masturbating for an hour and watching nonsense on my phone. The only two distractions I could (barely) come up with. It was just over the top. Back in the game. Feeling (mostly) human. Need a break.

It seems, generally speaking (not excluding myself from this generalization) , that most of the forums is used for "finding other like-minded individuals to interact with" but simply leads to endless mental masturbation. And of course there's plenty of other variables at play other than just the forums that would attribute towards transformation - but it seems like trying to sift through everything that is said in hopes that there's one nugget of truth seems less likely when you account for the fact that there's no guarantee you'll even notice the nugget of truth. all in all, do people who achieve true transformation reside in this forums, or is this just another fly-trap for egos and the one's who have achieved self actualization and or enlightenment simply move on?

Yeah loved it on rogan. Incredible transformation however it seems he’s almost got a vendetta against all activities in relation to his old self it’s blinding his perception and could be worth integrating

A nice interview on DMT and personal transformation to be shown on ESPN. Personally, I think the interviewer spent too much time in Mike’s personal story, rather than awakening to the actuality of reality. It sounds like Mike “went there” based on the way he described ego death and being nothing. Nonetheless, I think it’s a great outreach to the mainstream. I think a lot of viewers will be impressed with Mike’s personal transformation and may pause to think “Mike was a troubled mess and now looks so content and peaceful. What’s the name of that stuff he smoked, again?”. These types of clips showing the potential of psychedelics is helpful toward evolving the social consciousness.

In the same boat. On and off. Not thought based, really. Maybe reinforced by them. Occurring spontaneously, on a physical level. My heart wants to jump out of my mouth. Difficulties with breathing. Contraction in gut area. Massive panic. Managed to tame by laying down and waiting for death to come for me. That way it just passes through, eventually. Imo, it's just a new level of accepting death. For real - not just in fantasy land. Signifies a great ongoing transformation and an upcoming massive shift. Huge upgrade! Try to surrender and embrace. You'll be fine. I'm still breathing heh.

God is infinite and unbounded. For that to be and for God to love itself it will not suppress anything. That includes all forms of suffering. That includes parts of itself which spits profanities and hates itself. The ego mechanism is designed in a way to avoid suffering where possible and overcome it when it happens. Of course you will demonize it. But to become more conscious of everything you must look beyond the judgments of ego. There just is. Being infinite has dramatic ramifications not many can accept. This does not mean to be complacent to suffering. As you become more conscious you will aim yourself to not demonize those who inflict it but understand those who do it and to accept their necessary existence right now and will align yourself to reduce it. If all is you then treat everything as you would yourself. The Bible has a lot of great teachings but you likely won't be able to grab them until you yourself become more conscious. I've went full circle believing in Christianity to hardcore atheism and now saying truth in both sides. Every teacher highlight certain aspects of the absolute. Usually those they see missing in people. We are great with dualism so no dualism is emphasized. We do fantastic with hate but not enough love. And so on. Whatever truth lies in the Bible you can find out yourself. Jesus found it. The Buddha found it and so did many other people. You can too. Psychedelics can do a lot. It will shove everything about yourself in your face and make you deal with it. If you do, you'll come out on the path of transformation. If you don't and resist it, well you can't. The inability to have control and insights that break your worldview or even just losing yourself to story upon story can lead to some negative effects. Take at your own risk. The detrimental ones are rare and even rough trips can give you a lesson. Of course don't take my word for it. You can figure this out on your own.

If you want to stay there for 2-3weeks volunteer, do your sadhana and reside, then there are no requirements for it, but if you you want to stay there for a long period and be a fulltime volunteer then usually they ask you to get initiated into at least one of their programs like inner engineering or hatha yoga or smth. Physical fitness requirement are just for those who want to do some other programs like sadhanapada (7month process for inner transformation) or smth. It's a different ball game a bit.

So I've read psycho cybernetics before and am about to reread it. I've been trying to launch a YouTube channel for quite a while but have some definite holdups. Noticing I don't feel fully confident in myself as a leader or as an authority, worried about judgment from friends and family, and just not really having many positive associations with creating and releasing content. I'm curious who here has undergone a radical, deep identity level transformation; how long did this take you and practically speaking what techniques did you use to reshape your self image, thoughts, emotions and ultimately your actions in the world? I've used affirmations and visualizations in the past so I may already have the answer here, would be nice to hear directly from people who have radically changed their life with these techniques.

I am definitely convinced of that. I'm starting to dabble in transformation of emotions.

@Leo GuraJust thought of something else that I would like to mention to you. I thought you can't get beyond the absolute. The absolute means that "you" are God. When "you" become God, that means that you're the No-self; then you make a transformation into everythingness, and then you ride the ox back into your ego (& world) with bliss, indicating that this world is the "to love realm." You can't get beyond this. That's what I thought. Once you are back into your ego, you have to observe your surrounding circumstances. Are you in adversity? Because I noticed that ppl who report the absolute without inducing it were in an adverse time in their lives. I was. I realized this. A war was taking place outside of where I lived. I was hiding while ppl outside were being stabbed to death. In my case, it reminds me of a metaphoric saying of Jesus, "Jesus, it's nice to finally meet you. Tell me something. When I look at this map of my life, you were always walking beside me. Why is it that in the most difficult time in my life I'm all alone? I can only see my footprints on this map? You're not walking beside me anymore." Then Jesus replied, "those are not your footprints. They're mine. That's when I carried you." The last line of the Jesus quote reminds me of Riding the Ox Backwards, when "you" are carried back into your ego by "yourself" because you're still one with God while making that transformation. And Leo, I'm also wondering, since you mentioned these things in your videos... What does experiencing the absolute have anything to do with brain chemistry? What does it have to do with being more spiritually "blessed?" To me, it has to do with a lot of factors. Maybe one of them being the decisions you make in your life.

because life is a paradox. it’s another catch 22. being enlightened means to transform, not to survive. but in transformation the old remains as a part of the new, the true self remains, so the current form needs to look out for it’s true form, to let the old die and rebirth itself. the only way to stop rebirthing is stepping out of society - completely, but even then it can’t be helped life still needs a form. form is not random.

I've been exploring black magic for some time now, especially the alphabet of desire. Black magic is the path of non-existence, emptiness. I found it very strange that the alphabet of desire would be placed there, but I'm finally starting to piece together what it actually means. This is the art of spiritual alchemy, transformation of emotions. Its purpose is to expose the underlying oneness of experience and uniting it in its meaninglessness. It seems to be the bodily counterpart of random belief. It has beautiful geometry, but I'm not too interested in copying it here.

Yup. Cannot deny. It is obvious to me that introspection is needed. I must inquire. Reorient. I am happy that I shed light on this aspect. Was neglecting it too much. Feeling great about the transformation now. Thanks for your assistance. I really appreciate it. ?

Synchronicity is a meaningless word. There is nothing that corresponds with it in actuality. To have the notion of cause and effect you need clear separation between that which causes and that which is caused. However, all of existence is interdependent. As you look around, there is no single thing that has essence of its own. All of it is in-between, each thing depends on other things that depend on other things ad infinitum. It has infinite depth (this caused that and that caused that thing), and breadth (this is only meaningful in its environment). As the present moment unfolds, it always does so through transformation, in plenitude. Things that transformed are no longer here, but are somehow contained. Things that are here will dissolve just before you have the chance to understand and exploit them. If they come again, they will be different just so that your will to manipulate them is the ingredient of transformation. Synchronicity is the feeling that you experience when you witness the flowering of the present moment. It means: it's fucking magic and I have no clue how this shit works but I can't deny that it does. It does not seem to need me to understand it though, so I'm gonna enjoy myself while I'm allowed to live.

@kieranperez First of all yes I like the technique a lot, yet because I like writing and I loved journaling at the beginning of my meditation journey/self-actualization journey. Since then it is a valid tool for exercises for PD and just mental health aspects, like constant rumination etc. I used and still use a physical journal. Ken or some other author mentions that it takes some time and one is supposed to observe his behavior, in the description about shadow work. I started in 2017 with shadow work regularly and wrote, like each fking day longer than the recommended time. Because of emotional triggers like for me... intelligence, arrogance, hate, resentment, emotional pain and a lot of situational triggers plagued me. Which brought insight into the emotional state. It clearly helped me describing emotions in a more granular manner + I felt I was integrating a "shadow". Or the unconscious self. I still sometimes wonder that new behaviors and interaction paradigms show up, yet they are small, yet big inside. Also, I found lost identities and tendencies have been unearthed, I feel more healthy in that regard to most people who triggered me for instance. (family members, classmates etc. romantic interests ) I find the 3-2-1 process is a vanilla version of shadow work from what I have a presentiment about what could work more effectively. I really like this technique since I can't afford to go crazy, which I feel breathing practices could make me do. I used to smoke weed and had a heavy emotional body load then and I keep feeling this pain inside my chest solar plexus where I feel my "shadow" or energy lingers and had a couple of breakthroughs now with meditation and the shadow work always made me feel the spot. One is supposed to take in the feelings of what one wrote down, if you are an emotional type, you can use that to your advantage I turned on music and wrote what I felt, also not and wrote what I felt. To the degree where I wanted to cry, cried, or was mad, or surprised at the end, also that I integrate that feeling, identity (persona or alter-ego) so I sit for a couple of seconds not long. After a 10-20min session of figuring out and going through the process, in my opinion, that is fine. I also tried psychedelics (LSD) more than a handful of times and wrote down emotional triggers and insights I had which I could do shadow work about. The psychedelic experiences themselves helped more than the practice that is why I want to try shrooms. This changed me more than shadow work, although shadow work at least the 3-2-1 process changed me gradually over time. I was, for instance, the one who is arrogant and hubristic, wanted to express intelligence (be smart), and anger has decreased, yet I still struggler with this one, also to be expressive or even feminine and masculine. I can see what you mean I felt the same too, yet in the description from Ken he says to watch one's behavior for weeks, days and months to come. So, I stuck with it and I feel a changed definitely, a major changed. Depending on what is major, but behavior and interaction change is sort of major. Integration happens (for me) naturally, you unearthed the belief, emotion, situation, or alter-ego and are free to express it. It is a bit odd to express it, for instance, a new persona. But some are just fun. TBH I am going to be an arrogant prick, but unearthing intelligence and arrogance were madly fun and it is fun, yet it is not TOXIC anymore or at least not that TOXIC anymore. Sometimes it hurts in a pissy sort of feeling. Ken Wilber also mentions Shadow Work never ends in his Audiobook Integral Transformation and some shadow traits are inherently biological. So, cleaning up never ends apparently. BTW: you posted the same post about Wilber as me,(Multiple Intelligence video series last week or so) in case you want to know more about the 3-2-1 process, you can click on integral life on community my username is once3800. I wrote a question about shadow work and received an answer from a lady who has 38 years experience in yoga and now did the 3-2-1 process. For a different take on the issue. I also really enjoy the video series of Dr.Keith and Corey. Here is one about shame I took some notes on the video over one weekend. https://integrallife.com/integral-mindfulness-and-the-evolution-of-shame/ Besides that if the approach is to rational, I would try the breathing techniques like shamanic breathing, I feel I penetrate the core and can't go fully crazy atm. When things are more save yes, I will try it, but for now vanilla version. Testing them for more than 3-4 months, ideally, half a year is a good approach IMO. Others might think otherwise.

@Salvijus It seems like your vision of women is very limited because you probably have your image about how a woman should behave, it's like Leo always says, God is not only beautiful things, its also war, suffering and all the bad stuff, you can consider my way of expressing myself as weird, and 4 years ago when I was repressed by my culture and by abusive men's figures I would pretty much agree with you, with time I learned how to not be ashamed of my body and my curves, to be proud of being a woman in a society where the patriarchy has been in power for thousands of years, now I see my body as a temple and sacred, you talk a lot about the feminine energy being very inclusive and receptive, about it embracing all things around them, are you embracing your feminine side? Are you using of that inclusiveness you talk about to embrace all things and all forms o expression of the universe around you? To have love and compassion to all forms of expressions besides the ones you consider as right? I let go of the thought that women should behave in a certain way 3 years ago, it's been a process of cleaning myself from ideologies and social conditioning, I have a lot of masculine energy within me and this masculine energy gave me "balls" to face many men and even better gave me the freedom to express myself in an authentic way, this is key, I'm a very romantic person, I haven't had sex for a while, I believe in love, am very delicate, I cry a lot am very empathetic person, I'm very loving with all people around me, in my daily life I don't walk around naked, people respect me, I love reading and meditation, that's why I just wrote a report about my second Vipassana, if I was merely showing off I would get money out of it, trust me, I would be a stripper or become an instagram influencer, not judging who does that (some women do a great job) but I consider myself to be a smart person so if at some point I decide to use my body in the way you see it I would at least make money out of it Also I'm glad you disagree with my POV part of doing what I do is exactly to fuck the mind of people who think my art is promiscuous, ugly, weird, wrong. There are people who see the beauty and artistic value of it, and there are people who see whatever they have within them, which most of the time is repressed feelings and emotions. I feel lucky to have strong men around me who lift me up instead of judging and criticizing, like someone said in one of the posts above, this is a forum with high consciousness people, who do not see the expression os a woman's body as idiocy, who don't see sex as "animal compulsive behavior", don't see a naked body as just a piece of meat and bones or as dirty. They mastered their mind and don't just get a boner seeing my pictures, they see my art not just as nakedness or sexual arousal. On the contrary, I've seen many beautiful posts of men describing their women or their relationship, of using sex for connection and even for enlightenment (that's he case of tantra) Anyways, all those words in bold I copied from your previous posts, and I will just live one of my favorite quotes here for you. “ People do not seem to realize their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character “ And also Osho quote on sex: If I Say Anything About Sex, Immediately They Jump Upon It “Sex is raw energy. It has to be transformed, and through transformation there is transcendence. Rather than transforming it, religions have been repressing it. And if you repress it the natural outcome is a perverted human being. He becomes obsessed with sex. “The people who call me ‘sex guru’ are obsessed with sex. I have not talked about sex more than I have talked about meditation, love, God, prayer, but nobody seems to be interested in God, love, meditation, prayer. If I say anything about sex, immediately they jump upon it. “Out of my three hundred books only one book concerns sex, and that, too, not in its totality. The name of the book is From Sex to Superconsciousness. Just the beginning of it is concerned with sex; as you go deeper in understanding it moves towards superconsciousness, towards samadhi. Now that is the book which has reached to millions of people. It is a strange phenomenon: my other books have not reached to so many people. There is not a single Hindu, Jaina saint, mahatma in India who has not read it. It has been discussed criticized, analyzed, commented upon in every possible way. Many books have been written against it – as if that is the only book I have written! “Why so much emphasis? People are obsessed particularly the religious people are obsessed. This label of ‘sex guru’ comes from religious people.”

Because it's not permanent. We will not live forever in our bodies. This world isn't permanent. Everything is a temporary transformation. That's life. That's ego. That's what ego means. It's embodiment. It's interesting how in science, they say that if you go to a observatory and look through a powerful telescope connected to a powerful satellite, you could see the beginning of the universe because it's expanding. Some people call it, The Big Bang Theory. Well, let me tell you this. How can science discover that it is possible to observe that "you" are the biggest entity and "you" can transform back into your ego (body & world)? This is called "enlightenment" (aka, Riding the Ox Backwards). This is a hard observation. It doesn't happen to many people. And, you certainly cannot use a powerful telescope to observe this. If this happens to you suddenly and automatically because you tried to live your life to the fullest, it will be very meaningful. It certainly looks like your karma and everything you do in life to contribute to this world counts a lot.

Today I woke up pretty depressed, but I didn’t allow negative thoughts to take over me. I knew that the negativity stemmed from not exercising yesterday. Even though my knees were still hurting, I decided to weightlift anyway. Throughout the workout, I was feeling pissed about my knee and the pain I have been feeling. And I also second-guessed myself a lot, because I fear I am doing the exercises incorrectly. After the gym, I came home and I had lunch with my sister. I was a lot in my head, so I could barely interact with her. Then I was searching about a knee protection. I was so desperate to use my body that I almost went to the mall to buy one and use the elliptical in the gym. I can sense how exercising is fundamental for my well-being, and if I don’t do it, my anxiety hits the roof. After a while, I realized that I could swim in the pool I have in my house. I thought, “How didn’t I think about this before?” Then I swam for about an hour. And as I was doing it, I'd transfer my anxiety and overthinking into the swimming. And it worked wonders. I feared I was overdoing it, but I don’t think I did. The only discomfort I felt was in my shoulder and a tiny bit in my right knee, but I am pretty sure it was because of the weightlifting. I think weightlifting is doing me more harm than good. I believe there are safer ways to get in touch with my body. After swimming, I was feeling very peaceful. And I became mindful of how anxious I normally am. I was shocked. My mind is always thinking ahead. This doesn't work at all. Then, I did something I hadn’t done in a while: I cleaned my room. I wasn't rushing to finish it; instead, I tidied up in a calm and focused way. The inner transformation I witnessed in my self today made me even question if anti-depressants are effective with me. To be honest, I am looking forward to swimming tomorrow. The only downside of it is that my hair gets dry. I think it's pretty safe as far as injuries go. Another reason why I felt achy today is that I am not adapting to my new bed. Even though I am not feeling 100% well, I am pretty optimistic and hopeful that I might be into something good. It’s as if in the last decade, I have been searching lots of crazy places to find a way to heal my body and mind, and the solution was right under my nose: sports.

I agree that not everyone is equally predisposed to spiritual growth. If anyone's discouraged by this, I'd like to make some points, based on my journey so far, that perhaps could be motivating. - I've found that spiritual growth is distinctly more pliable than other pursuits and with a good approach, you won't struggle as much with things like plateauing or arrested development. -The more you progress the more natural things will become. You will have fewer issues, more clarity, and surrender comes more and more naturally. Not to mention with experience, if you've learned well, you tend not to get so caught up in stumbling blocks, and you'll develop a stronger feel for the kinds of things (behaviors, choices, circumstances) that are conducive to growth. -Your physiology will adapt as you become more conscious (I'm not sure about the limitations). Purifying the mind and energetic system will make it healthier and more efficient. Your baseline predisposition to clarity, insight, wisdom, surrender, etc. is malleable. -While there are general trends and characteristics that across the board are more conducive to awakening, which people may naturally possess to differing degrees, there is a huge amount of variety in people's personal characteristics, and you may find that something which is holding your talent back gets resolved, and then you may progress much more easily. Not saying anyone was discouraging here, but I thought this could be beneficial in case anyone felt that way. Our capacity for transformation is huge.

Gurus who never did any business in their lives will not know anything about business. They try to go straight into self-transcendence skipping through the good points of stage orange. (I find that this is an important topic, so I made a video request here.) They don't know the difference between a stock and a startup. One is investing on the outside, and the other is investing on the inside. One is like gambling if you don't know what you're doing, and the other is not. Enlightenment itself, if the guru has it, only gives you the wisdom of why we are one, and the transformation back into your ego. Does it point to profound insights of life? Sure. But, it doesn't go into details of life--like, how to do business and earn money. That, you have to figure out yourself.

What I've noticed is that watching Leo's videos makes me frustrated and angry at the world. Although incredibly powerful for inner growth, it has a tendency to make me overly intellectual and stuck in my head when relating to others. I've always thought of Leo as lacking 'that special something' when compared to the charisma of a mystic such as Alan Watts, Rupert Spira, etc...That is until he came back from his 30-day retreat. There's this little glint in his eyes that sparks that same feeling of presence now. Obviously nowhere near the same degree as those I mentioned above but Fucken christ, the man's moving into turquoise!!I Leo if you're reading this, I'm genuinely happy for you. You're a lot more authentic than you were before and it really shows. I cant speak for anyone else but I would be a lost puppy had I never found actualized.org. You are a beam of light in this dark age, thanks for everything.