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@Leo Gura Leo, it all started because you mentioned seeing "a few hairs of the ox" in one of your enlightenment clips when you were at a retreat. Of course, I had to look it up to see what that meant. I found Shinzen Young's clips and he described footprints to ox's tail to Riding the Ox Backwards. When I found out about Riding the Ox Backwards, it reminded me of a "dream" I had when I was 1 yr old. Basically, to make the story short, I was the no-self ( nothingness ). Then, I became a sphere with stars all around me in blackness. Then, it was space. Then, I went through a black hole facing backwards into my 1 yr old body. I was this massive, massive light going into my body. I felt the divine love - extreme bliss - after I awoke. Long story though... I always wondered why I was facing backwards and not forwards. Then, I thought, we are only embodied throughout life, either in a human body or a soul or whatever. What we actually are is nothing/everything = the peace consciousness. That's why I realized that our ego (emotions) are all fiction. I lost a brother when he was 18 - died of brain cancer. I saw him again in a "dream" a few days later. I thought he came back to life. I talked to him and said that I was going to see him again. Of course, there are a lot more details in all of these. But, the thing I noticed in these two experiences is that I was also the observing self. When I was the sphere in space, I was observing myself as the no-self ( not embodied in anything ) at a different angle. I was the observing self when witnessing the massive, massive light going into my body. And, I was also the observing self when talking to my Bro. I witnessed myself talking to him. There were a lot of ah-ha moments (and little experiences) after seeing all your enlightenment clips. Thanks for being very articulate and clear in your clips, Leo. I find that these experiences also interconnect with my life purpose. (Karma) Note: Before, I thought the sky is the limit when working on my startup. Now, it's a life purpose toward world peace due to your world peace clip, enlightenment clips, etc. Those are the best ones! Best of luck in your enlightenment journey, esp when it comes to taking substances. And, I'm not here to judge, but please stay safe.

I would say that 'success' is actually counterproductive to 'happiness'. But that's a complicated issue to go in to right now. But it really depends on your definition of 'happiness'. Because it seems that most people seem to think of it as some positive emotion such as joy, bliss, excitement, stimulation, etc. When in fact I see happiness as being the absence of emotion and more of a 'peace of mind' state. Which is all about the psychology of the person and not the circumstances of their life.

Vipassana meditation for 1-2 hours a day in the morning is perfectly fine. If it gives you a certain feeling of affinity, if it gives you a certain feeling of well-being, if it gives you a certain feeling that this is for you, then be serious about it. Then forget the others techniques, do not play with other methods. Stick to it - at least three months. I don't agree with '10 days of intense meditation', it not good for beginners. Whenever someone begins meditation, he will become aware of many things of which he was not previously aware, and because of that awareness he will suffer. This is how things are, and one has to pass through them. You are becoming more unconscious. With a real, authentic meditation you will suffer more, because you will become more aware. So when you allow it to happen, you don´t escape, you don´t run, you are not in a panic, suddenly you become aware that suffering is there on the periphery as if happening to someone else, not to you, and you are looking at it. A subtle joy spreads all over your being because you have realized one of the basic truths of life, that you are bliss and not suffering. Suffering should not be end result.

Agreed! Yes, and here is something else I think is worth some notable consideration. The modern spiritual world seems to be obsessed with conflating enlightenment with a particular state of mind. Eternal bliss states etc, perfect goodness, or the mahatma ideal. I think even for a fair amount of mature people now who have devoted a good proportion of their time investing in their development are maybe also prone to believing that enlightenment itself is something to do with "purity". The purification is a large factor, but this is only really to get the mind quiet enough to understand that the Self is ever free of all states, and therefore its reflections are ALL reflections, the good the bad and the ugly. We don't generally think of an enlightened person as being a normal person, but this is what enlightenment actually is, the verses are saying "you are that already" no need to chase something that you already are. Its an irony that the route of the problem with the assumption that there is something "wrong" with us lies at the very doorstep of the messed up interpretations of the religions that were originally supposed to set us free. What a joke! I hope that these erroneous assumptions straightens themselves out in time

I've never had complete 'egoless' moments but I have had plenty of what I call peak experiences during which my ego has been largely 'irrelevent' and I've felt only pure peace, bliss, joy of the moment. A sense of beauty of the moment I guess. These experiences usually happened during moments where I was expecting nothing from the moment, and I was in complete acceptance of the moment. I often happens when I out in nature, There's a certain sense of 'awe' that accompanies it too. Everything about the 'story' of my life would become like a distant dream and in that moment, there was no story, no fears or worries, no 'life' as such. It's a beautiful thing.

Maybe perceiving everything as perfect brings you on the path to nirvana. But thats exactly the reason why those people who do not see everything as perfect and are trying to fix things for others who dont see everything as perfect and improving their finite lives should be considered much more of a saint than those who reach nirvana and live in constant bliss and can't be bothered by anything. Oh and by the way, its much easier to see everything as perfect, when you have a warm home, internet and most things that people in the past who didnt see things as being perfect broke sweat for, exactly because they were burnt by a fire that said: Nope, thats not really perfect.

Spirituality is a subjective experience, just like love. What is the criterion of love? Can you prove when you fall in love? Can you prove that really you have fallen in love? Is there a way to prove it? Is there any argument, any logic that will support you — any eyewitnesses? All that you can say is, “I know for certain that my heart is beating differently” — but that is something inner to you. You can say, “I am feeling so blissful,” but that is something subjective. You cannot bring some part of your blissfulness and show it to people as a criterion. Love, or truth, or bliss — they don’t have any criterion; they are experiences of the inner. Criteria are always of the outer. Don’t impose outer criteria for the inner — that is the fallacy of the video.

What are you going to do after having or realizing enlightenment experience(s)? How will it impact your decisions on how to live life here on earth? For me, it's a life purpose toward world peace. (Btw, you don't have to wait for an enlightenment experience to do this. There is karma. When you do this, your actions along the way could trigger experiences.) The reason is, during an enlightenment experience, you feel nothing but peace. If you see infinite, we are one - no embodiments of anything. There is no "pain and suffering" anymore. When you awake, you "feel" bliss - divine love. After thinking about it, you'll realize that the ego is just a fiction, just like all our emotions. These are the common features of enlightenment. I'm posting Leo's world peace clip and Shinzen Young's explanation of after enlightenment. https://youtu.be/ptkH0uK1uXM

Or any other enlightened master. Pure benevolence. When you're enlightened, your empathy levels are maxed out. You feel others' pain as your pain. When you're on the path to enlightenment, you really wish the word was capable of freeing themselves from self-inflicted suffering, but you realize it's fruitless. People are far too attached to their self-identity, as you once were. You don't judge them for it, but you love them as yourself. Also, every living being and everything in nature becomes a part of you. You love everything as you would yourself. It's the most purest form of love..no attachments, just pure bliss.

It is hard to pinpoint exactly what motivates me to do personal development specifically. I genuinely feel like I cannot come up with "one" singular answer. I maybe think part of it for me is being motivated from the journey itself - the ups, downs, growth and the bliss. Also the potential and the impact I can have on other people from staying on the journey. But as far as my life purpose, I feel more it is about growth, contribution and excellence. I love the idea of being an excellent human. That has always inspired me somehow.

The main reason for this post is because there is a lot of hysteria/misconceptions about mental illness, especially once people start to get into spirituality and psychedelics some people may sometimes be afraid they will one day 'trigger something that breaks their functioning mind, free will, emotions caused soly by some genetic predisposition'. Luckily that's a bunch of bullshit, though triggers and collapses may occur, the real cause is simply trauma, which can be dealt with. No developed mental illness (which is what we will be talking about) has ever been diagnosed through a biological test, it's a mere opinion based on symptoms (whom vary a lot, and of which not all are negative or even unhealthy), which creates a very very vague field: For instance, 10 people may have a cough, yet they may all have different diseases, but because the diagnosis is based on the symptom, they are all labeled with the same illness. (not to mention, a biological correlation also does not imply a cause, i.e. (mental) stress may still be the underlying cause) And other example, schizophrenia is based on just 2 out of 5 symptoms for a diagnosis: 'The positive symptoms of schizophrenia (delusions, hallucinations, and disorganized speech) can look like a manic episode of bipolar disorder, while the negative symptoms of schizophrenia (apathy, social withdrawal, and low energy) can look like a depressive episode.' Did you experience something unusual or belief in some unusual things? Do you hear voices sometimes, or see something not seen by others sometimes, either positive or negative? etc. Well, even having just a few of these things may already end you up diagnosed. Does that mean something is wrong with your body/mind per se? No, it means this particular culture created an arbitrary system to label the strange. However most people diagnosed mentally disturbed, are most often damaged broken individuals. Often schizophrenics and other mentally ill come from a unhealthy upbringing, were taught no confidence or love, in worse cases were (severely) abused by the parents or environment, didn't fit in socially and that has caused an unbalanced mind with all sorts of negative beliefs, low self worth and no tools to deal with it. In my own experience, I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, yet recovered from all symptoms remarkably fast. Long personal story: My youth: I had rather emotionally weak/insecure parents, spend almost all my free time behind TV and later video games, I was bullied, my dad died at 15 and at the same time, around age 15/16 I did recover socially (thanks to new friends and weed at the time (weed actually opened my eyes as to realizing I wasn't the only insecure being on the planet, but that it was in fact rampant). However not much later I started getting into mushrooms somewhat frequently and after some intense trips I realized we are spiritual being who could be living a ecstatic life if we decided to live in oneness without fear (among a few other things), but because I had no further tools or guidance and I was still walking around with a lot of emotional trauma/self-repression, and lacked the courage to be my true self, my negative ego flourished; I had no motivation for the regular world anymore, stayed in my room all day/night, I didn't know how to let go of all my fear and emotional trauma, and I wanted to die. But since that was not an easy or seemingly smart thing to do, I tried the next seemingly best thing, trying to imagine a better world for myself, I wanted to belief I was more special than others because I felt so inadequate. and I wanted to belief the moment was more special because I felt so shitty; this resulted in delusions and even in some rather small but (partly) self induced hallucinations (belief is a powerful tool) (though not of all can be said to be definitive hallucinations). After about a year of that me and my mom both thought it was a good idea to hospitalize for depression and psychosis (though in my eyes at the time, I believe I was just depressed, given I simply lived very unconsciously). I was hospitalized for psychosis, I hoped to receive good therapy, I imagined someone who would just talk to me so I could cry it all out. Strangely enough, despite living a developed first world country (The Netherlands), none of that happened, I was asked to simply take medications and was pretty much put away with similar (but nice) individuals with a short group therapy once a week, despite that, nothing really happened except a few. very short, talks with a (apathetic) psychiatrist. A wonderful business model to keep people taking drugs for their whole lives and not actually look at their problems indeed, luckily I refused all medication and they didn't pat attention. I was diagnosed with a schizoaffective disorder (schizophrenia with emotional imbalance) at the end of my year long hospitalization, overall, it was an OK time to simply get to myself more somewhat with no responsibilities, though that did not really help that much at all, luckily, I later did find the cure. Getting rid of mental illness At the end of my hospitalization of about a year I started meditating and things got better quickly, I just went home, got back to school, continued my practice and also started practicing self-inquiry, quickly in about a year time all my delusions/hallucinations as well as the dreadful depression simply faded. I went from very mentally restless to less and less until I was more neutral, until the neutrality birthed a small joy. During that time and time after until this day, emotional trauma surfaced (regularly) and is released, making me less afraid, less tense and free-er. Years later the progress has simply continued and I'm a happy, peaceful person and productive person, still there is some healing to do and there is a long infinite way to further to live and progress into total harmony, oneness and bliss with God,- thank God. And with no mental or emotional disturbance that ever surfaced again, even after taking psychedelics again numerous times, In fact living more in harmony with your inner-self makes you become actually one of the more sane people, and living in sync with life which gets wonderfully and clearly reflected with consistent synchronicities and a more conscious communication with the divine/yourself (through synchronicity, feeling, inspiration), despite how delusional that might sound to the common man. And now, in hindsight, I can look back at a dreadful depression and delusional moments with some gratitude, as it provided me a great useful contrast to more fully know who I really am and what actual happiness is. The gene myth As you may already have figured, trauma/negative imprints and the fear is what causes an imbalance in thought and behavior. Gene's do play (a rather small) role, as well as your environment, though ultimately it's the mind that decides what it beliefs in and how it wants to function in relation to it's beliefs. So no. Schizophrenia or any other developed mental illness does not get suddenly triggered caused by some gene; the concordance rate between identical twins and schizo. is around 25% and the concordance rate between fraternal twins is about 5%. This shows that people with exactly the same gene's have a 25% chance of getting schizo. together, not a 100%. Although the number is higher than of the fraternal twins, this may be caused be cause they are more susceptible to receiving emotional imprints, perhaps psychic functioning or because they were simply raised more similarly and gotten into the same circumstances and mental health system. So in short: gene's do not cause any developed mental illness. Well explained by some of the best professors in the world here as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36HquPzdxf4 It's caused by trauma Because of my own experiences I strongly belief that all disturbances simply come from being raised in an impure, dishonest, negative and simply insane world (which in truth is anything that does not display oneness), which we soak in as children which may or may not make us then extremely insane, or simply just a bit more so than the rest. This is not my view alone, I came to found out, there are quite a few (renowned) psychiatrists who see it this way as well, to name a few good psychiatrists and researched: Charles Whitfield (very good), Colin Ross, John Breeding, Ben Sessa and the list is not complete. - so TL:DR Don't be afraid of developing any mental illness, it can only come from too much emotional/mental baggage fundamentally which you can simply heal through (and probably mainly through) spirituality/meditation/self-inquiry and other modalities (expressing yourself, openly talking, music etc.). - (One of the most useful things I found is to conjure up fear through your imagination, to then feel in the body to then meditate on it.) Peace <3

I think some part of life purpose course is actually a small part( basically a beginning part and few rules) that one follows during the enlightenment. The topics like "The authentic self", "Detachment from outcome", "Follow your bliss", "Contribution", "facing your inner demons" and few topics are actually a small part of enlightenment. So I just wanted to confirm if Life purpose course is actually a combination of small part of enlightenment + designing a career, by raising that question.

Sounds like a very cool mystical experience you're describing. Now, the union that you probably had at that moment provided you I'd guess a kind of ownership of everything you were perceiving, right? This union can be felt and is apparently existent throughout all experience - the mystical and the normal kind of consciousness. It's like the underlying fabric of every experience you have. It creates your and every perspective as a ever-still moment we call now and simultaneously an ever kind of flowing existence of this world we a part of. So, this experience you had I'd guess put off a lot of the layers of self you normally wear on you and let you in on the underlying completeness of reality. Try to make this out in your normal life how everything you perceive flows while being in a complete still moment. And how there are reoccurring themes in everything that exists. See how everything that you can make sense out of is something that underlies certain rules and patterns and arranges itself not only beautifully but intelligently throughout everything. You really grew out of this world and wasn't popped into it. And you really are this no-thingness. You can realize that and be aware of the underlying completeness of every moment. And that's bliss.

@abundance The traditional form and concept of Tratak is indeed that of concentration. And through concentration, energy is generated and siddhis – psychic powers -- are developed; but that ultimate relaxation we are seeking, the meeting with God, does not happen. Concentration is a part and extension of the ego itself; through it you are not dissolved but strengthened. You are not melted but solidified like ice. Your powers increase, but not your bliss. The ability to concentrate is not something to feel blessed about. It is a frozen state of mind, a very narrow state of mind. Useful, of course, useful — for others. Useful in scientific inquiry, useful in business, useful in the market, useful in politics — but absolutely useless for yourself. If you become too attuned with concentration you will become very, very tense. Concentration is a tense state of mind; you will never be relaxed. Concentration is like a torch, focused, and consciousness is like a lamp, unfocused. If you meditate. first concentration will disappear and you will be feeling a little at a loss. But if you go on, by and by you will attain to an unfocused state of light — that’s what meditation is. Once meditation is attained. concentration is child’s play — whenever you need to, you can concentrate. There will be no problem about it and it will be easy and without any tension.

If you don´t escape, if you allow the suffering to be there, if you are ready to face it, if you are not trying somehow to forget it, then you are different. Suffering is there but just around you; it is not in the center, it is on the periphery. It is impossible for suffering to be in the center; it is not in the nature of things. It is always on the periphery and you are the center. So when you allow it to happen, you don´t escape, you don´t run, you are not in a panic, suddenly you become aware that suffering is there on the periphery as if happening to someone else, not to you, and you are looking at it. A subtle joy spreads all over your being because you have realized one of the basic truths of life, that you are bliss and not suffering.

Neither would I. But I think there's something deep to be learned from primitive societies. In modern societies, the constant stimulants and chasing of egoic pursuits are what fog the mind for humans. That's why most modernized people aren't spiritual or in-tune with consciousness and existence. It feeds into an illusion that only continues to get stronger - just look at the rising depression and suicide rates among developed nations. Only through great suffering do modernized people find bliss and happiness, something that is already acquired by the primitive peoples.

Here is something I read yesterday that may relate to that. "Give up even the desire to be experiencing the bliss of being it all".

Reality of Absolute, Infinite Awareness. Countless people today ask what it means to live a deeper spiritual life.... Beyond the old dilemma of whether to renounce the world or immerse oneself in it, the enlightened "Free Beings" (the Avatâra-Incarnations and awake adepts) show us how to freely transcend yet pervade the world with Love and Light through the Power of Pure Awareness. This Divine Reality of Pure Awareness, Open Presence or Spirit, the one Sacred Principle, is both beyond all yet within all. As the theologians say, this Divine Awareness/Reality is both transcendent and immanent. Not any kind of "thing" but the Source, Witness and Reality of all things, this God-Self is other than this world, yet right here animating and embracing this dreamlike world and all her deliciously unique beings. Let's be completely clear about This: Awareness is Who You Really Are, right HERE, right NOW, the Infinite, Open, Imperceptible (but quite live-able or be-able) Host for all "guest" experiences, as the Zen masters say. Awareness is the Supreme Self, the unseen Seer of seeing, the unheard Hearer of hearing, the unthinkable Thinker of thinking, as the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (our oldest wisdom text) revealed Divine Truth nearly 3,000 years ago. Hence, anyone living and flourishing in/as Divine Awareness-Bliss-Love can be totally involved in the world while entirely uninvolved, fully engaged while completely free as the One Who Alone IS, the I AM THAT AM. This God-Self or Divine Dreamer, the true Living God, Pure Open Awareness, sports and adventures as "I am this" or "I am that," delightfully playing the always-poignant role of the individual human being or any kind of sentient being, eventually awakening ItSelf (from Its egocentric soul condition) to the clarity of Divine Presence, the only Reality. One's life, therefore, can be a beautiful unfolding flower of virtue, eventually fully blossoming into a life of Divine splendor.

Maybe here's there's part of the response: Anatta – the difference between Buddhism and Hinduism Anatta is a central doctrine of Buddhism, and marks one of the major differences between Buddhism and Hinduism. Buddhists do not believe that at the core of all human beings and living creatures, there is any "eternal, essential and absolute something called a soul, self or atman". Buddhism, from its earliest days, has denied the existence of the "self, soul" in its core philosophical and ontological texts. In its soteriological themes, Buddhism has defined nirvana as that blissful state when a person, amongst other things, realizes that he or she has "no self, no soul". The traditions within Hinduism believe in Atman. The pre-Buddhist Upanishads of Hinduism assert that there is a permanent Atman, and is an ultimate metaphysical reality. This sense of self, is expressed as "I am" in Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 1.4.1, states Peter Harvey, when nothing existed before the start of the universe. The Upanishadic scriptures hold that this soul or self is underlying the whole world.[117] At the core of all human beings and living creatures, assert the Hindu traditions, there is "eternal, innermost essential and absolute something called a soul, self that is atman."[5] Within the diverse schools of Hinduism, there are differences of perspective on whether souls are distinct, whether Supreme Soul or God exists, whether the nature of Atman is dual or non-dual, and how to reach moksha. However, despite their internal differences, one shared foundational premise of Hinduism is that "soul, self exists", and that there is bliss in seeking this self, knowing self, and self-realization.

It becomes 100 times easier to accept what happens and live in bliss if you have resources. Eckhart Tolle teachea big babies like that to accept that someone broke up with him, while some homeless has to accept that he wont eat and he will be dirty, malnourished and sick one more day. Oh no, poor me, i got dumped.Go have a shower and breathe. You playing the game in easy mode. The homeless on hard mode. Not only the homeless, all those people who live day by day, month by month, not knowing if they will meet both ends... This is hard mode. Not some mental issues of emptiness, not reaching your fullest potential or screwing less girls than your mates.

@Happiness Remember that the actual experience you had was infinite peace and bliss. Those negative emotions don't really exist. They're all just made up in retrospect.

Wheres the problem in taking it and feeling awesome constantly. Sounds like buddah state of constant bliss. If i can sustain it i would

@mr lenny @MIA.RIVEL The Zen people say just sit, don’t do anything. The most difficult thing in the world is just to sit doing nothing. But once you have the knack of it, if you can go on sitting for a few months doing nothing for a few hours every day, slowly, slowly, many things will happen. You will feel sleepy, you will dream. Many thoughts will crowd your mind, many things. The mind will say, ‘Why are you wasting your time? You could have earned a little money. At least you could have gone to a film, entertained yourself, or you could have relaxed & gossiped. You could have watched TV or listened to the radio or at least you could have read the newspaper you have not seen. Why are you wasting your time?’ mind will give you a thousand & one arguments, but if you just go on listening without being bothered by the mind....it will do all kinds of tricks; it will hallucinate, it will dream, it will become sleepy. It will do all that is possible to drag you out of sitting. But if you go on, if you persevere, one day the sun rises. One day it happens, you are not feeling sleepy, the mind has become tired of you, is fed up with you, has dropped the idea that you can be trapped, is simply finished with you! There is no sleep, no hallucination, no dream, no thought. You are simply sitting there, doing nothing....& all is silence & all is peace & all is bliss.

If you know the difference, why not have a little fun with experience of all kinds. When you see it all goes around in a circle and returns to where it started, all you can do is laugh your ass off. All that remains is to play with form, existence and experience. For now it's all that is. Make it up as you go along, it doesn't matter at all. There are no rules or guidelines here except the ones we choose for ourselves. If you want to experience bliss, do it. If you want to experience hell, go for it! Fear, disappointment, love, jealously hate, separation, oneness, a high, a low, an awakening, ect. all the same as being just another experience. Even the negative or positive sensations that each creates within the body/mind is choice created for the experience of it . Edit: Listen to what is said here @7:00

WEEK 10 DAY 64 20 minute yoga in the morning. 60 minute yoga class. 25 minute breathing meditation. Woke up feeling tired. This is mostly because of how much I smoked yesterday. Later on in the day a headache started. I felt very inspired yesterday and committed to no entertainment challenge for this week. Well, shit. Why did I take away coffee? As the first half of the day was ending I questioned this decision a lot. My mind was looking for reasons to cancel the challenge or at least part of it, at least coffee ban. I even had thoughts where I thought that it might actually be better to live with addictions. "I like my addictions" - yes, I had this thought. I want coffee so bad and at the same time I don't give a fuck that I want it. I will keep this challenge going no matter what. I have thoughts that this challenge might not be very useful for me, that it is only waste of energy. Well, fuck these thoughts, even if they are true. I will draw conclusions at the end of the week. Another thing, normally I do not waste much time on entertainment. I just need a quick facebook check, short article and a short video on youtube. I thought it is no big deal. Now I feel like I am choking on silence. There is a lot of empty space and it is tough to handle it. Last time I had a day without facebook was when there was no way to access the internet. Completely not indulging in entertainment and distractions is challenging especially when I need to do so little to get that little hit of facebook. Just one click. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 65 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25+25 minute breathing meditation. Had a decent sleep tonight but again I am sleepy. Is this because I cut out coffee? The sound of coffee machine at work triggers me big time. I am drinking tea right now and it sucks because it is not coffee. Had moments of clarity and relaxation towards the end of the workday. Later some tension came back. Going to sit now. First 25 minute sit was cross-legged, second sitting on the chair. During first sit I had a little trouble keeping my posture on the second sit I had some trouble staying conscious, felt a bit sleepy from time to time. Feeling relaxed now. Goodnight. Fingers cracked 0 times. DAY 66 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. 25 minute do-nothing meditation. Yoga felt extraordinary mindful today. It just happened this way I did not force anything presence was simply there. Later on at work I saw tension slowly building up. I lost my motivation at work. I mean, there is still some left but it is much less than it used to be. I am aware that motivation comes in waves and sometimes it is completely normal to wish you did not have to come in. This too shall pass. Almost checked facebook couple of times. Not intentionally though, purely because of habit. Just deleted bookmark from the browser so my mouse won't hover over it unconsciously. Something is happening and sometimes I feel that the best thing I could do is to get out of its way and let it happen. How to make 25 minute meditation feel like it lasts 60 minutes? Try sitting crossed-legged and bring your knees as low as you can. If you are very flexible this won't work but if you are like me pain will make meditation last forever. Breathing meditation - more like a pain meditation. Anyway, was an interesting experience. Later sat on the chair for 25 minutes of do-nothing meditation. I kept loosing my awareness very easily there. Breathing meditation keeps me more focused. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 67 20 minute yoga in the morning. 60 minute yoga class. 25 minute guided self inquiry. 25 minute energy observation meditation. Every morning it comes. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Lately it seems to have smaller impact on my day but it still there. I used to run away from it. Now we face each other everyday. I am still not sure why it comes but I feel it better now. Also, it tends to go away and then come back and go away and back again. Does not stay very long but keeps coming back. Just to clarify, I am talking about that feeling of unease, feeling of anxiety. Meditation class took place today. Attempted self-inquiry for the first time. We were guided through different layers of ourselves followed by the logic that something I observe is not who I am. Later we did what I call energy observation meditation (literal translation from my native language does not sound very good in English). Basically one can focus on anything that happens inside or outside oneself - be it a sound, a thought, a sensation of pressure or temperature and so on. The aim is not to cling to anything for too long and keep observing. Fingers cracked 0 times. (yay !) DAY 68 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. Sweet-ass morning. Things were in flow. Not for very long though. As I started my workday the pressure/tension came back. I worked a lot on my sitting posture today, it kept falling apart. When I try to sit with my back straight and legs bent at +/- 90 degrees I feel like I am doing a version of strong determination sitting. I just cant keep it for more than a minute, I have to straighten my legs or create tension in my shoulders or lay back. It might be a good idea to try to keep myself in the same position for at least 20 minutes or so. Why is it so hard? If I keep working still and do not move the pressure on my chest builds up like crazy. Had quite strong cravings for a smoke today. I noticed this happening every Friday. It is easier to avoid smoking during workdays but Friday brings a change of wind (or wind of change?). Anyway, I clearly knew that I do not really want to do that and craving vanished after some time. Today during meditation I had plenty of thoughts. Some stuff was quite ridiculous and when awareness kicked in I started laughing. My girlfriend was in a room and she started laughing too. I just could not stop for almost a minute. The whole situations was pretty absurd lol. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 69 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. Sat for meditation in the morning. It was emotionally challenging and I had a hard time leaving it as it is. Kept coming back to trying to fix a particular negative emotion or wishing it would fix itself. Also had hard time to sit cross-legged through entire meditation. I noticed that for some reason Saturday or Sunday mornings are always difficult emotionally therefore it is really useful to meditate in the morning so that I can become aware of why it happens. Oh shit, resisting entertainment over the weekend is a completely new dimension. The NEED is strong. Doing my best. Later in the day I sat for another 25 minutes and after that I took a nap for 15 minutes. I just did not know what to do. Sorry to disappoint you all but I have just spent half an hour on entertainment. Fingers cracked 5 times. DAY 70 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation in the evening. My dear sirs and ladies, I have gone completely out of control today. I guess the resistance built up and I just totally lost it. So to summarize what happened: RimWorld, a game which I dedicated this day to - from morning till evening; Smoking - not insane amounts but a bit too much; Sugary sweets - in the beginning I thought I will eat a shitload of sugary shit because me and my girlfriend (since we are not eating any) have accumulated large amounts of sweets at home. I ate some but did not really enjoy it as much as I expected so I stopped without any effort; Did not do any work or self-development work except the fact that I somehow managed to do yoga and meditation. Best thing about all this - minimal amount of self-guilt. This just happened and I had moments of enjoyment and saw how different life looks from the perspective of someone who plays computer games whole day. I have been in that place many times in my earlier years but now it seemed completely different. It was a good learning experience. I pushed myself too hard this week and this is where it got me and that is completely fine. Fingers cracked X amount of times. Might be 0, might be 3 but not more. REVIEW OF WEEK 10 Goal review Quitting smoking - Check (Except Sunday !) Quitting any kind of contact with video games - Check (Except Sunday !) Limited social media time - Great success ! Eating healthy - Check. (Except Sunday !) Exercising daily - Check. Meditating for at least 25 mins everyday - Check. Setting at least one hour per week for review - Check. No excessive use of alcohol - Check. (0 alcohol) Finger cracking - Failure. Not too bad but still a failure. No more porn - Check. Affirmation habit - Failure. Could be more consistent. Mindful eating - Removing this goal. Everything is slowly becoming more mindful. I learned to eat slower and that is enough for now. NO ENTERTAINMENT CHALLENGE - 6 days of success, 1 day of complete and utter failure. If not Sunday this would be a near perfect week ! Thoughts No entertainment challenge In general this week had more happiness and peace. Still plenty of anxiety and all kinds of negativity, but things are changing. One thing I noticed that after joy/happiness/bliss passes and sadness/anxiety/tension kicks in it does not scare me that much. I am still trying to run away from those emotions but more and more often I face them and accept them fully or partially. It is not easy. This challenge was too much for me. Sunday is a good illustration. What I learned: I do not really need facebook. Not drinking coffee is really hard during first three days and later cravings disappear almost completely. The need for entertainment is extremely deep inside me. I was surprised by how difficult this week was at times. One interesting thing is that I started noticing more stuff and I found entertainment in other places like going home from work and watching people, observing birds, making tea, or listening to some atmospheric music. Pushing too hard for too long might result in total chaos. Woo-woo(-zela) One thing I noticed in meditation class that when sharing our experiences some people go full woowoozela (woo-woo). Funny thing is that those people tend to get along well with each other. What I mean by woowoozela is that some people totally miss the point of meditation and share their experiences of flying around the world and trying to find other people from the group so that they can fly together or some random visions of seeing Jesus or simply saying that their ego is gone (after first attempt of self-inquiry WOW good job lol). They are people who are attracted to some kind of spiritual bling-bling and they honestly remind me of a guy from youtube doing videos about "Ultra spiritual" stuff. And by the way, I am fine with it. What it made me think about is that a certain percentage of people in this forum are definitely big woowoozela fans and I should really be careful not to take some nonsense misinformation seriously. I became much more open-minded since I started looking more on the so called spiritual side of self-development but there is a definitely a limit for how far it can go. As the saying goes "If you open your mind too much your brain will fall out". Goal adjustment I was thinking about increasing meditation duration to 30 minutes per sit but I still have a hard time sitting cross-legged for 25 minutes. Maybe couple weeks later. - Ultra minimal social media time - Focusing on affirmation habit After this week's challenge I realised that I do not really miss it much. This might happen quite naturally though I have to be ready for some medium cravings at times. Afterword 10 weeks have passed. Soon I will do a quick recap of last 5 weeks. I do not get much replies in my journal and quite possibly nobody read through it entirely but if you are following my journey I just want to say that my commitment to this journal keeps growing. I have no doubt that I will follow through. P.s. Having no entertainment for 6 days led to this weeks entry becoming very long. Maybe even too long. Oops. Thank you for reading, TakeCare Next update planned on 2016.09.11