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Alright, let's start. I've contemplated and watched the new Eckhart Tolle video today, and saw how even he changed because how society changed, he actually used a German word and manipulated the crowd to become more conscious at one point, I saw or perceived how he was saying Mensch to have some sort of impression of a human being, not sure about the historical context of that. Next, I am a bit ashamed but not very much that I actually saw something which was of the value of me, after talking to TJ Reeves I looked into the test that he started and found something out. That I am a Rebel, which I never would have thought, I always thought I am more of a questioner since people always ask me, what do you mean? Why do you say that? Why do you question things so much? Anyway and resist expectations. Which is normal for me. Yet, I am unsure what I can learn from that. Anyway I hate this forum sometimes and I am not going to repeat what I wrote and found out that a rebel is capable of having structure and at the same time the best option is to change his identity and to have strategic clarity about his purpose, so keep reminding myself and writing down the reasons and programming them into my sub-consciousness is a great gateway for achieving higher realms of productivity and finally embodying my vision. With all of that in mind I wanted to re-strategize Strategic clarity: Why did I start and continue to follow my life purpose, since it includes the passions I've had as a child, yet never honed and, therefore, I can't fully enjoy them. Why do them then? Because these are the feelings I had as a child when I recall correctly William James said or Freud it is the oceanic feeling, a feeling (almost) of rupture and pure bliss. I can remember having so much fun learning languages and interacting with humans, at the same time programming and enjoying asking questions, and even doing the math and overall being smart is enjoyable. Why do I slack of then ? Sometimes it is normal it is a state of homeostasis of re-regulation of body/mind and especially old habits. So, having a new identity will help, so buying clothes is even important for me now, but it has to be authentic 100%!! Otherwise, it will only be another curse. -> Clarity and Strategic intent to remember when visualizing my lp before going to bed why do it and what it means to me identity wise, what I want to do and especially expect to destruct all expectations that I have of myself and that I have of others, An ultimate no mind. With the sensibility of running wild on train tracks to a never-ending destiny, reaching the speed of light, smacking trains into the universe. Now, what else is important? -> For this journal here keep in mind clarity of strategic intent and keep writing why you are doing it and why it felt so good to begin with keep reading even when it is just a re-glimpsing of some sort of information. Today I read in the book thick face black heart: Never hit a dog when you don't know who is the owner, it said that in China that a stray dog will be hit or shied away? By some sort of means. Because he is a bad omen, or maybe starts eating someone who is dead? It said further that you should never hit it when you do not know the owner, so never hurt someone? If you do not know who he belongs to, for example, he could be the rich frat boy whose family works for the hospital and earns a shit ton of money, or he mother of a father is a lawyer. Also, another example was how a small fish eats a big fish and a big fish a small one. Something along these lines and there was an example of a fox who associates himself with a tiger, since in his natural habitat he is quite fragile, even though he is sharp. He wants someone stronger in order to protect his fragility from other predators. The author then says these two are exchangeable and only a metaphor. My take on this is currently, every student or beginner is a fox somehow somewhere and if he or she is unable to find someone who shares his strength, wisdom and durability with him or he. She will be lost, since it is difficult for her to deal with her weaknesses. A personal example, I would want to work with someone who is better at designing and spatial thinking and creating, since I keep being analytical and like ideation. So, even when my ideas are great to implement them I would need a tiger of design/thinking/creating. What did I do today? -> 1h meditation -> approx. 1h 30 min studying -> 1h working out approx. -> reading sporadically ->Being confused by too many audiobooks ->Some stretching I had planned to do in the morning for 15min ->Ordered a whiteboard -> Communicated some other things What I intend to do (present and future self) -> Write down challenges on the white board and cross them off. (I have a calender where I do this with the visualization habit) -> Continue to write a strategic intent and have a clarity of purpose -> Accept your chaos focus on priorities -> Study today till 2 am. -> Focus on why a specific idea or the overall principle adds personal value to me. -> Search for a short compassion exercise.

That everything comes down to direct experience. the illusion in my mind is gone. it is just "me" here and now. nothing else. ………...beauty and pure bliss.

Like someone else said, congratulations and my condolences. This started for me just over a year ago. I had no prior knowledge of kundalini, but I feel like I've had a pretty smooth ride compared to a lot of people. Most days, I take some time to let the energy run through me. The first months, it would be really intense and last for hours, now it's a lot calmer and doesn't last as long. It got a lot easier when I realized at a) it calms down faster if I not only let it happen, but pay attention to the kriyas, and b) I can talk to the energy and ask it to back off or invite it to move. Since I was initially very freaked out and realized I was resisting, I also made a point of thanking my favorite deity each time I had kriyas or anything else that made me uncomfortable, which made it easier for me. I know some people feel better on a vegan diet, but I still eat meat. I don't really want to switch to less filling foods since kundalini has made me so hungry 24/7. I tried abstaining from alcohol for like 4 months, but didn't notice any difference. I'd advise against smoking or eating pot though, as an edible gave me one of the worst experiences of my life. Ofc, YMMV. In general - shit will come up. It will suck. It will pass. Sometimes you get random feelings of bliss, love etc. Try not to be attached to either. I know it's easy to feel very alone in this process, so if you need someone to talk to, shoot me a message!

Really loved this text Betinho Massaro wrote in one of his instagram posts **Loneliness As A Path To God** Do not underestimate the magnetic power of loneliness. There is a reason many people feel weirdly comfortable in it. It is a direct gateway into liberation. Let me clarify: Loneliness is the vision of God, filtered through a lack-belief coming from the idea of ourselves as a person, a body, inside of a world. The first stage is generally Loneliness - or the experience of being a person without God or holy company. Once we stop running away from our loneliness and instead decide to meet it directly with an open presence, we transmute loneliness into Aloneness—which is the person meeting God within. When we fall in love with Aloneness and begin to really appreciate the vast and endless stillness we find there, Aloneness turns into All Oneness—which is God without the heavy filter of thinking of ourselves as a body and a person inside of a world. It is sheer and formless freedom. All-pervading and unlimited bliss. In this way, when we start looking directly at loneliness instead of trying to fill it up with new content every day as a way not to have to feel it directly, we begin the transmutation process of turning Loneliness into All Oneness. In summary: The Pain Stage: Loneliness — the person sense without God. The Love Stage: Aloneness — the person sense meeting with God’s Presence within. The Liberation Stage: All Oneness — God without the person sense. . ——> From this moment onwards you will never be afraid of loneliness again. Instead you’ll meet it with excitement, knowing the alchemical process of turning perceived pain into love, and finally transmuting love into liberation, has now begun for you. Loneliness will never be the same again. Just like that.

Can anyone even explain to me how they navigate their day to day lives? Why do you go to work? Why do you visit your family or pretend you love them? As we know, emotions are not real! Do you engage in any activities you find pleasurable? Do you study? If you do, why? I study an MA, but I don't see the point now. I study international relations. I wanted to try and work myself into a position where I could influence conflicts in the world. Perhaps stop them, to end what I saw as injustice and suffering. But who actually says that killing is bad? Isn't it their choice to suffer? I saw Tolle speak about the Syrian crisis. He seemed a little concerned, but I think he knows that it is their choice to suffer. They can enjoy the bliss of now. I'm being deadly serious here, too.

Watch Leo's videos which are along the lines of "3 levels of personal development" and "setting up your infrastructure for personal development" Essentially all your personal development will focus on your inner game. By fixing the inner game, the outer game "fixes". HOWEVER, until you become advanced at inner game, you cannot appreciate how fixing inner game will fix your outer game. Hence you feel this way: Here is an example: An enlightened master (we can say mastered inner game) can go and live in a cave and be in bliss and ecstasy (outer game is fixed). A person with an underdeveloped inner game will go around trying to fix outer game facets but will deep down be unhappy and unfulfilled. I.e. a person with underdeveloped inner game will go crazy living in a cave. How do you get around this? Your focus on outer game should be to the extent that it enables you to focus on inner game. -Remove addictions (outer) so you aren't always distracted and can focus on inner work. -Sort out your relationships (i.e. intimate partner) so you aren't needy so that you can focus on inner game without distractions. -Sort yourself out financially so that you have an hour or two to do inner work and aren't worried about how you will pay the bills. -Develop an infrastructure that minimises distractions from inner work (this usually involves minimalism/spartan lifestyle). -etc. etc. etc. Once you do enough inner work you will realize that inner and outer doesn't really matter. It's all one, and they feed into each other. You could say everything become inner work because the outer work is also inner work. You can use Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs as a guide. The trap is getting stuck in outer game and neglecting the inner game. Focusing on the inner game and neglecting outer game can fix the outer game, BUT, paradoxically, you may need to fix the outer game to realise this.

@Amun There is no way back though. My old life is an illusion. Every time I woke up last night, I felt sick. Nothing is real. @Serotoninluv I don't think it is evil. I think it is what it is. Ultimately, it is the truth. What/who is my true self? As I understand it, it is my body but with a mind that produces no thoughts. None. Akin to a vegetable if you like. With only 2 primary inbuilt desires. 1, to eat. 2, to procreate. No opinions on anything, no labels for anything, no emotions, nothing. I might identify with these thoughts, but aren't they the truth? In the same way that you believe you understand the truth. But then again, they are thoughts, so they aren't you, are they? For all of us to be our true selves, we wouldn't be writing on here. So nobody can claim to be at one with their true selves. If I'm to meditate and label a thought as a 'thought', isn't that 1, thinking, and 2, labelling something? @pointessa I know that movies are not real. But we are entertained by them. But now it is more than they are not real. If I watch an actor in a movie, I just think, he is not real. He is an illusion. He is ruled by thoughts, which are not him, so it isn't real. I went to Disneyland when I was a child. I loved it. Same as I loved all sorts of things. Going to football matches, watching football, playing guitar, socialising with friends, listening to music. Christmas has just gone, and it was so nice to get just sit back and enjoy the ambient lighting, a few drinks with loved ones and do whatever we liked for a change. But it was all an illusion. That warm feeling I got on Christmas day will never return. I'm not and never have been that interested in presents by the way. I'm not materialistic. I'm especially not now. But also, the warm feeling I got when I got a text message from a girl I thought I loved. The warm feeling when I would spend time with my parents after not seeing them for a while. I will never experience that again, will I? Because I know now it is not real and not me. So even if it comes along, I will recognise it, and label it as fake. They say that ignorance is bliss. And I think I agree. Everyone else in the world is living in a fantasy land. But you know what, it works for them, doesn't it? They have a life. Ups and downs. Some strive for perfection, others don't. They have families. They live, laugh, love, lose and cry. They enjoy things. They hate things. The experience the world. They experience their thoughts, their own very chemistry. I'd love to go back to that world. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't real, but I didn't know that. But now I can't whether I like it or not. I watched Leo's video that is posted above. He says this might not be the time for pursuing enlightenment. But what he doesn't appreciate that, once you have glimsed the truth, there is no going back, ever. And if you are not in a position to pursue it fully, which is to become a thoughtless being content with being fed, which is the ultimate state, then you will never get there. You are left in limbo, which is the worst position ever. One route out for me.

Yes, that is what i was trying to say. When i read the terms subconcious or dreams i always got the impression, that this person sees dreams as a second level reality, which is more unreal than the waking state or something. But the opposite is the case. Dreams are pointers to the fact that there are no boundaries in reality and that every reality is inhabited by living beings. It's the least I can hope for. The best of all three states (waking, dreaming and deep sleep) combined into a single state. Best of waking: Ultragigamega HD Resolution. Best of dreaming: Everything can be dreamed. Possibilities and fun are endless. Best of deep sleep: infinite Bliss

Hi everyone, I've recently read the Power of Now and been watching numerous ET videos on YouTube. I have to say, I am now in a worse position that I have ever been in my entire life. To the point where I am seriously considering the prospect of suicide or admitting myself to a psychiatric hospital if I can. I just want to say a few things about ET first. I don't want to die, but I don't want to be thoughtless (which you will say is my ego). I am not anti Tolle as a person. I don't think he's someone who is doing it all for the money. I don't think he is trying to deceive people. I think he is genuine enough. But I also think what he says can be very, very dangerous. I started reading the PON as I thought it would be a book about how to be a better person. My dad had told me that it had helped him to stop ruminating so much about different things, something with which I've struggled with from time to time. Indeed, I used the approach from him explaining it to me a few times when I was in stressful situations and it helped calm me down. Out of curiosity, I thought I'd get stuck in to the read of what Tolle teaches. The dissolution of the ego. Or more plainly, the dissolution of the thinking part of our brains. People can say what they like here, about how Tolle words what he is teaching in his books. However, ultimately, what he is teaching is a form of nihilism. It really is. And what's more, he is right. Essentially, nothing matters. Suffering and pain aren't real emotions. That is what he is saying. If someone is done a perceived injustice (that we have socially constructed as an injustice), such as someone has physically harmed them, or their families, they have no reason to feel aggrieved or even have a negative emotion. If someone comes into my house now and chops my arms and legs off, Tolle would say accept it, live in the now and you won't suffer. If I suffer, it is my ego. Thinking logically, this is true. I would have a choice whether to suffer. What does it matter if I have arms or legs? Emotions are not real. Nothing is real. Everything is a thought, which isn't a thing. Our thoughts are conditioned because of hundreds of years worth of social constructs. Essentially, anything goes. We needn't feel bad for any behaviour, because whatever we do, essentially is neither right or wrong. There is no adjudicator. Even in the sense that you think you love someone. You don't. How mind blowing is that? I saw a video with Tolle (before he was with Kim), and he said that relationships should be avoided. They are social constructs, again. Love, as much as suffering and pain, isn't real. I thought I loved a girl. I would have jumped in front of a gun for her. But love isn't real. You don't love anyone. Because if you are in the now, which is your true self, you have no thoughts. To love something, you need to have thoughts. It cannot work. Therefore, love is based on a thought, that essentially is ego, which is not you. Nothing matters. Everything is a construct. Tolle says he enjoys spending time in nature, which he sees as beautiful. But isn't the idea of nature being beautiful a social construct too? Who says it is? Why do we think anything is interesting or beautiful? That is a thought, which isn't you. Why do you get out of bed and go to work? Why do you study? Why do you watch TV? Why do you socialise, when your friends are doubtlessly ran by their egos, which isn't them? As such, your friends are illusions. They are not real. Nothing is real, everything is an illusion. This is EXACTLY what Tolle is getting at but he might not have worded it as such. Yes, I could live in the 'now'. But how do I function if I have no thoughts? I would urinate and defecate in this exact spot which I am laid. How do I chose what to eat with no thoughts? Tolle's answer for everything is to be in the now. The now cannot be bettered. Nothing compares to the bliss of the now, because if you are not thinking. Of course the now will be a type of bliss, as there are no thoughts. I saw him on Oprah's show on YouTube and they was talking about people grieving. He didn't word it as such, but what he was saying was people are grieving over nothing and they choose to suffering. Do not grieve over your loved ones when they pass, because they, for one thing, they are illusions, two you cannot love them, and three there's nothing you can do to bring them back. It makes absolute sense. So cutting to the chase, why am I here when I could accept the now and none of this would matter? I should be content with just existing. Because I can't yet cease thinking entirely. And more specifically, I don't know if I want to (you will say, ah this is your ego). So I can't win. I am in a state of perpetual suffering as a result. Trying to achieve something that ultimately, you can't and trying to avoid going back to a world of illusions that I now find incredibly scary. My friends are not real, the love I feel for people is not real, everything is an illusion. And I know every single one of you Tolle fans on here know that I am speaking the truth. Tolle cannot write it like this in his books, as it would never be published. My world has come crashing down. I LOVED my life. I was content. I FELT things. Happiness, sadness, euphoria, excitement, nervousness, heartache. But these emotions are just illusions, mere thoughts that aren't real. I now have no desire to anything. See friends? No, they're illusions. See family? No, they're illusions. Go to work? No what's the point, it's an illusion and creates a false identity. If you are a Tolle follower, why do you do anything? The last vestiges of my thinking mind realise that I have two basic functions. To survive and to procreate. These are biologically preprogrammed. These are the only things that are 'real' to me. So, while I want to die (this is a genuine thought, as nothing matters. Indeed, having spoken to a number of enlightened folk online over the past few days, they have agreed that it doesn't matter if I live or die. If I want to die, then die. My family and friends will suffer, but as we know, that suffering isn't really who they are. The real 'them' would not care, as those emotions are born out of the ego). What do I do? I am stuck. I anticipate many of you will just say accept and submit to the now. My point is, I don't see how this truth (it is the truth, you can deny it as much as you like, but this absolutely what Tolle and others with similar messages are getting at in a round about way). can lead anyone to a state of happiness of euphoria, as these aren't real either. Ulimately, a tiny bit of my disgusting egoic brain tells me that perhaps it is better to leave people in their unconscious lives of ignorance. It is all an illusion, sure. But they don't know that. It's that or nothingness. How can't this truth, ultimately, lead to people just dying? And again, what would that matter? It wouldn't.

Bliss (1/3/2019) No excuses and no regrets Efortless life, as good as it gets Making mistakes every minute, every hour Sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet, salty and sour Life has flavors, I'm content and glad Not caring much about who is and who isn't mad Dreams become reality, reality is a dream Nothing anymore is what it would seem Lost in the context, lost between words Monkey mind no more, nothing really hurts.

I dont care Truth. Because when I cared it at age of 13, I experienced horrible existential crisis, which turned my world upside down. 1.5 year ago I started this path after reading Tolle's "The Power of Now" to bring joy to my life, as a result same thing from my age of 13 happened. Now I suffer more. I dont want Truth. I want happiness, bliss. Let's ask a question. How not to shit pant in this path?

@Key Elements First thing I would do is purge all beliefs about enlightenment. Specifically: All is not an illusion Saying that "all is an illusion" does not mean that reality itself is an illusion. It's anything but an illusion. Superimposing thoughts on reality, that is the illusion. This is more profound than just removing labels from objects and seeing them as they are. You must also purge more subtle psychological mechanisms. For example, space, time, distance, self, other etc. The emphasis on unity you see in various teachings is meant to show this. That there is no separation, or distinction within awareness. Initially, one might become aware of awareness. One then might somewhat erroneously believe that they are awareness and thus become aware of objects and actions. I'm saying that this separation must go. Awareness is the only thing that there ever was, is, and will be. It is only awareness that is becoming aware, and then only of awareness. Enlightenment does not mean the end of suffering. For there to be suffering, there needs to be a sufferer. This is not the case. There is only awareness. There is no such thing as suffering to become immune to to begin with. However don't get confused. If by this, you are chasing some supernaturally ability for the body to become insensitive to pain, well there are easier ways to achieve that than becoming enlightened. One could take a painkiller for example. I would say that if you are chasing this "ability", then stop doing so immediately. Just don't worry about it. Don't go search for suffering your experience and judge your enlightenment by this merit. Trust me it will do you good if you follow my advice. Enlightenment does not mean complete peace, no matter what happens. The explanation for this is similar to what's been said above. I know many sages and scriptures put a lot of emphasis on the "bliss" aspect of enlightenment, but that bliss is not for the mind. It's for awareness. In other words, you already possess this bliss. It is there all the time. However, do you know this? That is the question. The point again is to stop your constant search for bliss which ironically is the cause for bliss to be obfuscated. So allow me to reiterate: Enlightenment is not an event or happening in space or time. You say that "we" are "embodied" on the earth. I'm saying, are you sure this is the case? It's not the case. This is a belief. This is a superimposition on reality. Understand this.

Two different phenomena- The thing about getting a 'download' from above while in the shower came from an irreverent Commercial Pilot. It was in the first 3 or 4 days of an online class of Christian Contemplatives about mindfulness. While outing himself for a blunder in Connection with his pilot duties he mentions kind of in passing that he 'received messages' while in the shower. It was like a bunch of connections just beneath the surface of awareness and when he mentioned it,,,, they rose above the surface and connected. It had the element of Remembering in it. This is a very subtle thing, though. I don't want to give the impression of thunder and lightning. Things like being free from having an attitude,,, are connected to its appearance/flow. Similar to that pressure that develops on your forehead. It's so subtle, it's dismissed at first or explained away,, it's just sinus pressure,,, A lot of time went by for me,, probably because I'm a certain kind of idiot. First became aware of the sixth chahra pressure around 2008. It came and went for years but stepped up a knotch about two years ago. Still very subtle. Not bliss blast. Anyway, The downloads also happen outside of a hot shower. Just seems like they happen easier there. These downloads can still get mixed up with my ego when it's around the subject of my chief feature. My psychological blind spot. I forgot what video was playing where Leo outed himself for having a blind spot. When I heard that, "It made my heart soar like a hawk" - As chief Oddskins says in the Movie Little Big Man. I found a good teacher! I think he was talking about the necessity for gathering knowledge from different perspectives or sources and needing more than one teacher because all teachers have a blind spot. I can tell that Leo is ahead of me in Realization and development. I'm grateful to have access to his articulations.

Greetings and Happy New Year! It's nice to see this rotating sphere orbit a fireball once again. There's something about this day that makes me want to write about an experience that happened maybe 3 years ago, back when I was regularly experimenting with psychedelics. I know MDMA is not typically considered a psychedelic because it doesn't induce an experience of ego-death. However, in all my experiences with it (about a dozen), I do experience an "ego-dissolution", and during one specific high-dose, I did experience what seemed to me as ego-death for a brief period. That ego-death experience is what I want to talk about here because it was very profound at the time and in all the reading I've done on MDMA and trip reports I've read, I've never heard anyone report something like it. As I remember, the dose I took was 180 mg with a 90 mg booster 90 minutes in. I weigh about 140 lbs, so this was a pretty strong dose. I don't recommend people try this much, actually. The setting was just me alone. I remember feeling extremely good even before taking the booster dose, and then sometime after the 90 mg booster kicked in, I started feeling a very palpable sense of oneness. It was as though I could feel my normal sense of identity expand to become everything. I remember looking around at the room I was in and I felt identical to the objects I was looking at. I no longer felt identical to just my body. I then got up to dance to some music and as I was dancing around feeling this absolutely sublime euphoria, my perception blacked-out for a split-second. I could not hear the music, I could not see, and I don't remember feeling the ground with my feet. This is where I will have a hard time describing my experience but in this moment of black, there was just this immensity of something...but it was also like a nothing. It was immense. And this immensity I could also describe as static, present, and immovable. It literally did not ever move -- it was just there with what seemed the mass of a black hole (even more). There was an intuition that whatever that was, was what I was. I was that immensity. A second later, I'm back in my ordinary reality moving my feet to the music, but once I processed what had just happened, I had to go lay down. I was totally awe-struck at what I had just experienced. "It's forever. The Universe goes on forever," I thought. I didn't really understand what I had just experienced, but at the same time, I knew it was something exceptionally profound. And the profundity of whatever the heck that was, caused tears of love and elation, and bliss, and wonderment to flow down my face like never before in my life.

happy new now to all and may all your nows bring you bliss and peace. Love

Enlightenment is really narcissism taken to it's full circle. In advaita vedanta, this incomparable love for oneself above all else is called the bliss/love aspect of the Self/Enlightenment. But it gets delusionally facilitated by the separate self ego which breeds more suffering rather than bliss. There is really no around. Where would you go?

I only do Meditation, focus on breath, usually more than 10h a day. After mastering breath you can channel the breath to raise kundalini and have a constant flow of DMT in the system, so it translates in a constant state of bliss without feeling tired. This is my experience of everyday life. So I can work, play, whatever while I'm still meditating, is a way of life now. So in my experience, focussing all the attention on my breath, the awareness of the surroundings skyrockets, so i'm able to do stuff with a more clear mind that without meditation, and the ability to multi-task is incredible.

I have not pursued this path per example and have awakened almost 3 years ago. But after all that time, only this month I dived deep into the permanent state of bliss. The last 2 years were ups and downs during the day, moments of bliss with other moments of dark nights of the soul, having almost every day continuous ego deaths so to speak. So yes, if you decide to skip the breath and think all the time, eventually one will fall into the trap of forgetting, again.

More than that. Actually, from more than a year, I'm constantly on my own DMT. This is the reason for my state of bliss all the time, even if I'm apparently angry hahahaha. The Art or Breath combined with Kundalini and with all the other colors, just marvelous. I've used heavy doses of several drugs in the past, so if I take a dose of let's say 20mg of 5meo I can still go and drive my car without passing out. Because I have conquered/discovered that fase in the awakening stage. What is mindblowing for most people, for me is a walk in the park. Cause maybe I've had experienced death so many times that Breath is the most blissful thing to me. Also from about 3 years old to the age of 16, I was having ego deaths almost every night, waking up in the middle of the night and seeing reality as I see it now, from an awakened perspective. But back then was like btw sleep and awake and I did not know what was happening, felt fear most of the times. So is complex, experience and pain taught me the most.

@CreamCat I can't tell, I can imagine. I don't know how much experience I have with psychedelics, because my body needs a lot more and I did test it and only two different environments, and still integrate insights and perceptions especially the outer world after I meditate. Sometimes the world becomes more vivid like psychedelic or more vibrant and clear. Yet, I after the last retreat I just went nuts it was like my intuition went overload and I interpreted every symbol to literally, instead of becoming one with all objects for instance. Like if I recall correctly, Leo has in his magic mushroom video, where he became one ( I did not watch the video in its entirety ) and loved all objects that he saw, even some dirt on the floor and the trashcan? Etc. Coming to the point... I do not know how an ego death feels like, I know that I went into becoming one with a sentient being instead of relying on my intuition to interpret reality, situations, thoughts of people, hidden intentions, good intentions etc. It was different than an amplified intuition of compassion and empathy which I had and I felt like I "loved" my friend during a psychedelic trip. He felt the total opposite saying he felt extremely different from me which was odd to me since I was so convinced that we were on the same page. So, I can't tell if there is a misconception about dying and becoming one with everything. Or if it is about enlightenment. I was listening to an audiobook and the teacher there talked about how each moment.. can be peppered with thousands of moments of pure bliss, god, (things I have not yet experienced), yet that one never fully sees God. Which was odd to me that someone of his age says that. About physical death and psychedelic death, I can relate in a way when for instance I do a do nothing meditation and I drop into a state of something which is "very" deep ( I talked about this with a teacher more competent than me), I lose consciousness, most likely because I am not ready, or not experienced enough. Anyway, it feels like you lose consciousness (in retrospect ), but at the same time, one goes deeper into consciousness IMO! So, in a sense, it is like death but death would include some form of "duality" and there has to be a "somethingness" to it or a perceivable quality to death itself. This is just my opinion, with practice, this will change most likely. Also, this teacher talked about how torture could help with enlightenment since it would be trigger practice but he could not do it in some way. In regards to staying conscious while experiencing hellish agony.

The twist is my emphasis on aligning actions with desires and using metaphorization. It is not that "I feel bliss" all the time. The I doesn't exist. Bliss is the Self, but that is not an experience of bliss like normal bliss. Technically I neither wake or sleep. But if we're going to use inexact approximations, then yes I dream and sleep like "everyone else." No, no dead people. We're all immortal if any of us are. I'm not more immortal than anyone else. Moksha, nirvana, kaivalya are all words for the same thing. True liberation is destroying the misconception -- not just saying it, but actually recognizing it -- that there is such a thing as true liberation and that there is anything more to do or be than that unchangingness which you already are.

I don't know if this question was asked already, but: What is the twist you are making? Do you feel bliss all the time? What are your dreams like, if you have any? What happens when you "sleep"? Do you experience dead people? Are you immortal now? What is the real deal? Moksha, Nirvana, Kaivalya? And the most important question: What is true liberation?

This site is an amazing source of rare sounds that one can play while doing many activities. It's helping to stay focused for a long time, and block distracting noises. It's free, and there's many cool features and many many different sounds. For me a total bliss! Check this out: https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/huuVocalSoundscape.php

@SOUL So duality is a choice made at the second of labeling yet unmanifested awareness. This makes it all very easy! Just don't label if you don't want separation to occur. And so everything within awareness is awareness, but one can label and divide it to manifest objects. Are you a wizard? What a bliss, Deep bow to you, old friend.

Day 5 Almost no urges. I think I'm going through flatline or 'dead dick' stage. Hope that'll last long enough so I can build my willpower a little bit. Obviously today no porn, no looking at pictures, no phantasies. @Roman Edouard Sure man, I've downloaded a couple Robert Monroe's books and started reading them. Thanks for your support buddy. It'll let me to concentrate my attention on what really matters - consciousness and non-duality. I've had a glimpse of non-duality a month ago, it was so strong and mind-blowing that I had to stop meditating and started playing a bunch of stupid video games. I never thought I can be everyone that I see or hear, and I'm still in doubt, but I sure as hell want to try to get back to that state again. It is pure bliss and non worriness. So I thought it's a good idea to track how much sleep I get at night. Also what I noticed is that my sleep has direct influence on how much willpower will I have the next day and how good I'll feel myself.