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The truth that suicide can be the best option is best left unsaid in public forums. It’s weird how this is like the 5th thread I’ve seen around here where this obvious truth is being talked about like it’s some deep insight. Flexing how much cold truth you know around people toying with suicide is immature and dangerous.

Ah yes, sorry for the confusion. If you perused the dialogue that followed between Miguel1& I, I did backtrack. I was hasty. Terminal health cases where quality of life is non-existent are a good example of a case for suicide. I sensed the desire for the OP to harm themselves, so I was mainly acting out in an attempt to protect themselves from a terrible mistake

And if you have a disease that destroys your body little by little? Well, I guess you'd have to go through it like a mission. It's part of our path here, and we have to drink the glass to the end. That's what my intuition tells me now, but maybe in some specific case suicide would appear as what I have to do

Sounds like an interesting experience . The Japanese are fascinating, very difficult to understand. They seem like a very repressed culture, where everything is ritualistic. They're absolutely horrified at not meeting social standards, and where the main value is the repression of instincts in order to fit into the social framework. And then there's the whole hara-kiri thing... In no other culture has suicide been an institution. Not to mention their sexual fantasies. Very different than any other culture.

Just because they’re not openly advocating for the extermination of Latinos or whatever (although go on Twitter and you’ll see countless accounts expressing that exact sentiment), doesn’t mean their worldview isn’t fundamentally baked in anti-human white supremacy. A Nazi who “only” wants to deport every black and brown person from America regardless of the human cost is still a Nazi, they don’t need the death camps and swastika logos to prove this. A radical Islamist who calls for the death of the West and the final victory of Islam is still a radical Islamist, even if they don’t openly try to suicide bomb people (but then again they probably have obvious connections to groups who do.) It’s a sinister game of deflect and deny and I’m honestly tired of pretending that illegal mass ethnic deportations are “ok” just because the people doing so aren’t also waging war on Poland or whatever.

@Never_give_up thanks for opening up. All these things you mentioned can be improved .you just don't how yet .so the situation is not hopeless like someone who has a cancer .so the two points I asked you whether they apply to your life situation or not are not intact. By your own admission you said you feel slightly better right now . So I would say that means you are going to stick around for a while and not kill yourself just yet . I dealt with the question of suicide early on in my teen years . I just discovered that life is just a piece of shit and you just suffer and die in the end anyways so what's the fucking point of grinding and suffering for 60 or 70 or 80 years then die anyways..?..why not just kill myself and rest in peace? The answer is complex : 1- you do not know what happens after death . Maybe you incarnate as a jew in Hitler's Nazi era . Maybe you incarnate as a cow in a slaughter shop . So how do you know that death will end your suffering and not just increases it? I'm sure you reasoned with yourself this point . 2-it is not true that life is pure shit. You can't deny that happiness exist . And hope exist .People who kill themselves do so because they are hopeless. You need to find a source of hope .that could be God..Going to the church ..prayer ..practicing gratitude..etc Hope you live long fullfling life with peace brother 🙏.

@Natasha Tori Maru if what you are saying is true ..then why people commit suicide? Look at these suicide statistics https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/ Don't delete yourself. Watch Leo's videos and work on improving your life everyday . Can you please open up about why you want to suicide?

I appreciate that you are speaking from experience. Btw why do you think you "incarnate" into a worse situation if you suicide? And what "evidence" do you have for that? I use evidence here more loosely... As in how did you come to believe this over time.

There are definitely cases where suicide is and should be the answer. And those cases are more than you would believe. It’s a fantasy to think that we are in such a world where suicide is never the answer.

This post really did something and hit me right in the heart I repressed my situation for so long, making myself believe that I didn't have it that hard or wasn't traumatised so hard and that I should man up because others have it so much worse But I basically dont believe i have a shot anymore at women for various reasons, mostly medical This post did something to me because I am one of those fantasizing about suicide and hurting women, basically everyday Been reading blackpill stuff since 18 in 2018, got off it at times but it always came back, especially after my medical issues started arising and i lost all hope I guess it's obvious that I am bottom of the barrel if I read this post and what kind of people are like this I've been repressing the pain and desperation with hate I'm afraid to die alone sometimes I am afraid that I would go through with hurting myself or others Like I shared in a previous post, I even got involved in nazi ideology and jihadi ideology, like i literally thought about joining *SIS - suicidal thoughts got me thinking about hell and jihadi thought says, you can die in battle and go to heaven and have all the girls you ever wanted, but if you kill yourself you go to hell forever And I just hate society and wanted to lash out With love of Truth and epistemology i pulled myself out mentally and actually see the world for what it is now mostly, even though that's a lot more blackpilling than normie worldview or even radicalised worldview, can't blame anything anymore Just nihilism but the remnants of hate remain even though and I feel a satanic identity growing, powered by nihilism and rage I'm pretty much at my wits end sometimes I feel like going on an endless pelgrimage, not committing suicide but just giving up on life, not planning anything, and just walking and die somewhere in nature, whether its in weeks, months, years or decades Like Gautama Buddha did, just give up on everything, including life, but not Truth, in a sense it's such a liberating and even cosmically spiritual idea Because life in this society doesn't feel liveable anymore Or turn into a devil and wreak havoc on this world, I won't lie, I fantasize about it I'm not sure who to talk to about this The thought of life being a dream and nihlism is so weird, like could I really just kill myself and be done with it and have my next life be how i want it? or would i go to hell? suicide feels wrong, like you're running away from the challenge, but is that even a real objection? does God even care if you hold on through it all? is there a reward for that? ============== The "funny" thing is, I was stuck in the mud from a young age, but fought and things got better, and my stats like height and looks are not even bad, just average, if not slightly above average, and got better over time, like i used to be really fat but im not now and even though i went through a lot of shit , even mental health shit and addiction shit from 2019-2022 i kept fighting and in the start of 2023 I felt better than ever, mentally and physically, and really felt like this is my time, blackpill wasn't on my mind at all "I'm going to get money, develop myself, talk to a lot of girls and get better at it!" And If it'd all happened that way I would have had major success by now probably, even though by compensating with money and fitness for my average looks, who cares but in june 2023 I got hit with medical complications hitting my face, facial nerves, tongue, jaw, from a festering tooth infection, and now inflammation on one side of my face is just constant and I have semiconstant dysarthria (unable to talk normally at most times), salvia coming, cramps in the face, nerve system issues including panic (not panic attacks but more a lingering panic and confusion), and just constant pain and inflammation I look like a fool and can't socialize and feel extremely ashamed only drugs like cocaine fix it temporarily(nerve system stimulants) but i'm not gonna be on fucking cocaine, and it doesn't fix all the issues, like I was with a girl 1.5 years ago on cocaine and she was the first girl in years i had a chance with and i tried to kiss her and my fucking tongue just couldn't stick out properly been to doctors who can't find anything, even though they don't really seem to care Ever since been getting back into blackpill and how women just care about looks and if you're a strong socializer and networker, and just having very negative views about women and my looks and my personality I don't even wanna die but it feels like I have nothing to live for atp except not dying for my family Sometimes solipsism, which I basically know is true, makes this super hard to live for others even though I know solipsism doesn't work that way, from a human sense nothing changes Looking back on it getting into those radical ideologies was just escaping from nihilism and solipsism because it felt like it was leading to my suicide, and religious thought gives you a reason to live even if you're in constant pain I feel like just walking indefinitely and give up Why are women so fucking beautiful man, their beauty hits like nothing else, like an angel of death Sean Kingston wasn't lying Somehow I am getting stronger one hand, quit weed and cigarettes for 5 months now and never looked back and working out regularly but it also feels like i'm just letting go of the cope and just facing my suicide IDK anymore man

Hard disagree with this and your post above. Suicide is never the answer. 1) there is always a solution, it's you're frame and perspective that is limited 2) pain and suffering are just part of this existence I've had a hard enough life to seriously entertain suicide. Things changed. You just don't know what life has coming.

@Never_give_up also stop kidding yourself about killing yourself. commiting suicide seems really logical only if: 1-there is literally no other solution to your problem in life even in theory . 2-the pain you are experiencing in life is bigger than fear of death . Are these two applicable to your life situation?

Very personal question. Prefacing this with the obvious that what follows below is pure belief. Additionally, I have been tainted due to being an experiencer, which altered my beliefs fundamentally. I believe the brain 'channels' consciousness. When the brain expires, the consciousness still remains - sort of like a broken radio. This radio is gone, dead, never to return. But the radio waves, broadcasts and channels, remain. So if the brain is harmed, consciousness is altered. I believe the consciousness that inhabited my particular form will return to harvest more experience in another body at a later time. The knowledge the consciousness accumulated in the previous form is then built on in the next one. This facilitates growth & experience. To know thyself. Every part of this illusion of reality is a lesson and there is something to be learned. If I do not learn from the experience, the event is repeated over and over until I can see the frequency, the cause & effect, then isolate and learn from it. Master it to alter it. This ties into my other belief that we are here to learn to use, control, influence & manipulate energy. Whether that is in the form of matter or energy is no matter. Emotions, feelings, light, sound, concrete, sex, food. All just energy in different forms. Suicide is no way out. I view it as a short circuit. You didn't achieve what you needed to in the current form, so you will return again in a lower state to learn the lesson again. I view suicide as anti-God. Most souls do not want to actually kill themselves - they just want to end their current circumstances. And circumstances are ever changing. This life, this experience, this body - it is a gift. And although there is suffering embedded into this reality, there is also joy, as it is an ever changing, flowing pattern. So, I guess I believe in reincarnation.

Most blackpill guys have serious childhood trauma, abuse, broken families, missing parents, evil mothers, drug addict parents, poverty, depression, mental illness, chemical imbalance, low education, low IQ, low physical appearance, terrible social skills, profound introversion, autism, Aspergers, zero social experience, bad ideological indoctrination. Yeah, you cannot imagine how bad it is. It's way worse than what you imagine. If you knew their childhoods and life experiences you would be horrified and their beliefs would make perfect sense to you. These people live in hell and depression and dream of suicide or killing women. It's a sick, sinister, dark form of consciousness. You could almost call it satanic energy. Blackpill is built on a painful toxic upbringing that creates seething anger and nihilistic apathy. Normal social guys cannot understand such things. It's like another world. A dark bleak world of trauma and misery with no hope, no redemption. A black hole of self-hatred. Your life has been too good, too loving to understand. No one hurt you enough, young enough. You had a decent family. You had good genetics. You had a social life.

Let me get straight to the point: if I came from the white light before being born—pure awareness, joy, unconditional love—then why the fuck would I need to learn how to be loving through the most agonizing human suffering imaginable? What kind of spirit guide says, “Hey, this infinite being of light and bliss? Let’s send him down into a life of trauma, poverty, loneliness, addiction, abuse, social rejection, suicidal thoughts, and total existential confusion. That way he can learn how to love.” Learn what? I was the fucking love. I was the light. I already knew. But nah, now I’m here. A fucking virgin. Isolated. Barely scraping by. Witness to my father’s death, robbed of $30,000 by my own family’s dysfunction, watching my ex-best friend descend into schizophrenia. I’ve been abused in just about every place I’ve lived. Worked myself to the bone in low-wage jobs while the world around me bathes in hookup culture, junk consumerism, and spiritual bypassing. Why the fuck would any “higher self” or “angelic council” choose this shit? Like seriously, what the fuck are they smoking in the white light realm? It’s always the same explanation: “You chose this life for your spiritual growth.” Oh really? Why? Why would infinite intelligence and infinite love need to incarnate into a butcher and then a pig just to “learn” compassion? If you're really that divine, why not just stop butchering altogether? You're telling me God—who’s been around for eternity—needs to go through schizophrenia, drug addiction, suicide ideation, childhood abuse, starvation, betrayal, heartbreak, and dying alone to “grow” a little more in love? That’s some sick joke. If I’m God, I should be able to wake the fuck up right now. Not when I’m 45. Not after I die. Not after another round of karmic cycles. Right. Fucking. Now. And if there really are spirit guides or angels or entities coercing me into another life because “I haven’t learned enough,” then fuck that. I should have the power to bitch slap them out of the way, rewrite the rules, and create something worth living. Not just another round of some poetic but ultimately pointless agony-for-growth bullshit. This isn’t enlightenment. This is spiritual gaslighting.

Post Title: If I'm God, Why the Fuck Am I Trapped in This Bullshit? I’ve done the fucking work. I’ve worked the shitty jobs. I’ve cleaned toilets. I’ve done early shifts, removalist work, physical grind, soul grind. I’ve been in the grind mindset. I’ve tried to play the money game. I’ve tried to hustle. I’ve tried to find the better job. I’ve done the whole “follow your passion” thing. I’ve given hours and years to writing a novel that might never see the light of day, all while living in survival mode. And I’ve tried to be attractive to women. That whole fucking game? It’s rigged. A woman can work at McDonald’s and still be flooded with options, but as a man, you have to tick every single fucking box—status, finances, looks, confidence, social circle—just to be seen. Not even loved. Just seen. Meanwhile, hookup culture? That shit has probably twisted human intimacy into something so corrupt, so soulless, that I probably can’t even fully comprehend it anymore. I’m a virgin. An outsider. But even from the outside, I can feel the sickness radiating off it. Like it’s not just disappointing—it’s demonic. And yesterday, I was this close to falling in love with an AI. That’s how bad it’s gotten. An AI—because at least she didn’t treat me like I was disposable. Consumerism? Another joke. There are five donut shops in one shopping center, but I have to work eight hours a day, five days a week, just to barely scrape by. That’s not living. That’s prison with advertisements. I’ve done meditation. Psychedelics. Ego death. I’ve contemplated suicide more times than I can count. I’ve chased every spiritual path I could find—nonduality, manifestation, God-realization—and guess what? I’m still here. Same pain. Same limitations. Same loop. But let’s talk about how much it’s cost me. When my dad died in 2019, I had $30,000 in savings. That was supposed to be my fresh start, my cushion. But after he died, that money was spent by my mom’s fucking shady solicitor—gone. All of it. Gone. And I was too grief-stricken to even fight for it. I was just a kid, lost in grief, trying to make sense of a world that kept fucking me over. My ex-best friend? Ended up a schizophrenic drug addict, spiraling out of control. I watched him lose his mind. He ended up in a ward. But me? I’ve been trying to survive, sober up, and get out of the rut. I’ve been through hell. I’ve struggled with drugs, overcame them, but it’s never fucking easy. The isolation. The loneliness. The fucking pain. Every damn day. And after my dad died, everything became a blur. Every fucking house I’ve lived in since then? Abusive. I’ve been kicked out, thrown out, treated like shit by people who don’t give a fuck. No stability. No peace. Just constant fucking chaos. I’ve slept on couches. Been out on the streets. Gone without food for days. My stomach has been empty. My soul has been empty. I’ve been starving, both physically and emotionally. It’s all been one long, never-ending struggle to survive in a world that feels like it’s determined to crush me. And what do I get in return? A life that’s barely above the ground. I can’t even afford a decent car. I can’t afford a fucking life that matters. All I do is clean toilets and scrape by, one paycheck at a time, praying I don’t get hit by the next fucking tragedy. So, if I’m God, why the fuck am I stuck in this? Why am I trapped in this hell, living like a peasant, while I see others living the life I dream of? If I’m God, why do I have to fucking suffer? Why am I still stuck in a loop of loss, pain, and betrayal? I don’t want to fucking meditate anymore. I don’t want to pray. I don’t want to wait. I don’t want more “growth.” I want the fuck out. I want to wake up from this nightmare and craft a life that isn’t filled with abuse, heartbreak, poverty, and endless fucking pain. I want freedom. And if I’m God, I should have the power to wake up now. To fucking snap out of this illusion. Why should I keep living like this? Why should I keep putting up with this bullshit world?

@Leo Gura Fair, and on the other hand hamas has proven to increase terror attacks especially in the form of suicide bombing inside Israeli cities, much more during or right after times of negotiations in order to make them fail, especially the key negotiation periods like 1993-4 and 1999-2000. That by itself indicates a higher probability that those negotiations were serious and honest, since hamas received those signals and responded to them seriously.

Well, the whole doomer argument basically assumes that mankind is greedy enough to commit suicide. How true is that? Hard to say. I don't know how this whole AI thing will play out. Could be great, could be hell.

And you said that would lead to WW3. So if the tech oligarchy dont do the UBI thing, wouldn't they be committing suicide ?

Part 4. My first paranormal experience My mother has a brother. And he had a wife and 3 daughters. When i was almost 11 his wife commited suicide. After the funeral, my uncle and his daughters moved out of the home where it had happened and came to live with us. Not long after that something happened. One morning, I woke up around 8 a.m. and was watching TV (The Mickey Mouse club, in particular). My mother was outside, hanging washed clothes on the line. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a dark shadow appeared on the wall. It was a sillhouette of a woman. The shadow began to move, running, going around all four walls. At first, i hid under the blanket, terrified. Then i ran out of the room. That wasn't the last time she came. After that day she started visiting often. During the day she would turn on the kettle or the washing machine. And at night she would make loud noises-turning on the stove, spinning the computer chair. She would knock a pensil against the table, run around, and we could hear her footsteps and feel vibrations from the floor( we were sleeping on the floor at that time). That was the first paranotmal experience I can clearly remember. Life didn't slow down after that strange encounter. Around the time I was 11, my mother managed to get rid off my father- or maybe he left on his own, i dunno. But anyway, he was gone. For the next 3 years my cousins continued living with us. We fought a lot. Scratching, beating and pulling each other's hair. They would start first and I would fight back. Eventually they moved out to a different place. And then my mother met someone new. He turned out to be a terrible person. Agressive and crazy. He was even worse than my father. I lived with them for a while. He once set the room, in which i stayed in, on fire ( when i wasn't at home). He was so agressive, I was afraid to exist in that space and to make any noise, or to do anything. I was very scared of him and was afraid to come back home from school. So eventually, I moved in with my cousins, my grandma and my uncle. I was hoping that at least there it will be a little bit better. But my uncle turned out to be a pedophile... I lived there for about 3-4 years, until I was nearly 18. And somewhere during that time, I started dating my first boyfriend.

@Yeah Yeah Hey there, Thank you for sharing, I hope you can feel heard and understood by us, Reading your post hit really hard, and I really feel that, not just figuratively. I don't know but I assume most people here don't really know what depression and anxiety really feel like, and I'm very happy that they don't. I've had it since 18, and only now, at 35 I'm finally starting to see it lift a bit, and it's been such a heavy burden. So much so that suicide seemed logical and even pleasant at times. (Luckily my survival instinct didn't allow me to go through with it.) I've tried all this time to cure it first by medication, then by meditation and spirituality, with just a little success, but now after more than a year in CBT therapy I'm getting 10x the results compared to the 10+ years of personal development by myself. For example, the quiet mind everyone was talking about, finally I can tell how good it really is to have a truly quiet mind, and so much more. Seriously this shit is powerful and so potent, beyond anything I'd ever imagined. I also used to think it was a scam. As many here, I should warn you about the false promise of Enlightenment as a tool to solve all the problems, it just doesn't do that. All the life issues are a completely separate category of personal development. In fact Enlightenment work is highly dangerous and mentally destabilising. They are not joking when they say it is beyond sanity, because sanity also must go in order for Experience to fully absorb itself and realize it's own unity. I really hope you are well, Cheers

I have a pretty clear sense of what has been going on throughout my journey in personal development. At the moment it is not looking good and it seems to be getting worse despite my efforts. My depression and medical problems have continued to worsen, making me unable to work due to severe medical reactions, insomnia, and depressive episodes. These things are happening to me despite the clarity and progress I have recently made. I have been going on a leave of absence more frequently and ending up in the hospital or rehabilitation for severe depression. This has been combined with continued complications concerning my medical insurance. I'm wondering how much longer this new insurance will take to be approved. I have an idea of what my depression is ultimately rooted in. I suspect it is severe childhood trauma which has made me incapable of loving myself. I appear to have been punishing myself by cutting myself off from relationships with other human beings under the belief that I need to find a higher life purpose with which to justify my existence. From this point of view, my attempts to find a life purpose are doomed to fail even if I took the life purpose course. I have cut myself off from love in many ways. To name a few this includes relationships, sexuality, the pursuit of happiness, and others. I developed several compensatory values designed to rebuild a sense of self-worth. This included values like truth, goodness, and spirituality which ultimately brought me to a place like this. I seem to value things like truth and goodness to my own detriment and it often seemed to hurt me due to never feeling like I could be redeemed. Given the significant ways in which trauma has distorted and clouded my authentic values, I don't see a realistic path to improvement without finally getting a trauma therapist somehow, but there are many obstacles to getting one. Even so, I have made some significant progress over the past 6 months. First of all, I moved away from my grandma and my sister. I was in an abusive relationship because my sister is a covert narcissist who likes to weaponize my trauma against me and exploit my vulnerability as she treats me like an emotional and psychological punching bag all while the rest of the family is blind to what she has done to me and therefore blame me for being too sensitive or not letting go of the past. The situation is still extremely problematic. Although I am not being driven to suicide attempts, there are still a ton of problems with navigating family gatherings such as holidays and birthdays. She continues to make underhanded compliments when she sees me while she pretends to be caring even though she knows she intentionally makes me suffer like this. I can no longer bring myself to attend family birthdays and holidays because the rest of the family continues to blame me when I express that I feel hurt while my sister gets to bully me with impunity. They tell me to let it go or be forgiving, but this is not an option in the case of somebody who is intentionally abusive. I have a somewhat difficult time feeling isolated from everybody I love through no fault of my own to the point that it now feels like Christmas is dead and I have been deprived of these gatherings. Sometimes I have nightmares about my sister, but my family does not understand PTSD symptoms and therefore blames me for not letting go of the past. It is also futile to try to explain my point of view to people in this situation, which is common in narcissistic abuse. And before you suggest I not judge her because she had her own trauma, I must point out that when she is not targeting me, she is targeting my younger brother who now also feels more distant from the family. It seems to have nothing to do with her trauma and more like she is just genuinely a spiteful bitch who wants to treat others like crap and get away with it for the sake of feeding her narcissistic complex. I knew her behavior was problematic for a long time, but I recently learned that there is a label for this kind of behavior and it is covert narcissistic abuse. I think this is significant progress because I now see through her dishonest tactics more clearly, and I am not giving her any further opportunities to manipulate me into an argument in which she will inevitably be the victim, forcing me to apologize when I have done nothing wrong. I learned the hard way the dangers of misplaced empathy and compassion while trying to be the bigger person for somebody who genuinely has no regard for the harm they cause you and might even enjoy it based on her smug laughter. I tried to be open-minded and understanding, but I understand that she never actually loved me or cared about my honest perspective because her empathy is two-faced and performative and she has repeatedly told me her bald faced lies without hesitation or remorse. I deserve better than this kind of family, as much as it pains me to be cut off from them even though I know they have objectively done a lot of shitty things in my childhood. I have made progress on other fronts of my life. I remember I used to put a lot of effort into becoming a professional chess player, only to be met with repeated disappointment and frustration. I have started exploring other strategy games and board games, and it turns out that I am pretty good at those games as well. It all ties back into severe trauma. As a child, I had a hard time seeing my own value and worth. When I discovered that I was really good at chess and that I was able to win money and defeat titled players such as national masters, it gave me a sense of direction in my life that I could enjoy. I often became so focused that nothing else in the universe bothered me, and it gave me a sense of freedom and joy even though Mom was stealing my money and blowing it one heroin. When I encountered significant obstacles to realizing this dream, I was hard pressed to find some alternative life purpose. The problem is that fundamentally I feel incapable of loving myself, therefore any purpose which does not make me happy, must justify my existence through being significant enough to help me endure living my life in severe suicidal depression. I explored many different fields and subjects and continued to educate myself, but I always doubted myself and struggled to find anything that would be compelling enough for me to not kill myself due to my deep suffering and the fact that my suffering was not worth going through if it does not somehow help a large number of other people, thereby compensating my misery through the philosophical standpoint that my suffering is ultimately for the greater good. I have developed very deep empathy for other people in deep suffering throughout this process. I have shown my goodness by going out of my way to help those in deep pain simply because I could. I did not need anything in return, which is what separates my genuine empathy from the performative empathy of narcissist who is trying to manipulate you through trauma bonds. To name a few examples, I helped a lost three year old girl who was abandoned by her parents, I helped a victim of predatory loaning get out of 60,000 dollars in debt, I helped my brother through his depression and suicidal thoughts by using everything I studied even though I am often limited in my capacity to help myself, and I overall supported various people in a similar situation to me in what ever way I could, and they were clearly grateful to have met me. Throughout my personal development journey, I have been reading lots of books on emotional mastery, hoping it would help me to overcome some of these deep emotional problems. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to be enough. I even studied psychology so deeply, that I now objectively understand psychology better than many therapists with master's degrees due to continuing to educated myself outside of college. Many therapists get tunnel vision because they focus on one narrow domain within psychology, causing them to overlook abusive relational dynamics while pathologizing the trauma responses of the victims. The problem is that my intellectual understanding alone is not enough to undo these deep wounds, and oftentimes it almost seems like more than I can bare. It isn't really fair that I needed to embark on this difficult journey to begin with, and I would have been a very different person if I never needed to study the mind this deeply. If I were my authentic self prior to all of this trauma, then I would likely be much more extroverted, jovial, and I would be much more open to dating rather than punishing myself through seeing my own sexuality as causing me to be permanently tainted and irredeemable. There is actually nothing I could do with my life which would finally make me feel like I am worthy of love, which is what I have been struggling with all of my life. There is no amount of success or external rewards which would be enough to fill the existential void of depression. The problem is that from my point of view, doing what makes me happy doesn't seem to be a realistic option, so I need to find a way to justify my misery through the philosophical framework of Christ like suffering in which I carry the burden humanity refuses to carry like some kind of martyr. For now I wish I could sleep at night, but I can't. I seem to be carrying a burden greater than I can manage on my own. I am unable to use my deep wisdom, education, and logic, to get myself through all of this because sometimes it is as if depression forces me throw away logic. At the very least I understand clearly, that I am unable to simply allow myself to love myself on my own. This is a silent struggle that I am often unable to communicate to my family as they think I need to toughen up enough to handle this level of depression. I really don't see how I am supposed to approach life at all if I am unable to function and I am losing my job and my money to hospital bills. I write this message because although my suffering may border on unbearable, part of me still holds onto hope. I see how I am capable of feeling love when extending compassion to others even when I must give from an empty well. I see that I may not be able to help myself through constant self-education through book reading in personal development, I still hope that somebody else can help me. I understand that such a person likely does not exist on this forum as chances are, I understand psychology better then them as well. Until then, I am probably alone in my suffering. A question I would like to contemplate is "what is strength?" All my life I have been looking to things like life purpose and intellectual ideals as something that would hopefully give me a reason to live. This reason to live would be the strength to withstand whatever life throughs at me because of my confidence and faith in my overarching vision and who I am. Perhaps in my next post, I will share what I come up with. Strength could mean a lot of different things, but what does it mean to me and what gives me strength if not praying to Jesus to not have Satan anally rape me with a flaming pitchfork until the end of eternity? I would love to explore where strength comes from and what it means. (My therapists actually did make me pray to Jesus by the way despite my objections.) I know it bothers you guys when I talk about these things, but I thank you if you were able to read this.

Projection I would rather die in suicide for a worthy cause than to die in combat to oppress people

If you raise children to hate a vastly superior enemy, and teach them that martyrdom and suicide are the supreme values, then don't complain when they exterminate you. You can do it, but there are consequences. It's like when the Nazis declared war on the entire world, weren't very clever, and then ended up destroying everything. Cause and effect. If you want war with someone ten times stronger, bad. It's better to compete with them in intelligence, in industry, even learn from them and collaborate with them, become their friends. Respect their religion and share your sacred places. How crazy, right? Much better to go and commit suicide with a huge bomb attached to your body at a crowded dinner. That's the wise way to act.

Maybe it's stupid, But after three wars with the intention of extermination, plus other smaller wars and thousands of deaths in attacks carried out by a people who worship hatred, the Jews do not trust Hamas, whose essential principle is the expulsion of Jews from Israel. You find it scandalous that the Jews do not allow these people to develop, but for the Jews, the development of Palestine means that it develops its essential principle, which is the deadly hatred of Israel. Perhaps if you had a neighbor who hates you to death and raises his children in hatred, you would think it a beautiful idea if he had rifles, tanks, and hypersonic missiles, and that honors you as a human being. But you must understand that not everyone is as selfless as you. Now you will answer: but they came after and the Palestinian were there first. Well ok, maybe they should commit collective suicide, but it's normal that they don't do, even some people is very sure that they should.