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I cannot tune down the crazy talk, because I dont want to tell lies. Yes, Leo, your teachings helped me to achieve the insanity and Ill be forever grateful. Your teachings helped me to Actualize Myself. I can choose what I want to believe because your way of teaching reached me. At first I was curious, then I was amazed by your bravery exploring taboo ideas and ways. And Yes You are so honest in your videos, I owe Everything to You. You question everything - i love how daring and authentic you are. Its like the videos are made for me alone? Am I alone? Oh no! Oh, such a relief? Am I even real? Should I test reality? What if everything I ever believed was lies? Maybe I am just a projection? I feel real, as we all do, but Am I real? How would I know? Why I dont remember anything from early childhood? Maybe I have implanted memories and everything is just a code, am i a selfhating robot? Am i an NPC? Why? Would i choose to be that? hell no! so why god why? But why the world seems to revolve around me so much? Why if Im creative enough I can imagine Everything being Perfectly in order although it looks like chaos. Why I fear death? Leo told me to rely on personal empiric experiences to gain knowledge. Ok , I should test it yes? Ok, real talk. You could test it but im sure something will go wrong and you wont succeed in scientific method. Philosophy stands much higher than science. I can say that I would never try to commit suicide. Not because i could die, no, I ve gained enough evidence from Leos teachings that I dont want my Maya to shatter this world. Of course maya protects us by giving such Real fear of the one thing which is impossible... She has your best interests in mind, dont worry. I dont ever know what you really answer to these messages because Im only getting Mayas futile attempts to keep me real by everyone seeing me as a crazy mental madman. I accept that title with honor. I its still a long way up ahead and its gonna be even more 'insane'. I prayed the god to decide where to lead me and only to be gentle,in my wildest dreams ive never expected that I prayed for insanity, but im gratefull. I achieved it. Fully insane. And lovin' it!

I don't think the word "genocide" is the most accurate, I would rather say it was an extermination. I know the history of the Spanish conquistadors quite well, and there was no deliberate or even centralized plan to exterminate the natives, although in many cases it happened due to viruses, wars, marginalization of the indigenous people, which led them to not reproduce or commit suicide, etc.

I am posting some Quora answers here : Answer to What are the secrets of the porn industry? by Anonymous https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-secrets-of-the-porn-industry/answers/2391894?ch=15&oid=2391894&share=2fdbfe49&srid=3Eqnuv&target_type=answer •••• MY REAL QUESTION IS THIS : WHY IS THERE SO MUCH VIOLENCE, TORCHURE AND ABUSE....THINGS WHICH WE DON'T SEE ON SCREEN...? EVEN I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY KIND OF VIOLENCE OR BEATINGS BECAUSE MAYBE....I HAVEN'T VISITED THAT PART OF PORN YET. I DON'T LIKE SUCH THINGS... When I searched BDSM...all thumbnails were disgusting.....I am only seeing chains and slavery there. But I am not talking about normal BDSM or beatings...I am talking about the horrible points written here. Like torn vaginas...and anuses....etc. Why these things happen, what's the problem with normal sex or normal BDSM?? I think people are sadists. That's why... Also note that many have committed suicide in porn industry. It seems like most of them are suffering too much here. Is constant drugging so important to create porn? •••• Other answers: Answer to What is the ugly truth of the porn industry? by KISHAN https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-ugly-truth-of-the-porn-industry/answer/KISHAN-391?ch=15&oid=213347894&share=0b12685c&srid=3Eqnuv&target_type=answer •••• Answer to What makes a person want to choose porn as a career? by Blue Rezz https://www.quora.com/What-makes-a-person-want-to-choose-porn-as-a-career/answer/Blue-Rezz?ch=15&oid=340862053&share=e7a15adb&srid=3Eqnuv&target_type=answer

I don't wanna sleep so I'll write some more... In my previous journal I mentioned that I started using antidepressant mirtazapine. I went on 30 mg dose and kept taking it for a year. I was aimlessly walking in the neighborhood before and mirtazapine let me get a job and commit to doing music. After a year I developed tolerance to it so I stopped taking it. It took me around four months to taper it off. First half of a pill was easy and took just a week but if I decreased more than that I'd just lose sleep. I had to slowly go down to 1/8 of a pill before I was able to quit completely. I'm a hell of an addict to everything but everything turned out to be fine with the antidepressant, I never overused it. I've read a bit of my previous posts here and dammit, how much have changed since then. I don't really get depressed anymore, I guess meditation and exercise did it for me and probably mirtazapine also is responsible for that. But here is the surprise... One of the side effects of mirtazapine mentioned in Russian wiki is "worsening of the paranoid syndrome". Either mirtazapine is the cause of my schizophrenia or it triggered my genetic predisposition to it. I had multiple fleeting and subclinical cases of paranoia while I was on it. But the first full-blown psychosis started more than half a year after quitting the antidepressant. It seems to me that the main trigger for psychosis is having a job: working 9 hours a day five days a week sets my brain in enough stress to start generating delusions. All three times that I had psychosis I had a job. The only thing that makes me depressed lately is neuroleptics, especially withdrawals from them, it's really, REALLY bad. On withdrawals from just a month or two on cariprazine and risperidone (separately) I was so depressed I ended up researching suicide methods in the internet. I also tried guitar cable on my neck with the tears on my eyes. But it passes in a month or quicker. It's possible that I have delusional disorder rather than schizophrenia because I don't have all symptoms of schizophrenia. Schizophrenia has two clusters of symptoms, they're called positive and negative. Positive are delusions, hallucinations and thinking disorders, negative are apathy, anhedonia, alogia, avolition. I only have delusions and this is it, at least before zuclopenthixol. But anyways the treatment is neuroleptics and I'm not sure if you really should distinguish these two diagnoses. State psychiatry is really shitty in Russia. Do you know how they diagnose schizophrenia? A nurse comes to you and asks "how can I help?", if your response looks hostile to them they set the schizo diagnosis. This is it, nobody talks to you anymore. The doctors check 60-70 patients once in a week just a minute or two on each in one go. I got "lucky" that I actually am schizophrenic but I have seen people there who got the schizo diagnosis without symptoms, and not once. I will write more about what happened during psychoses and psych yard in my later posts.

It's so weird being in here, writing stuff he will never read. Because I'm so used to this forum meaning him. Discussions with him and thoughts about him and me checking if he was online regularly if we didn't speak, worrying when his content seemed too much up in the clouds, worrying when he didn't write anything at all. I looked up to him so much, I was so amazed by his mind. But I was also so angry at him for spending so much time being in his own head thinking about God instead of just living and being and breathing with me. There's a memory I had forgotten, but it has kept returning after he has died. I had moved to the other city then, to study, but we talked on the phone, of course, It wasn't during one of the break periods. But I remember I was still surprised that he called me. That it was me he called. He was in shock, he had fallen off his bike, you know he used to drive so fast and recklessly it was insane, with his long-limbed alien-body no one could control - him the least! When I remember it, I can see him as if I am standing next to him looking at his wounds in the bathroom mirror, but it was just a phone call. He was laughing almost, from the shock, he said he probably should go to the hospital. he described his wounded face to me. There's something about that memory, I think it comes up because it felt so normal and earthly and I felt so... Like if by calling me, he said to me - yes, you are the one I call when I'm hurt and don't know what to do. And I felt able to comfort him. And included. I asked if I should come to his city and go with him to the hospital. He of course said no, but I should not have listened. Before he died I don't think I really understood regret. I thought I could go through life without ever regretting anything - because everything happens for a reason right. And the universe has a plan. I do still believe that. I can never not believe that, and he wouldn't have wanted me to. He would laugh at me if I lost faith, I can almost hear him. Rolling his eyes at me - like God in all is the most obvious thing. But fuck, what I wouldn't give to be able to turn back time and take that fucking two-hour train ride to sit with him in that fucking hospital, holding his hand. Pressing my head against his chest. Kissing his shoulder and neck and fingers. And now I'm crying and it's probably better to stop writing now because I really think I should do this in small steps. I think it could be good for me though, to write about it in here. I feel people in here know him in a way that is comforting to me. They know his mind and his words and his empathy and all of his stupid trips and contemplations.

I don't see it as a form of unconditional love. It's definitely SUPER conditional. But it's not conditioned primarily upon specific objective qualities. It's conditioned on him being precisely who he is. It's more about an appreciation of the whole gestalt of his personality and who he is as a unique living breathing feeling human being. I would call it hyper-subjectificaton where that one guy becomes like a demi-god in a woman's eyes. And that's true even if he doesn't possess objectively attractive or positive qualities. And yes, that can be a huge issue. This tendency has a pretty self-destructive side to it if a woman doesn't get ruthlessly picky about who she allows to get close to her. Once a woman has her heart set on a particular man and she gets attached, boundaries can be difficult. This is why it's important to integrate the Masculine side, which is to set clear boundaries and standards for the men she spends time with... lest she be struck by Cupid's arrow for a man who will drag down the quality of her life. So, it's SO important to have solid deal breakers and to be able to protect your boundaries as a woman because these feelings put you in a vulnerable position. And that's especially true if you're young and inexperienced. Like back when I was between age 16 and 20, I had no boundaries because I thought boundaries were wrong to have. I thought that I would be a bitch if I had any boundaries, and that was a huge fear for me at the time. When I was 16, I fell in love with my first boyfriend who was 17. And we were together for 4 years. And he had some redeeming qualities. But he was mostly a mess of a guy who was going nowhere in his life. And I lived with him, his mom, and his sister in my junior and senior year of high school before I went to college. And he was very chaotic and would frequently threaten to commit suicide... often as a means to control me or evoke certain reactions from me. And he was also in and out of jail for petty crimes. And life was very stressful with him because he was super unreliable and irresponsible. But I had this deeply held belief that "If I love him, I should be willing to support him and stick with him through anything." And he didn't have much of anything going for him, but I had this deep value of loyalty where I would sacrifice myself for him again and again and again. And I kept trying to act as an almost motherly figure to him because his life had been very traumatic and neither of his parents had ever given him any nurturing. His mom was an alcoholic and was a decent person but very rough and tough. He also witnessed his older brother having hung himself when he was 12. And his dad even tried to shoot him at the request of a hooker he had brought home when my ex-bf we was 14. (Side note: His dad also enlisted the help of a drug dealer to try to steal our van by pretending like he was being held for ransom unless my ex-bf would sign the title over. And a few months before he and I got together, my ex-bf was seeing a girl who was also 17 like he was. And he took her to Tampa with him for a week to stay with his dad. And his dad started giving her (a 17yo) crack in exchange for sex. I could go on and on about his dad and how terrible he is.) So, when he and I got together, I was trying EXTRA hard to compensate for all of his pain by being as loving and nurturing as possible. And I was endlessly enabling. But one night, when I was 20, he went full-blown homicidal with me and started threatening to kill me and himself. And he was leading me around by the pedestrian walking area downtown at 3am and holding a broken beer bottle to my throat for about an hour as we walked and he was threatening to cut me and also to snap my neck. And he led me to the fort that's in the same area and was holding me next to a high ledge near the for with a 10-15 ft drop and threatening to push me off and asking me if I trust him or not. Funny enough, I wasn't too too scared... because he never went through with anything he ever said he was going to do. And he'd never been violent with me before. It was just sad and traumatic. Needless to say, I had to break with that value and end it. And it was a painful but important lesson to learn that I needed to grow some claws. Then when I finally severed the tie, I didn't really have a support system. And out of loneliness, I started spending time around guy who was about a decade older than me, and I had started to catch feelings for him. And he had all sorts of issues with heavy drugs. And he'd lost custody of his kid. And he was showing so many abuse red flags just in a few week's span of time. And I could sense with those hyper-subjectifying feelings that were kicking in that I was going out of the frying pan and into the fire. So because I was very alone in the world at that time, I deliberately went out and found another random guy to spend time around that I was generically attracted to that wasn't as chaotic. It was a crazy time with many lessons. And one of them is that you have to be super picky about the guys you spend time with BEFORE those feelings fully set in.

I know he has a video on nihilism and older videos about depression. But in the light of new levels of awareness he reached recently,I hope that Leo can cover the topic of depression and suicidal thoughts more in depth. Why antidepressants don't work ..and a spiritual advanced solution.

It corresponds with 1993 when a huge terror wave came after Oslo Agreement, with 2000 when 2nd Intifada right after Camp David and when Hezbollah kidnapped 3 soldiers after Lebanon withdrawal, with 2003 when there was a rise in suicide bombing after Geneva negotiations, with 2005 when hamas came to power and Gaza has redicalized after Israel withdrawal from Gaza, with 2006 when Hezbollah initiated a kidnapping of 3 soldiers completely unprovoked what lead to 2nd Lebanon war, with 2007 when was a rise in terror after Anapolis negotiations, 2008 when was a rise in rockekts from Gaza after Doha conversations, 2010 when was a rise in terror after the negotiations, in 2013-14 there was more terror during the negotiations, with 2023 when oct7 came after years of giving money to hamas and letting thousands of Gazans to work in Israel freely daily for years and many of them were participate in oct7.

@BlueOak ...but the dog didn't call a suicide hotline, so not the same.

Have you ever seen a dog throw itself off a bridge? Have you ever seen a cat slit it's wrists or call into the suicide hotline? ..well...the reason is they don't have the capacity to self reflect. Yes - they can feel sadness and even depression. But they aren't able to step outside themselves and become self aware that they are depressed. But yes I think it's relative to what your definition of suffering is. But I would say keep it simple. Pain is pain and suffering is suffering. Ask yourself why you are suffering? Maybe you can't prevent your hand from hurting if you stick it on a hot stove, but you might be able to prevent the suffering from it. If your definition of suffering is the screaming in anguish then yes you are correct that is a form of suffering if looked at in that context. But real suffering to me is when the human mind self reflects and inflicts mental torture on itself - thinking and creating a personal hell for itself because it doesn't have a perfect world of pleasure.

Not really because some people and cultures complain more while some less. Some of those „happiest“ countries also have high suicide rates and many people feeling lonely or whatever. High medication rates. High depression and burnout rates. Families are getting very small because it’s expensive to have children etc. While in poorer countries often people have huge families and so on. Pressures are different. You can’t measure it imo.

Nobody knows if those fundamentalist suicide terrorist actually achieve Nirvana doing that. Every day in more suspect of how this dream actually works...

I was a total fucking prick when I was 17-22. I was the epitome of "fuck it, fuck them, I'm looking out for myself, the world is cold, I will be colder". I would lie, steal, cheat, you name it... It took some time but the karma showed up and my life slowly turned to absolute shit and it only got worse and worse. The lies add up. The enemies add up. Your reputation becomes known and you are hated and you hate the ones who hate you and you act like you don't care. After a few years of living like this, it becomes too heavy. Amidst all the suffering and acting like I didn't give a fuck, it eventually became obvious that I couldn't continue on like this. My options were either to change or to kill myself, so I thought that I would stop being bad and see if my life improved. I wasn't spiritual and didn't have any good concept of karma but I had good intuition and pattern recognition, so I thought it was worth a try to see if being good would solve my problems. What do you know... by the time I was about 25, my life wasn't an absolute disaster anymore. After I made the decision to be good, I had to wade through my karmic debt for another 2-3 years, but eventually, all the suffering that came from it was gone. I didn't have anymore enemies and no one was lying to me and I wasn't lying to anyone else. I didn't hate people and they didn't hate me. This transformation was probably only possible because I moved away from my hometown where I incurred all the karma from. I probably would have commited suicide if I didn't stop because the consequences of my ways produced a life that was not worth living. You don't simply "burn through" karma of this type. You have to live with it and carry it and suffer the consequences and you might think you're big and bad and can handle it, but you should heed my warning if you embrace this path. It's not something you really want to fuck around and find out about. But... you gotta do what you gotta do. In other words, it is in YOUR best interested to not be a piece of shit. The person who benefits the most from being good is YOU and the person who suffers the most from being bad is YOU. This is reason number one to be good. It's not just about contribution or morality. It's so YOU don't suffer.

Don't think so, it would get old fast, and I'd much more likely be driven mad by all the foreknowledge. An occasional trip down the memory lane aided by psychedelics is another matter though, sign me up. The nostalgia is so great precisely because of how melancholic and bittersweet it is, the memories are hazy like images in Plato's cave, yet we cherish them nonetheless, the fleeting nature is a major part of the value. They say hindsight is 20/20, but that could also work in the other direction, if you study and understand enough domains of human life through the past and present, a prediction ability almost akin to clairvoyance could be developed. That IMO is much cooler and more rewarding, plus the mystery aspect remains to some extent. I've been observing this larger theme of limitation lately, as limited beings the grass sure seems greener on the other side, but most satisfaction is derived from constraints, like a perpetual motion machine, always reaching for something, but never quite getting there. Living life as the limit approaching infinity, however far you manage to get, and then in death you become infinity at last. On this topic, I've always had dreams that show the future. Nothing meaningful, so I'm not a millionaire from betting on sports, but they're 100% accurate down to the minute details. These grant me the ability to act with more freedom, as the fact that I keep having them means whatever I do next, it will turn out fine, as the future has already taken place. Time is one hell of a strange loop. Fascinating thought experiment, if one were to gather every person in the world and have them continuously and unanimously deny one's existence, how many would fall prey to that gaslighting? Would being aware of cogito ergo sum be of any help? What about different methods of denial, could be active, straight up proclaiming you don't exist, or passive, whereby everyone simply refuses to acknowledge your presence no matter what you try. There's sure to be lots of dissonance either way, but the former is likely to be less taxing on the mind. Could this actually lead to developing a stronger sense of self/autonomy, as you directly experience your independence of the others' perspectives? Or, if driven to suicide from despair, in a twisted way it could be said the denial worked, you removed yourself from existence. Creates a bit of a paradox, gotta love the mind's games. Testing could be performed in a Truman Show-esque fashion, but that'd be highly unethical and logistically challenging. Oh well, theory's plenty.

Netanyahu... Troubled Choices! A year after a furious war, he still believes he can displace the residents of Gaza, and expects others to believe him! Displacement was his first option, and he rallied support for it, but he failed. The Palestinians held onto their land, supported by their Arab brothers, and now he seems cornered. The Gaza war has turned into a quagmire, the northern front won't be a walk in the park, and in the West Bank, the ground is heating up under the feet of his army. Wherever he turns, he finds isolation and anger. He is left with nothing but troubled choices, leading him toward an abyss and pushing his state into an existential crisis. Those who supported Netanyahu in his war realize that he lacks a real strategy and is driven more by a desire for revenge. His defeat in October 2023 left him in a state of delirium and confusion, with his decisions appearing to be a form of suicide. His internal problems are growing, his external crises are becoming more entrenched, and he is swinging between the two without finding a solution, even as the West continues to support him. This has left the ruling system of the state in a state of chaos and disarray. Netanyahu's retreat now would be a defeat, his stagnation a fall, and his advance without a vision is a mixture of madness and suicide. Despite the crimes he continues to commit, he has lost his ability to make decisive moves, and Washington can no longer tolerate his actions, his plans, or his struggles. We are heading towards a series of rolling battles, and those who rush to ignite them will be the first to burn in their fire.

Martyrdom does not fall into the category of suicide. This is a big misconception. A Jihadist is not commiting suicide, he is defending his Islamic community in the most selfless way possible.

No, calling mainstream human rights organizations and Jewish intellectuals all antisemitic and dismissing them is textbook propaganda and single mindedness. Actually explain how what they say is antisemitic or wrong, just crying that I can’t appeal to authorities makes no sense. That’s like saying if experts on crime judge an act as criminal we shouldn’t consider their opinions because it’s appealing to authority. No it doesn’t. It does say if you die defending Muslims you will be rewarded, that doesn’t mean it justifies killing every non believer. Again, suicide is strictly forbidden, which is why suicide bombing is a relatively recent phenomenon.

If you set out parameters according to which something is wrong, and that thing only exists in the future, are those parameters blameless? Islam claims that if you kill a non-believer, you will go to heaven. There's a reason suicide bombers exist, they're fully supported by the Quran. Alleged backlash against suicide bombers is most likely to be for practical reasons.

It’s not that simple. Suicide is strictly forbidden, the suicide bombing was justified by one extremist imam, but there was so much backlash in the Muslim world even Hamas stopped doing it. Independent analysis finds suicide bombings are motivated politically, also most of them just kill the attacker so odds are they just use it as an excuse to commit suicide. Nothing in Islam is inherently against America or Jews, America wasn’t discovered during islams founding and Jews were considered a protected class.

I started having these thoughts of jumping from a high floor, I was at a hotel last year when it happened, I stared down, And my mind started making up a story of how nice it would be to just jump and end all this suffering that's been going on for a while. It seemed like the perfect solution as to my life, since my life is just a dream why should I care that much if everything's so illusionary with their illusionary consequence. So i attempted, but i freaked out went on bed (not sure if i was consciously stopping it or my subconscious mind freaked out about it ) and there it was mind won't stop racing thoughts about that incident, all night and morning, that it wouldn't stop until like 2 weeks have passed I've been having these episodes of it coming and going, Felt like it was getting stronger at times when i follow those thoughts. They'd like for days or weeks, My mind is calmer now but i easily fall under the trap of i should go for it since life feels so meaningless and i dislike a lot about it and i just can't seem to get it the way i want life to run for me. It feels like someday maybe i could really lose control and go over it, since it felt automatic at the time back then. I can kinda of understand how suicidal people are since i've never been in that state of mind before. I used to be able to say yeah i want to die and suicide since i was 13-14 but that thought would go away within a few seconds to a minute and won't really come up again until months or years passing by and i'd let go not thinking too much about it over the years, But this seems like another weird infiltrated virus that just won't stop leaving me alone pushing me to do it every time, even though i'm trying not to entertain it, it seems very believable as a good idea out of suffering. Even though i keep telling myself over and over it's not as bad as i exaggerate it to be, i still have a lot left, but it's hard to feel the past's well being due to my chronic anxiety. (there's like a pain/uneasiness worry that never goes away keeps cycling between my chest/heart/throat, i just loathe it that part the most with my health issues. (tinnitus/hyperacis/back/leg injury/kidney issues, not sure how to explain it but i have several 5meo side effects, my mind and body just doesn't feel the same feels weird/off and i can't be my past self as i used to be, i have a lot of memory issues which is making it hard for me to cope/learn from my experiences or speak in a proper manner without much brain fog) I really crave early financial freedom since i was so close to get it but i gambled it all away in crypto thinking i could reach UHNWI and i'm manipulating people/ market to make it work eventually. But that was just dumb i keep bringing up the past over and over from a lot of petty stuff with lots of overthinking. As for love i just realized egoic human love is always conditional over unconditional so i thought there could be some unbreakable unshakable bond with someone here for me, but apparently that doesn't exist either salty about wasting all my life for her only to get cheated on multiple times through out the years as i tried to forgive and let go just for it to keep repeating with no remorse. I can't grow feelings to anyone anymore after that experience, I just dislike people in general. Advice? Thank you for caring

@Nemra You are not able to see Russias side. If USA proxy Ukraine to Russia its about the USA. If Russia sees they are being proxy attacked by their biggest enemy they will suicide bomb the planet.

This is a great article about nofap and how it actually hurts people to believe in nofap and porn and masturbation as being bad. Worth reading. It also provides an alternative to how to deal with porn and masturbation instead of strict abstinence. https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/07/nofap-masturbation-reddit-forum-suicide.html

There's no room for it in our political climate. People will just smear you as a pedophile if you attempt to defend pedophiles. It's basically political suicide. The public is not interested in a serious discussion of such issues. When it comes to political activism you have to be realistic about what the public is ready for and what it isn't.

@PurpleTree Hey, we're "higher developed" cultists here, we only do "ego-death" (ego-suicide), "So uncivilized..." 😁

gosh i’m still waiting for my poison drink and the mass suicide but i guess everyone who claims they are god and has a community or people who follow them or their content to a certain extent will be called a cult leader