The White Belt

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  1. See images. A question also: Can you journal self-inquiry? Thanks!
  2. I was diagnosed with OCD about 4 years ago. I've managed to reign it in a lot during that time, but it's clear to me that it still remains. I contemplate a lot, all day long pretty much, and i've just read this on an OCD web page: "Ruminations 'Rumination' is a term often used to describe all obsessional intrusive thoughts, but this is misleading. In the context of OCD a rumination is actually a train of prolonged thinking about a question or theme that is undirected and unproductive. Unlike obsessional thoughts, ruminations are not objectionable and are indulged rather than resisted. Many ruminations dwell on religious, philosophical, or metaphysical topics, such as the origins of the universe, life after death, the nature of morality, and so on. One such example might be where a person dwells on the time-consuming question: 'Is everyone basically good?'. They would ruminate on this for a long period of time, going over in their mind various considerations and arguments, and contemplating what superficially appeared to them to be compelling evidence. Another example might be someone that ruminates about what would happen to them after death. They would weigh up the various theoretical possibilities, visualise scenes of heaven, hell, and other worlds and try to remember what philosophers and scientists have said about death. With most ruminations it inevitably never leads to a solution or satisfactory conclusion and the person appears to be deeply pre-occupied, very thoughtful, and detached" Now I don't know whether i've been contemplating or ruminating this whole time. Does anybody know where there is a difference? A line between healthy or unhealthy? Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks. x
  3. I forgot to add that I also do yoga 3-4 times a week but this is common yoga (yoga with adrienne) and I have just broken a two day fast yesterday where I only had two fruit smoothies a day so I could be experiencing some backlash from that.
  4. Firstly: I started a relationship about three months ago. I've tried to practice detachment but I either don't know how it it's not working. I am constantly bombarded with images of her cheating on me with a guy she's almost always with for work purposes. I work with them both too but not as much. He's a lovely guy, I like him a lot and that's the issue. He's so likeable that I'm jealous and she always speaks very highly of him. I'm super paranoid and jealous but it's all internal. It's just imagination and images but it gets so convincing that I get mad but I never take it out on her at all. It makes my stomach turn and I think racist thoughts about him and I don't want to. He's a great dude. Secondly: I can't stop judging others. Especially obese people. In my mind I curse them a lot. I judge everyone. I'm a barista and I judge all my customers for having sugary drinks all the time. I judge people for wronging me and I hope for bad karma for them. Third: I dream of my dad being utterly selfish because he is. I dream of shouting at him. I'm full of suffering. I appear to others to be well rounded and spiritual. Put it my mind it's all negative imagery and judgement. Where do I think it's coming from? I'm under pressure perhaps from a work project (life purpose work not barista work). I'm going to study in a few months as a mature student and it's been a long time coming. I'm falling in love with my girlfriend and I don't want to lose her. Also moving for university will put a strain on us. I maybe don't feel like I'm doing well in life. Currently PD practices: 3x 15 minutes concentrating mantra meditation learned from Om Swami. (Newly introduced) 5 minutes of trataka (still gazing at a candle) First thing in the morning Kapalbhati (pranayama 4x25 sharp breaths). Asking myself throughout the day "am I aware?" Or "what am I doing right now?" Aka mindfulness. This is all daily. Can you help me to overcome my paranoia, judgements and feelings of inadequacy? Do you guys have any advice? Thank you.
  5. Very noisy neighbors and people chit-chatting in my house.
  6. @Rilles Even when the headphones weren't on?
  7. Hi guys. Can anybody recommend some headphones that completely block out external sounds, for meditation? I've amazoned it, and I get a lot of music headphones, but I don't know if it means it cancels out noise when the music is only on. I want ones that will cancel external noise even when off. Thanks in advance!
  8. @Leo Gura Thanks Leo. I watched your paradox of personal development video after asking the question. It helped. You said you would probably do about 30 videos each one on a paradox. Not a bad idea. Perhaps you can make one called 'The paradox of doing meaningful things in a meaningless existence'. Just a suggestion.
  9. @Leo Gura I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to answer, please.
  10. How did you manage to not throw the baby out with the bathwater? You say you've realised that everything is pointless, meaningless. Yet you've still managed to run your website, keep up your weekly videos, manage your business, answer your emails etc. I just read your comments about how doing things is pointless, and my mind tries to tell me to throw away my passions and big goals. I'm struggling to not give into my mind. How did you manage it? How did you reconcile the paradox in your mind? Please tell me! x
  11. @Leo Gura - You said after 5-MeO your girlfriend started looking into enlightenment. Is she still into it? How far has she gotten?
  12. I've just begun a relationship. It's only 5 days old but we'd been seeing each other a couple of months. I've known her for two years but we weren't close during most of that time. Since the start of the relationship i've been freaking out a lot. I'm almost ashamed to say that I'm already afraid of her cheating on me, I don't feel like i'm good enough for her, I feel like it will end in disaster, I feel hopelessly insecure. She's told me the last two people she has been seeing and I know one of them and it hurts to imagine them together even though it was a year ago. I've told her exactly how I feel which is good. She's sympathetic and says to me that she wants to put me under no pressure. She tells me that she feels for me like she's never felt for anybody else before, and still my mind isn't satisfied. I'm doing well not to put any of my insecurity or doubt onto her. I'm keeping her away from it. The weirdest part of this all is, is that when i'm with her, it all melts away. I feel mostly comfortable and fine. My plan/philosophy is this: You're just experiencing resistance because you haven't been in a relationship for several years and you don't wanna fuck it up because you like her an awful lot; wait it off. I feel like these feelings will subside soon, but i'd like to move them along quicker. Entering a relationship with somebody should be a joy! Not an anxiety trip. Any advice on how to get these feelings to melt away? Thanks.
  13. The most powerful trip i've had was on edibles. It was 10x more powerful than any mushroom trip I had. I was seeing sacred geometric patterns floating above me, and I thought I (as the body) was going to die. Scary as hell. You can't underestimate edibles.
  14. In a word: Underrated. I'm having a little ego backlash today. Nothing too major just a little irritation. Last night I smoked weed, blunt, through a pipe. Everything in my field of awareness was vibrating. Little particles. It was almost see through. I could sense the disappearance of parts of my body. My present moment awareness was so fine tuned that time seemed to slow down entirely. I was listening to music and each note seemed to go on and on, like in normal experience my mind would hurry it along. It was super great! Give weed a try more. It's brilliant. After a couple of years of meditation it becomes more like LSD than anything (I haven't tried LSD but I imagine it so).