High levels of confiusion in my relationship

[The White Belt]

So we've been together 6 months. 

I kissed somebody and it got rocky. Then I told her about sleeping with prostitutes years before the relationship and she freaked out. 

We went on a break. Speaking about things I told her that I wasn't sure if i've ever loved her. But looking back I think I felt moments of it for sure. But i've really gone back and forward on the love thing. Telling her I do, I did, I didn't. It's just so so confusing. Now we've broken up but it doesn't feel final. I have to tell her weather or not I did or do love her but the concept of romantic love is so so confusing to me. I just DON'T know! Part of me wants her back. Part doesn't. It's a real mess.

Any help or advice? 

 

Thanks.

[tastefullyoverdone]

Personally, I think that one's over. You should apologize for being so wishy washy with your feelings and give her the respect to get on with her life.

You really sabotaged that relationship by kissing someone else. When a person seeks attention outside of the relationship it means they don't want to be in the relationship. Subconsciously, you may be attracting this into your life and it probably comes from deep rooted feelings of unworthiness.

Don't be offended that she freaked out when you told her about the prostitute. For most women, it's hard to understand why a person can't control their sexual urges that they would need to pay a woman to subjugate herself to such a thing. That's a low consciousness thing to do but it's common still in our society so don't blame yourself. See it for what it is and forgive yourself. You don't have to disclose everything you've ever done to every partner you have. When you're in the present moment, you just are. You are not the story that follows you around needing to be loved.

Maybe loving relationships are really unfamiliar to you. Have you ever really loved someone before? Maybe not. Sounds like you can't really tell what the feeling of love is. Do you love yourself? Have you ever actually said in the mirror to yourself "I love you." and meant it? I realized the first time I did that, that I had actually NEVER told myself those words.

You know the phrase "You can't love someone if you don't love yourself"? This is real.

Explore attachment styles. Look back into your childhood and at the relationships you have with your parents.
Start telling yourself everyday that you love yourself. You need to change the dialogue in your head.
Stay out of relationships until you feel worthy that you can have one, and respect what a gift it is.

[universe]

You mean you did 2 oopsies: Kissing another girl while in a monogamous relationship with your girlfriend. And then also telling her you slept with prostitutes?

How old are you?

Have  you watched this video? 

 

Conditional love is not true love. Doesnt mean you cant enjoy it but just be cautious.

[Ananta]

On 9/24/2019 at 1:24 PM, The White Belt said:

I have to tell her weather or not I did or do love her but the concept of romantic love is so so confusing to me. I just DON'T know!

I'd say if you have to think this much about if you do or dont, then it's definitely a... don't.

Just my gut feeling, maybe I'm wrong?