Lorcan

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About Lorcan

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    Ireland
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  1. Really? I do not think I am that bad. "The problems I see run very, very deep. There is no simple fix. This forum will not help you" I probably have some lingering self-esteem issues from my recent "trauma" but that's about it. I do not know. At times I can write in a more stoic way (how I prefer) but at the moment I am just venting which does not require to censor what I say in order to appear un-harmed. A stiff upper-lip as one would put it. What do you see? The biggest source of pain for me recently (and the biggest in my life thus far) has been getting rejected by my crush, and the events and thoughts in my head leading up to the rejection, and after the rejection. When it dawned on me when I reflected on all the social-fuck ups I made , it really hit like a truck. Roller-coaster anxiety throughout. As I would remember how I fucked up, which would then go on to produce a negative emotion, which would again and again. Then I would forgive myself. I would be talking to my friend, and he would tell me how bad my social standing is, and that would produce negative emotions. Also constant envy. Yesterday on Instagram I saw a picture of my crush with some rugby lad and the comments read "Rugbylad: Sexy" "Crush: @Rugbylad like you " In conversations with my friend regarding my social standing and how I was doing in terms of getting girls. He said at some point to him , I was failed case. That I was doing well with my social standing, but then I did my own thing without his suggestions and that I have a dug a hole I cant get myself out of. Compared to some other people. It ain't that bad. XD. Just really sucks that I made some really novice , should-of-been-easy-to-avoid social mistakes, that cost me potentially getting with the girl I like. And so I would replay the mistake in my head and it would hurt every-time now. As a reaction to the hit on my self-esteem I have found myself persuing bodybuilding in order to look aesthetic in order to impress other (low consciousness I know, but I am doing it anyway). Over the summer I looking to have somewhat of a body transformation like my friend did. He went from fat to buff. For me, I plan to go from skinny to lean. "How do you like me now?!" Sort of thing. That's just me being honest. Not going to make out I am some super high consciousness kid. I similar to others my age in consciousness. I'd say just slightly higher than average. (I have seen few my age on this forum)
  2. Indeed. There is a lot to learn from that one statement. Why don't we see high consciousness people have great power in the world? I would think it is because people of lower consciousness would do things to attain such power high consciousness people would absolutely refuse to do. People of high consciousness are indeed "losers". They do not want power, or if they do, they want to attain it he ethical way. In a way that nobody gets hurt. They are not willing to inflict suffering in others in order acquire there power. While, this is indeed noble. In our current society, this is not possible I would think. In order to get on top, you have to be willing to do ANYTHING, including stooping to actions of incredibly low consciousness and compassion for others. This is the price to pay for power. Is it no? I do not know. I have never heard of any "good" dictators. Why is it a general theme that politicians, in general, are assholes and liars. Do you know why? Because it works! My own life purpose is to become a revolutionary, to raise the consciousness of mankind, and eventually enlightening mankind. To do this, I have been toying around with the idea of going in disguise as this corrupt , power hungry, egoic, asshole-type, much like trump, doing and acting as he would (or any other person who had high power such as dictators and presidents of countries) and then, when everyone least expects it , take off the disguise and reveal this high consciousness motherfucker and, with my shit ton of power, gained through ill-action and harming others in order to get that power, "reedeem" myself by actually saving mankind from the depths of low consciousness and hell and somehow implementing as much high consciousness into society as possible with my enormous power. Such as changing the school system from the ground up. Making school focus on personal development. To name a few, physical exercise , Psychedelics, Consciousness work, Wim Hof method. Heck ,we could even have psychedelics sex orgy's in High school somehow. All voluntary of course. (I do not know, just food for thought, take it with a pinch of salt) Just imagine if Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin at the height of the power somehow how spontaneously changed to have as high consciousness as Leo Gura.
  3. My only current practices is irregular exercise. I go out to my tree, do some sets of pull-ups, maybe do some free-weight exercises with this heavy rock combined with eating to gain weight cleanly. I have meditated in the past. My longest streak is 40 minutes a day for 3 months. I have meditated mostly in short 2 month bursts over the year and have not maintained a meditation practice exceeding 3 months of consistent meditation. The last time I meditated was over 5 months ago. Maybe longer, maybe shorter. I am not apart of any sports team or club. I am apart of my school bookclub but I have little interest in the books we are given to read (fiction). I will leave soon. No other practices. I wake up. I eat food with the goal of gaining weight (lean weight, so I mostly eating brown rice and eggs etc). Then when I am not eating or cooking I am down town standing with people, sometimes talking, but mostly standing and listening and following. I do unconsciously do weird/unorthodox shit in order to gain status. I find myself doing this almost by default.
  4. Aye. Stand my ground. I get ya.
  5. How can I focus on building my social skills. What must I do? I often walk up to the group and have nothing to say and listen silently. It is frustrating when I hear other people talking about things I have no idea about, and I cannot contribute.
  6. How did you observe this? What must I do to get some humility?
  7. What activities do you suggest?
  8. Bear with me on this thread. It is dealing with things on the more low-consciousness ends of things. Context: I have had trouble gaining respect. Only recently have I started going down to socialize on Saturdays in my local town. A 20 minute cycle. For years I used to just stay at home. So people only know for my actions inside of school. There a multiple groups that hang around the town, who have been friends with each other and known each for years. The connection I have is this one friend. They respect my friend, but not me it seems. My friend says that they may think I am weird and thus this like me. I am not surprised by this. I have acted in a unorthodox ways in the past. Some examples - Wearing this sometimes https://www.google.ie/search?q=peaky+blinders&rlz=1C1MSIM_enIE669IE669&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiZiMugxO_aAhXIIsAKHb3LBHYQ_AUoAXoECAAQAw&biw=1680&bih=919#imgrc=e_taBw52mYi3AM: - My friends asks me to run up to the shop and get some biscuits with his euro. I agree. I prepare to sprint up to the shop as a joke. I sprint up to the shop by the biscuits and run back with the biscuits. - We are smoking weed by the river , there are some dandelions near by. I start gathering dandelion leaves, they ask me what am I doing, I say I am gathering the munch. I proceed to eat a dandelion leaf. - Making constant memes of my self such as... Bringing a 45kg rock in my bag to school and nothing else. It gets confiscated by a teacher. Preforming the russian kick while playing the harmonica. -A few have noted that a jut my jaw out to much and look like I want to kill someone. What happened today: I went down the town town. I met my friend. He told me where all the boys were at. So I went. I approach the group at the bench at the end of the park and one of them says "Lorcan, fuck off" Later that day I was walking with my friend and multiple groups and someone ahead of us walking with a different group was talking to my friend and made an indirect joke about leaving me behind,and then continued walking on with his group. We follow, as they were going up to the bench at the end of the park, we were going to the same place to talk to the same group. We walk up, and one of them says "Lorcan?" or "Oh its lorcan." It sounded mildy resentful. It made me want to punch him. My friend says my reputation is to far ruined, that I have done to much weird stuff. Says I should try find a new group altogether. Hmmmm This is a challenge to me. My life purpose is to be a political revolutionary and visionary, to raise the consciousness of mankind and its collective society. Winning friends and influencing people is surely to be a big part of that. (Yes, I have the book. I have not read it in a while) Maybe I should just call it quits trying to gain their influence or pull out the good old victim card, but I see this as an opportunity for growth, So my question is What can I do to turn the tables and start to get people to view me favourably? How can I fix my damaged reputation? How can I get people to change their view on me and respect me more?
  9. I am looking to get a part-time job in a hardware store. So how do I do it?
  10. Why dont you try this? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemianism
  11. In all seriousness. This guy has got a point. Everything, is literally nothing. All this stuff expressed linguistically we are doing at trying to get closer to the truth in counter-productive to getting the truth (what I am saying now, is included in this). It is indeed mental masturbation because... Bottom Line: The origin of anything down to its source is a mystery. So far, reality appears to this Absolute Infinitum Mind-Fuck Groundless Irrational Strange loop thats all consuming. So all-consuming in fact, that this statement is included and now is invalid. There is a big problem with language and using it to try get at the truth, language ALWAYS makes assumptions, and when you try to get rid of these assumptions, you get stuck in this infinite circular logic circle jerk mindfuck. So really the best way to describe the truth is this ---------------------> <------------------- See that? See what I have put in between the arrows? Nothing. It makes no assumptions, because it isnt doing anything. AND FUCK. There you go again. I made another assumption, oh. And look, I just made another one, and another one, another one.... As you can see. The illusion is so total, everyone just gets mindfucked into absolute oblivion. Maybe we should just accept the illusion and lies. How is anyone supposed to solve this?
  12. I recently have been trying to get a girlfriend and it has been causing me some anxiety. See what I did is I though it was a good idea to ask for advice off some girls in my year about the girl I am interested in. I had not talked to this girl. So a few days later I texted her asking her out. I texted her pretty much out of the blue asking her out in an agressive manor eg "You coming with me to X,Y,Z place X time. This is your one chance. Aha" Long story short, she ended up telling me via this text interaction that I apparently was going around to loads of people talking about her, and 2 , she was seeing someone else. She said stuff like "Im sorry Lorcan I dont even know you" . I did tell he that I indeed did talk about her to other people in the form of asking advice to 3 specific people. So today. I talked to her in real life with lackluster results. "I dont even know you" "Im seeing someone else" . When I called out the bullshit that she was seeing someone else, she was consistent in saying she was seeing someone else. When I asked her out on a date she was sort of like "I'll leave it then". Cant quite remember, but it was undirect. And when I asked her "So your not interested in me" there was again an undirect response. No solid yes's or noes. Just kind of beating around the bush, reserved type interaction. I decided to dismiss myself and she said " Ok, talk to you later" I have the feeling that they think I am a weird. My text game was agressive and god know what gossip was spread about me to her. Perhaps they think I am weird, I do not know, I dont know what was said about me. I wish I would of brang up to her who was gossiping about me. But in the moment I was not thinking about that. The interaction was unsatisfactory and leaves me with much to say. And it makes me feel like shit that I fucked myself over simply by asking some people in my year for advice and then they went and gossiped about me to her. Makes me run "What if?" statements in my head, and feel regret, and think "God damnit, that could of been some insane sex, but I fucked it up" Now I feel this hollowing anxiety within me, this rage that I didnt try my best and that I didnt try hard enough and that I didnt do this and didnt do that. I am not sure what to do now. I want to say more, to clear shit up, but that will make me seem weak and needy. I do not know. I would like to have an abundance mindset, but that is difficult to do so when there really is a huge lack of pretty girls in my school. What should I do now? I feel like I could do more. From the information I have gathered, she is not actually "seeing someone else" . It is unlikely she is. I know people would know so, or think they would know so. Perhaps I am clinging onto some bullshit hope, but it is possibly salvageable if I say the right things to change her perspective on me. Although, I do not know what that is. Seeing as rumors have fucked me over and I do not know what those rumors are.
  13. For low consciousness women.(The majority) Yes. From my perceptions at school. I agree. It is mostly looks.
  14. Great video. We do not need much for maximal happiness. Problem is if we ever get attacked by aliens we are kind of fucked. I do not know. Interesting.
  15. You seem to be want to be a political revolutionary. So do I. Take heed. If you are going to fight something. You need to be very specific on what your fighting exactly and how you are fighting it. Otherwise your just flailing your arms in the air, or whipping the sea, and your not helping anyone. You'll just become some prick lost in his books and theory and ends up getting jack shit and done, or you become possibly a crazed idealog and corrupt dictator thats absolutely consumed in his ideaology that he just causes more suffering than good. Joy is what you want right? Not just for yourself, but for others. To change society in such away the generates the most joy for the individual as possible right? Look here. Do not get lost in theory. Figure out the MOST direct way of creating that in real life. On a global scale. No. Not middle earth. This video is the closest idea to what I have in mind of a perfect society A global, highly eco-friendly society, No regulation, Pure freedom, people managing themselves. High consciousness. I would to live in that kind of society. Just imagine: meditating smoking a joint while breathing in the fresh air while looking at the gorgeous view. having intimate 2 hour long sex (like the way leo describes of having it) in a flower meadow, with a hot girl/ Imagine working hard in the fields, growing and harvesting your own food. Fresh fruits and vegetables. Raising your own free-range animals. going on insane phychadelic trips both for fun and spirtual enlightment. having high quality banter with friends. Crafting your own stuff. Weapons, Furniture. Having your own little thing to contribute. All business is pretty much localised. No monopolies or mega-corporations. Oh god. This is paradise. This makes me cry. And its possible! You just got to start believing its possible and become obsessed and remain playfull and stoic at the same time. There should be no need the mass implementation of an already existing political system. If you do it directly, the system in which you devise gets precisely the job done in the most efficient way possible. I dont know. Just food for thought.