theleelajoker

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  1. Mixed bag for me with weed. Sometimes it really helps me to get some stuff, to relax, to feel and to connect the dots. I sometimes worked on weed and it really helped me to connect with people and to see things on a different level. Sometimes I smoked it when phasing out of a psychedelic experience and it was very calming, comfortable and soothing. Sometimes being active on weed - dancing, doing yoga, playing basketball - is simply amazing. But then, often I did (do) too much, too often and then it backfires. Psychological dependency, anxiety, inactivity, numbing myself. Used it for escapism as a teenager and never could fully get away from that coping mechanism. Right now I am in a mode of not using it for a couple of weeks and then using it intensively for 1-3 days. Typically when there is so much inner tension that I can't handle it and just want it to go away. (yes u might think now "don't run away, simply face the feelings or do breath work, meditation etc"..doing my best and my capability to do so increases but it's still a WIP.) I agree with the idea of ritual, conscious use - this is my ideal vision of my relationship with weed. 1-3 twice a month, on special occasion like meeting with friends, festivals, inner journeys etc.
  2. Rigel made a good point IMO, happened to me. When I realize that I'm in this trap again, I do my best to focus on the following question when I wake up: "How can I make this a good day for me?" Careful not to pressure yourself into unrealistic expectations (like "this will be a good day if I resolve all the problems I had for months") but to focus on what is good and what you can do, best case what you can do right now.
  3. I'm in. There are moments when I am overwhelmed. U could Call it karma, call it trauma, past experiences, call it energetic patterns or sth else. It feels like no matter what I try, no matter what I do - I am stuck with this. No way out and the cycle repeats. And while I see some responsibility of my own, I know that I had no control over certain things that happened e.g. in my childhood or have been passed along over generations. And then there are the moments in which sth else awakens. The feeling of "I will not be defined by this". The feeling of - "OK, mum, dad, grandparents - you did not do it - but I show you that you can. I will face it, feel it, experience it." And the ultimate hope, the ultimate goal is freedom. Freedom from all the bullshit I have picked up and also the bullshit I created myself on the way. Thx for reminding me @Javfly33. And all the best on your own mission
  4. Soul Flight already made some good points. If you cannot do any of those actions proposed - accept it for now. Been there. It will pass. Be well
  5. Ok thank you, your reply helps me understand. IMO, interesting points I am gonna let sink in. In particular your perspective "I am God imagining reality, blocks, closes." Openness to unlimited reality for you is then to be present, to fully experience without judgement, to have none or minimum resistance to what is (or to accept if you did resist sth as it is also part of the experience)? Hope it's ok for me to ask but IMO these topics have a complexity where it is easy to assume or to misunderstand. Therefore I am trying to get a proper understanding of what you're saying, what you mean by certain words and terms. Also, non-native speaker here ; )
  6. @Breakingthewall The points you make strongly resonate with me. Especially this below. At the same time, I wonder: I don't understand that. I figured perfection is just a human concept - how and why does "consciousness" care about it? For more complex, I get the idea. Two questions re this: "Forming patterns automatically" --> do you mean in a deterministic way? Or it just does it because there is no choice doing it, but only how to do it (meaning freedom of choice is there) You say that consciousness is not creating this reality in terms of playing a divine game for fun, but because it was "just" another step towards more complexity in its river of flow of creating ever more complexity? I was always attached to the idea of hide and seek in a divine play, but you got me wondering. If there is less (or none at all) divine play element in reality, and it is just another layer of complexity, what does it mean for me personally? Before I try having "fun" in this play, and try to rediscover what I forgot, awaken etc.. Now I am simply a tool in creating a new layer of complexity. Sure, reality makes it fun and interesting for me as a player in terms of incentives (love, sex, food, friendships, excitement, drama etc.) but in my mind, my personal life purpose shifted from "playing" towards "creating" and from "being" to "serving". (although those terms are not excluding each other)
  7. Well, you want a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship? Or is the desire for a relationship pointing towards sth else? If so, what is it pointing to? Maybe everyone is doing it all the time, even if not fully aware of it? It's about the balance of action, communication, reflection, feeling in a constant flow of experience. It's never one thing but a system. Don't get stuck on the thinking part. If you are, I recommend any practice that put you in touch with your body, your feelings, your right side brain. Activities that calm down the nervous system are helpful, too. Helps me to do more and think less. With more doing, the answers typically follow.
  8. Seems to me that the whole discussion took a different road...but anyway, I can agree to this: On the other hand, I am not so sure about the formula "a lot of sex with hot women = happy life". I know two guys that do that a lot - they both fit the typical "alpha" traits: Money, social status, good looks, muscular frame, strong body language, confidence that borders on arrogance. But: none of them seems to be really balanced and happy in life. One is telling my that he has been depressive for over a decade and he has a close relationship with alcohol. The other one once told me that he is scared that he has mental issues, since he cannot develop feelings for any of his conquests. They both specialized in "getting girls", they optimized their strategy, their "frame", their moves, their body language etc. You can see observe how they play the game, you can learn such behavior through practice. But I do not get the impression of them being happy or in balance or whatever. They put so much time and energy into learning the techniques of attracting women but they are not so much in touch with their feelings and needs. Are those two representative? No idea, those two are the only ones I know who are getting a disproportional large number of hot women and hence my only data points. Yeah, oc sometimes I wished that I would have taken that or this girl home with me, but other times I just did not feel it and then I was quite happy to go home alone. Or I sometimes took them home with me but felt quite empty afterward (my last ONS was like that). Could be just me, but I am OK with fewer girls but the ones I really connect with. And those I really connect with, I don't need to be anyone else than myself. No strategy or no frame is needed. Which leads me again to the beginning: Just be yourself and the rest will come - including confidence and the right girl(s).
  9. There was already some great feedback in the posts before, so I just want to share one little thing in the style of storytelling that you probably can implement easily - breaks. Just a few moments that give me space. Personally, one of the main reason why I did not feel like finishing the video was bc it was "too much informaton too fast". Breaks to give the viewer / listener time to process the content you just presented. Alan Watts does IMO a great job of presenting information. Inspired by him, this is how I like to present ideas and information: Starting with "easy" information that audience is likely to be familiar with (activation) A open question Then a short break for audience to look for their own answer Then the idea or content I want to transfer (new, unfamiliar information on abstract level) Then a concrete example of no 3. that a) relates with audience b) is easy to understand c) ideally creates a vivid picture in people's mind (when using video, now you could show the picture or video content illustrating this example) Again a break for audience to process .... Flowboy made some points re "hooks" that goes in a similar direction. I am typically careful to present ideas ("could be like that") rather than dogmatic statements ("will be like that"), as in my experience it increases the openness of people towards this information I want to introduce. Hope the post it is useful in some way for your further content.
  10. @integral and @mike41 You two are spot on with everything. I will break up tomorrow. It is actually scary HOW spot on you are, both of you, with everything that you said since the first messages. So spot on in describing her behavior and also my perspective, my projections, my denial etc. THANKS A LOT for sharing your point of view. Long story short what happened: Things went well for a few months, we made progress and she got even got into painting again (her way of dealing with her trauma) but then there was a turning point - meeting the family. Since then the whole thing took a sharp turn and it just does not make sense anymore. No progress, no love, n o intimacy, just drama, accusation, fights, etc. What I can say: I grew A LOT during this time, found many shadows and confronted them. Me and her had some great times, too. Hope she finds good therapy.
  11. Yes, got nothing else to add to that Except maybe that this evening with her and the time since has been very harmonious
  12. @Yimpa Yeah, you have a point there I think we might mean sth similar but the semantics in my definition is tricky. In your example, the path I have in mind is 1. Accept that this is the reality. You are bullied. Don't try to deny or change this experience you are having. Don't label or judge it as bad or good. It's like receiving a message. 2. After acceptance, you can act accordingly. You can confront the bully, get help, distance yourself etc. You do whatever it is that feels right. I don't mean to unconditionally remain with whatever is if it does not feel right. Everything changes, but you can only change what you accept first.
  13. Thanks for your replies. I thought about it like this: If I love someone or something, I accept the thing/person just the way it is. No intention to change anything. If I do something out of love, I do it simply for the sake of doing it, without any expectations or desired outcome. It's loving the experience, no matter what it is. Assuming that life just "is", nothing but an experience, I really like this quote I read on a blog once: "You can either love everything or you're not really loving at all"