theleelajoker

As I get older (I'm in my mid 30s) I obviously learn a lot about a lot of things. About me, about others, about business, about psychology, etc. etc. When I meet a group of people, when I go to a meeting, or a date, then I notice many things I did not notice 5 years or even a year ago. Same goes for me when I'm alone and reflect about me or if I look at society at large. So many times in the last years, I had a moment of "Ohhhh...if I only knew before!" or "Now I finally get it!". It felt like moments of deep insight. As if I just had received a key that helps me to solve whatever is a problem for me right now in my life. Admittedly, I don't put all the knowledge into action but I do behave different in many situations. At the same time, I feels like nothing ever changes. As if life adapts to everything I know and do to keep the degree of difficulty the same. All the knowledge, the insights, the shadow work etc - don't feel that my life quality really changed in the last 20 years or sth. The more I learn, the more tools I have at my disposal, the more difficult life seems to become. Just like mastering new and new levels at Super Mario Land. Only difference - on gameboy there was a limited amount of levels while (at least for my lifetime) the "real life" levels seem infinite. And even more, sometimes all these life experiences and learned concepts pile up and seem to make things more complicated and heavy. It's sth I think about when I meet people in their 20s and see their "lightness" about life. Anyone feels similar? Maybe I just feel like that because I am stuck and suck at applying my life lessons

@LastThursday 1. The reddit is fun ;D 2. Yes, there is sth about games and humans. Creating games within games within games lol

OK I did not see that the analogy has been made before @Princess Arabia I like the "time to digest" instead of "apply what learned" perspective. Time to digest that there is indeed nowhere to go, nothing to achieve and nothing to learn. I'm happy to see it in a similar way. Don't know about the rest of you guys but my cultural background, my family and (most of) friends gave me a different view on that. Learn this and do XYZ and then things will be "better". Because "more" is obviously the solution.

Fully agree. I understand that the idea of "don't treat things that ultimately (may) not be real as real" can help. Meta perspective, zooming out, not identifying etc. But when I feel shitty it does not help me. It feels real and it sucks. What helps is connecting with someone, a hug, some words of encouragement, a story to relate, a practical advise, just silently being with someone I resonate with, etc. Mental acrobatics about god don't help. I'm rather new to this forum but I have the (subjective) feeling that especially in the last weeks there is a lot abstract stuff form several users where I personally don't see much value. (u may say I don't get the value - fair enough). @javfly33: No personal dig, I like a lot of your posts and do see value in them. Just not so much is this one

@Ishanga, @Princess Arabia @Bazooka Jesus Thanks for your posts and this discussion. Paradox has been a topic for me this week and your posts put it together nicely. You have no idea how valuable this is for me today. One more thing I noticed with many logical assumptions, logical conclusions: Very often, you find a (hypothetical) situation where you are right in between A and B and you can make solid a case for both. Intellect not only fails to explain everything as you guys pointed out but the division itself is flawed. I often use school as an example: We have biology and chemistry, but where do you put things like serotonin, dopamine? It "biochemical" one might say. We say this is math and this is physics, but what is physics except some math formulas with some text (which in tun is the "English"). Etc. etc. PLUS: The high heels comparison made me laugh

Mixed bag for me with weed. Sometimes it really helps me to get some stuff, to relax, to feel and to connect the dots. I sometimes worked on weed and it really helped me to connect with people and to see things on a different level. Sometimes I smoked it when phasing out of a psychedelic experience and it was very calming, comfortable and soothing. Sometimes being active on weed - dancing, doing yoga, playing basketball - is simply amazing. But then, often I did (do) too much, too often and then it backfires. Psychological dependency, anxiety, inactivity, numbing myself. Used it for escapism as a teenager and never could fully get away from that coping mechanism. Right now I am in a mode of not using it for a couple of weeks and then using it intensively for 1-3 days. Typically when there is so much inner tension that I can't handle it and just want it to go away. (yes u might think now "don't run away, simply face the feelings or do breath work, meditation etc"..doing my best and my capability to do so increases but it's still a WIP.) I agree with the idea of ritual, conscious use - this is my ideal vision of my relationship with weed. 1-3 twice a month, on special occasion like meeting with friends, festivals, inner journeys etc.

Rigel made a good point IMO, happened to me. When I realize that I'm in this trap again, I do my best to focus on the following question when I wake up: "How can I make this a good day for me?" Careful not to pressure yourself into unrealistic expectations (like "this will be a good day if I resolve all the problems I had for months") but to focus on what is good and what you can do, best case what you can do right now.

I'm in. There are moments when I am overwhelmed. U could Call it karma, call it trauma, past experiences, call it energetic patterns or sth else. It feels like no matter what I try, no matter what I do - I am stuck with this. No way out and the cycle repeats. And while I see some responsibility of my own, I know that I had no control over certain things that happened e.g. in my childhood or have been passed along over generations. And then there are the moments in which sth else awakens. The feeling of "I will not be defined by this". The feeling of - "OK, mum, dad, grandparents - you did not do it - but I show you that you can. I will face it, feel it, experience it." And the ultimate hope, the ultimate goal is freedom. Freedom from all the bullshit I have picked up and also the bullshit I created myself on the way. Thx for reminding me @Javfly33. And all the best on your own mission

Soul Flight already made some good points. If you cannot do any of those actions proposed - accept it for now. Been there. It will pass. Be well

I like him : )

Maybe need some psychedelics first

Ok thank you, your reply helps me understand. IMO, interesting points I am gonna let sink in. In particular your perspective "I am God imagining reality, blocks, closes." Openness to unlimited reality for you is then to be present, to fully experience without judgement, to have none or minimum resistance to what is (or to accept if you did resist sth as it is also part of the experience)? Hope it's ok for me to ask but IMO these topics have a complexity where it is easy to assume or to misunderstand. Therefore I am trying to get a proper understanding of what you're saying, what you mean by certain words and terms. Also, non-native speaker here ; )

@Breakingthewall The points you make strongly resonate with me. Especially this below. At the same time, I wonder: I don't understand that. I figured perfection is just a human concept - how and why does "consciousness" care about it? For more complex, I get the idea. Two questions re this: "Forming patterns automatically" --> do you mean in a deterministic way? Or it just does it because there is no choice doing it, but only how to do it (meaning freedom of choice is there) You say that consciousness is not creating this reality in terms of playing a divine game for fun, but because it was "just" another step towards more complexity in its river of flow of creating ever more complexity? I was always attached to the idea of hide and seek in a divine play, but you got me wondering. If there is less (or none at all) divine play element in reality, and it is just another layer of complexity, what does it mean for me personally? Before I try having "fun" in this play, and try to rediscover what I forgot, awaken etc.. Now I am simply a tool in creating a new layer of complexity. Sure, reality makes it fun and interesting for me as a player in terms of incentives (love, sex, food, friendships, excitement, drama etc.) but in my mind, my personal life purpose shifted from "playing" towards "creating" and from "being" to "serving". (although those terms are not excluding each other)

Well, you want a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship? Or is the desire for a relationship pointing towards sth else? If so, what is it pointing to? Maybe everyone is doing it all the time, even if not fully aware of it? It's about the balance of action, communication, reflection, feeling in a constant flow of experience. It's never one thing but a system. Don't get stuck on the thinking part. If you are, I recommend any practice that put you in touch with your body, your feelings, your right side brain. Activities that calm down the nervous system are helpful, too. Helps me to do more and think less. With more doing, the answers typically follow.

Seems to me that the whole discussion took a different road...but anyway, I can agree to this: On the other hand, I am not so sure about the formula "a lot of sex with hot women = happy life". I know two guys that do that a lot - they both fit the typical "alpha" traits: Money, social status, good looks, muscular frame, strong body language, confidence that borders on arrogance. But: none of them seems to be really balanced and happy in life. One is telling my that he has been depressive for over a decade and he has a close relationship with alcohol. The other one once told me that he is scared that he has mental issues, since he cannot develop feelings for any of his conquests. They both specialized in "getting girls", they optimized their strategy, their "frame", their moves, their body language etc. You can see observe how they play the game, you can learn such behavior through practice. But I do not get the impression of them being happy or in balance or whatever. They put so much time and energy into learning the techniques of attracting women but they are not so much in touch with their feelings and needs. Are those two representative? No idea, those two are the only ones I know who are getting a disproportional large number of hot women and hence my only data points. Yeah, oc sometimes I wished that I would have taken that or this girl home with me, but other times I just did not feel it and then I was quite happy to go home alone. Or I sometimes took them home with me but felt quite empty afterward (my last ONS was like that). Could be just me, but I am OK with fewer girls but the ones I really connect with. And those I really connect with, I don't need to be anyone else than myself. No strategy or no frame is needed. Which leads me again to the beginning: Just be yourself and the rest will come - including confidence and the right girl(s).

There was already some great feedback in the posts before, so I just want to share one little thing in the style of storytelling that you probably can implement easily - breaks. Just a few moments that give me space. Personally, one of the main reason why I did not feel like finishing the video was bc it was "too much informaton too fast". Breaks to give the viewer / listener time to process the content you just presented. Alan Watts does IMO a great job of presenting information. Inspired by him, this is how I like to present ideas and information: Starting with "easy" information that audience is likely to be familiar with (activation) A open question Then a short break for audience to look for their own answer Then the idea or content I want to transfer (new, unfamiliar information on abstract level) Then a concrete example of no 3. that a) relates with audience b) is easy to understand c) ideally creates a vivid picture in people's mind (when using video, now you could show the picture or video content illustrating this example) Again a break for audience to process .... Flowboy made some points re "hooks" that goes in a similar direction. I am typically careful to present ideas ("could be like that") rather than dogmatic statements ("will be like that"), as in my experience it increases the openness of people towards this information I want to introduce. Hope the post it is useful in some way for your further content.

@integral and @mike41 You two are spot on with everything. I will break up tomorrow. It is actually scary HOW spot on you are, both of you, with everything that you said since the first messages. So spot on in describing her behavior and also my perspective, my projections, my denial etc. THANKS A LOT for sharing your point of view. Long story short what happened: Things went well for a few months, we made progress and she got even got into painting again (her way of dealing with her trauma) but then there was a turning point - meeting the family. Since then the whole thing took a sharp turn and it just does not make sense anymore. No progress, no love, n o intimacy, just drama, accusation, fights, etc. What I can say: I grew A LOT during this time, found many shadows and confronted them. Me and her had some great times, too. Hope she finds good therapy.

Question: Do you think it's possible to have a healthy long term relationship when you are - at least approximately - not in the same "stage"? Very often in talks or in conflicts with my gf, I see that she is not able to see or to understand what I am saying, While I believe that this is "normal" to some degree, I feel that it increasingly bothers be that we don't really understand each other. It's not a "I am better than you " but rather a "OK I see where you are right now. I really do like you a lot but I wonder if I am the right person for you right now (and vice versa)" It costs me more and more energy because it automatically puts us in a "teacher - student" or a even a "perpetrator-victim" role setting. For instance, we have a conflict and I say "Ok, I realize I did this and that etc and I am sorry" while she just goes into accusations towards me and refuses to take responsibility for her actions. Sometimes I stay calm, see it for what it is (insecurity, trauma, ego, subconscious protection mechanisms of the psyche). I tell myself that what matters is focusing on me, that she is the way she is (with other great qualities) and as best as I can I refrain from any expectations of how she should behave. Doing my best to accept her just the way she is. But sometimes it really bothers me. I know and I feel she is adding drama where conflict could be avoided easily. And the way we both are, we cannot talk eye to eye because of these roles and patterns. I know people change and I do see a lot of development in her. At the same time, I have been growing as well and the "gap" between stays the same. I also believe that she is bothered by it as well, but in an opposite way. She once said "how do you think it feels when you have the feeling that the other person (=me) is so much more mature than yourself?" One of my thoughts is that maybe in the past, I "needed" these roles for validation and recognition. That's why I (subconsciously) chose back than her but now I wonder about the fit in the today... PS: I know Spiral Dynamics is just a model and not the reality. But I do find value in it as it helps to cluster believes and values I see in people + people knowing SD will get my question without me doing a lot of explanation

Yes, got nothing else to add to that Except maybe that this evening with her and the time since has been very harmonious

@Yimpa Yeah, you have a point there I think we might mean sth similar but the semantics in my definition is tricky. In your example, the path I have in mind is 1. Accept that this is the reality. You are bullied. Don't try to deny or change this experience you are having. Don't label or judge it as bad or good. It's like receiving a message. 2. After acceptance, you can act accordingly. You can confront the bully, get help, distance yourself etc. You do whatever it is that feels right. I don't mean to unconditionally remain with whatever is if it does not feel right. Everything changes, but you can only change what you accept first.

What is your definition of Love?

Thanks for your replies. I thought about it like this: If I love someone or something, I accept the thing/person just the way it is. No intention to change anything. If I do something out of love, I do it simply for the sake of doing it, without any expectations or desired outcome. It's loving the experience, no matter what it is. Assuming that life just "is", nothing but an experience, I really like this quote I read on a blog once: "You can either love everything or you're not really loving at all"

So funny how easy it is to get lost in the divine drama. I once thought I figured it out and then - boom, back again. This time "waking up" was actually quite ironic because (unintentionally) I did not sleep much for a while. I got kind of "high" from that, and then a lot of things clicked. After some sleep I am back to "normal state of consciousness" but some learnings remain...or at least, so I believe now One thing I love about forums is a) all the perspectives I get from other people and b) that I can go back and see what I wrote - my thoughts, feelings etc. So there is no denial, just a real good look at my stories and construction of "reality". @everybody that took time to reply & especially @integral - thanks for the support. Much needed, much appreciated. I'll go play a bit in maya Gonna see my gf tonight and I am really looking forward. No drama, no meta talk, no trauma - just enjoying the moment and the small things like watching her smile, laughing together and cuddling : )

F***, it's all me, isn't it? Can be quite confusing, this "waking up"

I don't think you have any idea how useful. Frankly, it's not only her - I see those patterns you described also in me. It really only clicked with your last post when it came all together. You wrote that I remember things fairly, balanced or positively and that this is the result of a loving childhood. That's only true to a degree. I tend to see the negative often, I don't trust easily and I question "does she love me?" as well. My childhood was anything but loving and the thing about unreliable parents, abandonment, narcissist father etc. - yeah, you can put a check mark there. The degree might be different, but seeing you laying our her likely thought process (which fits all my experiences, observations so well that it is almost magical) I cannot help but be reminded of me and my own thought processes. The double standard thing, the lack of integrity - my father was probably the superman of hypocracy and lies. And being honest to myself in this very moment - f***, I can see parts of that with me, too. OK, self-development, meditation, psycedelics etc helped but the veil of ignorance I cast myself now slowly disappears...I have been blind to many of my patterns the same way she is blind to it. That's why the meta-addiction - rationalizing feelings instead of feeling them. That is likely also why me and my gf found each other - we share these traits to some degree. For me, it becomes pretty obvious that I need to do trauma therapy. The one thing that is true - I do my best to be optimistic, glass half full not half empty! So I feel that me and my gf, despite all the stuff - we do have a connection. I remember once she told me "before we started dating, I made up all kind of bad things about you in my mind to give me a reason not to date you". I found it strange, until a while later I noticed that I did the same. I told her this and she said "you know, that is one reason I like you - I believe that we understand each other without the need to explain much" So maybe we can make it a common healing journey. At least for a while. No idea is that is possible, her trauma seems much deeper than mine. Especially what you mention about the negative memory & the bias is quite difficult. I often noticed how she changed stories with this very bias but I never made the connection you explained. Whatever it will be, I focus on myself and see where it gets us. I need to do some research and find me a therapy...