Something Funny

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  5. Posted

    5 hours ago, Lila9 said:

    so if he really wants a hot woman he should put a little more effort and compete gracefully with other men

    Emm, no he shouldn't? Sure there is always a background competition going on, where a person has another potential dating options and chooses whichever they like the most. But he definitely shouldn't explicitly compete with anyone over her as if he is on a reality tv show. That's just toxic. 

    5 hours ago, Lila9 said:

    He wrote that "she was just now learning to trust men and liked to play with the power dynamic of having them pursue her" and I believe she was honest with OP, didn't deny it or anything. Many women have trust issues with men.

    How does flirting with another person while you are on a date helps you heal and develop trust issues? It helps you to build a giant ego, that's for sure.

    She was being a dick, idk how this is even a point of discussion.

    4 hours ago, Lila9 said:

    I assume OP lives in a spiritual and open minded community where people actively engage in healing especially in the sexual realm, so in that case I understand where she came from and I don't think that she came from a place of disrespect. 

    First of all, going to a yoga class to pickup some girs isn't "living in a spiritual community".

    It wasn't probably even some spiritual class, just some hatha yoga where teacher saying "connect with your inner self" while everyone does sun salutations in their yoga pants is a peak enlightenment experience...

    Secondly, once again, I have no idea how someone can view flirting with another person during a date as "healing" or truing to "develop trust", lol??

    Is it "those evil men hurt me in the past so now I am gonna make them feel bad in return" type of healing??? 

    If that's what you mean then we can also say thay it's okay for a guy to play a girl into thinking that he looks for a relationship and then fuck and dump her after a first date. And do it intentionally to hurt her cause "those evil women deserve that" and this is his "healing" process.

    Hell, by that logic shooting up a school can also be part of your "healing" process, lol.

    Intentionally hurting random people cause you are bitter and resentful because of your past experiences isn't healing

  6. Posted

    On 2/19/2023 at 11:40 AM, Lila9 said:

    It's fun to be pursued whether you are a man or a woman, it's nice to be wanted and in the other hand it can be confusing when you have a few men intrested in you at the same time and you don't know much about them yet in order to make a good choice.

    I think I disagree. Imo, it's a pretty basic requirement that both parties treat each other with respect. If you are already on a date with a certain person then be nice even if you don't like them that much. Flirting with someone else is definitely a dick whether you are a guy or a girl.

    On 2/19/2023 at 11:40 AM, Lila9 said:

    I think that at this level, assuming it's your first date with her I would have said nothing and ignore it as if it's never happened, as if this French guy was a little fly, nothing serious to be worried about.

    Only if it was more serious connection after a while of dating, with some sort of history I would speak about my feeling of hurt and all the pain and the suffering caused by the nasty French guy (or any other guy).

    So if you were on a first date with a guy at some bar and all of a sudden he got up, turned around, flirted with another girl next to him and took her number, you would just ignore it as if nothing happened??? And then went on a few more dates with him until you finally talked about it and made a decision on how to proceed?

    Self-respect aside, don't you think it's a complete waste of time?

  10. Posted · Edited by Something Funny

    @ValiantSalvatore I agree with what you are saying in general, but some of it is besides the point. Especially the argument of modern environments and choosing who you hang out with.

    Most people in the world don't leave in "modern environment" so for them this topic is much more relevant.

    What I am talking about is something like this:

    let's say you are walking down a street and somebody cat calls your gf, or grabs her butt or whatever. And you just totally ignore it. How do you think she would feel? Even if she doesn't believe that you have necessarily to do something, she would still will kind of "meh" about the situation in general, right? Especially compared to an alternative scenario where you stand up for her.

    Or if this happened when your male friends were with you, are you saying that their opinion about you isn't going to be affected at all, or if it does, then they are degenerates?

    21 minutes ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

    You can play billions of scenarios

    It's not about any particular scenario or how realistic it is. The question is about the concept itself, our ideas of what makes a man look good and attractive and what doesn't.

  11. Posted

    3 minutes ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

    This was by far the stupidest question on the test imo.

    This was my first impression as well, but now I think that it was phrased like that intentionally. If you ask this question to a person from older generation, like your grandpa, they will probably say yes to it without thinking that it's a weird question.

    But as I said that problem is that I, for example, disagree with this statement technically. But then in real life situations, like if you are out with your girlfriend and you get insulted and just "eat it", you will probably look less in her eyes then if you stand up for yourself, right?

    Or even amongst man. Let's say you, as a man, know a guy who is a total doormat. Even if you are open-minded and do not agree with the above statement logically, you still won't have that high of an opinion about him. On the other side if one day he really stands up for himself, your respect for him will naturally increase. It's not even a conscious process.

  12. Posted

    On 2/20/2023 at 9:52 AM, Hibahere said:

    @Arcangelo pay my rent then 

    Seriously though. If you want practical solution, this is the only practical solution that will actually change something. Sure, all those little psychological tricks can make you living situation 5-10% easier, but they won't change much.

    You need to start seriously considering the option of moving out and planning for it and in the meantime you can try to survive through your current situation and make is as good as you can.

    If moving out is not an option within your country, then move abroad. Research what countries you can go to without visa with your passport or where it's relatively easy to get a visa and what are the requirement. Research living costs, research what kind of job you can do, develop new skills if necessary, etc.

    For example in Poland, where I live right now, there are a lot of relatively cheap college options, some offer a possibility of paying a monthly tuition or making 2 payments per year, instead of a full payment. I think you can even get a visa for a weekends only courses, this way you can work 5+ days per week.

    You can apply for a college here, get yourself a student visa, move here, rent a room in an apartment or a dorm, and find yourself a job that will cover both your costs of living and your university tuition.

    I don't believe that there's literally 0 chance for you to move out. It takes work, but it's possible.

  13. Posted

    On 2/20/2023 at 10:43 AM, Judy2 said:

    there are things i could do, i've got assignments to work on....but then i get so overwhelmed cause i don't know what to do, when, in what order, where, how....and i feel so lost, so insecure, no matter what i do or where i go.

    i wish someone could give me gentle orders. wash your face, put on some make-up and pick a nice outfit, go outside, it will make you feel better.

    The most effective technique that helps me with this is to just lay down on the floor and stare at the ceiling. Do not distruct yourself with anything. No phone, no internet, no tv, etc. Just lay down at stare at the flow. Eventually you will grow tire of it and will just naturally want to do something. So you can start making regular small steps like that.

    Try doing it for one day as an experiment. Set a rule for yourself that you are either doing at least something productive or are staring at the ceiling. Maybe it will help you as well.

    On 2/20/2023 at 10:43 AM, Judy2 said:

    and i feel so incredibly alone. 

    You know, as one song says:  "we are not alone in our loneliness".

  14. Posted

    Wow, those guys actually also have a reverse sexism test

    https://www.idrlabs.com/reverse-sexism/test.php

    What I find interesting is that a lot of qualities that are encouraged in personal development, such as the ones below, are technically considered sexist.

    - A real man is in control of his emotions
    - A real man should be daring and strong
    - Real men recover speedily from emotional disturbances
    - A good man is someone who is ambitious and financially successful
    - A real man should defend his honor when insulted
    - A real man stands up for what he believes in, even at great risk to himself

    I guess there is the difference between saying "a real man is/should" or "a good man is" (kind of like a universal standard) and just saying that those are desired qualities. But still... It's pretty obvious that a vast majority of people would consider these qualities desirable and attractive in a man so we might as well says that this is kind of a universal standard of what it means to be a good man. And what's tricky is that it's not just some artificial social standard as in case with something like "women should be stay at home moms", these qualities in a man feel genuinely attractive on a subconscious level for both men and women...

    So let's say I am trying to improve myself and develop emotional mastery or become more courageous and start standing up for what I believe in. Am I being sexist towards myself? From one side yeah, cause I am not being accepting enough of who I am right now. On the other side there are clear survival benefits of me developing those qualities, right?

    What if I am pushing my son to develop this qualities? Am I being a caring father who worries about his well-being or am I being a sexist towards him?

    A lot of Leo's advise for men is sexist by those standards, haha.

    @Leo Gura, @Emerald any thoughts?

     

  15. Posted

    @Devin  yeah, I know what you mean. I guess my logic was that part of their own definition is

    16 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

    For example, the belief that men should protect women; that women thrive better in nurturing roles; or that women are somehow “purer”

     

    And from statement "Women have nurturing capabilities that men could never achieve." one might conclude that women thrive better in nurturing roles.

    Especially if you claim that this is something that men could never achieve, as per the original phrasing, than you might say that this is women's natural position in society or even a social obligation.

    Which is why I found it weird that it isn't counted towards benevolent sexism.

  21. Posted · Edited by Something Funny

    19 minutes ago, Emerald said:

    But neither of these inherently entails consciously bullshitting your partner. It’s about feeling like some key to your happiness/salvation is being impeded by  being in a relationship. It gives the illusion that the cure to your soul sickness exists in romantic or sexual validation from others.

    Some people dealing with these issues really love their partners and feel very torn… but still have this fantasy of getting validation outside the relationship can’t be achieved within it

    You are right, but still, how do you deal with / avoid such people?

    For example what advise would you give to this girl?

    I mean yeah, sure, she should probably leave him. But how does she learn that this is the way this guy feels about her? How can you screen such people out?

    Edit: how do you know that your partner is not like that for example? What if you spend 20 years with a person and this is how they feel about you all the time?

  22. Posted

    3 hours ago, Emerald said:

    Plus, there could be other more personal dynamics at play… like transferring the need for parental validation onto women. And this, always seeking new women to validate them… like feeding a hungry ghost.

    You think it's less common for women? I don't mean being insecure about your partner's looks, but settling for someone you don't really like and bullshitting them in general?

  24. Posted

    6 hours ago, Emerald said:

    And I view it as a relationship best practice that a woman should not stay with a man who doesn’t properly appreciate her.

    Let her find someone who is sure about he

    That's what triggered me the most about this post.

    Imagine your partner thinking that you are inferior to somebody else's bf/gf in some way and being insecure about being with you.

    Only staying with you cause they are too comfortable or can't find anyone better.

    If they tell you about it, it would for sure hurt as hell. But it's still what I would prefer. The worst scenario is being totally oblivious about it and spending a few years of your life in suach a relationship. Or even getting married because they "came around" eventually and didn'ttell you about any of those inner struggles. That's actually scary to think about.