Rishabh R
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Posts posted by Rishabh R
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I had a classmate to whom I flirted . She sometimes treated me badly and sometimes good . At the last day of our contact she said to me that study don't do these things. After that I never saw her again . This incident gave me suffering . Was she my girlfriend? How can I move on from the past ? This incident has also happened to me a couple of times before?
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@Leo Gura What advice would you give to someone who is confused wether to hope for future or live in present ?
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@Princess Arabia Yeah the relationship with the identity matters but all identity is fluid and temporary so why not build a good one. And also the goal of therapy is to see the situation objectively.
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3 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:Ok, everything temporary is within Consciousness. That's it. The only thing that matters is if you want to have a joyful experience or one filled with suffering. Your choice, and what will determine that is what you identify as and your relationship to that identity.
Yeah but eventually joyful experience and experience come together hand in hand because life is a combination of positive and negative.
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Consciousness. By that definition it doesn't matter wether girl rejects me or not because it will still be temporary. And also suffering is temporary too.
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@Princess Arabia I don't think that it's a delusion because I asked myself - Why while writing the post. Yes things in life are temporary such as heartbreak, rejection etc.
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During therapy I came to a conclusion that suffering due to behaviour of girls (girls who rejected me in past and treated me badly) useless and is also pointless.
Why ?(I asked myself)
Because it does not matter
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@mmKay situations like people hurted me in the past, abused me,girls hurting me etc.
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Guys I have come to the conclusion that that girl is not in my life. And this truth is liberating to me.
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Insight --- The situation for which I was suffering is not happening to me right now.
I was applying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and all of a sudden this insight hit me. And as of the future I looked the evidence that I don't know.
@Leo Gura Was your avoidance of truth episode based on a therapy to improve one's life? When a person is suffering then is that person is avoiding truth ?
Thank you.
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@Leo Gura so I must I focus on my efforts which is talking to girls for years which I am doing despite getting rejected. And also is it true for exams also ( tommorow I have an exam) that I must focus on my preparation not the marks cause they are out of my control?
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@Leo Gura How to be confident when I have never dated before ? Is it authenticity which means being true to yourself and then others ?
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@Buck Edwards If she would have said me no rather than giving me a rude reply then I would have happily backed off. However, I am still moving on. And -Is abusing other not hurting ? Is insulting other person not hurting ?
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@Princess Arabia thank you. I am trying to move on. Btw that's a good reframe.
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@Buck Edwards yeah I know she doesn't like me but there is also a socially calibrated way of telling that.I am trying to move on I feel ok around people but at night I feel miserable. And also it's not about me, it's her narcissism. This is temporary and this too shall pass away. I don't think that it's a good idea to be happy for those who hurt you badly.
I no longer like her but I have anger towards her.
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I am facing immense sadness, anger due to the fact that this girl treated me badly and then started dating another guy. I am a 23 year old college student in India. I am suffering due to it. Am I unattractive, she abused me, her friend gave me a threat that you have come to college so study and don't do these things. When I asked her why she hurted me she told that I deserve it all the time. time. She said me to study, abused me called by a cry baby , weak. I have never been in a romantic relationship with a girl in my entire life till now. I don't know but I have a huge amount of hatred piling up against girls and especially girls with a boyfriend. I seriously hate them. I am on antidepressants because girls treated me badly before also. I am having immense anger and hatred towards couples. Nobody loved me and nobody loves me. I feel extremely bad when I sit to study cuz tommorow is my internal tests also. I abuse her in my mind. I abuse the girls who rejected me in my mind.Sorry everyone for the low quality post.😭😭🥺
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@Thought Art yeah I bought Obstacle is the way and I am reading it the 2nd or 3rd time.
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People of actualized.org (post it in following format)
What are the 3 failures that you all have faced in previous three months ? What can be learned from them ?
For me ,
Failures :
1# Not scoring good marks in 2 of my semester exams.
Lesson: Be prepared early on before the exam and don't do anything new in the last moment.
2# Suffering due to lack of an intimate relationship.
Lesson: Either take action or move on. People in relationships suffer too.
3# Missing the morning classes from 8:30 am.
Lesson : Decide wether classes are important or sleeping.
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Hey all the mods including @Thought Art , @UnbornTao could we create a thread -Learning from failures. Like we can post that what are our failures from past 3 months and what can we learn from it and how we can implement the lesson learned ?
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Recently I saw the response sheet of a competitive exam and I didn't score good. But it didn't made me feel bad that much. Cuz I was comfortable with failure. I know it's an obstacle/problem but does negative leads to the positive .Like - this situation is negative and it will lead to something positive if I take action and create positive or realistic narratives. Is this a good reframe ?
Also I have another problem , I curse the girls who rejected me in the past and went to someone else. But the reframe that I will have better opportunities with better girls is realistic ?
@Leo Gura and people could you give me a realistic answers on this?
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Accord to me she must declare her feelings or move on. The more she will wait harder it will be for her to move on if the teacher rejects her.
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@Leo Gura Without those girls who went into relationships with other guys ? Yeah that's what I am doing focussing on girls who respond goodly to me but I am also suffering due to anger due to past rejections from girls.
Regarding my perception of myself I contemplated -What is truth ?
Answer - I am attractive.
How can I make my perception of myself more grounded . Is it wise enough to see through both negative and positive parts of myself ?
in Dating, Sexuality, Relationships, Family
Posted
@Phil King yeah that's why I am suffering. Everybody of my age has atleast 1 relationship throughout their life and I am single my entire life. It makes me extremely angry the fact that I am an inexperienced guy . I have talked to many girls after that but I am still suffering cause nobody accepted me till now and my friends are going girlfriend after girlfriend.