@Aaron p I wish you luck on your journey. 
 
All I will leave you with is: 
This is it. 
it goes full circle. 
You can use whatever words you want, immortal God, The Self, Consciousness, all words point to the Indescribable. 
 
To me it just sounds like you are little bit caught up in chasing states and spiritual highs. 
 
Like I said, you do you, and follow your path, as long as you are happy, that’s all that matters at the end of the day. 
 
I’ll leave you with this from who I regard as the greatest western teacher of our generation- (and @Meta-Mans favourite bloke ) 
 

You ain't seen nothing yet with sex.
Osho:
our sex act and the tantric sex act are basically different. Your sex act is to relieve; it is just like sneezing out a good sneeze. The energy is thrown out and you are unburdened. It is destructive, it is not creative. It is good — therapeutic. It helps you to be relaxed, but nothing more.
Ejaculation is not orgasm, to give birth to children is not orgasmic. Orgasm is the involvement of the total body: mind, body, soul, all together. You vibrate, your whole being vibrates, from the toes to the head. You are no longer in control; existence has taken possession of you and you don't know who you are. It is like a madness, it is like a sleep, it is like meditation, it is like death."
You can prolong deep embrace for hours with no ejaculation, and then both can fall into deep sleep together. This – THIS – is a valley orgasm. Both are relaxed, and they meet as two relaxed beings. In the ordinary sexual orgasm you meet as two excited beings – tense, full of excitement, trying to unburden yourselves. The ordinary sexual orgasm looks like madness; the tantric orgasm is a deep, relaxing meditation.

Hey,
 
roughly two years ago I have seen the doorway to what would be called enlightenment. The moment the understanding came it blew me away, it was accompanied with tears, joy and laughter, but soon after that fear followed and I have realized what it would cost me if I would go through it.
With the key in my hands suddenly a lot of my interests fell apart. It was like seeing all the egoic programs that are in work at once. Which was kind of a hit in the face. I wasn’t near ready at this time for seeing these things, I was 20 then and had several psychological problems like OCD, anxiety disorder and depression that I had to deal with aswell.
What has happened was slight, but changed my whole perspective. My food cravings changed, animal products didn‘t taste good anymore and my body responded with pain and resistance when eating them, sugar brought up a sharp pain in my head. The same goes with alcohol. I nearly lost all of my interests. I always felt alone, this made me feel even more alone. I lost interest in socialising, I lost interest in music, in partying, hobbies and whatnot.
I feel like I pursued this whole enlightenment stuff out of the wrong reasons. I didn’t pursue it because it made me happier, I did so because I thought it would make me happier. The lack was somewhere else. I didn’t listen to what feeling was telling me and it told me to stop just before I had some of the greater insights. I went way too far. I had so many dreams and ideas. Now my ‘old life’ is over and I can’t get over it, because it would have been great had I just listened to feeling. It now just all vanished.
Another problem that adds up is that I got circumcised last year and am highly unsatisfied with the result. I met several urologists and surgeons, read a lot of articles and talked to other people, but there simply is no procedure to fix this. Walking is uncomfortable, I’m getting annoyed by it doing sports, my sex life is suffering because it is oftentimes accompanied with pain, which leads to even more depression. I would gladly kill myself at this point.
I feel the only way to repair this physical damage would be either to wait for regenerative medicine, which is still too far away or believe the teachings of Abraham Hicks about regenerating limbs, which seem to be a money grab for desperate people or becoming like Jesus and being able to transform the physical just by imagination. All of these are highly unlikely scenarios.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I made hell out of my life. I had the opportunity to live a great life and I threw it away. Everyday I just think about pulling the trigger because my life is fucked up beyond repair. I eliminated the most important things in my life and I‘m rather dead than having to live like this.

If rectal administration is the best method 5 Meo DMT it should also work well with LSD.
 
I have already tried once 50 ug of 1P-LSD. The strength seems to be comparable to a 100 ug of ALD-52 (still not enough for ego death) or maybe a little bit less intense. Normally 1P is harsh, faster acting and a little bit stronger (100 ug of 1P is enough). Rectal 1P is very similar to oral ALD-52.
 
Other observations:
- trip is smooth and pleasent. 1P taken orally makes me a little bit anxious - I have to mix it with small dose of ALD-52
- 1P taken orally cause CRAZY pupils dilitation. I have to keep my eyes nearly closed. I don't have that effect with rectal administration
- trip duration seems to be shorter - rather six hours instead of twelve. Peak was quite intense for just 50 ug. I guess 75 could be enough to reach ego death.
I hope I will be able to give it another try with a larger dose.

Pretty much what the title says. My spiritual practice has gone to shit and I just don't feel motivated to practice. I notice sometimes that when I read a story about awakening my level of inspiration goes up. Then I'll practice diligently for a while and then drop off again. Can anyone recommend some newer books on non-duality that you feel are inspiring?

There are two great YouTube channels that I found that deal with the practise of Kriya Yoga.
"ManojTheYogi" has an entire course up online, giving instructions on how to do the practises and giving theoretical background knowledge as well. For me, this was a good place to start.
The second channel I would recommend is "Ryan Kurczak". He too offers a lot of practical and theoretical information for your Kriya practise. He also runs a second channel that deals with Vedic astrology, if you are interested in that.
If you combine their teachings with some good books on the topic (Kriya Secrets Revealed, A Systematic Course in the Ancient Tantric Techniques of Yoga and Kriya, Kriya Yoga Vichara, Patanjali's Yogasutras...) you should have plenty to work on and should be able to figure out how it all works in due time.
Hope this helps. Much love!

My government sponsors this. The nice sweet person of this show goes for DMT. With english subtitles.
 

This is mainly a message to Leo, hope you see it! Though those who haven't tried this either should definitely give it a go.
This will probably be controversial due to the misinformation and current ego structures people have but after watching Leo's 'What It's Like To Smoke Salvia Divinorum' video. I realised he potentially hasn't explored this realm of consciousness so I want to talk about my exploration of it and the benefits I've had.
The realm I'm talking about is the realm of mixing nitrous oxide gas with psychedelics. Don't be quick to dismiss it, if proper harm reduction is used, this is very safe (do some research outside of propoganda news sources and deluded people on reddit who don't breathe oxygen to enhance the effects and end up frying their brain).
Now, by itself, it's a pretty mild experience, the magic really happens when mixed with weed or LSD, mushrooms, DMT, etc.
What I found interesting is that, its so unimaginably intense that, within a minute, you're basically hit with full on ego death BUT there's something very interesting about it which is that, unlike something like DMT. There's this very deep understanding of what is happening to you and why in every way. It's as if your consciousness just expands infinitely to the point where you can be aware of 999999999999x more things simultaneously. It's as if you are living multiple lifetimes (both separately and at the same time). The experience makes reality so obvious and clear that it's really unquestionable.
I feel like I can fully have powerful 5meodmt breakthrough experiences (though with much less anxiety) just by combining it with weed and meditating in silent darkness. The best part is when you get back to your body. Any trip anxiety you had should basically be gone at this point and I find I'm able to go MUCH much deeper into my trip as I'm more able to let go (even an hour later). I no longer am anxious about thinking particular things that I might have before thought would cause me to bad trip and it's to the point where I can literally contemplate bad trips and put myself 'in one' without actually suffering because I feel so conscious that I'm just able to observe without attachment.
I can't even begin to explain how amazing it is. EVERY psychonaut should try this and it's sped up my growth exponentially, not only by allowing me to go deeper and get more out of my trips but by also showing me the most insane things by raising my consciousness to such extreme levels.
As an example, just a few months ago, I microdosed LSD and smoked some weed and did nitrous. It literally felt like I was God to an extreme extent. I created entire universes with just my thoughts and lived through each lifetime in those universes simultaneously as God. Trillions of beings, all created by thoughts I had until I eventually 'found' my lifetime on earth and started to become more and more limited into it. It felt like the reality I returned to was a completely different reality to the one I had left (but I had just created a new one for myself with God conciousness).
Another trip, on 220ug of LSD and nitrous, I literally expanded so much that I saw my whole life become stretched out in moments of time which could be zoomed infinitely into and out of. It was literally scrolling through this timeline that was my life and I could see each moment unravel like a scroll which had more moments within it and vice versa. I eventually hit the moment where the nitrous peak faded and I got sucked into it and my body was now a ridiculous amount of atoms interacting with each other. I then watched (and felt) the laws of physics create patterns out of these atoms/particles and they naturally formed into cells, which started colliding and forming reactions which then made organs and organ systems which then in a particular form brought me back to 'human' consciousness where I just burst out laughing for about 5-10 minutes. Reality was so painfully obvious that it was hilarious. Also time in that realm can make seconds feel like billions of years but trust me it's fucking bliss, don't get anxious, I've even had 'challenging' trips on it and it's very forgiving.
By far the most intense trips I've ever had were from using nitrous on psychedelics and it's probably been my most valuable tool for expanding consciousness to date. The most underrated experience I've ever found... TRY IT and prove me wrong haha.

Yes you are shaking because of energy that wants to flow through, the meo made you more aligned with the universal energy. If you want to understand the whole etheogenic paradigm, then read these 32 pages. Scribd is free for 30 days.
https://www.scribd.com/document/25318546/The-Entheological-Paradigm-An-Overview
 

Why should the human me care about growth, overcoming struggles etc., when its destination its death? 
In addition when the God me is already perfect? 
It is self contractionary, all these motivational struggles and growth, it is delusional playing which is all ultimately in vain, because the ego dies. That sand castle, will crumble.
So, again what's the point to spend time and effort in order to make better a "sinking ship", which will eventually sink?

@Mert If you get the bottom-most layer of reality you will realize that there is only you, imagining everything and everyone else.
So "objective reality" or "consensus reality" is just a very deep layer of your own hallucination. You need to imagine this layer in order to construct "reality" and trick yourself into thinking there is a world and other people.
In other words, this is how God creates "reality": by hallucinating others and imagining that those others have perceptions and that they can agree or disagree with yours.
It's ALL a fucking illusion. "Objective" here simply means that you hallucinate others who agree with you.
You say you want the Truth, but you can't handle the Truth. You want other to be real.

What kind of death do you mean? What others above think you mean is temporary ego death on a safe way which in no way harms the body. There advice is purely for temporary ego death in a safe way which doesnt hurt the body and nothing else.
If you are talking about suicide. If you have family and friends they will be very upset and wil get big wounds if you do it. Seek someone to talk too, now.  There are different telephonenumbers and people will assist you to talk. In the way you are passionate to want to do something, this force you can turn to make your life better. There are lots of people who had temporary periods of difficulties and came out good in the end. Really call a number with people that can talk to you.

@wordsforliving ahh your going for the god molecule. Good luck. We are sharing some experiences here:
There is also a mega thread about Five and leos videos and perhaps energetic therapy by martin ball and in the blog leo has a how to plug.

I want to post a reply to a question that was asked on a DP/DR forum years ago, I cannot remember the question exactly, but it was probably something along the lines of: “How can I cure DP/DR?”
I’m not the one who wrote this reply, but it truly inspired and motivated me and was one of the main reasons that I became interested in spirituality and awakening while I was still trying to fathom what had happened to me after I had my first depersonalization episode aka very deep and intense unpleasant glimpse of Truth, the person who wrote this seems to really grasp what they're talking about.
Here's the reply:
 
“I have heard that buddhists actually strive for the depersonalized derealized state of mind. They see it as some sort of intermediary state towards enlightenment. 
 
I can see it the same way, but the people who get dp/dr aren't usually aware of this, they got to be that way in one way or another but not by using the steps the buddha shows and so they are completely bewildered by the experience as it is one that they did not strive for consciously and is in stark contrast to the reality that they have been brought up and conditioned to believe. This is the battle that most dp/dr sufferers are fighting. They want to go back to the way things were before dp/dr but it is not wise to want to go back to the beginning as it will only lead you back where you started, to the beginning of the tunnel. In the midst of the darkness of the mind tunnel, we are surrounded by all kinds of illusions that blind us and hold us back from ever breaking through our mind’s darkness. The fear inside of us keeps us and we become trapped in the endless darkness of our mind's insecurity, governed by our own illusioned thoughts, emotions, behaviors, closed in views, etc. That we hold onto to preserve the existence we know through the ego identity we have developed in this period of time and within the confines of our social structure.
 
We must seek the awareness that leads us through the tunnel, the selfless awareness, compassion, understanding of existence and we must find something to believe in other than our selfish egotistical existence of self and its own self preserving ways. You must go through the tunnel of darkness and come out through the other side to find the light of truth of being inside. Each mental tunnel is unique to the person and synonymous with his/her own judgements outward/inward reflecting illusions back and forth to preserve continuation of the ego and its desires for fulfillment that blind us from gaining glimpses of the ultimate reality of life.
 
Have you ever gone through a dark tunnel ? For example when I was a young kid, I would find myself roaming through a sewer wash where there was no light just trash, darkness, graffiti, and no visible outcome of what was to be, there was only a tunnel of darkness ahead. During the encounter with the tunnel you are uncertain, insecure, fearful and all these question marks in your mind keep you from stepping forward into the uncertainty of the dark tunnel. There you contemplate if you should go through to see what becomes of it or stand before it in wonder of what could be. You either succumb to the perils of the mind or you overcome the fear in search of a greater answer. The mental fear within the self arises from the perception of the unknown darkness of the tunnel of what the tunnel may bring which reflects only the unknown darkness within our own mind. You come to either fight these uncertain contemplations of existence or you stay in the boundary limit of "self" preserving state of mind. If you take the steps forward through the tunnel of darkness with each step into darkness comes more uncertainty, further distancing yourself from your previous place of comfort of not knowing and moving onto the answer of knowing. So as I step through, I become selfless, distancing myself from the illusions of the mind and moving forward with the power of the wonder of what is to be. A trip through a dark tunnel of unknown outcome is in itself a trip that defies the rules of the self governed mind. The darkness is blinding but the question is still there as I hold on to the faith of wonder and what is to become of the tunnel, halfway through the tunnel you are caught in between 2 self made realities, the reality of a previous self and the reality of a new self. When you decide to keep moving into the new self you take with you the self made reality of the previous self and until you reach the light at the end of the tunnel, you cannot begin to reflect on the judgments of that previous self. So When your eyes finally reach the end of the tunnel and the light at the end of the tunnel reaches your eyes, you are given a new meaning, an answer to the fears that blinded you. A refreshing vision of the world on the other side of that tunnel. The sense of self is replenished with the shining light of knowing, the spirit is strengthened to move ahead and in my own personal belief it means God is happy for you. The God in us all.
 
What is it that keeps us from moving ahead, is it not the wonder of what will be ? Have we lost the wonder that drives us to go on ? Are we stopped in our tracks by our self made realities of what is and what is not. Are we trapped between the beginning and end of a dark tunnel of mind. Can we accept ourselves and move on to what the Buddha was trying to teach us. It's up to us as individuals to find our way in this world, it's up to us to set our own paths and hold onto the faith that leads us to our destination. It's up to you to know what is right for you. But do you know who you really are ? Behind all the facades that we reflect in the mirror, behind all the illusions that we reflect off each other, behind the meanings we infer from the judgments of others, Behind what we believe is key to our survival, behind all that there is a real person inside. One with no rules, no boundaries, no attachments, the eternal being within.”
 
 
So what do you guys think about it? And for anyone on this forum whith DR/DR, have you managed to progress past it or are you still stuck in the same depersonalized/derealized state? For me, I have evolved since my first episode but the fear of ego death and dissolving is still there so I consider myself stuck for the most part, curious to read your thoughts! 

As of late all of my attempts to administer 5meo any way other than vaping have not been successful. I tried injecting 10mg in each nostril of 5meo dissolved in vinegar...nothing. as a last ditch attempt to try administer it any other way I did 30mg 5meo freebase dissolved in vinegar up the butt.
I thought, I may as well play with the variables incase it's one of those. So I chose a different seating angle, used a good bit more vinegar and injected it shallowly AND deeply (moved the syringe about during administration.
Annndddddd............
 
Nothing ??? I may have to just settle with vaping this amazing substance. Does anyone else have this problem?
(With regards to the trip duration, I was thinking...even though I'll be using a lot more product, I could do 2 vaped trips at a time to extend the trip duration to mimic that of a rectally administered trip...ofcourse being careful to re-dose after the first trip is over)
Would there be a problem with the type of vinegar? Any last minute advice anyone would care to give? 

@Wisebaxter  I found regular practices like mindfulness and concentration for longer times difficult too. I found a lazy path. If its all too challenging or too much, at least lay down on bed and play the audio once a day.
Practices:
- yoga nidra (Swami Ma Tripurashakti Bharati): lay down , close your eyes and put on the audio, relaxes the body profoundly in time
- Healing Tao (Mantak chia) : every exercise should be done so relaxed you have a smile on your face. Trying too hard wont work.
- start contemplation (see leo at the top of this forum/his videos , psychedelics: al-lad) ,
maybe try something with concentration, but that can be challenging,  but at least try to do something everyday. At least then do some laying down on bed with yoga nidra.
Probably psychedelics (5-meo-dmt)too, but I can't tell I am not so far yet with psychedelics. Psychedelics as recreation won't do it. Know what your doing if you add this into your repertoire.
 
Lazy is good! With yoga nidra you can get very deep. Then when you have the over tensed body a bit more relaxed   maybe try unified mindfulness (Shinzen Young) and bring practice into everything. At some point consider dream practices from the Tao or tibetian Buddhism to use your time productively at night also. Then your practicing day and night!
But maybe for years do the lazy approach.
At least, keep on going.
 
Best wishes!
Just some ordinary human from the internet

The book The Mind Illuminated teaches an extremely robust meditation method centered around developing concentration. As you move through the stages outlined in the book, not only will you make massive concentration gains, but your overall mindfulness will increase as well. Ive personally gotten to the point where I can create states similar to that of a mushroom microdose while sober...  pretty crazy stuff. Im not perfect, some days Im more mindful than others, I have ego backlashes, etc,. But the overall direction is profound. 
There’s a free pdf of the book online. Id read the introduction and see if it’s what you're looking for. 
Feel like a broken record on this topic, but concentration is the number one skill truth seekers lack. Unless you have a profoundly stable focus, the likelihood of embodying insights and awakening are improbable. Truth resides in this moment. This moment requires you to break out of the illusion of time. Breaking out of time means detaching yourself from thoughts as these exist as a function of time. Detaching yourself from thoughts requires the massive mindfulness/awareness/concentration. We can create and stabilize this mindfulness/awareness/concentration through effective techniques. Ta-da! 
Insight alone aint enough. Embodiment is the real game.

This is intended as a guide and a sharing of experiences after the initial "seeing". 
A little bit of an explanation: 
After initial seeing of the reality of no self, mind will begin to come back with a vengeance for a while, probing into the most intimate corners of your being, as if to ask if you are sure that you want to pursue this.
First attack is usually: 
"what you saw was either not real or you didn't see it at all or you've imagined it" etc. This is where people usually get lost. For some, they go back to believing their minds. They lost touch with their inner intelligence because they are so caught up in fears and lack of self trust. They stop seeing the help that is being given to them in order to transcend, lose insights and intuition, only to come back to them weeks or months or years later - usually due to life frustrations that keeps pushing them to continue. 
Solution: deepen your seeing. Keep inquiring who is the one that doesn't believe, Keep going back into "observer mode". Don't believe anything you mind is telling you. IT IS NOT REAL! 
Once you have deepened your seeing, You will receive some kind of help through synchronicity, new openings, new forms of seeing the reality and understanding it.
Second series of attacks involve your deepest programming and insecurities. Situations will present themselves to trigger what you cling to as a person. It will seem VERY real and frightening. This is where a guide is very important. Someone that can keep you steady and focused so that you don't give up. Different dynamics in the job area, family area, interpersonal relationships are beginning to manifest and everyone around you will try to pull you back into who they need you to be. 
I call such attacks HELL. They have a feeling about them that is so definitive, like a surgeon that cuts off parts of yourself. BTW, they will only cut parts of who you are not, of your own illusory construction. 
How to deal with such attacks. Usually during the first attacks of this type, you completely "lose it". You lose the seeing, the observer, the guide, the God and everything seems to go into a full panic mode. Body reacts in a myriad of ways - pains, aches, shaking, vomiting, trouble breathing, sharp knives, cold, hot, etc. Mind is going completely bonkers. If you can get in touch with the one that sees that and just let it happen, if you stop pushing it away, if you can fully feel the body's reactions, it will pass. 
Use any or all of these "affirmations" :
this has come and it will go this is only tearing apart things which I am not I am seeing all of this, it is not me I cannot be killed let go It is also very possible that you also lose the confidence and the trust in your guide at this time, because of the association of mind: "it is because of this person that I am into this mess". You need to prepare for this one in advance. Build trust and look into this, BEFORE. A good guru or guide will warn you about this and put in place techniques to reach out to him in those moments. I have a list of videos and one or two people to help me when/if this still arises. The help consists in the reassurance that all that's needed is to stay as the Self and watch all this. 
There's also a strong pull to just go back to sleep during this phase, as you see your self-made construction dissolve. It can manifest as suicidal thoughts, refusal to continue the looking, negating the guide, going back into certain pattern of behavior, throwing away all the books, deleting the videos, etc etc. Those, are also thoughts and you need to look at them as such. Keep going in. 
As an ending to this initial post, I want to say that if you read this and you know what I'm talking about, hopefully it will help you stay on the right track and reassure you. 
Every Enlightened Master has passed through this narrow space in order to transcend. For each of us, the experience seems different but it has the same roots and flavors. Keep in mind that TRUTH NEVER ATTACKS YOU, and if it does, it only attacks parts of who you are not!