Endangered-EGO

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Posts posted by Endangered-EGO

  1. Posted

    @ConsciousOwl10 He's not a materialist, he's a "monist", which means reality is ONE.

    He's also a follower of existential mysticism.

     

    This means he agrees consciousness and existence is a miracle and that the Nature of reality is ONE/nondual.

    That's as far as he's willing to go with metaphysics.

    Unfortunately his books don't describe his actual position. I'm gonna wait for his next book on spirituality.

     

    He's a neuroscientist though, so he's better safe than sorry and that's where his materialism comes from. A neuroscientist can't just question the fundaments of materialism, especially not if it's refuting spiritualism etc.

  6. Posted

    Hey guys, I just took a break from spirituality, and it's probably like the 5th time I started abusing alcohol again. It's been 3 months and I've been drinking every day since. I relapsed like 5 times in 2 years and I'm only 23yo, never took any other drugs (except weed from 14yo-17yo).

    If you don't want to hear me whine, just read after the "+++++++++++", i'ts basically the same just shorter.

    Every few months I just can't handle the alcohol sickness anymore, having suicidal thoughts every morning after having a binge, fighting with myself trying to stop and then failing miserably. Stopping for a few months, then I'm somehow forgetting the misery of alcohol sickness and starting again, drinking every day and risking to have bad withdrawal if I stop. 

    I tried to keep it short, and life hasn't been easy for me. Right now I'm not suicidal or even feeling really bad actually, but I can't continue like that. I don't see the point of doing another withdrawal, because I'll just relapse in a few months, and if I continue drinking until I can't handle it anymore. Once that happens I'll be in fucking pain, knowing that it's only a temporary relief from suffering.

    I already was able to give up on my spiritual pursuit, but I end up drinking and suffering. I'm taking half a dose of antidepressants every days, I've come to accept the fact that I'll never gonna be able to live without chemical substances.

    Unfortunately, I don't believe (and I haven't mentioned too much about it) a lot of people get how much suffering life can offer you. LOL. How often have I tried to explain people what I went/go through. Even when I don't consider what I'm going through as actual suffering, some people consider my "normal state" as suffering. I don't know what went wrong with me, but something fucked me up pretty bad. I vaguely remember being moderately happy and existence being beautiful, but it seems like a distant impossible alternative existence.
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Sorry for confused whining about my feelings/situation here is a TLDR:

    I'm suffering. I've tried everything. I've had years of moderate suffering, months of intense suffering and days of absolute horror of existence.

    I became a robot that's programmed to escape suffering. I'm just programmed to do that right now, and I naively believe enlightenment is my only way out. Unfortunately, I am also an alcoholic and addicted to nicotine, I also have responsibilities (a business and disabled mother).

    I am either going to be a homeless heroin junkie, get enlightened or kill myself. I am SERIOUS when writing that. I don't have any other choices, and I have no more energy to lead a normal life. The suffering I was willing to go through for years is because I don't want my family to suffer my absence/suicide.

    Unfortunately I don't have the energy or motivation to get a "normal" fulfilling life again. So now I'm all-in on classical enlightenment. I'm gonna probably go to a therevadan buddhist monastery, unless you guys have better ideas. I can't take psychedelics because I'm at risk of developing schizophrenia (my psychiatrist told me).
    One more alternative would be to take really fucking strong antidepressants, which are only prescribed to people who are about to blow their brains out.

    Do you guys have been in a similar situation? It feels like a vicious circle with no way out. Going downhill, things getting worse relapse after relapse --> leading to despair. Getting beaten by a force stronger than me.

    Do you (european) guys have good recommendations for monasteries or retreats within a 1000km range of luxembourg?

  8. Posted

    I wrote a low quality post about suffering that got locked, now here's the high quality post.

    If you suffer you're dissatisfied. If you're not then you don't suffer and don't seek.

    It's that easy. Every little craving is suffering. It's because it's not as good as it should be because it could be better.

    I have been through a lot of inconceivable suffering and a lot of you have too. Let's be honest, we seek because we suffer, that's it.

    @Leo Gura you don't talk about suffering. I dont know why, but if you dont talk about it, you miss about half of what you can teach. Either you have no clue about how bad suffering can get, or you desperately want to avoid it.

    I can guarantee, that a part of Awakening is being raped (metaphorically) into submission by suffering.

    Or you're just lucky enough that you don't need to, but most people aren't lucky and it's just a timebomb.

     

    @Nahm suffering is like the pipe, I get it intectually, and that's why I don't meditate anymore. Pointless do-ing.

  10. Posted

    @ardacigin @ardacigin Th

    But that's exactly the problem. I can get into equanimity by sitting down. Unfortunately there's always dark night territory afterwards. It's like being raped into submission.

     

    Idk if I'm different, but I guarantee if I sit down for long enough up to Equanimity, either I'm passing out, or I suffer very very much. 

     

    Either suffering is a step and I don't want it or I don't want to go through it that fast.

     

    I honestly don't think this is leading me into a good place!

     

    I can only meditate lying down, doing nothing at all. Surrendering to everything, giving up everything. This however doesn't lead to no-self.

  11. Posted

    @ardacigin Thank you for the detailed instruction. I have myself tried experimented a lot with mindfullness, concentration, doership and non-doership.

    However I believe this just puts the issue one level further into more subtle territories.

    How to you stay in the stillpoint without manipulating your experience constantly?

     

    For me, sometimes when I am in a still state that isn't induced by concentration the self can fall away. Sometimes it's just gone, and sometimes when my eyes are open it feels like there's a 180° switch between content and context. Like for example with a self context is the outside world and without one, context is that pure awareness/conscioussness.

    Do you have any instructions to just drop into it, without focusing on objects or broadening awareness? I feel like this just reinforces the neuroticism of the self to always want to do something about everything.

     

  12. Posted

    On 02/10/2021 at 8:59 AM, Wilhelm44 said:

    @Endangered-EGO   I hear you, but can't we replace the "soulless robots" thing, with "seeing the Light of Consciousness shining through all". (another quote I think from Spira)

    @Wilhelm No. It becomes empty of everything. There's no difference between a rock and a human.

    No-self=no-other=no-consciousness.

    Soulless robots is more accurate because it's really dramatic.

  14. Posted

    @Patok95 Of you need medication then take it. You need to be pragmatic.

    Most people who take antipsychotics tske them because of the dissociation.

    If those medication have sode effects you don't want, then ask for different ones.

    Enlightenment isn't something to attain. No amount of medication can change anything for the better or for the worse. It's all about the development of attention.

  15. Posted

    @Leo Gura In contrast to Chris Langans complicated jargon, what do you think about Jim Newmans "explanation".

    Basically:

    "This happening is a 100% mysterious, unknowable, absolute unconditional freedom and unconditional love".

    And:" There's nobody to know that, it's just what IS"

    Is that what it comes to in the end.

    And paradoxes, ToEs, self inquiry just destroys every method, system and path that's in the way of the realisation of the mystery of existence or God?. (Basically what jim newman says)

  16. Posted

    @omar30

    2 minutes ago, omar30 said:

    @Tyler Durden so i can come steal your jacket and say god wants to be warm anyway.

    Yes, BUT: Also God wants to be punished, being lynched to death from the mob for raping a child. So be careful. Freedom for pleasure AND freedom for consequences.

     

    Just assume that a book doesn't have the same effect if you don't pay for it.

    You're not gonna be tortured if you download a book illegally. It just wouldn't have the same effect.

  17. Posted

    18 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    I call them Love.

    Existence is Absolute. Nothing can be against it.

    Oneness cannot be against itself. But also it can ;)

    If your consciousness rises high enough, you will see that nothing in reality is against itself. It's PERFECT.

    God is PERFECTION. And since there is nothing but God, everything is PERFECTION. Perfection is a function of selflessness. You literally cannot perceive perfection unless you are selfless.

    - - - - - -

    Langan is a Trump supporter. That tells everything you need to know.

    Langan has not reached God-realization. It's quite obvious.

    @Leo Gura I obviously have to be against what Lagan says, because if being against existence is "evil" and giving the circumstances I have been dealt. No fucking way I am "evil".

    Dawkins needing to beg for forgiveness until God shows up again. Wtf.

    All of that sophisticated language and phylosophical jargon to end up supporting someone who's vocabulary doesn't go beyond "very badly" is pretty astonishing.

     

    @Leo Gura Can you point out the worst thing he claims in his CTMU? I lack the understanding of the phylosophical language he uses. I barely understand anything he says to contradict him.

    I just know he doesn't give an answer to the paradoxes he claims to have solved.

  18. Posted

    33 minutes ago, AdroseAkise said:

    Chris Langan as well tried to claim that the Democratic Party in the U.S. was going to take America down a path of Communism.

    @AdroseAkise I'm not gonna take this out of context. I know how easy that would be.

     

    16 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

    If there is a hell, Dawkins is definitely going there xD

    @Carl-Richard No man, he's obviously going to purgatory. Unless he's like putting other people through unnecessary suffering.

  19. Posted

    25 minutes ago, JuliusCaesar said:

    If/when Dawkins dies he'll wake up into a higher dream which ironically will probably be more like heaven than the christian notion of hell. The same could be said of any other human as well.

    @JuliusCaesar tbh I believe I have experienced hell more often than heaven or purgatory.

     

    This existence for me is more hell (unnecessary suffering) than purgatory (cleansing suffering) or even heaven (being aligned with God)

    I can't believe a lot of people have experienced the intensity of suffering I have been through. A lot do though.

    This existence isn't a test run. It's more like a maze.

  20. Posted

    16 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

    The way I see it is that people in the West usually approach karma deontologically while I believe its mechanisms is actually more akin to consequentialism. Acting like x will cause you to act more like x in the future. If you prefer not-x, then x is bad and you should avoid x.

    @Carl-Richard I'm also more of a consequentialism oriented person.

    However I may have contributed indirectly to a person's death then by getting into a fight with them. So I partially caused that persons death by acting the best way I knew back then? What if that person's death prevented more bad stuff from happening because that person was eliminated from his karmic negativity?

     

    I think it's not quantifiable or we're simply as a species not intelligent enough to be able to make that calculation.

     

    So consequentialism is for an infinitely intelligent being. Deontology is for our limited capacities.

     

    In the end there's just nobody who can make the right choices and we know what the road to hell is paved of.

  22. Posted

    There's consequentialism and there's deontology.

    Consequentialism: results matter. If it causes more good it's good.

    Deontology: the act of stealing property. Which is bad.

     

    Now if you want to be mathematical like me, the the consequentialist good is bigger than the deontological bad, you have positive karma. Or a karma debt.

    However it's not quantifiable and it's way more tricky than that if everything is seen as a system.

     

    Spread "good" and break the chain of "bad" and it's okay.

    If you don't want to steal intellectual property, especially with spiritual books: Just contact the author they'll send you a free copy. Their main goal isn't to make money out of it.

  23. Posted

    @Leo Gura

    13 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    Lol

    Evil does not exist.

    He calls "against existence" evil.

    I would say that there's no such thing as being against existence. But he sounded pretty sure.

    Maybe he's just hurt by what people did to him, idk.

    Nomatter what, Chris langan creeps me out. If he's right I'm terrified. If he's wrong I'm relieved.

     

    But how could anyone, be against God, if god is calling.

     

    I guess that's how the church brainwashed and fear mongered people for the last centuries.

  25. Posted

    From ToE with Curt Jaimungal.

    He literally said that Richard Dawkins would go to hell once he dies.

    This Guy is obviously more intelligent than me, but fuck me. Chris Langan is so confident in his CTMU, that he just casually claims how Dawkins is gonna go to hell for being a petty arrogant materialist atheist. And for being against "existence', which is "evil".

    I only have my intuition to say that, but something is either really wrong with chris langan, or I'm fucking terrified that what he said might be true...

     

    Unfortunately I only understand about half of his theory, and I'll probably need a few years to understand it entirely. But damn I wish he's wrong to a certain extent.