Eph75
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Posts posted by Eph75
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5 hours ago, ivankiss said:However; emotions are a part of reality and acting on them is not always bad. At least in my experience.
For sure, affects need action, that's what they are for, emotions are post-thought.
Emotional attachment though, it is something different, that's getting emotional when things do not match our idea of what reality should be.
Attachment to ideas trigger emotions.
What is, is. What is, triggers affects, and they are calling out for us to take action.
What the action is, is up to us.
Affect > feeling > emotion (movement)
Emotional detachment is simply not being emotional about what is happening.
Affects happens, doesn't have to result in emotions.
That which means nothing to us (thoughts/sense-making) causes no emotional respons in us.
Without emotional engagement we are free
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Heated and loud isn't emotionally detached. With detachment there is no cost and only freedom to choose to act remains.
A lot of things that happen ultimately just is and there is not much point in intervention, as you say, it can even destabilize certain things.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
There's still freedom to act as seen fit. Do what you can without being emotionally invested.
It makes it easier to choose the right measures at the right time, to practice patience and then letting go means nothing.
Fighting injustices broke me, and paradoxically led to salvation.
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Learning to maintain healthy boundaries, both internal and external boundaries isn't the easiest thing to do, and it's often connected to one's own self-esteem, as already mentioned, wanting to please people, up-play others, down-playing self, for various reasons, related to that self-esteem.
Building ones ability to set boundaries is something that we have to learn to do in order to maintain self-respect and authenticity, and to do it in such a way that it doesn't become emotionally or energetically costly to us while doing so.
Saying "no" to something you don't want should be as second nature as saying "yes" to something you want. If it's not, it needs deliberate practice.
Maybe most important of all, while setting external boundaries, it takes directness and the minimizing of context and story as both context and story adds room for misinterpretation, at the same time as it dilutes the intended message.
If you end up fabricating elaborate ways to sugarcoat the message in order to not hurt someone, then you're in trouble. It's not rude to communicate with clarity. I'd say it's more rude to be sugarcoating communication, making it unclear and potentially mislead someone through such vagueness. It's also wasting everybody's time.
From a more holistic perspective, we also also have to look at our own behaviors to see if we ourselves are sending mixed signals, unintentionally opening up for misinterpretation. Are there patterns? Are we sending mixed signals? Are we friendly in a way that unintentionally invites men towards more than just friends? This might not be the case, but warrants some thought.
Maintaining boundaries is just that, maintenance and needs to be consistent and clear, otherwise it creates discrepancies in others, leaving others to sometimes interpreting signals as inviting and sometimes as rejection, subconsciously adding information that benefits and protects that other's self.
People, not only children, will try boundaries multiple times, such is just nature, and this is why directness and clarity is so important, so that the takeaway becomes increasingly direct and clear with each delivery, increasing the definition of the boundary.
Giving exact examples isn't a great idea, as it's about learning and learning isn't as efficient when using template behaviors or phrases, as it becomes more role-play than authentic self, and as the anxiety in the doing this is a significant part of that learning.
You did ask for some phrases though, and here's my take on it, with directness, clarity, respect, little-to-no room for misinterpretation and what three-step escalation could look like.
Of course these needs to be paired with follow-up statements as needed to reinforce the message depending on how it's received, while not getting into a discussion or an argument, since this isn't something that can be discussed, it's a one-way street.
First time: "I sense that you are interested in me as more than just as a friend, and that's not something that I want, I just want to be friends, and I want you to respect that, otherwise we shouldn't hang out anymore, are you OK with that?"
Second time: "You don't seem to respect that I only see you as a friend, I really need you to stop coming on to me, or else we need to stop seeing each other, OK?"
Third strike: "I'm sorry but we can't hang out anymore, you don't respect me only wanting you as a friend, goodbye"
If the message hasn't gotten through at this point then it makes little sense to keep in contact.
When delivering something like this, there's an obvious risk that things gets awkward afterwards, and the only thing you can do is to not add to that awkwardness yourself.
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Is it rental prices or buying a place that is more expensive now? Maybe just renting a room or finding someone that needs a roommate? Maybe not a thing in India..
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1 hour ago, coca said:Seriously, what is so wrong and shallow about wanting your long term girlfriend to not be a hoe??
This is transferring own values onto someone else, if expecting someone else to live up to it.
Even if that someone else has double standards, that's their values.
It may feel wrong to you, but that's something you can own, and control - your choices and reactions that is.
It doesn't mean that your values are unsound. It just means that you can't transfer your values onto others.
You can inspire others to change.
You can choose someone who share similar values to yours.
But you can't expect others to adopt your values.
This applies to all values, and all people, not just in this case, and to you.
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How far off are you to be able to pay for a monthly rent of a small apartment or a room with the salary that you make now?
Even if you have to live extremely frugally it sounds like you have to focus on getting out and distancing yourself from both the mental and physical abuse.
I hope that you find a way.
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You can choose partner whom shares similar or same values as you do, that's your freedom. But you can't demand someone else to adopt your values. If you do this, you are overstepping boundaries, and the result is someone else feeling shamed or put down for being a lesser person than you see yourself.
I think that's essentially what makes these kind of topics impossible to keep constructive unless everyone really tries to give constructive explanations why they feel differently, so that it's easier to see what other perspectives there are, to easier expand one's own perspectives.
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You're very welcome, I'm glad to help, wherever help can be found.
All of this got really condensed, and this really is a life journey of learning and insights, so just keep at it and keep in mind that there are a-million-and-one ways that our mind can and will trick ourselves while practicing/doing these kind of things, so stepping back, questioning why we think and react like we do, is warranted more than a few times ever day
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Unfavorable when looking for development.
If you want to call it "bad" from the point of view that dogma prohibits or slows development down, then yes, "bad" in the sense that it's not helping us to grow if that's what we desire.
Dogma is when you take something as such fundamental truth that you don't even see it as optional or a belief, and it is so obviously true to you and given that you wouldn't or couldn't question it.
That is, completely stuck in the current belief.
The use for dogma is to conserve energy by having absolute beliefs. You don't have to assess right or wrong by having absolute beliefs that serve subconscious and autonomous behaviors/reactions.
There are some benefits with a fixed world view, especially from a conformist world view where we adopt and conform around beliefs such as religion and form societies. Easier to gather masses around joint causes if the reasons are absolute and unquestionably right/true.
From a modern world perspective, fixed world views in the rapidly changing world is very limiting and change is hard and painful, more painful that it needs to be.
You are per definition blind to your own dogma.
To be able to deconstruct your ego and become increasingly aware of when/where you are exhibiting dogma, you will have to have accepted not knowing and accepting external indicators pointing towards where you are stuck, and where you need to detach from current beliefs.
Cognitive development happens unconsciously until a point where development becomes conscious and self-serving, and it gets easier to detach from beliefs, and easier spot when exhibiting dogmatic behaviors.
Until then, such feedback is seen as bad/negative experiences and our defense systems shut ourselves down to being able to accept that our beliefs inevitably are all false, incorrect or incomplete.
Ego protecting itself.
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17 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:xxxxxxx
Sorry @Carl-Richard I enjoy your posts, even though I would frame your messages somewhat differently. Nevermind above quote, forum glitch, not possible to delete on phone. Move along, nothing to see here
@DocWatts It's our job to interpret deeper intent hidden behind the actual words trying to relay something that is at the limits of the posters ability. The very essence of cognitive development, and the core of this forum, is not the intent of debate, but the intent to relay something deeper than what our words are able to communicate, and the intent for others to respond to that intent. Debate is the result of lesser interpretation, or lesser intent.
In that sense, the title of the topic is absolutely irrelevant, regardless how triggering or inappropriate it might seem. We need to own our own triggers, and choose not to engage with them.
That's the only means to take the discussions to the next level in depth, to explore, with curiosity, to build understanding. And that's all and everyone's responsibility ♥️
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I'd say this is a phase of sometimes grossly misdirected energy to "do good" that shouldn't be wasted too much energy on resisting.
Sweden has been through such a phase a number of years ago, it got a lot of focus, but then it seemed to go away, shifting to the "next Green buzz".
There have been similar "themes" that have been moved through, not really connected in other ways than being the attractor for some groups wanting to identify some sort of injustice and make some noise and difference, focus eventully moving on to some new "theme".
Today's focus is noticeable shifting towards a more practical direction.
This is the system testing itself through such somewhat misdirected energies and attempts to push the boundaries of the cognitive development of the one stretching, as well as stress-testing of the system to make it stretch.
Much like they way a toddler tests the boundaries of the parents to see what and where those boundaries are, and to what degree they tolerate stretching. In some cases that testing is warranted and positive, in other cases that testing result in dysfunctional child-parent relationships that create long-going negative effects on one, and often both parties. The managing of this is to facilitate a healthy manifestation while still allowing for stepping into that which is "uncomfortable".
I'd label it a dysfunctional by-product of a somewhat wider emergence of Green vMeme in a society, whereas such phenomena are inevitable growing pains that is a requirement for a society to grow, and applying that stress to the system that is needed to process some of the collective shadows that are holding the society back, as a whole, from further development.
While needing to resist at least some of it, fighting it also gives fuel to the cause. Without traction focus shifts. With traction the fight might become a cause in and of its own, looking for increasingly trivial or far-fetched manifestations with the only desired outcome to rattle the cage.
Some of the resulting changes have been warranted, would not be tolerated today, and resistence is more of an ideological stance against the change or against "rewriting or denying history", e.g. literature, or children's literature in particular, or brand product names that easily can be misinterpreted, or even was blantently strange. It's hard to imagine that someone would actually miss that which was removed, other than lost awkward moments of "that's funny in a odd sense" kind of reactions. New consumers certainly are oblivious to there being something lost.
Word games and gross misinterpretations in such cases as mentioned "black coffee" (even though this was not a real life example, there have been very close examples) becomes collateral damage to the cause as focus and boundaries become increasingly blurred out.
Growth pains, different to different people, in different ways.
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Matter of defintion.
What is, is absolute - impossible to grasp.
Call it reality if you will.
Call it illusion if you will.
Call it god if you will.
Call it common definition.. no, that's not it.
What is perceived is relative - relative to human kind, relative to individual sense/need of self, relative to what is imagined as no self.
What we experience as reality is a make up of perception, and letting go moves us closer to the absolute, as much as we can perceive.
Disidentification removes limitations as process.
The absolut majority of us will never sense it.
Not a single one of us will grasp it.
The one who claim to have grasped, is disillusioned.
Getting caught with definitions is a distraction.
The illusion is based on the need to understand.
Mu.
And it's all perfectly fine.
"I" do agree that it all is deliberately but unconsciously mystified - most certainly by ego regardless of how enlighten that ego claims to be.
My ego sees it as "certain".
The absolute has no need to communicate.
Communication is always biased and scewed in ways.
Therefore "I" ain't it.
Let go of that, too.
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Regardless of who is what, being either emotionally or logically "impaired", both present an obstacle for 2nd tier transition.
A requirement for that transition to happen is having a certain progression over most or all of the developmental lines, and reaching a certain point is a prerequisite for continued growth, dealing with shadow aspects collected in the past. If some have it easier with some aspects and struggle with others, or vice-versa, the other aspect is still hard.
Logic alone don't make 2nd tier, eg. super high IQ makes no guarantees, probably makes it harder as the emotional intelligences are usually lower with extreme high logically gifted people.
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Each stage is experiencing the same thing, just around different values and beliefs, an ideological, dogmatic relatedness to those values and beliefs.
Externally identified problems linked to suffering is easier to run from, looking for something else, which is "easier" in prior stages than orange and beyond, where the only thing left to run from is internal to ourselves and causes to the suffering is solved in our minds.
Pointing at one major shift at the root of the 1st to 2nd tier transition and the growing of Yellow traits, it's the ability to disengage with any stage and from such ideological and dogmatic ways, which translates to an openness that allows for even deeper understanding of the interrelatedness of the perceived reality, and of perspective of perspectives.
Blurring the lines of SD and Ego Development Theory, as they follow the same individual development in different yet similar ways, SD pointing at the development of values, believes and therefore perspectives and in a social context, EDT is point towards the complexity of the sense we make from what we are able to perceive, this unfolding of development points more towards EDT than SD and towards becoming deliberate about one's own development for the sake of development and not for the sake of being knowledgeable and be perceived as being "right", which explains the reduction or dropping of dogma and the fascination of not knowing.
Also here it's still important to recognize and keep in mind that the unfolding of the stages happen in a predictable way, and you don't choose to transition into stages, and shifts need to happen in a certain way, and often order, before self-development becomes a means to and end, and transitions into a means for the sake of being.
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It's not a matter of choice, what we perceive and what we think, and the meaning we make is a result of how we think. So creating a shift in how we think is what needs to happen first.
In most cases this is circumstantial. Something happens that throws our current way of thinking out the door, and a side-effect from that is that we become open to absorb new ways of thinking to fill that void.
As a child we had not yet become ridgid in our ways and accepted shifts as a more or less constant flow, until a point where the flow of new improved ways of thinking diminishes and we create that ridgidness in what we already know.
We all resist that which we don't accept. So it's not strange, it just is. Either hope for others to get there through circumstance, or facilitate environments where circumstances to more likely to happen, e.g. when safely exploring that which causes anxieties.
Turning this towards yourself, where are you stuck, and why haven't you chosen to unstuck yourself? You have to see and understand that you are stuck to even begin considering that question. But how can you do that with something that you are not yet aware of.
One of the biggest hurdles here is that problems are externalized as a result of the ego protecting itself. And since the solution for one's problems is looked for externally to us, we can never create change, as all change happens internally to us.
Self-deception is a powerful thing.
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Don't study what other successful people did that define them as successful, or do to keep the successful image.
Study what qualities made it possible to become successful in the first place, the prerequisites of being, i.e. self-leadership. Without self-leadership competencies you'll be in a more uphill quest than needed, and more likely to not be able to keep going, or even fail to start.
Self-leadership includes many competencies and one being constructive thought processes, including not getting stuck with ways of thinking that are limiting, and to be able to catch these and shift into constructive positivism. Comparison with others is not constructive, and it is detrimental to developing grit.
Grit being another competency, the ability and stamina to keep going without getting demotivated, and shying from difficulties, not stopping when failing, embracing failure as necessary learning that is an inevitable part of the process, and to have self-compassion and not being hard on oneself when things don't progress, when it feels like things regress, or when progress inevitably plateaus from time to time.
Self-compassion once again comes back to constructive thought processes, and the awareness of wasting energy on negativity.
(There is much, much more to self-leadership)
All of this of course stands on a foundation of self-awareness and self-knowledge, and understanding of what drives us, our values, what kind of experiences that make us feel good that we want more of, and developing this understanding takes us closer to the journey towards life-purpose.
This only becomes a problem when it is driven by desire that shifts focus from this as a journey of passion and towards the lack of results and the delaying of bringing you what you desire, which is not likely passion but fame, acceptance, success, money, outward image and so on, negatively fueled by such comparisons against others who seemingly already have made it, getting blinded by their perceived successes, which does not take their past and current struggles into account. A lot of successful people are miserable despite "having made it" as they've yet to master life.
On this journey we will need to learn to know our fears and how to constructively navigate and challenge them so that they grow smaller over time, and possibly can go away through the development of courage, courage to pursue that which we feel is challenging, that induces anxiety, that causes fear. Redefining that negative feeling into opportunities for further growth, and a wanting to pursue opportunity.
Contemplate, what is it that you have made important to yourselves? Are those values conveying a deeper truth of who you are? Are you chasing a fleeting thoughts or are you looking for passion? What would the difference be?
Even the choice of username can tell a story.
Before setting out on a long journey, it's good to prepare and get your bagage in a good shape so that it supports the journey, not being overly heavy with such things that are weighing you down and poses limitations to that journey.
Paradoxically, over time, this make the getting there less important as focus shifts towards the being on the journey of life.
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You can't predict crypto so you have to be aware the money can be gone tomorrow. That applies as a good mindset with stocks in general but with crypto in particular.
As said compound interest is very powerful and you don't have to have a lot of money to make a difference, it's time that is key. If you are young and start from 0, and you can set aside some money every month (10%+ saving on you salary recommended) into some diversified stock ETFs or index funds such as S&P 500, possibly some individual stocks and even some percentage of crypty (5% typically recommended) to be even more so diversified, that compounding over the next 40 years will build a small fortune, looking at a dividend of an average of 8% per year.
With luck the upside is larger.
This image shows how powerful time in the market and compound interest is. Of course you shouldn't stop after a few years, just keep at it, and increase saving as your salary increases rather than increasing you spending.
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Yes, but I think you lost a bit of you initial purpose right? To facilitate an acceleration of development with a group otherwise not likely to make the move to green, or who will take a long time to move to green?
If I was orange and wanted my kids to grow up responsible and successful, I'd not send them to "hippie camp" and instead get them to realize that to make it in the world you have to work hard, work smart, get a job and accumulate funds so that you can afford a good life, i.e. a job and start building work ethics, possibly entrepreneurship.
If I was orange/green I'd would possible consider such a camp, and that would accelerate green integration in my kids. But they would already have some, and continue to embody, green values.
It'd still have a purpose I suppose. Just shifting purpose. Raises the question, what is it really that you want to achieve?
For something like this to have real value though I think it would have to be a yellow camp, for green integration, navigating around the unheathy green aspects that we see a lot of, and lay way into healthy green themes/perspectives for faster movement into yellow. A lot of unhealthy green is a distraction and just happens by following others, healthy green views in the same direction is moreso about coaching and focusing direction on constructive positivism than it is breaking someone's ideological stance as it would with other stages, unless that green has already become ideological green.
Green transition to yellow doesn't have to be as painful as the transitions between other stages, as it's less about letting go as it is to redefine existence, and in a sense the adding a constructiveness on top of the green value base. So with the right guidence and careful design of activities (yellow flavored green-ism) this should be possible to make quite powerful, especially with kids young enough to not having become ideological already, and rigid/dogmatic in their beliefs.
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Development isn't taught, it's experienced, through challenging circumstances such that stretches our sense making into previously uncharted territory.
So it would have to involve making everyone uncomfortable and alternating between uncomfortable, potentially painful experiences and bringing them back to safety, back to what is familiar.
Therapy, coaching sessions, and designed circumstances that challenge based on what comes up in those sessions.
Who would sign up? The problem becomes orange not being interested to let go of what they are pursuing as the drive and conviction is having more of the same, not less or something completely different else. They would have to experience the unfilfillment and lack of happiness from continued indulgence, e.g. meeting materialistic or monetary desires and needs not bringing about happiness. Hard to design.
A less provoking, pushing way could be to teach about human pain, environmental problems and how capitalism, materialism and overconsumption is taking a big toll on the world, and how it is an unsustainable trajectory that needs to change, sooner than later. Introduction to interconnectedness and belonging, acceptance of one's weaknesses and feelings, introduce mindfulness and the exploration of self.
There would still have to be the painful aspect to it, suffering through experiencing proxy, for a moment, and brought back to safety for consolidation, taking progressive steps into the unknown and letting values shift and understanding grows.
This might work for children who are not as ridgid in their beliefs as grown ups, but who not already green or beyond would send their children to something like this, and those beyond wouldn't need to as they're likely to grow into green by the ongoing psychosocial programming happening through that parenting.
Conformation and reconfirmation camps? Sounds border line abusive and involuntary based.
I think rather this would work for orange with emerging greens to accelerate and reinforce that emerging worldview of green, happening from free will based on already shown interest.
Slip LSD into the morning coffee?
Got be thinking about A Clockwork Orange.
The reasonable facilitation of growth is through gaining understanding of someone's edge behaviors, the breakpoint between the safety of the familiar and the emerging experiences, then design circumstances to incorporate small movements towards and beyond that edge.
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One out of two:
A) Happenstance through the influence from others close to you, although likely to only take you that far before you need a greater intrinsic motivator to push further.
B) Suffering too great to not look for change.
Me, B.
The stumbling onto something usually is preceeded by a looking, even if that looking is subconscious and the finding of a certain path not being as apparent as it would seem at that time of finding.
Exactly when that point in time is, where beginning happens, is probably impossible to know, occurring way earlier than we would think, as that thinking is based on a point in time of becoming aware of it happening and conscious choice to pursue becomes available.
You could argue that time starts at the moment of birth and the first sense of awareness of self.
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It's not about the univerae, it's about how we're wired to pursue change and improvement.
Some do this and thrive, others stagnate and go miserable.
When the suffering gets too much, the need for change in a way forces us upon us. Of course not everyone manages to go with that change and some are stuck with and consumed by the suffering.
Part of this is the ability to attach meaning to things, and that meaning works as an attractor instigating that pursue for improvement.
Meaning making isn't very analytical in its way to present this need. Unless working on raising awareness of self and consciousness, it shows up in obscure ways, even as there being higher powers at play, universe having an agenda, and so on. We connect patterns and stories to this unfolding that keeps us going, such narrative that is motivating to change. This motivator can often be perceive as something negative that we want to get away from, especially in the beginning of this journey, until it shifts towards becoming a positive attractor.
From certain point of understanding that can be said is true, that a higher power, universal being, oneness points towards some great inner "light" or "force" that is inside of us that is looking to be tapped into, or rather released by removing that which constraints and holds it back. This happening is inevitable, at least to certain degrees, and that could be seen as the agenda of Being.
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Confirmation bias - these are numbers we for whatever consciously or unconsciously resonate with, that are being picked up upon among the infinite numbers that we are subjected to. The more fixated and obsessed we become, the more the numbers will show up.
I myself pick up on 13:37 and 1337 uncannily often and I always think, "huh, funny that I manage to check the watch, of the car odometer, in this very moment, when it says 13:37". It representing a time in my life when I used to hang on IRC chats a lot in the late 90's and the "leet" mod was a thing people played around with in there, me included, and though was fun/cool.
Of course I unconsciously check my watch ever other minute, every single hour and day, and glance over the car odometer inumerous times ever single drive, but seeing numbers that my brain has not yet attach some meaning to, they just stay insignificant numbers and is nothing more than noise.
It's easy to see how obsession over some number soon make those numbers appear more often, or seen where numbers typically don't belong, as visual patterns in the sky or whatever.
Our mind wants to make meaning, and will attach meaning where meaning is not found if we're not careful.
We want to believe there is some greater meaning in things and in life, and so meaning will be created.
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40 minutes ago, Bojan V said:Sweden will not go downhill.
I agree with this.
It's a bump on the road, exacerbated by the political climate and the stage of a relative small an unhealthy portion of progressive population, a part that is taking more space and getting more effect than it should.
The exacerbating is suoported by an inability to deal with problems and rather denying and neglecting problems until they cannot be swept under the rug anymore, being all too concerned about maintaining facade and image than admitting and addressing existing problems. Meanwhile, problems possible to handle grows into something less manageable, which has become the reality of where we are today.
These are Swedish characteristics though, and not unique to politicians, afraid of conflict, pretending problems go away if we wait, being non-confrontational, quiet and calm on the surface, accepting what is, regardless is that being healthy or not, and so on.
All of these challenges are training and strengthening the system to adapt and overcome, through pains. And this is what is happening, slowly, and to a growing degree, until political powers are replaced and upgraded with a more progressive and functional politicians, in all parties. It will take time still, and stopping the bleeding is needed, sooner than later. The main obstacle at the moment in the sitting governments inability to get to the root of problems. They either need to evolve themselves, or be replaces so that they can retreat regroup and come back with abilities to better address the complexities of today.
It's just how things are, the manifestations are different for different stages and circumstances, but there will be edges in development where pressure increases, before moving forward.
This is not regression, it is part of development, and not always pretty.
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A couple of replies at the end of this thread has gone missing for whatever reason
On 2021-06-11 at 10:39 PM, fopylo said:So then what is the purpose of having "relationship/friendship goals"?
You just made a "getting desire" into a "giving desire". Underneath that "giving desire" there is still a "getting desire", it is a means to some end.
Stretch further. Why does there need to be a purpose at all?
What is, is inherently purposeless, or meaningless in the sense that what is, is devoid of meaning. Purpose arises from the meaning we create for ourselves through our thoughts.
Our minds supply us with sense-making, our ability to make sense of what is happening, and based on this sense-making we create meaning and purpose.
What the purpose and meaning we see in things is, is a product of the way we think.
In that way, a dysfunctional, deficiency-driven person will create a sense of purpose that creates a drive to meet those deficiency needs. This happens unconsciously.
Personal development and developmental growth will inevitably cause us to increase the complexity of our sense-making, and as a result, our values shifts at the same time as the purpose and meaning we place upon existence changes.
This is a process though, not a choice. It's about becoming aware of, and able to see a different path, so that you can set one foot upon that path. Then take a first step, the beginning of a journey, and the offering of a new perspective.
On 2021-06-11 at 10:39 PM, fopylo said:What do I give myself?
Go out and try giving unconditionally, without having a receiver that knows/notices that you gave. Don't stay around to secretly observe their reactions. Just do and leave. Notice the feeling, and notice that this happens without expecting any return, without affirmation, or the knowing of other. It lives only inside you. Self-contained.
On 2021-06-11 at 10:39 PM, fopylo said:Well then why in the world do our brains produce these chemicals if it ruins us eventually??
They ensured our survival in the past, in a world where wallowing in self-love and introspection got you devoured by some saber-toothed tiger or other creature with sharp teeth, or, you starving to death due to lack of desire to collect food.
Those hormones don't ruin us. They just are. It is our ego and our thoughts, the dysfunctional meaning and purpose we make up for ourselves that mess us up.
In the world of today where those hormones don't serve the same purpose, we don't have to struggle for safety, food and survival, and we're left with unfavorable mental disorders as a result from getting stuck inside our heads.
On 2021-06-11 at 10:39 PM, fopylo said:This sounds exactly like the opposite of what you were saying. It seems like an expectation - "I see how much you give me, and I'll match it up with how much I give you back in return".
Drop the expectations. But to be able to so, you have to manage your desires, and maybe even detach from some of those desires.
One way to gain perspective and new insight could be unconditional giving. But you don't have to give at all. "Having to" still implies there being a deficiency need at play.
in Dating, Sexuality, Relationships, Family
Posted
@Gianna Great, and thanks, glad to be able to help where I can ❤️
Looking at that quote, notice how you in a way open up for interpretation that make this about timing and your current state, and not about him.
That is, at this time you are not interested in dating, and you want to focus on yourself.
What he could be left hearing might be that "now" is not the right time, there is still hope, just keep trying, and at some time, time may be right.
But that's great, and still is a good place to escalate from if needed